Name: Alexander Alexandrov

Who, me? No, you must have me confused with someone else, I wasn't coaching anyone at the 1996 Olympic Games, no sire....

Name: Job Interviewer

Yes, Ms Strug; I see you have a lot to offer our organization. You're resume says you have a lot of experience as a Barney the Dinosaur standin, and also as a stunt double in the "Help! I've fallen and I cant double in the "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up commercial".
It says here you feel you would make an excellent Minnie Mouse voice-over and have great potential as a motivational squeaker....

Name: Picasso

Boguinskaia, you are a work of art. (Well, in the 80's early 90's.)

Name: Irina B. and Ekaterina Vandysheva

Sure, but you will probably end up like another Ksenia, Fabrichnova. You have talent but no taste in music

Name: Ksenia Bogdanova

Irina B - as your reincarnate (via Yekaterina Vandysheva), I will do my best to make it to Sydney, where I will be competing for all three of us.

Name: Irina Baraksanova

Oy, to think that *Betty Okino* and *Eileen Diaz* got to compete at Olympic Games and not me! I knew little girls in Voronezh that were so much better than them. The injustice of it all!

Name: Irina Viatina

Could I be the other one that did a double layout on floor. A girl with the same floor music was in 1988 USSR Jrs as well.

Name: Natalia Frolova and Yelena Zabrodina

Hey Irina - we know how you feel. We won 3 golds between us at the 1984 Jr Europeans and we never got to compete at worlds or Olympics either.

Name: Irina Viatina

Do you remember me? I competed in 1988 Jr Europeans with my teammates Svetlana Ivanova (the Soviet, not Todie) and Yulia Kut. BUt none of us ever competed at a worlds.
Was I in the 1988 or 1989 Moscow News? What skills did I do?

Name: Dina

Big Bird, that rat Lyapina ate it all.

Name: Phillipe Candeloro

Hey Aleksei, you copycat you.

Name: Big Bird

My friend Chainey said I could get plenty of bird
seed around here. Where is it?!?

Name: Sylvio Kroll

Wecki, the skill "Wekcer" is falling from PH, after transferring flairs!

Name: Andreas Wecker

Wow! I heard that a skill will be named after me!
Finally I got it!!!!

Name: Dominique M.

Hey, did I hear someone was handing out medals? I want one!

Name: Miller and Atler

OK, it's a deal Roza and Dina. BTW, you need to feed Lyapina. We found her eating birdseed.

Name: Atler

Hey I'm too young (I'm always too young), how can I handle Roza's request. Wait a minute, Voropayev has been looking at me every since we got here. He's probably a nice guy. Maybe he can help...

Name: Miller

Well, since I'm America's most decorated gymnast, I guess I can hand over 1 medal..if it means I'll be free of that lunatic. So Vanessa, you'll need to handle Roza's request.

Name: Roza and Dina

OK Shannon and Vanessa, we've got a plan. You'll have to wait just a bit until our friend gets out on parole. What do we want for our trouble? Roza: I want vodka or beer..lots of it! Dina: Shannon, I want the medal you stole from me at worlds!

Name: Miller and Atler

(Waiting) What's that smell? It's coming from this room. Hey Lyapina! Why are you eating birdseed?

Name: Zamo

Help, Dina. Dolgopolova's Am Cup footage is giving me nightmares. I am dreaming of really fat girls sitting on me.

Name: Roza

No, forget about Grigory. With what I'm living with right now, I need all of the vodka for myself.

Name: Roza and Dina

Yelena, what are you still doing here?
(Looking at the photo) This is a BIG problem. Maybe Fabby can arrange for an elephant over there too. Roza, doesn't Tesh owe you for causing you so much mental anguish? We could always get Grisha to help. Give him enough vodka, and he'll do just about anything.

Name: Dolgopolova

Hey you guys! Oooh, I saw that girl at the ScAm Cup. (shudders)

Name: Jennifer Eisenfart

Oops, I spelled my name wrong before.

Name: Jennifer Eisenbart

The Americans are by far the best gymnast in the world. They have the most difficulty in the world. They always deserve tow in teh American Cup because they are the best. The men's team doesn't get the respect they deserve. They'd be ranked much higher if they didn't fall all over the place. Stop critizicing them. THey worked so hard.
Don't even try to dispute what I'm saying - I am a journalism major.

Name: Amber

Shannon, I feel so sorry for you! Who was that crazed fan? I'll just take my big fat butt and sit on that person!

Name: Miller and Atler

It looks like we've come to the right place..hitmen, beating up coaches, elephants. Hey Dina and Roza! Do you think you could help us get rid of our problem (hands over photo of crazed fan from American Cup)?

Name: Mogilny Jr.

I shall be 2008 Olympic Champion.

Name: Dominique M.

I was robbed of a medal on floor in Atlanta! I mean, what do the judges expect me to do? Add a difficult back to back tumbling pass of backhandsprings?

Name: Dominique and Dmitri Moceanu

Dominique: (waking up from a nightmare): Daddy! Daddy! Help! Help!! Help me!!
Dmitri: What's wrong little Domi??
Dominique: I was in the gym, and this awful, awful man named Arthur Akopian was tyring to teach me new and more difficult routines - and then, and then (fighting back tears) - he tried to get me to, to, to - oh, I can barely say it - he tried to get me to extend my knees and - oh the agony - point my toes!!!
Dmitri: Don't worry my little champion, you'll never have to see that bad man again!!
Dominique: Thanks daddy!

Name: Customs Officials

A gymnastics video? This must be pornography!!!!!!

Name: Zoltan Suppola

Hey Krasimir, we need somebody for the "Power and Grace" sequal.

Name: Maja Hristova, Milean Mavrodieva

You let Roschina compete. Why couldn't you let us.

Name: Yeo Hong Chul

Yo! Uh, why am I still not yet world vault champion? So what if I fell a couple times: my vaults should have started from a 12 if Nemov was from a 10. Damn the Code, damn it! At least they've corrected it now: I'll be doing a handspring triple front. Beat that!

Name: The Wizard of Oz

I'm a wizard, not a miracle worker, Gogean.
*shakes head sadly*

Name: Irina Slutskaya

I am NOT a slut! My name rhymes with "Kut"! But you could ask my compatriot Svetlana Boginskaya about that.

Name: 20th Century Fox Executives

Well, guess what Macaulay: people ARE stupid and are gonna forget a kid or two behind, especially if they're Irish and have a brood of 12 in the first place. Also, you have been replaced, and the movie will be in a time warp with an always-8-year-old kid. You can ALL be replaced!

Name: Dorothy Gogean

Hi, Mr. Wizard - I was wondering if I could get a heart and a personality. People told me that when God was handing these out I got a raincheck that was never redeemed...

Name: Macaulay Culkin

Face it, people!!! For me to be in another Home Alone movie, the producers would have to make all of the characters brain-damaged or retarded or something.
For one thing, would *normal* people accidently leave their kid at home *three times* while they go on vacation? You would think they would double-check or something by the *third* time.....
For another thing, I'm so old now that even if they did stupidly leave me behind, I could just take care of myself anyway. I'm almost old enough where I would be living on my own in the first place!

Name: Boriana Stoyanova, Khabrina Khabrova, Svetlana Todorova

[to the tune of "The Star-Spangled Banner] BUL=RIP

Name: The ghost of Jean-Benet Ramsey

Mom....I hate to break it to you, but I'm glad I am dead. One more stupid pageant and I was planning on killing myself anyway.

Name: Midori Ito

Tara-san, it's OK So what if you're a midget - I'm not any taller than you, and I'm 27 Neither is that fat ugly gaijin who won in Los Angelesu! I sensei and I say you can do it, you can jump!

