Only Emil Knows Why

Part two of the series finds a rather depressed Remy finding advice from an unlikely source.


"I've been sittin' here Tryin' to find myself I get behind myself I need to rewind myself Lookin for the payback Listen for the playback They say that every man bleeds just like me And now I feel like number one Yet I'm last in line I watch my younger son And it helps to pass the time I take too many pills it helps to ease the pain I made a couple of dollar bills still I feel the same Everybody knows my name They say it way out loud A lot of folks fuck with me It's hard to hang out in crowds I guess that's the price you pay To be some big shot like I am Outskirt stands and one night stands Still I can't find love And when your walls come tumbling down I will always be around And when your walls come tumbling down I will always be around People don't know about the things I say and do They don't understand about the shit that I've been through It's been so long since I've been home I've been gone.... I've been gone for way too long Maybe I forgot all things I miss Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this I said it too many times And I still stand firm You get what you put in And people get what they deserve Still I ain't seen mine No I ain't seen mine I've been giving just ain't been gettin' I've been walking down that line So I think I'll keep on walking With my head held high I'll keep moving on and only God knows why Only God.....only God Only God knows why Only God....knows....why why why only God knows why Take me to the rivers...edge Take me to the river...hey hey hey…"

Jean-Luc LeBeau had been going to knock on his son's bedroom door but when he heard the song coming from inside the room, he paused, hand poised in mid-air. He stood there in the semi-dark hallway of the second floor of his New Orleans mansion and listened to the entire song. Putting his hand down…his question forgotten…he let out a sigh and headed back downstairs, unaware that Remy was lying on his bed in the room, listening to the song over and over again, crying his red and black eyes out.

In the living room downstairs were two of Jean-Luc's, and Remy's closest friends. Tante Mattie's eyebrows knitted together when she saw the look on Jean-Luc's face, but she remained silent for the time being.

"Did you ask him?" Emil Lapin asked as Jean-Luc sat down. Emil was a member of the Thieves Guild that Jean-Luc led. He was also a computer expert, and was usually the one to help the Guild members get past the security systems in the places they robbed. Emil was the jokester of the Thieves Guild, the one who usually tried to make people see the lighter side of things. He had been like a second brother to Remy for years and the two young men had a special rapport. There weren't many people Remy would open up for. The three people in the living room of the LeBeau mansion that evening were among that small group.

Jean-Luc looked at the red-haired thief. "Huh? Oh, um, no. I didn't even talk to him. He was listening to some song…" his voice trailed off as he frowned.

"What song was it?" Tante Mattie asked. "Should we be worried, Jean-Luc?"

"It didn' sound like a nice happy song if dat's what you're asking, Mattie." Jean-Luc replied with another sigh. He was worried about Remy, had been for a few weeks now, ever since the boy showed up at the door fresh from his involuntary stay in Antarctica. "I don' t'ink de boy's doin' okay, but he won' say anyt'ing to me 'bout it."

"Perhaps I should go have a talk wit' him." Tante Mattie commented, rising from the rocking chair where she was sitting. Emil put up a hand and shook his head.

"Tante Mattie, non. I t'ink if Remy hasn' talked to Jean-Luc 'bout it yet, I don' t'ink he's gon' want to talk to you either. Let me try."

Both Jean-Luc and Mattie looked at the younger man, confused expressions on their faces.

"You? Do you t'ink you can get through to him?" Jean-Luc asked, a hopeful gleam coming into his eyes.

"Look." Emil explained, facing his two friends. "I t'ink de person he would talk 'bout dis to is Henri. An' since Henri's dead, you're lookin' at de closest t'ing Remy has to a brother at dis point. Yeah, I t'ink I can get through to him. An' if I can' do it, den I'll leave it up to de two of you. Jus' let me at least try first."


Emil turned and left the living room, walking slowly up the large staircase. He was totally unsure of how to approach his friend, and hoped his efforts wouldn't be in vein. He paused outside the door of Remy's room just as Jean-Luc had a few minutes before, and he, too, listened to the song being played on the stereo inside.

Realizing what song it was, a small smile quirked at the corners of his mouth and he raised an eyebrow. "Kid Rock. Huh. Interesting choice, Rem…" he commented softly as he lifted his hand to knock on the door.

The music was abruptly shut off. There was the sound of shuffling inside the room. Emil waited patiently until the door opened and Remy stood before him, wearing sunglasses. Emil looked at him squarely while his other eyebrow joined its partner halfway up his forehead. "Can I come in?" was all he asked. Remy nodded.

Remy sat back down on his bed as Emil shut the door behind himself and took a seat on the chair by the desk. He straddled it so he could lean on the back of it and face Remy at the same time. He was dying to ask Remy why he was wearing sunglasses inside on a cloudy day but decided to take the not-so-blunt approach to start with.

"Didn' know you listened to Kid Rock," he commented lightly.

