•I will not waste chalk
•I will not aim for the head
•I will not skateboard in the halls
•I will not barf unless I'm sick
•I will not burp in class 
•I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
•I will not instigate revolution 
•I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
•I will not draw naked ladies in class 
•I will not conduct my own fire drills
•I did not see Elvis 
•Funny noises are not funny
•I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes' 
•I will not snap bras
•Garlic gum is not funny 
•I will not fake seizures
•They are laughing at me, not with me 
•This punishment is not boring and meaningless
•I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
•My name is not Dr. Death
•I will not encourage others to fly
•I will not defame New Orleans
•I will not fake my way through life
•I will not prescribe medication
•Tar is not a plaything
•I will not bury the new kid
•I will not Xerox my butt 
•I will not teach others to fly
•It's potato, not potatoe 
•I will not bring sheep to class
•I will not trade pants with others 
•A burp is not an answer
•I am not a 32 year old woman
•Teacher is not a leper
•I will not do that thing with my tongue
•Coffee is not for kids.
•I will not drive the principal's car
•I will not eat things for money
•I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
•I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
•I will not sell school property 
•The principal's toupee is not a frisbee.
•I will not cut corners 
•I will not squeak chalk
•I will not get very far with this attitude.
•Goldfish don't bounce
•I will not make flatulent noises in class. 
•Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
•I will not belch the National Anthem 
•No one is interested in my underpants.
•I will not sell land in Florida 
•I will not sell miracle cures
•I will not grease the monkey bars
•Underwear should be worn on the inside
•I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
•The Christmas pageant does not stink
•I will not do anything bad ever again 
•I will not torment the emotionally frail
•I will not show off 
•I will not carve gods
•I will not sleep through my education
•I will not spank others
•I am not a dentist 
•I will not bribe Principal Skinner
•Spitwads are not free speech. 
•I will finish what I start
•Nobody likes sunburn slappers 
•"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
•High explosives and school don't mix 
•Hamsters cannot fly