This is a story about the most important person in my life, my mother. It was written for my ESL class at Grand Valley State Unisversity.

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This is My Mother

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No one can believe she is my mother if they meet both of us together on the street. She looks young for her age. Most people would think she is my older sister if they were not told the truth. However, she is my mother, still young and beautiful. It is still a mystery to me how my mother can stay young looking although life has been hard for her.

She was born in a small minority village far away from the city. It is a beautiful place located in a famous historical site. The minority group in that area is called Bai which means white. Their costumes are white with colorful decoration. The girls look neat and pretty. The girl who is the most beautiful, most talented, best singer and best at embroidering is rewarded by being named "golden flower." The second place award is "silver flower." It is like the Olympic Games.

My mother was one of the winners in the games and became the "golden flower". Later she had the chance to get married to my father and moved to the city because she was one of the "golden flowers". No one could know if it would be good or bad that her life changed from a rural to an urban setting.

My father’s family used to be a feudal bureaucratic family. There were many restrictions and fetters that controlled the life of their daughters-in-law. After my mother gave birth to me, she was looked down upon by the members of my father’s family just because I am a girl, not a boy. The gender discrimination made my mother live with her head always bent. She was forced to go the temple to pray to one of the Buddhas called Mercy God who is said to be in charge of birth. Soon she was pregnant again. Even when she was six months pregnant, she was not allowed to take a bus or car to the temple. The temple was on the top of the mountain, and there were six hundred stone steps to climb. Who could believe my mother walked to the temple while six months pregnant. She did so to assure having a boy. It was said that taking a bus or car to the temple was not the way to respect God. The God would not help the woman who rode a bus or car to the temple. Unfortunately, one more girl arrived in the family; she is my younger sister.

My mother’s life was made harder than ever. She couldn’t tolerate the steely cold stares from the family members and persuaded my father to move away from my grandfather’s home, a big and luxuriant house. My parents rented a small and shabby room. My mother was happy living in the small room with all of us. We had a lot of fun. She taught my sister and me how to sing, how to read children’s books and how to embroider. Even though the economic situation in our family was not very good, my mother never let her children feel inferior to the other kids. Dressed in new and beautiful clothes, we went to school in high spirits and we did well on our lessons. She was satisfied to have two daughters.

The outmoded conventions and bad customs hurt many Chinese women. The old Chinese stereotypes affected people so deeply that they believed the family would lose its roots without a son. My mother hated these ideas, but she had to comply with those conventions. Soon she was pregnant again. Once more she contributed another lively girl to the earth. She didn’t worry about having a daughter because time had changed the conventions of people.

Three daughters are three flowers in my mother’s heart. By the time my first sister and I graduated from the university, my mother felt proud and elated. The days of bending her head had gone forever. She remarked to her friends that God is the savior to the individual who makes the every efforts in her own life. She believes that God treats everybody equally. I still remember one saying from my mother: "You can get nothing until you begin to challenge your own life."

This is my mother, a woman who raised me with all her energy, a woman who sang soft songs to comfort me when I went to sleep, a woman who sent me to the university and a woman who keeps me in her heart all the time.

1996 is a special year for my mother. My youngest sister achieved excellent results on her examination for college and went to one of the best universities in Beijing. I came to the U.S. for advanced study. When my mother was asked how she thought about parting from us, full of tears in her eyes, she said, "A daughter is part of my heart; she will always be with me no matter how far away she is." I guess keeping daughters in her heart all the time is like keeping flowers in life: it is the secret of keeping her young looking.

© 1996 Jade Yuxuan Gao