False Advertising

NOTES: This silly little fic was inspired by the fact that I was highly disappointed in my Schneider's Hot Stuffs caesar chicken. Go figure, I'm inspired by food. Ah well. It's here, it's an idea, why not? I just hope no one from the Schneiders company gets mad at me. It's not my fault my Hot Stuffs sucked and I turned it into a story. It just wasn't a good one and I find inspiration in the strangest places sometimes. The characters belong to Marvel, the idea belongs to me, with the help of chicken caesar. Enjoy.

"Mmmm...dis t'ing smells so good!" Fifolet said to himself as he stood in an almost hypnotic trance in front of the microwave watching the glass plate turn around, heating up his Hot Stuffs snack. He had never tried the microwave snacks before, but Bella Donna had bought a bunch of different singles packs of them when she got the groceries that week, and the one Emil had tried earlier that day was good, or so Emil had said. Now it was Fifolet's turn to give the snacks a try.

When the two minutes were up, Fifolet opened the steaming microwave and pulled out the plate with his chicken caesar snack on it and headed up to the second floor of the house to his room, where he could eat the snack in peace. He waited the suggested two minutes before biting into the food.

As he chewed the first bite, he looked at the snack, a frown on his face. For some reason, it had ceased to smell as good as it did while it was cooking, and while it didn't taste quite like Fifolet had been expecting, he was determined to give it a couple more bites, to be sure. After all, the pepperoni-and-bacon one Emil had tried earlier was filled with pepperoni, bacon, sauce and cheese, so this one had to be stuffed the same way. Or so Fifolet thought.

Fifolet ate two more bites of the Hot Stuffs and looked at it, the frown making an appearance again. It wasn't even half filled with all the things that were supposed to be in it! As it cooled, it smelled less and less like the delicious snack it smelled like minutes before.

"It don' taste dat great either...but den 'gain I've never been a big fan of caesar sauce..." Fifolet said to the ceiling. "An' it sure as hell don' smell good!"

He glared at the helpless food on the plate and shoved it aside. "I hope Bel didn' spend too much money on dese t'ings. Dey ain' worth it. I t'ought all de TV commercials for dem said how dey were filled wit' stuff. Dis one sure as hell ain' filled. Not even half. What a load of crap!"

Curiously, Fifolet tore off a piece of the top crust and smelled it. "Ehhh!" He shuddered, tossing it down quickly with a grimace. "Not good."

Emil, who knew Fifolet was trying one of the Hot Stuffs, poked his head in the other man's room. "Hey Feef? How is it?"

Fifolet turned his glare to Emil and promptly picked up the discarded Hot Stuffs and threw it right at the younger man's head. Emil just barely managed to duck in time and the snack sailed over him and hit the wall of the hallway with a loud thud and fell to the floor with a softer one.

"I t'ink I'll take dat as you don' like it..." Emil said as he beat a hasty retreat away from the disgusted assassin. He picked up the snack on his way and sniffed at it. "Geez...no wonder he t'rew it at me. Dis t'ing stinks!" He tossed the Hot Stuffs in the garbage and looked in the freezer. Bella Donna had purchased a large number of the snacks, based on the fact that they were on sale and were supposed to be good, filling snacks. Filled with stuff. The commercials said so.

"Maybe de machine dat makes dat kind was broken down or somethin'..." Emil mused to himself. "I don' t'ink anybody'll ever convince Feef to try another one 'gain..."

"What's wrong?" Bella Donna asked from the kitchen door.

Emil looked back at her and grinned. "Oh nothin' Bel. Jus' false advertisin'."