Of Complaints and Criticisms

A humorous dialogue between me and the members of the Unified Guilds

Quinn: All right you guys, you better have a very good reason for getting me up! I haven't had enough sleep! And I get cranky when I haven't gotten enough sleep! Consider yourselves warned. But no matter. What is it?

Jean-Luc: We have some t'ings we want to discuss wit' you, Ms Logan. T'ings regardin' all dis fanfiction you keep writin' 'bout us.

Quinn (sighing): Okay. Fine. Go ahead.

Jean-Luc: Well, first of all, why do you insist on writin' me as dis nice person? I'm not nice! I've never been nice!

Quinn: Yeah, yeah, I'll admit, Cliff Huxtable you ain't, but come on, I've read the books, I've read what you've said and what you've done. You're not that bad a person either. So if I want to write you as being a fairly nice guy, then that's what I'm going to do! You can't stop me.

Jean-Luc: grumble…whatever.

Quinn: Next!

Gris-Gris: Well I have a complaint for de whole Assassins Guild, if you can spare de time in your oh-so-busy schedule to listen to it.

Quinn: What is it, Gris? Make it snappy, I haven't got all day, ya know. I need to get more sleep, among other things. I have to work tonight.

Gris-Gris: How come you haven' used us much in your stories? We're more important den dose stupid thieves an' yet you use dem all de time but you've only used us a couple of times! Dat's not fair!

Mercy: Hey, Gris! Back off! We're not stupid, an' we're jus' as important as you are!

Quinn: I have to agree with Mercy on both those counts. I will tell you, though, that I plan on using you assassins more often in future stories. Because of the unification and all. It only makes sense. You, Gris, will have a large part yourself in a story I'm planning very soon. You and Emil both will, actually, if you can imagine that.

Gris-Gris: Good. An' I can, but I don' want to.

Emil: Speaking of me…

Gris-Gris: I wasn't. Wait your turn, Lapin!

Emil: Bite me, Gris! She was!

Quinn: Boys! Relax! What's on your mind, Emil?

Emil (sticking his tongue out at Gris-Gris): It's jus' dat…well…you're not really keepin' me true to form either. I mean I like de stories an' all, but…

Gris-Gris: But he's so much more obnoxious den you're givin' him credit for!

Quinn: Okay, sheesh! Gris, stay out of this. Emil you are way too cute to be as obnoxious as he says, I'm sorry. But I'll do my best in the future, how's that?

Emil (blushing slightly): Uh…okay.

Quinn: What now?

Bella Donna: You're not plannin' on doin' a story 'bout me an' Remy are you? 'Cause I mean Marvel did dat, dey kinda had to, an uh, well…

Quinn: It sucked? Yeah, I read it. You're right though. They had to do it. I don't think they had much of a choice. Although they could have found something better than a collapsed building to trap you two in together. And for the record…no, I'm not planning anything like that, don't worry.

Bella Donna: Whew!

Claude and Genard (trying to get Quinn's attention): Um…could we…uh?

Quinn: Yes, you can.

Genard: Well, could you maybe, uh, not have us in the background quite so much later? In the future, I mean?

Claude: Yeah…Marvel does dat to us too, an' it's like de Guild doesn' need us or somet'ing.

Quinn: Well, I could, if either of you would actually do something other than stand in the background! I mean, come on, that's all you do! You hardly every say anything! How am I supposed to work under conditions like that? If you two want more prominent positions in my stories, you just going to have to give me a reason to give you those positions! Next!

Zoe: Are you going to write my story soon?

Quinn: Maybe, yeah. Why?

Zoe: Could you maybe show me as someone who isn't just a fighter? I mean that's what I'm usually seen as, but I'm so much more than that! Please…?

Quinn: Yeah, I suppose I could do that. Anyone else have a complaint about the way I've been doing things around here?

Jean-Luc: Oh, Ms. Logan, it's not dat we're complaining so much, jus' dat we had some improvements you could use, if you want to.

Quinn: Humph! Well, it sounds an awful lot like complaining to me, how else am I supposed to take it? Don't you people have anything better to do?

Bella Donna: Well, um, no. Not really. Marvel jus' canceled Remy's series an' dat means no more stories wit' us in dem. You're our only chance to live on in de writing world. If it wasn' for your fanfiction, we'd be dead now.

Theoren: An' we do 'preciate what you're doin' for us, b'lieve me. It's jus' dat, well, you could do it so much better!

Quinn: Oh, I could, could I? You really think so, Monsieur Marceaux? Well, if you think that maybe you could do it better yourself, huh? You want that chance? Do any of you want that chance? I'll give it to you, you know! I wouldn't mind the break. Then you guys can see for yourself just how hard it is to do what I've been doing all this time!

Fifolet, Questa and Singer: NO!

Quinn: Why do you three silent ones object so much to that idea?

Emil: Dey're 'fraid if one of us is 'lowed to write a story, dey'll get killed off. Ironic, huh? Dey're usually de ones tryin' to kill us off!

Quinn: As if I'd let any of you do that! But no matter, I'm not giving up my position as writer. I will take your suggestions…er…complaints…into consideration for my future stories. Don't worry, guys. I won't do anything drastic to you.

All: Whew! Merci!