Name: Kit Culkin

All of you out there need to butt out of Mr.
Moceanu's business. He knows what's best! So did
I...soon as all this business is worked out,
Mackauley will go back to work and make another
fortune for us. I have it all planned out!

Name: Tara Lipinski

Anyway, I'm tired of people making fun of how I look.
I can't help it because I stopped growing at 9!
Besides, I don't need a figure...it sure didn't help
Michelle or that Slut girl, did it. Besides, when I
finally go to Hollywood, I can always buy what I
need!

Name: Sveta Ivanova Todorova

I don't know (weep, weep), I just don't know....
Hey I think we both competed one year too long - your 69th place finish in Birmingham wasn't memorable and why did I bother in Dortmund....I mean a 6 on compulsory beam? But I had such beautiful womanly lines....We were some good gymnasts on that Dortmund team.....
I need a funeral director....Bulgaria's gymnastics program = RIP......

Name: Patricia Ramsey

Shut up, Mr Moceanu! And just who are they calling psycho-scary stage parent of the year, now? My little girl was gonna be Miss America, but now...

Name: Deliana Vodenicharova

Aaahhhh! I'm caught in the twilight zone, right? The Bulgarian girls from 1996 are not really from Bulgaria, are they? No, they can't be, they must be from Uruguay, right? Oh no, how embarrassing for us! This cannot be my old team!

Name: Dumitru Moceanu

Hey, who you calling ugly, Lossinskaya? That's my daughter you're talking about! And she is beautiful! She *will* be Miss America.

Name: Galina Lossinskaya

I should think so! Just to have my Lilia have to stand beside that ugly American girl, as if she were Lilia's equal.... [shudder] Finally, we see some justice done! I have some 8 year-olds in Donetsk who have better routines than that!

Name: Tara Lipinski

Jealous much, Domi? I don't have to share my gold
medal, hon.

Name: Tara Lipinski

Ok, so I may be Dumbo, but at least i ain't Jumbo, like one of YOUR old training mates, Dominique! (hint: her initials are K.Z. and her '91 floor routine now starts from a 7.2)

Name: Bruno Grandi

On behalf of the entire FIG, I hereby request a formal appology from Geza Pozar for pollute the gymnastics world with his insulting choreography the last 20 years.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Oh, Tara, you have *better* things to do? Yeah, right. Go glue your ears down.

Name: Jackie Fie

Citing the ugly gymnastics clause, Dominique Moceanu has been stripped of her beam silver from the Sabae worlds. We realized that the judges meant to punch in 8.8 instead of 9.8.
Liliya Podkopayeva will soon be receiving a written appology for having her gymnastics insulted by having to share the awards podium with Moceanu. Liliya, rest assured that we are doing our best to make sure this never happens again...

Name: NIQUE fan

Mr. Moceanu, I don't mean to be rude, but....WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE CALLING DOMINIQUE "DOMI"???? Don't you know she *prefers* Nique??? Geez!!! What do us fans have to do to make you understand that???

Name: Tara Lipinski

I don't think so! I've got way better things to do; plus, just being in your company insults me!

Name: Dumitru Moceanu

Don't worry, Domi! If you are a failure, then I will just have another child and plan her future so that she competes at the 2016 Olympics! After all, I've only been planning yours since 1972...

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Rollerskating is fuuuun! Would you like to go rollerskating with me, Tara?

Name: Moceanu

Wah!!! Don't make me leave! My daddy is counting on
me, he'll have to go back to selling Buicks if the
gym fails! I'm gonna cry!

(quick, mom, where's the onion?)

Name: Olga Mostepanova

It's called *pointing*. Which is kind of the point of *my* sport. Obviously, you got lost on your way to rollerskating! Oh, and I outdifficultied you in 1984, ya punk!

Name: Moceanu

Get lost Mostepanova! You make me sick, that thing
you do with your toes. It looks icky!

Name: Moceanu

Get lost Mostepanova! You make me sick, that thing
you do with your toes. It looks icky!

Name: Jackie Fie - WTC President

Fie on thee! In my capacity as president of the technical committee (aka God), I have created a new rule in the FIG book. It stipulates that any Romanian-American gymnast born in 1981 of short stature and butt-wiggling tendencies is to be banished immediately.

Name: Piskun

That's Tarasevich you're looking at, Sveta! Okay, so
Vitaly and I look a *little* alike...

Name: Hillary Grivich

Wanna know what my new job is? Coach of *artistic* gymnastics at a club in Houston. Soon you'll be seeing little Hillary clones...

Name: Moceanu

Mostepanova, I have to disagree.....Mary Lou Retton is almost as great as *gasp* me!!! You don't hold a candle to her!

Name: Olga Mostepanova

Hey Rotten - get lost! Everyone in the gymnastics world considers me the Olympic Champion!

Name: Bogi

Piskun.....you look like a boy so shut up!

Name: Yelena Piskun

You know, Alyona, I was just wondering how come all these American girls, who train in such nice, well-equipped gyms do such crappy tumbling passes. I mean, we both know that we do way more difficulty, even if we only have a hard cement floor to train on. We're the best!

Name: Boguinskaia

Elena, you better stop wagging that finger in my
face, or I'll bite it! It will be difficult to
defend your bars title with missing fingers!

Name: Mary Lou Rotten

Hey Maxi, who are you calling ugly?
My acro series on beam (handstand step-down to back tuck) was years ahead of my time, so there!
I beat Shushunova, and Yurchenko. I'm the greatest!

Name: Tara Lipinski

Well, Nancy, at least I don't look like I'm in labor when I lose a competition - which nowadays is, like, never anyway! Plus, I can actually jump, haha!

Name: Liu Xuan

Hey guess what? Not only do I do one-armed Giengers off bars, but I can also do something else useful with just one arm: beat Moceanu up to a pulp!

Name: Mary Lou Rotten

Well, Maxi, maybe it was because you WEREN'T THERE!!
Hee hee, more medals for me!

Name: Mary Lou Rotten

Well, Maxi, maybe it was because your WEREN'T THERE!!
Hee hee, more medals for me!

Name: Yelena Piskun

Uh, Sveta, I hate to break this to you, but you look like you have giant dentures on. You looked better on the old days when you had gray teeth and never smiled.

Name: Nancy Kerrigan

Is that right, Tara? Well, laugh if you must. But you and I both know that you have big ears.

Name: Maxi Gnauck

Hallo, guys, *I* was the coolest gymnast with the bar skills taken to the MAX! So how come then did that ugly little American win the Olympic AA gold and not me?

Name: Tara Lipinski

Well, duh, you're like this total witch, Nancy! They
taught us that in grade school!

Name: Ulrike Klotz

Anyone wanna help me take out Monika Phelps? Whatever she think, I am NOT a klotz!

Name: Nancy Kerrigan

WHY??? Why does everyone hate me?? Why? WHY WHY WHY???

Name: Boguinskaia

Hey now, I take offense to dat. I mean, gosh, I went
to the same guy as Nancy, and look how lovely my
smile is today!

Name: Jeff Gillooly

Nancy, you're the most corniest skater we've ever seen! And you had a plastic surgery operation from hell! Most Russian people have better teeth than you!

Name: Oksana Baiul

Oh Nancy, stop crying - your make-up will run all over your face and you'll look like a fool when you accept your *silver* medal at the awards ceremony.

Name: Roza

Don't call me that! The real cyka is over there
munching on peanuts! It's Rozalia to you---Roza if
you're nasty!

