Some say that the origins of the Mystic Order of the Golden Monkey lay shrouded in Mystery. Well, to be honest, these people are wrong. The story goes like this:

On a fine mid-summer's day, a group of men including one Sir Higgenbottom of la montana de tacos, Spain and our founder, Sir Krauteriah of Nebraska, were traveling through their nearby forest in Montana. All of a sudden, a Kodiak bear sprang forth from a Mulberry bush and began to use Sir Higgenbottom's face as a scratching post. Sir Krauteriah then decided that he never liked the Spaniard anyway, and bolted up a giant redwood. When the bear had finished devouring Sir Higgenbottom, he began to claw at the redwood. Fearing that after several weeks the bear would scratch throught the tree and topple it over, Sir Krauteriah suddenly had a vision. In this vision, a great golden monkey ascended from the clouds, and in a booming voice proclaimed: "monkey monkey monkey golden mystic knights!". Sir Krauteriah screamed these blessed words with all his might. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a rare West Dakota monkey flew through the air and struck his head on a tree. The bear went to see what had happened, lost interest, and lumbered away. Krauteriah went down to thank the monkey for saving his life, but was too late. Gurgling through blood in his windpipe, the monkey spoke his last words: "AAA-AAA! SCREECH!". Krauteriah was enlightened suddenly and translated the monkey speech into: "You must honor my memory by forming a group of Knights that embrace sloth, wrath, and misanthropy. You shall call them the knights of the Mystic Order of the Golden Monkey. Fairwell."

And so, the Mystic Order was born.