Journeys of the Mind, (C)1994-2004 A. Alexander Volenski Chapter 8, unedited excerpts Location: the Isle of Ibiza. Characters: Stilly & Harry Time: A summer evening. The Child As evening approached Ibiza, dark overcast skies opened to let the setting sun show itself for a few moments; and the liberated inventory of Stilly and Harry would now begin. A compelling spirit shared this setting sun with the delicate consciousness of a man who walked alone near the sea. Grey cloud above, grey cloud below, only a very thin opening like a crack between worlds, stretched across the horizon. The opening was rectangular in shape, and the sun slowly moved toward it. The sea was not calm, for in the swelling motion on its surface, there was a brisk wind. Little waves gushed along, riffling and dancing, almost rhythmic and laughing as they went. The image of the sun reflected upon this sea, displaying a soft golden column of light. The sun very low in the west, glistened with a profusion of golden-rosy gleam, as its stream of light breathed a total vastness into aery sky and glimmering deep, and with this shimmering approach to redden, so too was included watching soul standing nigh in silence. This reflected line of illumination laid straight and narrow upon the sea in its flaxen blond tawny, even yellow hue of golden-mellow, near blinding, yet somehow gentle in brightness it posed, with blush of warmth. The man alone next to the sea, looked to the reflected column of light and could feel the quiet beating of his heart which seemed to pulse to the rhythm of the surge before him. Harry was alone taking a walk near the shore, and as he scanned this silent illumine of sunlight on the watery surface, he imagined it to be a path of light to walk upon, a road, a lane, a trailing avenue that lay upon a supple and sensuous rhythmic fluid plain. 'A footpath,' he thought, 'fashioned to be traveled only by the mind.' As he observed, he took a deep breath, inhaling salty air, and detected there was something noble he should notice within this setting which lay in-wait for the kiss of twilight to arrive. The sunset he saw was appealing and immediate, a rare moment it seemed to him, something unmatched, original, random, and precisely calm, something ageless. Tonight everything seemed different, as though he had found an intersection in his life, a rare juncture that reached to a crossing of consent, perhaps to reveal a bridging-with, as clinging vastness and importance both clothed him with their passion. Harry walked further on the shore and began to detect the texture of his emotions, as the human psyche, like a mosaic opus, endeavored to speak and reason with him. In its benevolence and nature, the psyche, pliable and often reserved, grasped him, indicating a willingness and compassion for his manliness to engender. The human psyche encompassed with awe and rarely mentioned, knows more about the human, than the human. Like a hidden intelligence that's always there, the psyche in its motif of silence and consistency, is aware of everything the human does, all it feels, where it goes, why it lives; and Harry walked on feeling the pebbles beneath his feet. His surroundings seemed to disappear and fade, only the sunlit pathway upon moistness of sea appeared to exist. His mind with unending memory spoke, and Harry listened, reasoned, interpreted, and tried to understnad the exhilarating ardor that he felt. He floated effortlessly, only seeing the bright shining line reflected there before him in musing fashion, as a line reaching toward, and he seemed to be mesmerized by its beam. The human character within Harry stood and looked, all his social and immediate importance disappeared, family memories, profession, love and a Lady, even living, took a back seat to this moment. And it was then that he asked himself, "why am I here?" In his silence, his rationale began to dance with obscurity, and they (both) twirled together upon the floor of wonderment, kissing as they floated to a rhythm of muse in harmony. "In my birth, what was born with me," Harry asked himself, and in the silent unanswered moment he watched as the sun set, and he pondered why he had this life. The man inside the man was very still and saw the sun slide away into what seemed only sea... Almost like a natural manifestation, this particular setting sun, within its natural quest, trying to communicate a message of a spirited kind to his physical world of existence, an existence designed and mantled with endeavor. The cloud cover was shaped with an unique opening inbetween, like a narrow slot, something to glide through. ...Harry took a few steps and looked out to sea, gazing far into the distance toward where luminous had rushed. ...'Oh wandering self,' he thought, 'oh, wandering spirited soul that I am, when will I be free, free to understand why I am here?' The human caught in its own nature, can be nothing more than what it is, yet it tries to attach more to everything it sees, everything it feels, everything it can know, understand, touch, take, give, love, but in the finality, it still can only be that which it