Name: Roza

Huh? Whazzat? What happened?

Oh lord, I need to quit! I'm seeing pink elephants!
Never again!

Oh, it's Kim.

Name: Sveta Kozlova

In 1989, I had a triple back off bars as well as double layout punch front, whip through to triple twist and double tuck punch front on floor. Did I mention my double twisting Yurchenko? Why didn't I make a world team?
Worship me....

Name: Leo

Lena, I love you, my dear...

Roza, you b!tch!!!!

Name: Menendez Bros.

We would take 'em out for you guys, but we're
unavailable for awhile....

Name: Lena G.

Wow! I did it! Leo is saved!

And guess what: Mary Lou got the whole thing on tape! She just said, "A smile from the Russian!"

Name: Nancy Kerrigan

Why are you here, Tonya? Why, why, why (sob)

Name: Lena G.

Uh-oh! I got the elephant off, but I can't seem to push Kimbo Zmescow!

Name: Roza

*hiccup*
*burp*

Name: O.J. Simpson

I'll be glad to help too!

Name: Tonya Harding

I know somebody who can do it for you, guys!

Name: Lena G,

Don't worry Leo!
Lena G. to the rescue!

Name: Leonin Archayev

Help me, Roza!!!
Wow...I never knew an elephant's feet were so big....

Name: Dina

An elephant and a cow will do just fine! Buh-bye, Leo!

Name: Roza

I guess so....but you'll have to pay for it.
I need the rest of my money for booze.

Name: Fabby

I am right here, Dina. I will send an elephant off right away!

Name: Mostepanova and Baraksanova

Hey Roza - can you get your hit-man to kill Omeliantchik and Shushunova while he's at it?

Name: Fabby

Well, I can't seem to find an elephant at the moment, but will a cow work? I've called Kim Zmeskal, she's on her way over.

Name: Dina

Fine Roza, be that way. But I think it is dangerous to leave Leo with me. After all, I already beat him up. Don't come to me when he's found at the bottom of a lake!

Where is Fabby? Maybe she can get an elephant to trample over Leo!

Name: Kerri Strug

Hey what about me? My vault was very original, I have to say.

Name: Roza

No way, Dina! You know I'm saving my money so I can hire a hitman to kill Gutsu! I'll just stay here and get drunk with Lena G. You can have Leo for now. Just don't do anything startling. You know how he has those chest pains when he gets excited.

Name: ****

You are both wrong, Levenia Melosoveece is from Japan. Duh! I hope you all know where my Alexandra Marinescu comes from! SPAIN!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Guess what? They named my vaults from Atlanta after me: the yurchenko 1 1/2 to your seat. But they only gave it a 9.3 start value - what's up with that? It's very hard to land like that you know!

Name: Dina

No way, Roza. Your hair dye is cheap, and I know you won't keep your part of the deal anyway. If you want me to let Leo go, you must come to the store and buy the hair dye for me. I will get a drunk Lena G. to guard Leo.

Name: April

No, Amber!!! Luvinie (sp?) Meelosovichy (sp?) is not Chinese!!! You're so stupid! You call yourself a gymnastics fan, yet you don't know that Luvinie Meelosovichy is Australian! Good grief....

Name: Amber

I just knew I was right, April. See, I'm so smart. I guess Lavinia Milosovici is also Chinese, eh?

Name: Roza

Dina, I told you to leave my hubby alone!!!!
Let's work something out. I'll give you some of my hair dye if you leave my precious Leo alone! Is it a deal?

Name: Dina

Lyapina, I will give you some birdseed if you help me find a place to stash Leo.

Name: April

Yes, Amber, she's that Chinese gymnast. I know because I train with her too.

Name: Emelia (Trudi) Eberle

Ksyusha Lyapina - I know what you're going through. My coaches didn't feed me either. I was trying to tell them that I could have won in Moscow if they had let me eat.....keep trying, keep trying....

Name: Amber

Tugikova? Is she that Chinese gymnast?

Name: Tatiana Tugikova

Ever heard of me, Moceanu?

Name: Amber

Yulia Kut, I don't know who you think you are, but you should be ashamed for asking people to worship you. The Lord is God, and he is the ONLY one who should be worshipped. Go to church once in a while.
By the way, has anyone seen Shannon lately? I keep getting a message from an operator that my phone number is blocked from calling her. Hmmmm....how strange. Must be another of those kinks in the phone lines. Maybe I'll mail her a letter and another pumpkin....She's probably worried that she hasn't heard from me lately.

Name: Dina

Hey, what happened? Why is it so quiet?? C'mon, my FX wasn't that bad..... Where are the judges....

Name: Yulia Kut

In 1987, I tumbled a full-in punch front, 2 1/2 twist to punch front and double back to punch front all in the same routine.
Worship me.

Name: Dawes

Hey guess what, guys? I have amplitude!!! Even MLR said so!

Name: Daniela Silivas

Hey Moceanu, you thief - that is my beam mount! LIAR!!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Full-in? What's a full-in? Oh wait, it's coming back to me now... it's... wait... oh! That thing I did on floor in *shudder* Atlanta. Sorry, I have blocked out all memories of that competition from my mind. But hey, I bet you guys never did a front-full to a bounce! If that does not out difficulty you all then I don't know what does.

Name: Daniela Silivas

MOCEANU!!!! YOU THIEF!!!!

Name: Yelena Zabrodina

Was that me who wacked her back on the low bar while doing a Tkatchev and had to be carried off the podium at the 1986 USSR cup?

Name: NIQUE!!

But I bet none of you could do my move, the "Moceanu"! SO THERE!

Name: Elena Shushunova, Natalia Frolova, Natalya Laschyonova, Elena Gurova, Elena Shevchenko

hey Moceanu, we were all doing full-ins off beam back in 1985 - and most of our teammates out-difficultied you back then. Not to mention the amplitude.....
Retire already - you insult our great sport.

Name: THE ONE AND ONLY DOMINIQUE MOCEANU

Prygunova, you have the worst form I have ever seen!!!!

Name: Yet another unkown Soviet gymnast

I was doing a double front on floor back in 1985 - who am I??

Name: Dina

Really, Roza, I was going to use the money to get you dat beers......

Name: unknown soviet female gymnast again

Ah Elena, when you were playing with your easter dolls, I was doing double fronts off beam. Now if only someone knew my name.

Name: Leo

Help, Roza!!! Dina is strangling me!!!

I promise you will win AA....

Name: Svetlana Taresevich

That is me. I do double fronts before you in 1994.

Name: Yelena Prygunova

I do one now too, and I have a world original skill (piked barani) named in my honour!
(p.s: Who is Svetlana T?)

Name: unknown soviet male gymnast

help, I need to find my identity. I compete in 1988 USSR Juniors and do an arabian triple front.

Name: another unknown soviet gymnast

I did one off a handpsring in 1989

Name: Roza Galieva-Arkaev

hey Dina, leave my hubby alone!

Name: unknown soviet gymnast

I did one in 1985

Name: Svetlana T.

So do I, Erin.

Name: Erin Dooley

I do double fronts off beam.

Name: Erinn Dooley

Hey Jamie and Vanessa watch out for me in the future.

Name: Mary Beth Arnold, Katie Teft, Theresa Kulikowski, Jaycie Phelps, Gail Kachura, Kristy Powell, Jennie Thompson, Mohini Bhardwaj, Kathleen Shrieves

Hey Moceanu - before you can win the worlds this year, you're gonna have to make the team - even if you only have to make top 5 on two events to make the team, good luck getting past us! We've all been training new routines and are ready to compete, unlike you! You cost us the title in Cincinatti!!
(Jaycie Phelps please note: your names is here and was the first 2 times too ;-))

Name: Dina

Shut up, Leo, you old fool. Give me some money for hair dye and I'll let you go.

