It is a completely relaxed and happy feeling having dancing in one’s life. The charms of dancing are not only the beauty of performance but also the beauty of internal feelings felt by the dancers. Dancing is an art, a language of expression. People from different countries, with a variety backgrounds can communicate artistically through this special language.

It was a sign of my future that I was involved introduced to dancing at an early age. I was the leading dancer when the time came for the “Dance of Loyalty to Chairman Mao,” this dance was very popular all over the China during the Cultural Revolution. I was picked up from my daycare center owned by the company my mother worked at, at ten every morning and lifted up to a stage built with hundreds of empty gas cans. With the music of “Sailing in the Sea Depending on A Steersman” (which means Chinese revolution depending on Chairman Mao), I lead all of the employees who worked in the company where my mother did to dance showing loyalty to Chairman Mao. The criterion for that type of dance was both rigid and vigorous. In return, I got some candy and snacks from the uncles and aunts who were in charge of the dancing events. I held them, having an air of complacency to flaunt my treasures when returning to the daycare center.

Later on, I had a chance on behalf of the company where my mother worked to attend a local theatrical festival with a dancing contest. My dance “A Flying Big Wild Goose” (A Flying Big Wild Goose, Please fly faster and faster, Send a message to Peking that the freed serfs miss Chairman Mao) conquered both audiences and judges committee for the revolutionary verses of the song and the outstanding performance of a little girl. The special reward was a red Certification of Merit and a pink doll that could blink its eyes. At that time, a doll with blinking eyes cost about one fifth of a worker’s monthly salary. Girls who owned a doll with blinking eyes were considered to be the happiest and most lucky ones, so was I. I was so proud of the pink doll I won that I was not willing to give it away many years later when the doll’s eyes didn’t blink any more, even the pink color was faded and a dirty color between yellow and white.

It was hard for me not to continue dance once I was engaged in it. When I was in grade one, I was rewarded a first place for “Peacock, Peacock, How Beautiful You Are”. Before the dancing contest, I was told by my teacher I needed to dress in a yellow green feather skirt. My parents were so embarrassed when they saw the price of that yellow green feather skirt in the store. The cost of that dress was way beyond my family’s financial situation. My tears never dried up on the way home. I skipped dinner and just danced and danced a long time to release my sadness. My mother was the only one who understood her daughter’s feelings. She made the decision to borrow money from her friends, and then announced that the whole family would not eat any meat for six months in order to pay the debt. It seemed to me that her decision not to eat meat for six months was a wonderful outcome and wouldn’t be a problem. I began to hate meat from then on, which kept me in good physical condition to be on the stage for so many years to come.

Dance added more joyfulness and happiness in my student life. Due to the gifted talent of singing and dancing, the title of committee member of cultural recreation in the class where I was never belonged to other students. As a committee member, I had the advantage of being a favored position of being sent to dance academy to be trained by professional artists, and then leading the school’s dancing events. Training covered most of the popular dancing styles all over China representing major ethnic groups. I have danced “A Wa Minority Singing A New Song” created from south of the country, Yunnan; “People of YanBian (Korean minority) love Premier Zhou” being born from very north of China; “Girls by the East Sea” produce originally from east coast of China and “Shepherd Girls” from far west in China. Which style of dance I should present depended on the political changes. It seemed like I was just asked to dance “Sing A Song For Communist Part”, which expressed a freed serf’s anger to the enemy and love to Communist Part the day before, and next day I was requested changing to be an exquisite and delicate Dai girl to dance “Phoenix bamboo under The Moonlight”. Taking off the costume for “Newly Wedded Woman Visiting Mother”, and then immediately I had to put on an exotic and romantic Indonesia’s costume for “Kate”. I even tried and enjoyed traditional Srilanka’s “Pot Dance” which was very soft, sweet and charming. Dance kept me in company for a long time in my life while I was growing up. I danced while being happy, overflowing a feeling of immeasurable joy with dancing. I danced while being sad, flowing out the grief with sweat.

There are many things happening in my life. Most of them had a period to be ended but not dance. Growing up in Yunnan Province in southwest of China, which is famous for its rich minority cultures, dancing was a part of life a Yunnan person could not miss. The people in Yunnan Province are described as: who can walk can dance, who can talk can sing. As the reform and open policies were carried in China, Kunming, the capital city of Yunnan became a hot spot for tourism all over the world. Most of the restaurants targeted for tourism business have minority culture shows companion with dinner. The dancing skills I owned were much demanded. I worked almost the same hours for my second job – dancing as my full time job as a teacher. Again, I could not only show my loved dancing art on the stages but also improve my performing skills by working with some dancers from the dance academy. Furthermore, years late I was able to come to America to finish my graduate study without having any financial support from family or relatives that was partly due to the savings from the pay of dancing and singing in different tourism restaurants and hotels for years. I like to call it “one stone kills three birds”.

Because of the partiality of dancing, I felt there is a special relationship between dance and girls. A pink dream came into being a girl’s mind at teens. I thought that I would like to have a daughter when I was married someday so that I could teach her dance and dance with her together. I was afraid of marry any Chinese man when I lived in China since most of mother-in-law would like to have a grandson instead of a granddaughter. Fortunately, I was able to escape from that society of valuing the baby boys only and came to America. Upon my graduation of my graduate school I was married an American man, who would like both girls and boys. I could not be happier when I knew I was pregnant. I truly believed it would be a girl and comforted myself with an old Chinese idem “believe what you believe and it comes true”. A pink prologue opened from the moment of knowing pregnancy. I decorated the baby’s room with pink basics and purchased a lot of baby clothes and toys based on pink as well. I could not help dancing in that pink room everyday for prenatal education. My husband was so confused by what I was doing, staring blankly for the pink world.

Finally, it was the first time for ultrasonic. I never doubted the result would be what I wanted. The doctor greeted to me with gentle voice, smiling on his face showing his politeness, and then told me I was going to have a beautiful and healthy baby. I return a big smile as well and looked at his eyes as if they were saying a beautiful girl was dancing in my body. “A boy” he answered when I asked if it was a girl. “Are you sure?” I could not believe what he said and asked him with raised voice, staring at him with my wild open eyes. The doctor explained to me patiently that it was sure if it showed a boy in that pregnancy period, but not sure if it looked like a girl since some fetuses shows boy’s sign later than others.

Now, it was my turn to stare blankly for the completely pink world. The dancing feeling vanished into the void. My poor baby son had all pink clothes on him and plays pink toys for the first six months after he was born. I hope that he would forgive my pink dream.

One day, I was invited by Chinese Association in west Michigan to coach six girls between the age of ten and thirteen dancing and performing for Chinese New Year Celebration. I felt the pink dream for so many years finally became to true when I danced with six girls on the stage (by incident, the custom we used are pink). I even could not help my tears at the moment when prolonged applause started. I want to thank those parents who sent your daughters to me and supported our dancing trainings. It was all of you helped me to fulfill my pink dream beard in my mind for so many years. I also want to tell those mothers who are lucky to have the daughters, encourage you daughters dancing and dance with them. You will be surprised to find a more beautiful mother and daughter from the dance of your spinning, turning, twisting, jumping, stretching……

© 2005 Jade Yuxuan Gao