is meant to be, a being designed and created with an individual purpose. ...He stood motionless as in a trance, yet his mind was keen, and again he asked, "why am I here?" The feeling, impression and memory of a father now gone, arose within him. Harry looked toward the shore in front of where he stood, the sand and pebbles were wet, and then he looked out to sea where he focused upon the now darkening horizon, and he relaxed his mind. ...And Harry imagined his father walking near and next to that filament, coming toward him, strolling with roving form on passionate beach. The seaside continued its bridging, tying, linking, as he held his concentraed image of father, until it seemed his father was actually standing nearby, yet Harry knew this imagery was not able to cross over into where he now stood. "Too bad," he spoke to himself. "Fine tuned is the memory," he reflected, "if the surroundings are just right." "Dear father," he spoke out loud, "I suppose there is nothing I can say to you that would make a difference now that you are gone, yet I still feel there are so many things we should share, advise, reasoning, conjectures, and I would have it that we try to speak in mind if it be so." Harry stood there in the night like a marbled statue from ancient times, and wished there were more words he could speak to his father, but only thinking-words could there now be. Two separate folds combined he would find, like drifting currents synthesized and intermingled, streaming though unknown, yet known they be for him and father free. Harry looked again across the sea towards that place of remaining light, and asked a third time, "why am I here?" And there appeared a picture of Stilly that flashed through the visionary of his mind. How far from that spur of the moment meeting with its folded message, The Geneve Lady and he had come, how far from what had appeared to be only a romantic affair, had their relationship opened too; awareness is sweet when veracity is there. ...Were Stilly and he, somehow placed here in this time by some exterior design or compelling marvel, and if so, where did it originate, abide, endure, and lead, and how was it significant to them both. Loves simple launching will take us where we never imagined, to a place we'll never forget, nor want to leave. A place where the world remains always moving beyond in the sense of never ending, beyond in the sense that it can never be lost. Love may become hidden, or seem to be gone, yet the substance of what it really is, is always there, will always be there, as it awaits our arrival. Harry wondered, he listened, he knew, and down deep he felt an enveloping warmth, as he tried to translate his love with Stilly to a coupled pair, and how to combine, amalgamate, and embrace this woman, whose existence he recognized to be interwoven and entwined completely with his. He stepped forward upon the sand of the shore, a shore that would always be a shore with more meaning than all the other shores in his life. ...While he viewed this sea, a phrase came echoing through his mind, "to realize life," and he remember his dream last night of an ancient ship, a vessel which sailed the sea for war, and the woman on that ship who called him Afar. ...Afar, the man of war, had moved toward a living conscious doorway in this life, or was there only one life, one chance perhaps out of many, which existed for Afar? The Dreaming Place must exist somewhere, somehow, Harry reasoned, otherwise he wouldn't know of it. ...Harry meditated, "oh simple soul that you are, oh far reaching spirit always there, oh past and future depicting all, please let me accept and understand the emotions, passions, and how they impact humankind." ..."Oh far reaching dear sea," he asked, "can and will you extend your power to her and me?" ...And like squeezing the last drop from something, he felt a quality within squeeze everything out of him as now he realized how thorough the great depth of self can be, when squeezing life, how very defined and decisive. ...Harry began to feel good, and looked out to sea, the darkness seemed to lighten a little and the sea in its continuing sway washed up to him, splashed against him, and then he saw something afloat in the water, a half submerged object. He reached out for it, and as his fingers felt the coolness of the night water, they took hold, and he lifted up the object. Harry stood and looked at what he held, it was a long piece of wood in the shape of a staff. A staff shaped, formed and made by nature's hand, for it appeared nothing of man had ever touched this long piece of wood. Harry ran his hand over the staff, the ends were round and rough, worn by the rub of the sea, its shaft was smooth and plain, polished by the brush of the sea, and the shaft stood at eye level against him very straight. He accepted this staff as a gift of the sea to match the moment, a liberty engendered and manifested by wind and deep; for who knew in what form the power of love may show itself. The force of the will, when combined, shared, given, entrusted, can draw from multiple sources, and as he stood there he