Name: Artemov and Mogilny

yes we must help. Help is on it's way Dina.

Name: Jaycie

Aren't we forgetting about someone. watch out when my knee gets better.

Name: Leonid

Help !!!! Dina is beating me up!!!!!!!

Name: Kristin Maloney

hey guys, I've been training hard too so DoMo has to get passed me at USA's too - I did after all make finals at American Cup (did you Mohini??) and I won the American Classic. This is going to be *my* year!

Name: Roschina

Bican you hog. Save me some of that jet lag medicine.

Name: Ana Maria Bican

Wait a minute. I am retired. Damn, took Agache's jet lag medicine again.

Name: Mary Beth Arnold, Katie Teft, ura, Kristy Powell, Jennie Thompson, Mohini Bhardwaj, Kathleen Shrieves

Hey Moceanu - before you can win the worlds this year, you're gonna have to make the team - even if you only have to make top 5 on two events to make the team, good luck getting past us! We've all been training new routines and are ready to compete, unlike you! You cost us the title in Cincinatti!!
(Kristy Powell note: your name *is* here and was the first time too :-))

Name: Kristy Powell

Oh, whoops. AThat was my other personality speaking. She has a lot of passive aggressive anger built up towards other gymnasts. The only other time she comes out is during my vault run. (Look at my face. You'll see her.) Anyhow, she got really mad that she didn't see her name at first. Sorry for the confusion.

Name: Ana Maria Bican

I want a rematch, Kristy Powell !!!!!

Name: Kristy Powell

Ahem, ahem. I know in your Dominique-butt-kicking frenzy it's easy to forget people, but don't leave me out. Especially now that I'm with Mary Lee.

Name: Baitova

I know it is both of you. I heard that floor music when I saw the circus last week.

Name: Groshky and Fabby

Well you know how she is when she gets drunk..... she does anything!

Maybe Roza is involved too!

Name: Baitova

what would Lena G. be doing with circus music.

Name: Groshky and Fabby

We didn't do it, Baitova! I can't believe you thought we did!!! :(

IT must have been Lena G.!!!!

Name: The Fraguas sisters

Look at us Moceanu. Need we say more.

Name: DOMINIQUE MOCEANU

Ah, shut up, all of you. All of you have the worst form. Why, you even point your toes! That's so silly!!!!

Name: Mary Beth Arnold, Katie Teft, Theresa Kulikowski, Jaycie Phelps, Gail Kachura, Kristy Powell, Jennie Thompson, Mohini Bhardwaj, Kathleen Shrieves

Hey Moceanu - before you can win the worlds this year, you're gonna have to make the team - even if you only have to make top 5 on two events to make the team, good luck getting past us! We've all been training new routines and are ready to compete, unlike you! You cost us the title in Cincinatti!!

Name: Baitova

Hey where did my 1987 World Championships floor music go. Did Groshky or Fabby steal it?

Name: Groshkova

Fabbyyyyyyyyy!!!! I told you to get rid of that horrible music!!!!!!

Name: Fabby

See, Groshkova, I told you so!

Name: Groshkova

Ugh. I fell while trying to do the Fabrichnova on the trapeze.

Name: Vika

Shut up, Moceanu. I can't believe you think you're going to beat me. You can't do a double twisting double layout off bars. You can't do a double front punch front on floor.

Hey, don't forget I'm cute too. But at least I have real choreography.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Hey, what are you talking about, Vika?!? Of course I will be the World Champion! DUH! I have the most difficulty. I have the best form. I have the best choreography.

Oh, BTW, now I have good form. I flattened my feet and now I don't have pointed toes or straight legs either.

Name: Vika Karpenko

*I* shall be 1997 World Champion. No one can argue with that.

Name: Roza

Hey! and what about my YANK?!?!?!
I should get credit for THAT now shouldn't I?

Name: Tatyana Lisenko

Hey if Moceanu gets that thing she does on beam credited with her name, why can't my arm flairs get credited in the code. It was cool wasn't it.

Name: Lena Zamo

I shall be doing double-double's when I grow.

Name: April

Not if I can help it. I train with Domi and Bela.

Name: Yulia Khorkina

I shall be 2000 Olympic Champion.

Name: Andrea Cacovean

That's what I said Zamo back in 1993.

Name: Zamo

Ha! So what, Baitova? I'll be able to do a triple twisting Yurchenko soon!

Name: Mary Beth Arnold, Katie Teft, and Gail Kachura

Hey Vanessa, don't be so sure you'll score well enough to make the world team - you haven't competed against us yet and we, combined with the likes of Kristin Maloney and Mohini Bhardwaj (who you have competed against) are gonna whip your butt!

Name: Baitova

But at least I could vault. You shouldn't be allowed 10 feet near one.

Name: Groshkova

But who can do it on floor. Plus, my taste in floor music was 10^99 times better than yours.

Name: Dina

I got the lowest score of the competition because one judge fell asleep while I was doing my Hungarian FX.

Name: Amy Chow

Duh, Fabby! Look at me! I've just got the best form on it, and I always manage to bend my knees deeply when I land. Sometimes I almost sit down! Oh did I mention always taking steps.

Name: Fabby

But Groshkova- I'm obviously better than you. Who does the "Fabrichnova" better than me?

Name: John Macready

Has anyone seen my friend, the Cheeseburger?

Name: Tatyana Groshkova

Hey Fabby, this is my trapeez

Name: Scott Keswick

Hey Silvio, you've got that right - falling off high bar is named after me!

Name: Svetlana Khorkina

Four world original skills and counting: stalder 1 1/2 and Markelov on bars; my RO-1/2 on piked Cuervo-off on vault and gainer full twisting ff on beam - and "my" Shaposh 1/2 turn has yet to be coded. Who out there can top that?

Name: Fabby

Hey guess what. I got to go on an elephant ride today.

Name: Sylvio Kroll

*my* original element is tucked front handspring with 1 1/2 twist.
Not falling-from-HB!

Name: Marie Antoinette

Liapina, if you are starving, why don't you eat cake?

Name: Svetlana Baitova

Stop complaining Bogi - I had a world original skill named in my honour - the beam mount I stopped doing after I hurt my hand - and they still put you up so late in the line-up in Stuttgart - how insulting, I only had the best Yurchenko 2/1 twist in the world at that time! But having to go up first on bars was the even bigger insult...

Name: Belenky

Sveta, I think you should have a skill named after you. How about that rolling on the floor thing. It's very, very, very attractive.

Name: Sveta Boguinskaia

How is it that I had an international career that lasted over 10 years which included one junior and 4 senior European championships, 5 world Championships, and 3 Olympic Games without getting a single skill named after me?
Wasn't I the Soviet and now Bielorussian superstar? Then why don't I have any world original skills named in my honour??

Name: Oksana Chusovitina

Hey - the layout full-out bears my name (and rightfully so - as does the hop full on bars and a tucked full-out off - I used to do these consecutively you know!)
Tougikova did hers piked - how dare she get such an ugly looking skill named after her - I am the true innovater of that skill!

Name: Cristina Bontas

Hey, shouldn't the layout full-in be after me. I was the first to do it, not Touzhikova. Touzhikova did a full-out.

Name: Onodi

But an Onodi is an arabian handspring with no amplitude. While I am at it. I should get a release move named after me. The Jaeger with no amplitude.

Name: Olga Mostepanova

Sure, sure, sure - pull a Moceanu and claim a skill as your own over a technicality! Just wait till the courts get through with you!