"De song kinda fits my mood, dat's all." Remy replied just as lightly. He had a feeling he knew what Emil was there to talk to him about and he made up his mind that he wasn't going to make it easy for his friend. Much as he loved Emil like a brother, Remy wasn't sure he was ready to talk about it even to Emil just yet.

"Kind of a depressin' song, ain't it?" Emil asked, silently praying that he wouldn't say something stupid like he normally had a tendency to do.

Remy glanced sharply in Emil's direction. "Like I said, it kinda fits my mood." He said vaguely, wishing Emil wouldn't push it. No such good luck though. Emil kept right on going.

"Dat why you're wearin' de glasses, mon ami?" he asked softly. "B'cause you ain' feelin' de best?"

"Why do you care?" Remy demanded angrily, his voice shaking from the tears that were about to spill over. Emil noticed the emotion…the sunglasses had fallen off in Remy's outburst and were lying discarded on the floor.

Emil closed his eyes and lowered his head, feeling miserable. He hadn't meant to make Remy react like that. He also felt an almost unbearable heartache…he wished Henri was there to help him help Remy. Fighting back his own pain, he sighed and lifted his head, opening his eyes in the process. He looked Remy right in the eyes and said,

"I know I'm not Henri. Never once wished I was, until now. An' I care, b'cause I care 'bout you, de same way I cared 'bout him." Emil took a deep breath, realizing just how close he was to crying. "You an' Henri were de closest t'ings I had to havin' brothers, Remy. An' Henri's death hit me jus' as hard as it hit you. We both got through it, an' I know we can get through dis. I'm not here to judge you or tell you how to live your life or anyt'ing like dat…." His voice trailed off.

Remy looked away, the tears spilling from his eyes and running in silent rivers down his cheeks. He studied the pattern on the quilt at the end of his bed. "But…?"


"But I'd like to t'ink dat if dere's somet'ing botherin' ya, you'd tell me, de way I know you'd tell Henri if he was here. I can be a pretty good listener, an' I won' tell anyone what you say if you don' want me to."

Biting his lip, Remy got up and stood at the window. "Dere are times when I wish I wasn't alive." He said softly, so softly that Emil almost didn't hear him. Almost, but not quite.

"Why's dat?" Emil asked, remaining seated.

"B'cause I always screw everyt'ing up, it never fails." Remy replied, not turning around.

Emil raised his eyebrows even though Remy couldn't see him. "Everyt'ing?" he wanted to know.

Remy made a sound of forced laughter. "Well now, let's see, Emil. First I screwed up my own weddin' day by killin' Julian an'…"

"Oh jeez Rem, he started it!" Emil protested in the voice of a schoolboy. That got an actual, honest-to-goodness laugh out of Remy.

"I was wonderin' when de real you was gon' make an appearance." He joked before he continued. "Okay, so den I helped Sinister destroy de Morlocks, and den I didn' tell de X-Men 'bout it, so when dey finally found out, dey left me to die in Antarctica. I screw everyt'ing up."

Emil got up and joined his friend at the window, watching the rain as it ran down the glass. Putting a hand on Remy's shoulder and giving it a light squeeze, he said, "Remy. De Morlock t'ing was an accident. You didn' know what Sinister was gon' do, right?" Remy nodded. "So it's not your fault, stop beatin' yourself up 'bout it. As for not tellin' de X-Men, well, what business was it of dere's anyway? Dey had no right to punish you de way dey did, as Jean-Luc has said about fifty thousand times since you showed up at de door de other week…"

Remy laughed again. "He's really mad at dem, isn' he?"

"Uh, you could say dat…He's pretty protective of you, ya know. Even now…you ain't lived here full time in years but dat don' change him…he's worried."

Remy's shoulders sagged a bit. "I can' help dis Emil…"

Emil sighed and turned Remy around to look at him. "Sure you can, Rem. You can stop feelin' sorry for yourself an' go back to de X-Men like you know you should. An' maybe you could remind Jean-Luc dat you care 'bout him an' 'preciate all his worryin'."

"Okay. You're right, I know. It's jus'…Rogue…" Remy sighed.

Emil groaned and looked up at the ceiling. "Girl problems, I can' help you with, sorry, mon ami…You wanna come down to see Jean-Luc and Tante Mattie with me?"

"Nah…I'll see dem later." Remy replied as Emil headed to the door. Just as Emil was about to close the door behind him on his way out, Remy called to him. "Hey, Emil?"

Emil stuck his head back in the doorway. "Oui, Remy?" he asked with a gleam in his blue eyes.

Remy gave his old friend his most charming smile. "Thank you."

Emil returned the smile and his voice had a catch in it as he spoke. "Anytime you need me, Rem, you know where to find me."

Remy nodded as the door closed behind Emil. "Dear Abby, he ain't," he said with a laugh. "But I've known since de second I met him back when I was ten dat he was gon' to be a valuable friend. First impressions really aren' wrong…"


PART THREE

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