nodded toward the Mediterranean in recognition to this symbolic gift. ...Harry sat for what seemed decades of time, as the free wielding patterns and blends of his life reeled across an horizon, seen only there within the chronicle of his past. Then he asked himself a forth time, "why am I here?" And like an invisible threshold which opened within the identity he had, a presence seemed to speak to him, and he listened. The identity, like a dark shadowy shade, seemed to move apart from Harry and sit across from him. Harry did not move, he only observed the shadowy form. Like fingers from another time and place, the cool breeze fluffed the hair and touched the brow of this dim figure. The dark and misty spirit spoke and repeated the gist of his question, "why are you here?" Harry stared in silence. Then the dark and shadowy shade answered saying, "you have been here a long time, I would consel that you too, think of your father, think of your mother, think of the woman, and think of your love tucked away inside." There was a long pause of silence, and suddenly Harry envisioned the shadowy shape to slide back into himself. Harry did not move, but seemed like a solid rock frozen within a long span of time, and his mind wandered and seemed tired, his body ached, his arms were numb, lifeless, weak, however he did not waver, and held tight the staff which braced him. Then he peered toward the water and spoke, "there is much Harold, that you will change about yourself," and slowly but steadily he felt the life force return to him in warmth, as the numbness he felt faded away. He continued to look upon the sea, and lifting his eyes skyward, he spoke again, "thank you dear mother and father for giving me this body in life, and thank you Love for making it all possible." Harry closed his eyes to hide the tears that formed, for it was not like him to show any tears. He now conceded how complete and potent his love was, and his commitment to it. Stilly had in someway, opened a part of him which no one had in the past, and this he recognized as a precise event. Opening his eyes to the surrounding darkness, the tears were released and splashed to earth and fell upon the pebbles that encircled his feet. He still did not move, but sat perfectly motionless, grasping the staff in the darkness. It was as though many centuries of time had passed during his meditation of love, all taking place within the short span of these few hours. ...Harry lifted the staff and placed it across his knees (as he sat on the beach) and balanced it there, and he leaned back on his elbows relaxing. The future Harry reasoned, was now a future that though unknown in many ways to him, would be tied and shared with her, and instinctively he knew it contained something they both were apart of, and had always been a part. It seemed as if they had always lived together in another time and place, on some other magnitude of classified dimension. He stood and leaned on the staff, and pressed his weight against it, and the staff was strong and sunk between the kernal like pebbles of the shore, and he could feel some roughness from the staff upon his hands. And Harry began to realize how so like the staff he was. The staff, cast into a teeming sea of vastness, traveled here and there as the sea carried it, and life similar to the sea, too, carried Harry as he traveled here and there within his sea of the living. This staff with its symbolic purpose, eventually consummated that purpose, when it had reached him, a man also with a purpose. As Harry reflected, he began to see and understand how his life was like the voyage of the staff. A similar excursion his life, one that advanced through a teeming sea of systems and patterns, like wind and waves, all being held to an appointment, with recollection and recognition. Perhaps his meeting and bond with Stilly, was a consummation reached of a strategy complete; their purpose with a blend. It all seemed so, and he knew also there would be another purpose to be reached as they now traveled together through their sea of vitality. A sea unknown to them until now, yet a sea that had always existed for them, a sea that subconsciously they both knew, an unlimited expansive sea of vigilant love. As he now walked up the path toward the house, he began to conclude that everything that had happened since he met Stilly, pointed toward an original principle, which evolved internally and externally toward their existence in the future. ...Inside the villa, Stilly lay upon the soft couch, a couch that held her like arms, invisible arms, and as it clasp around her it reflected back her warmth and was comforting, yet it still was just a couch. Near where she lay, the marble table oval in shape sat low to the floor, a floor of a room that fluttered with soft light, a light which came from the kindled flame of the fireplace. The blaze seemed to knead the logs in its flickering stirring way, as its glowing coals licked and flared. The fire twirled with passion as it danced to a pulse which seemed to breath move and touch, in a form exquisite. Delicately fluxing, the fire refined