Name: Onodi

But there is a differance Olga. Yours is a flight element. Mine wasn't.

Name: Natalia Frolova

I would hae been on Seoul team if, if, if - hey, what did I ever do wrong?

Name: Olga Mostepanova's lawyer

I have filed a law suite on behalf of my client against Hungarian gymnast Henretta Onodi and her coaches for willingly and consciously stealing the arabian handspring on beam and taking credit for it as their own. Trial starts June 1st.

Name: Vera Kolesnikova

Had I not hurt myself, I would have been on Seoul team.

Name: Olga Chudina

Oksana - cry me a river!!! I beat you at the 1988 Olympic "trials" by 3 places. At least you got to travel to Seoul!

Name: Oksana Omeliantchik

Olga - I hear you! I was USSR *and* world AA champ back in 1985 and I didn't get to compete in Seoul either! And I had toe-point, execution, elegance, difficutly and originality galore!

Name: Olga Chudina

Don't bother improving your form Moceanu. I learned to straighten my knees, point my toes etc. But I still couldn't get on the Soviet Olympic Team. Not only that, Elena Gurova was still using the same floor music. AGHHH!!!!

Name: Alexander Kolyvanov

I was once two-time Jr. European Champion by 14. Ooops I mean 18. Now I have only assistant coaching job in Iowa. Hopefully I can teach some of these boys to point their toes.

Name: Svetlana Ivanova

What about me? I did double layout punch fronts in 1988. I was 1988 Jr. European Championships.

Name: Elena Palyuk

That goes second for me too.

Name: Elena Levochkina

Aren't you people forgetting something. I was the world's best junior in 1989. I beat you all.

Name: Zmeskal

sorry guys. You may be artistic but artistry has nothing to do with gymnastics

Name: Laschenova

Join the club Tatiana

Name: Lisenko

Sorry Olga, you were getting old so they gave all the tape to me for my ankles. BTW, I would have been world champion had I not landed on my stomach on my balance beam dismount.

Name: Olga Strazheva

I could have been 1991 World Champion of the USSR had enough tape for my legs.

Name: Vladislav Rastorotsky

Bela Kaorlyi, world's greatest coach, I beg to differ. PS, Bela, if you want to keep these deranged mines off your little Domi, threaten to castrate them like I threatened every boy who dared as to look at Tourischenva and Shaposhnikova.

Name: domohead

Leave Nique alone! She hasn't done anything to you! You are all just jealous! She is fun and makes people happy, and that's enough for me!

Name: Lavinia Agache

Hi, my name is Ecaterina Szabo.

Name: Gina Gogean

"I've been dazed and confused for so long."

Name: Domi M.

No way Tatyana, I refuse to take the rump shake off my program. That is my one form of artistic impression.

Name: Tatyana Tarasova

I did wonders for Ilya Kulik and Gritchuk and Platov. Now maybe I can help Dominique Moceanu.

Name: Lilia Podkapeyava

If Moceanu's perfect, then I'm Betty Okino.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

No one's perfect???
If no one's perfect, then my name must be No One.
I *am* perfection, so live with that, Strug.

Name: Kerri Strug

Calm down, Amy. You have bad dance...I have an annoying voice. No one's perfect. Live with it.

Name: Amy Chow

No, Dominique....choreography means being really stiff and uncomfortable-looking. It's just another of USAG's evil plots to make me blush and be embarassed and look bad! *WHY CAN'T GYMNASTICS BE ONLY BARS???*

Name: Dominique Moceanu

I think choreography means butt-wiggling.

Name: Beth Ryak interviewing Dominique Moceanu in Cincinatti

Beth: So Dominique, how are you handling the new difficutly requirements in the new code?
Dominique: Difficutly? What's that?
Beth: Okay, so who does your choreography?
Dominique: Choreography? What's that?
Beth: Is it hard to keep good form while performing this complicated moves? Dominique: Good form? What's that?

Name: Tara Lipinski

HA!HA!HA! Vanessa and Jamie have to sue to go to World's! Too bad you can't be Grandfathered in girls! :)

Name: Roschina

*walking into walls* I don't know what you are talking about Agache.

Name: Lavinia Agache

Ah man, that runt Roschina stole my jet lag medicine.

Name: Karpenko and Sheremeta

Why don't we just go to Bugs Bunny Land.

Name: Dr. Kovorkian

Where is my child, Lyapina? I know you are hear, my daughter. Stop fooling around and come with me, I need your help. There are souls that need to be collected.

Name: Maja Hristova

That's not my urine.

Name: Ellen Berger

Someone please help me find some technicalities so we can drum Moceanu out of gymnastics.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

You judges all are wrong! When I get to World's I will personally deliver a butt licking to each and every one of you! You'll see....

Name: Vanessa and Jamie

Hey - Adriana, do you want to sue the FIG along with us? Us girls born in 1982 have got to band together!

Name: Adriana Crici

You all are wrong! When I get to World's I will personally deliver a butt kicking to each and every one of you! You'll see....

Name: bystander at Atlanta

Help!
The Chinese are choking on the Gag7!

Name: Dina Kochetkova

Ksyusha, there is no hope - you know I will intercept any care package that is sent to you so I can feed it to my dogs - stop kidding yourself.

Name: Oksana Lyapina

You are all fooling yourselves - I am the greatest gymnast in the world, at least I would be if they would only let me eat - I keep telling them that if they'd let me eat I'd be the best gymnast in the world - help, send me that care package now!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Vika, Vika, Vika....you are just kidding yourself - I am the greatest and in Lausanne the whole world will look up to me! My daddy told me so!

Name: Mo Huilan

No Vika, the Chinese phone book will be better. There are more people in Beijing than there are in all of Romania

Name: Simona Amanar

Well, since I am Romanian I am bound to finish second at worlds Vika (Szabo and Silivas cursed all the Romanians to come after!) but since I'm taller than you I'm sure you'll have to look up to me when we are standing on the awards podium - if you like I can bring the Romanian phone book for you to stand on....

Name: Vika Karpneko

You should all worship me - I already have two skills named after me: free hip 1/2 to L-grip handsand on UB and an L-grip giant to full pirouette back to L-grip HS, also on UB. And I have yet to submit my standing arabian on beam (you are a thief Lindsay Wing!) or my layout double double off bars!
The rest of the field will be staring up at me on the AA awards podium in Lausanne this year!

Name: Cacoavean

Quit whining you Ukranians. I haven't been able to get on Space Mountain yet.

Name: Commentators at the '98 World's- Guest Commentator: John Tesh

Dick Button- And just- just look at this. Look at these long-sweeping-edges.
Peggy Flemming- Yes, however, the costumes suck. As does the artistry. You know I wonder...
John Tesh- Can you feel it in the air tonight?? Ice Kings and Queens dancing for Gold...
Peggy Flemming- Anyways, as I was saying, I wonder who is choreographing their routines?? Has the person ever heard of artistry??
Dick Button- But, look at the long, sweeping edges. You know, the long, sweeping edges are just amazing! It just amazes me.
Peggy Flemming- But, without the artistry...
John Tesh- Tara Lipinski: She is America's sweetheart. The Great American Hope. So tiny, yet so powerful.
Peggy Flemming- John Shut Up!! **Peggy throughs him over the commentators booth and John hits his head on the ice. Needless to say, he is no longer able to commentate or talk again.**

Name: Olga Teslenko

Stop complaining Liobov - at least you are growing some - I haven't grown since 1994 Jr Europeans!

Name: Karpenko and Sheremeta

Wahhh, why are we stuck in the tea cups with Kim Gwang Suk.

