1.Marge, this is so depresssing. My only hope is that this homemade 
prozac works -Homer 
2."Suspect is hatless! Repeat Suspect is hatless" -Chief Wiggum 
3.Mmm 64 slices of Proccessed American Cheese.... 63....62..61.. 
4.We are sorry to announce the following layoffs in alphabetical 
order... Simpson Homer. That is all. - Smithers over PA 
5."It's Company Policy to give you the PLAGUE!" "Um... that's a 
PLAQUE sir." -Monty Burns and Smithers
6."You want the Truth? You Can't Handle the truth! I deride your truth
handling abilities!" -SideShow Bob 
7."Damn It Smithers this is Brain Surgery not Rocket Science! Now hand
me that Ice Cream Scoop!" -Monty Burns 
8."I Contend That those Tourists were decapitated before they entered 
Krustyland!" -Krusty the Clown 
9."Sorry Kid I can't give you aspirin. Have some Chewable Prozac for 
Kids." -The School Nurse/Lunch Lady 
10."No Teacher Can Be Held Accountable If Bart Simpson Dies" -The 
Teacher's Handbook Springfield Elementary School. 
11."But Because these ARE Children's toys, the fire will spread 
quickly. Please stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes." 
-Rev. Lovejoy 
12."You'll Have To Speak Up. I'm Wearing a Towel." -Homer 
13."My Bologna has a first name- it's H-O-M-E-R.
My Bologna has a second name it's H-O-M-E-R."
-Homer
14."I'll Kill that mister Burns and ...um... I'll Wound that Mister 
Smithers."- Willie 
15."Your Dogs Condition has been upgraded from Critical to Frisky."
16."Get Ready for two weeks in the happiest Place on Earth. . . 
TIJUANA!!-Krusty The Clown 
17."No the Army said I was too Heavy, the Police said I was too Dumb."
-Homer 
18."He was an unbridled success until he discovered he was a Simpson."
-Lisa re Herb Simpson 
19."Is there a chance the track could bend!" Not on your life my hindu friend!"
20."Doughnuts! Is there anything they can't do?"
21."I call the big one BITEY!"
22."The solar eclipse, the cosmic ballet continues." "Does ANYBODY 
want to switch seats?"
23."Does whiskey count as beer?"
24."I want to be a monorail conductor!" "It's my life-long dream!"
25."When I was 17...
I drank some very good beer...
That I bought with a fake ID...
My name was Steve McGee...
I stayed up all night listening to Queen...
When I was 17"
26."It's imitation gruel! 9 out of 10 orphans can't tell the 
difference!"
27."Order now, and receive a free bottle of 'Sun & Run'! The suntan 
lotion that also doubles as a laxative!"
28.I could have pulled a better cartoon out of my aaaaaayyy hey hey 
kids!
29."Hi I'm actor Troy McLure you might remember me from such films as 
The erotic Adventures of Hercules, and Dial M for Murderousness! 
30."Hey! this is not a lending library! put that down or I'll blow your 
heads off!" 
31.Marge, if you're gonna get mad everytime I do something supid well 
then I'm just ganna have to stop doing stupid things!
32.Son, when Participating in Sporting events - it's not whether you 
win or lose, it's how drunk you get.