its ingredients, consuming transforming and metamorphosing all into radiating heat while Stilly lay watching and thinking. She detected a current within her like a metamorphic progression. The current felt like sensual hands running smoothing soothing caressing. Stilly sensed a transformation in progress, stimulating and fusing, copulating, blending, as it sang its metamorphous song to the melodious harmonies within her. Opulence abounding through the meadow of metamorphosis, reaching ever closer, coming swiftly as upon zephyrs of natural beautiful passion. Its stretching tender fingers touched and pulsed as they moved through her complexities and imagining's to become one with the form she possessed. The psyche knowing all and silent, the identity performing alone, the subconscious and conscious listening, the will and destiny both awake, and sweet reason contemplating; all keenly alert. ..."Oh, meandering mind," she thought, "forever shaping, forming, moving, oh, promenading spirit, taking, giving, doing, oh, sweet soul, how meandering seems so to possess you too. Oh, so like my ambling stairway you are, my meandering mind,"...and she focused her eyes upon the small silver box there on the table. As she traced the pattern engraved upon it, its rosette arrangement shown in varied combinations of reflected shades, with shapes and impressions in relief, and these comforted her, and she wanted to be always in this comforting spell, a spell of love and silvered reflections. Stilly pictured Harry sitting in Geneva at the cafe with the sunny afternoon, and she wondered whether her man of dream was now just a dream within a dream; could she still be asleep at her home there in Geneva? Could she have stepped into a world of her mind, a hologram of thought, a world materialized from the undiluted dreams she had of him. Had she somehow unknowlingly stepped off her staircase onto a plain of duration made solely from her own imagining, a plain separate, even isolated. This thought frightened her, because if it were true, what control did she have over it, and where would she be if her stairway began to fade. She must have faith in her own ability to achieve what she wanted. She must not let uncertainties obscure her mind, or interfere with the love Harry and her yearned to share. 'It did not matter,' she thought, 'whether this was a dream or not, all that mattered was that Harry and her continue united, extending themselves toward an assimilated authenticity with direction.' Who knew where the unknown realm of love may take a couple, and what divine sophistication it may entail. Where did loves hidden domain really reside, and would they meet there again, for it seemed to her that they had been within that realm in another span of time. Yes, she would apply her thoughts and will toward continued unanimity, and let the 'providence of love' free to work its design. Love traveled upon a beam of its own, swayed and whirled in many directions, as it glided along while it spoke in silent refinement, a refinement meant to caress her point of view in a multitude of ways. ...Closing her eyes, she visualized a misty opaque surrounding, sky, air, ground, all blanketed with whiteness. Stilly continued to look into her imagining, and saw many marble pillars scattered at random, stretching into the distance. The plain of columns appeared alone and unattached in its progression, peculiar the plain appeared, positioned in surrounding mist. Now in front of her, Stilly saw a multitude of rose petals scattered on the ground. They were of all sizes, their colors vibrant and penetrating to her sight, some red, others pink, white, yellow, and among them she saw one which was blue, a full 'blue bud'; very rare was that blue rose, like a blue-moon. The blue rose lay next to one of the pillars, and she became curious, and she wondered what it suggested. Moving in thought toward that column, she looked at the pillar, for something caught her attention. There was writing cut upon it, golden letters glittered on its surface, 'a message,' she thought, 'from a hidden field of the innate.' The writing was clear, detailed and bold, the gold letters sparkled and read, 'I desire to be with love,' and then that intrinsic message faded away. Stilly returned to present, and saw in the dim light of the room the flickering reflections on the ceiling from the fire. Her perception had reached forward like a quiet breeze reached forward as it touched the surface of an object, and as the object felt the touch, so too, Stilly felt her perspective widen, reaching out into vastness. The unlimited realm of thought came illustrated and clear, and was open to release messages hidden deep inside her. "I desire to be with love," she spoke to herself, referring to the gold writing upon the column; and in the stillness surrounding her, she reasoned that there was much more to love then smooth surface texture; and moving her hands, she felt and formed fingers touching fingers. It seemed that something was present trying to relay a message to her; how easy it is to not listen to the simple thoughts conveyed in one's