Name: Dudnik

Your may get to wiggle your behind but my artistry is superior. Oh BTW, Butt wiggling is -1 bonus in the new code.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

So what if your floor routine had a higher start value, Dudnik??? As long as I get to wiggle my behind, I don't care what my score is!

Name: Dudnik

Moceanu, you should be ashamed of yourself. My floor routine SV is alot higher than you and I competed 6 years earlier.

Name: Comentators at 2000 Olympics

Elfi: "Yes John, you're right, these gymnasts always DO end up at the doctor at the right time.
Take Shannon Miller for instance...."

Name: Laschenova

Go ahead sue me. You aren't going to get much anyway.

Name: Mr. Moceanu

Miller, Laschenova, I'm going to sue the pants off of your families! I hope you have an attorney!

Name: Moceanu

I'm going to tell my daddy that you creeps are making fun of me!

Name: Laschenova

Me take lessons from you? Hah!!!! I out-difficultied you when I was 11.

Name: Miller

*Amerrica's Sweethart* now show me that world AA title. I don't see it. If you don't have won, I'll be glad to lend you one of mine.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Laschenova, Baitova, you should *both* take lessons from *me*! After all, I *am* America's sweetheart.

Name: Dudnik

Silence. had I not f*cked up my uneven bars compulsories, I would have been in AA instead of that CYKA Boginskaya. You know, my beam routine would start from a 9.8 today. 10.0 with a few modifications.

Name: Laschenova

Well Svetlana, go stick a landing.

Name: Baitova

Be quiet Go glue your knees together

Name: Laschenova

Well Baity, you couldn't tumble worth kopeks compared to me.

Name: Commentators at the 2000 Olympic Trials

Setting....2000 Olympic Trials
Characters....John Tesh, Elfi Schlagel, and Tim Dagget

Tesh: "And here is Dominique Moceanu on the balance beam. Look how bravely she mounts. I'm sure she's not even thinking about the *six-inch stress fracture* in her leg."
Dagget: "That's right, John."
Schlagel: "That was a beautiful layout to two feet. A little wobbly on that *landing*."
Dagget: "That's right, Elfi."
Schlagel: "Another great--"
Tesh: "Dominique was actually at the doctor for a regular physical examination when she was diagnosed with the stress fracture. The doctors said that if she had done one more vault, she could have broken her leg. It's amazing that she went to the doctor at just the right time."
Dagget: "That is amazing, John."
Tesh: "Yes, she was just at the doctor for a regular physical and they diagnosed her with a stress fracture."
Schlagel: "A little quick on that turn--"
Tesh: "I think it's amazing that these gymnasts always go to the doctor at just the right time. Like in 1996, Gina Gogean was on a train to Bucharest when she got appendicitis. Bucharest is the only city in Romania that has that non-evasive surgery for appendicitis. And Gogean only made about three trips to Bucharest a year."
Schlagel: "Okay, here's the dismount. Let's see how the *landing* goes. Oh, that *landing* wasn't so hot. She almost sat that one down."
Tesh: "Can you imagine how painful those landings are for her? After all, she has a *six-inch stress fracture*."
Dagget: "That's right, John."

Name: Commentators at the 2000 Olympic Trials

Setting....2000 Olympic Trials
Characters....John Tesh, Elfi Schlagel, and Tim Dagget

Tesh: "And here is Dominique Moceanu on the balance beam. Look how bravely she mounts. I'm sure she's not even thinking about the *six-inch stress fracture* in her leg."
Dagget: "That's right, John."
Schlagel: "That was a beautiful layout to two feet. A little wobbly on that *landing*."
Dagget: "That's right, Elfi."
Schlagel: "Another great--"
Tesh: "Dominique was actually at the doctor for a regular physical examination when she was diagnosed with the stress fracture. The doctors said that if she had done one more vault, she could have broken her leg. It's amazing that she went to the doctor at just the right time."
Dagget: "That is amazing, John."
Tesh: "Yes,

Name: Svetlana Baitova

Ahem you two, if it hadn't been for the fact that I went first on every event on Stuttgart, I might be the Svetlana B. everybody talks about. I had the best double twisting yurchenko, my bars and beam were so original, and I had very beautiful floor.

Name: Dominique Moceanu

I didn't do so great in the International Team Championships. I wonder what's wrong....ohhh I know! I have another stress fracture! Yeah, that's it! Hey, media, John Tesh, come over here! I have a stress fracture again, I tell you! This one is 6 inches long!! USAG, look at my leg, doesn't it look painful? Now can I be petitioned into World Team Trials? Pleeeeeease?

Name: Ticket taker at Space Mountain

Sorry Karpenko and Sheremeta. You don't pass the fog horn leg horn test. You can't go on space mountain. Now be good little girls and go ride the tea cups.

Name: Laschenova

Olga, you the Goddess of gymnastics. I beg to differ. You couldn't stick a vault to save your life. As for me, I would have been world champ. Damn that dismount!!!! Damn New Life Rule!!!! Damn that CYKA Boginskaya!!!!! AGHHHH!!!!! Now my husband can't even get parole. *SOB*

Name: Vera Kolesnikova

Moceanu may be pretty but at least I can tumble. Hey does anybody know I out-difficultied her back in 1986.

Name: Yulia Khorkina

Please support the Belgorod aid drive. I shall win 2000 Olympics

Name: Svetta K.

Redden, Retton, rotten.
Vats the difference?

Name: Svetta B.

Sumthink is Redden in Denmark.

Name: Svetta K.

Sumthink is Retton in Denmark.

Name: Svetta B

Sumthink is rotten in Denmark.

Name: Mary Lou Redden

I TOLD you-
Amber is NOT my cousin!

Name: Mary Lou

Joan, just feed Amber a cookie and she'll leave you alone.

Name: Joan Ryan

Amber: How can you be hungry? Aren't you the girl that stole all of the canned goods from my LAST food drive??
Bela: Shut up, you old fart.

Name: Bela Karolyi

Joan Ryan, who asked you??!! I hope YOU starve to death!

Name: Amber

What about me, Joan Ryan? I'm starving, too!

Name: Khorky

And now I do Carmen imitation. Dina, I read your cards for you....
Three of Cups, very good! that means love is on the vay for you....
No! Hangman card and Death card, not good at all!

Damn! these are not Tarot card, they are from team photo album.
Roza, Groshie, and Stolchy at drinking party, not Three of Cups.
Alexi on rings- not Hangman, theese vun of skeleton not Death card, is Liapina!

Name: Joan Ryan

You think this is funny, eh? These poor little girls are starving and you are making fun of them! Birdseed? This is so sad! I am starting an annual telethon called Gym-Aid and we will try to save these young gymnasts from starving!

Name: Archayev

Lyapina, get your skinny butt up off the floor! Right now! I can see you breathing! What is wrong with you? Get up! No wonder you're so fat...lying around all the time!

Name: Lyapina

But Dina!!! I'm sooooo hungry! I'm starving to death! I can't remember the last time I ate....ohhhh I'm feeling rather dizzy......maybe I should sit down.....spinning....everything is spinning....ohhhh...

Name: Dina

You call this room clean??? I see dustmites under the bed. Get on your hands and knees and scrub the floor, then we'll talk about your birdseed.

Name: Lyapina

Dina!!! You promised me birdseed if I cleaned your room! Where's the birdseed??? Huh??

Name: BigDaddy

No MammaDaddy I won't come home ever! Actually it looks like John Macready is interested in me, so you never know! Hehehe!:) Long Live Amanda!

Name: Davydova

Wait, I thought Olga was 30 two years ago! That's okay, Valentin. There are some things you are better off not knowing, eh? (haha)

Name: Valentin

Don't say another word. You are 30 and that's fine with me.

Name: Olga Bicherova

Everybody I am here to announce my comeback to competitive gymnastics. After all, I am only......

Name: Chechi

I can beat you Paul. You have the body line and extension of Chainey Umphrey.

Name: Paul O-Neil

And be glad specialists aren't allowed at worlds anymore.

Name: Suzanne Yoculan

Mark my word - a University of Georgia will be on the US Women's Olympic Team in 2000!

Name: Yuri Chechi

Silence, all of your. Just be glad that I am retiring, otherwise no one else would win the gold but I, Lord of the Rings!

Name: Burinca and Csollany

Yeah, well, we're looking at it. So what? We don't see any medals around your neck, buddy!

Name: Chris Lamorte

Look at my inverted iron cross. Blaine and the rest of the US men, you disgust me.

Name: Fedorchenko

Can someone please explain to me why I don't have a world or olympic medal by now. I do a handspring double front and a layout rudi. On floor I can do a layout double-double but I mysteriously lost to gymnasts who do only tuck double-doubles or full twisting double layout. And my high bar is the greatest. Full-twisting kovacs and a *TRIPLE TWISTING* double layout. I shall win high bar in Laussane. Perhaps even AA if I can do rings and pommel horse decently.

Name: Laschenova

Training a triple back before Liukin competed it

Worship me.

Name: Kui Yuanyuan

Kwwwweeeeeeee! Man, this floor is so much fun! But can someone please teach me choreography, ANY choreography, so that I don't have to do 8 tumbling passes?

Name: Yekaterina Vandysheva

Worship at the Temple of V.! I am the bomb!

Name: Ksenya Bogdanova

Hey be quiet Zamo! Don't be mean to Dina, 'kay? She's our *team leader*! And she's welcome to play with my Sony PlayStation anytime.

Name: Kim Kwang Suk

Hey, Vanessa and Zamo - wanna petition FIG with me? Ya see, I only turn 15 this year, so the federation won't let me compete. Not that it bothered them in Stuttgart when I was 7 years old! But they want two pieces of valid ID (birth certificate, driver's license) and my birthdays on my other pieces did not match.

Name: Olga Strazheva

Tell those Americans that they don't deserve to be within 100 kilometers of a gym! *I* am the goddess of gymnastics, and the best season ever.

Name: Oleg Kosyak

Hey guys! I send you postcard from Califronia - wish you were here! Oh yeah, I sure do miss Koncha-Zaspa and the potatoes. Uh huh!

Name: Anna Mirhorodska

Hey Grisha, wanna go out drinking tonight? I now have even more free time than before! :-)

Name: Misutin

*BURP*

Name: Misutin

Dina, don't you have any consideration. Keep your voice down. I have a major headache.

Name: Marina Brashenko

OK guys, I just wanna say that I am not anymore the red-haired Russian coach, but blonde now. The color for Lausanne is now blonde, so watch out for Dina and Roza again!

Name: Dina Kochetkova

Guys, can we drop this now? Don't you think we should train more, instead of arguing about boyfriends and girlfriends? After all, we must kick some American behind this year! We will roll over them, and everyone else, like a tank!

Name: 1989 USSR Women's World Team

No, Belenky is our sweetest baboo. All of us dated him.

Name: Milosovici

Belenky, I thought I was your woman!!!!

Name: Sylvio

No, no. There is only one sweetest baboo, and that is I. And I am Katja's sweetest baboo.

Name: Uwe Billerbeck

Belenki!?, Belenki! Can I tell all girls that I share the bed with you every night??

Name: Belenki

Andreas, were you Sveta's sweetest baboo? Now I should tell you how much did I thought up to beat you when you were at DTB Gala greeting to audience joining hands with Sveta!

Name: Svetlana K.

Stop it you two. Grigory is interested in me.

Name: Grosheva

No way.... I want my guy at least semi-sober. Besides, I called first on Igor before.

Name: Mirgorodskaya

Hey Groshie, wanna come with me and chase guys. This time, can I have Igor and you can have Grigory

Name: Natalya Laschenova

Be quite you two. At least I am married. Unfortunately, Nikolai is in jail now.

Name: Svetlana Boginskaya

Shut up Sveta. I am the only Svetlana B. go back to the beginning of the line where you belong.

Name: Svetlana Baitova

You are wrong Nemov, Evgeny is handsomer than you. Besides Alexei, you are way too young for me.

Name: Nemov

Ah, but you are not as handsome as me.

Name: Shabayev

That is right Ivan. You don't have to choose. You can have as many girlfriends as you wish. But you will never have more girlfriends than me.

Name: Ivan

Can't I have you both? Why must I choose?

Name: Olga and Yulia

Okay Ivan, you must choose between us - if you can even tell us apart! So.....whose your pick???

Name: Svetka K.

Fine! Maybe then I'll have to pull a Sveta B. from the older days just to make Zhenya notice! Hmmph!

Name: Svetlana K.

What Evgeny!?!?! I thought I was the only one.

Name: E. Shabayev

Nemov may have a girlfriend but I have girlfriends. Notice the plural

Name: Natalya Laschenova

F*ck. Nikolai just robbed a bank and i have to post bail. There goes a months worth of food.

Name: Lyapina

Can someone please tell Dina that she is no longer welcome to play with my gameboy.

Name: Zamolodchikova

Why doesn't anybody pay attention to me. I'm cute and I can do amazing tricks. Watch me do a triple twisting yurchenko.

Name: Yurchenko

Hey Roschina, want a ride to the Betty Ford clinic

Name: Dina

Forget it! There is barely enough for me and the
dogs as it is, you'll just have to go hungry. Don't
pout, it's not like you're not used to it!

Name: Liapina

If I promise to wash your clothing everday and scour your toilet and clean your room for you, would you let me have an extra cup of birdseed, Dina?

Name: Misutin

Keep it down you two, I have a major hangover

Name: Ivankov

No I want Yulia.

Name: Voropayev

Hey Ivan, why don't we split the Yurkina sisters. I can have Yulia and you can have Olga.

Name: Dina

Liapina clean up this damn room.

Name: Garfield

Come on Gina, Even I have to stay awake for one hour.

Name: Wecker

Hey, I thought I was the sweetest baboo.

Name: Boginskaya

You are all wrong, I am Ivan's sweetest baboo.

Name: Olga Yurkina

Wait a second - did you go to the movies with him last week? Because we didn't and he was saying how much he enjoyed the movie and I thought he must have been dreaming or something - he has been dating both of us? That jerk! Let's get him!!

Name: Yulia Yurkina

Dinner last night? So that's what he meant when he called me this morning and was talking about the great time he had with me last night - I didn't see him at all yesterday! That two timer! Let's get him!!!

Name: Olga Yurkina

No - Ivan told me that I was his one true love when we were out for dinner last night! You are delusional!

Name: Yulia Yurkina

What? Why would he want to go out with you? I am much more beautiful and my gymnastics is that much more breathtaking than yours - what could he possibly see in you? You are delusional!

Name: Olga Yurkina

Your boyfriend? Your boyfriend? No - Ivan is mine! Ivan is in love with me! What's going on here??

Name: Yulia Yurkina

I want to let everyone know that my boyfrined Ivan Ivankov is training well again and is going to challenge for the world AA title in Lausanne againt this year! Go Ivan!

Name: John Macready

You guys know that this thing with Amanda Borden is just a thing to make
BigDaddy jealous! I really love him! But don't tell him I told you anything!