own mind. ...Stilly at that moment felt assured her desire and identity stood together. She imagined them both (desire & identity) smiling and looking toward the psyche within her, and it was during that moment that she felt a twinge, a physical sensation, one she had never before felt. The motive force living, flashed through her entire body as she lay there alone on the couch. Its potency felt warm, soothing, absolute in an ultimate way, complete, healthy, sturdy it seemed as it touched her, and she was pleased, and did not move in her stillness. She began to know, began to sense what this new feeling was, for it was a natural feeling inborn, all part of being woman. She knew and recognized this 'twinge' to be a timely one, a genesis event, which indicated a new life force; and she laid there quietly as she felt her fingers touching fingers. A palpable conception had occurred within her. "Come let us live the wish of the lovers kiss," she whispered, recalling her sensual dream with Harry last night. Stilly smiled to herself in recognition to her understanding, and looked to the table with the objects which sat upon it. And she felt a difficulty arouse within her that struggled, filtered, weighed the love dream she shared with Harry, a dream of consciousness, for all was remembered and acknowledged. Then a sudden relief entered her, a warm and penetrating glow, and she felt happy, for she knew Harry also shared and remembered that preeminent event. A dream that she now recognized to exist beyond the 'land of dream'. For a new entity would soon emerge, conceived within a sphere of dream; there was not doubt, for she realized a child was beginning to form within her and would soon be here; for she understood the twinge she felt, to be that very twinge of motherhood. Stilly recalled the childlike words, "a love, love," words she had heard spoken at the close of that experience in dream, and (she) smiled at their cupid-like tone. She closed her eyes and imagined floating free, gravity free, lifing, rising, and like a guided melody which drifts and touches the ear with its intention, so too, Stilly moved like such a melody in hopes she would perceive where that cupid expression of the child-like kind really originated. After a time, Stilly interpreted 'a love, love,' as forerunner words, a conceptional signal relayed to acquaint her... Words sent from the future. "Love, loves, the sky love," she spoke to herself, as she continued to drift within the quiet domain of her mind, trying with all her ability to see within her imagining, to view the true actuality of what was to unfold. ...In semi darkness, conceding to her inner being, and feeling what her inner being knew, a duality emerged and was clearly present; a new separate intelligence was forming within her, one she clearly perceived. The twinge that she had felt, was a spark, a message of something fresh to arrive, and instinctively, she knew she would be able to confirm to Harry their expectation of a child. This 'consciousness' she sensed was new, its presence seemed like a shifting light, a small newly discovered light shining in the darkness, a conceptional form from the land of Nativity. Opening her eyes, she leaned over and looked to the fire, and wondered how a child conceived in dream could step with her into this world. She wondered also, how her man of love and desire would react to the knowledge of such a conception found only in sensual dreams of love. ...Stilly realized how rare this coupling was, and the child that came from it would be, and doubly important, how far reaching their lives would now become as they explored together toward the future. Stilly looked toward the fireplace, and as it glowed, its golden coals were bright and pulsing. The coals seemed like glowing crystals, crystals filled with energy, energy that radiated, streamed, and reached as it rode upon her pathway of sight, to be absorbed and drawn to the self-contained entity which she was; a woman designated by love. The light of the fire appeared as a fluxing back-ground that accented, enhanced, enlivened the silvery box and statuette upon the table. The figure Hermes, seemed almost alive in appearance, and she wondered about that Ancient Herald's mythical powers and legendary personality. The she moved her feet, and they were warm as they touched the silken pillow, a pillow in the present, and she knew she was linked to a spanning vastness which existed within eternity. Stilly remained motionless, only the soul within her stirred, as her feelings, will, desire, glided within a stream of contentment, for she felt joy, goodness, hopefulness, and cheer, with all the mirth that went with such passion. Then Stilly stood and walked across the room, a room lit only by a fire, and she stepped out onto the patio. Its slate was cool to the touch of her delicate feet, and she looked into the darkness toward the pavilion and saw Harry standing there. She walked toward him, as he waited and looked in her direction. ~ [Next, Chapter 9, The Oasis; note: this text is yet to be proof read]. The page created April 98 members.tripod.com