Name: Big Mama

Okay, BD, enough is enough. Just forget about the
blond bimbo and come home to me and the kids. All is
forgiven. I promise I won't bean you with the
rolling pin this time...

Name: Amanda Borden

Hey who is this BigDaddy imposter! Everyone knows there is only one BigDaddy!

Name: BigDaddy

You guys know that this thing with John Macready is just a thing to make
BigDaddy jealous! I really love him! But don't tell him I told you anything!

Name: Amanda Borden

You guys know that this thing with John Macready is just a thing to make BigDaddy jealous! I really love him! But don't tell him I told you anything!

Name: Valentin

Olga no... Please, I don't want to know your real age. I am happy just to believe that you really are 30.

Name: Bicherova

Everybody guess what my real age is. I am....

Name: Dwight Normille

Wait a second, Alexei. Aren't you getting "Playgirl" confused with *our* magazine??

Name: Alexei Nemov

Stop!! All this talk of other people trying to be in Playgirl, it's ridiculous!! Let it be known- Playgirl will feature me, and only me, every month of the year!! All Alexei- All the time!!

Name: Oksana Lyapina

(Sung to the tune of "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina")

Don't cry for me, Joan Ryan!
The truth is, I really don't need to eat.
Through all the hungry times,
My thin existence,
I've learned that having Leonid starve me is not as bad as you've cracked it up to be.

So don't cry for me Joan Ryan!
Etc., etc., etc.

Name: Arkayev

That's it Dolgopolova. You taped Amy Chow's floor. From now on, you are no longer allowed to video tape the gymnasts. I will give the job to Roza. She now has free time.

Name: Yelena Prygunova

Hello, my name is NOT Produnova, or Proudonova, or whatever y'all's been calling me! Like, could you ask me first? How would ya like it if everyone started calling Moceanu oh, I dunno, Moeshittyanu?

Name: Yevgenia Roshchina

Don't cry for me, Argentina! The truth is I never left you! Wait a minute, I've never even been to Argentina. I gotta get me to Betty Ford and stop taking crack-cocaine!

Name: Martin Yan

Oh, OK, let's Wok with Yan! Our special guests today are Svetlana Boginskaya, who'll show us how to prepare her own fresh Belarussian swan, and Oksana Lyapina. Miss Oksana will give us recipe for her bean sprout wok special. Instructions: clean bean sprouts; throw into the wok; let simmer; serve. Hmmm, a hardy meal for one!

Name: Robert Stack

Welcome to another edition of "Unsolved Mysteries." Tonight we retrace the still-unsolved mysteries of how Andreas Wecker won the '96 Olympic high bar, how Betty Okino was allowed onto the US team, let along placed 4th AA in the world, and why Svetlana Baitova was relegated to being put first up on every event all the time.

Name: Belenki

Please! I...know of Vera Kolesnikova, and you must
not let her pose in Playboy! It would cause her
parents much pain, and many men much anguish when
they would open the magazine. Do not let this
happen!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Oh, oh, it's like that now, huh Tara? You think
you're da bomb now that you're World Champion?
That's okay...I'll be World Champion too this year,
just you wait! Bela told me so, and he doesn't lie!
So take that you, you...you rollerskater!

Name:.you rollerskater!

Name: Tara Lipinski

Wait a minute Moceanu!! At least I have talent and difficulty!! I don't want to be your partner in crime. Go away!! Your not even in my class!!

Name: Vera Kolesnikova

Anybody wanna see me in playboy?

Name: Karpenko and Sheremeta

Why can't we go on Space Mountain. We're 16 we tell ya.

Name: Belenky

You are wrong Voropayev. I am the Macdaddy. I have dated just about every gymnast there is/

Name: Bela

ah, my leetle Dominique, when you grow up yew ken dew eet tew.....

Name: Yevgenia Kuznetsova

Uh hello! Why doesn't anyone talk about me? *I* a very good gymnast, too, very cute and darling and bereft of eating disorders!

Name: Valery Belenky

Oh, then come home to papa, Sveta! I want you! I need you! It'll be just the good old days!

Name: V.Belenki

Don't believe Sveta, Bela...she told me the same
thing at first...she is wunderbar!

Name: Sveta B.

to Bela:
Ew! I don't vant tew dew it vith yew! I can't dew eet!

Name: Bela

Kimbo, my leetle elephant, yew can dew eet tew...

Name: Kim Zmescow

Bela - how could you! I thought I was the one!

Name: Bela Karolyi

Yess, eet is trew, Sveta is my mistriss, she can dew eet...

Name: Sveta Boginskaya

Well, you know, what people don't realize, you know, is the boyfriend I have in America, you know, is actually Bela, you know. Please don't tell this to the dragon lady.. Oops! I mean Marta!

Name: Dominique Moceanu and Tara Lipinski

Don't hate us because we're little and cute! Who
cares if we don't have artisty? Do you think we
care? As if! We're America's Sweethearts, artistry
is for old hags like Kwan and Khorkina! All you
people who are complaining are just jealous---we'd
tell you to kiss our butts, but we don't have any!

Name: Lesley Visser

Michelle how does it feel to lose to a 14 year old?? How are you going to go home now that your not World Champion?? Will you hang yourself for messing up in the Short Program?? That was why you lost this thing, for screwing up your Short Program, you know?? So, what do you say to all those people who think your just too old now?? I mean, you didn't win the silver- you lost the Gold....

Name: Jennifer Eisenbart

Help! Get me to the eye doctor, I'm going blind!

Name: Judges

Oh Lord, here comes the butt wiggler again. Hello, the new code was purposely written to get rid of you!!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

8.9? 8.75? What's wrong with you stupid judges!? Don't you *like* my arse or something? Here I'll wiggle it some more!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

How dare they give me 8.7 25 and 8.9 at the int'l team meet! New code? Phooey! I didn't even bother reading it since I know my routines are *so* difficult that I didn't need to upgrade. I never!
Don't worry - the judges in Lausanne will have more sense and the world will see that I am the bestest gymnast ever!

Name: Grigory Misyutin

Man, did I get trashed on the way to my AA (not all-around) meeting! Gotta get me s'more brewskies!

Name: Wendy Bruce

Hey, can I get in on the action, too? I'd be a great Miss August for "Playgirl"!

Name: Marion

Hey Andi! You didn't think to be on playgirl, do you? Don't say "newer carpet and newer wife is better" !! I just have no time to share to dress and make up because of looking after Natalie!!!!!

Name: S.KPlaygirl? But I must go to beauty salon to have my body hair shaved.
**sorry, Lisa. Daddy is very very bad person****

Name: E.SHABAEV

Niet,Niet,Niet! You are all wrong! *I* have good enough looking to be on playgirl! Now I can beat Nemov, not only at the competition but also the numbers of girls!!!

Name: Leonid Arkayev

Sorry, I meant to say we give up "caviar." And is true!

Name: Leonid Arkayev

You wheel do no such theeng! We fid you very well at Krugloye, and us coaches even give up vaiar so that you gymnasts can eat enough protein. And Oksana Lyapina is perfectly healthy - why, she even gaines 2 lbs. since Atlanta and now weighs 69! So stop complaining, an go back and train! Remember, I am the deectator wizout blood!

Name: Russian Womens' Team

Send us the big one then. Ve vill take the drippings from her liposuction; they vill get us thru long Russian vinter.

Name: Joan Ryan

Please!! We all know it's the American Women's Gymnastics l know it's the American Women's Gymnastics Team that needs food, not the Russians. The Russians are healthy. The Americans are frail. *sob* It just breaks my heart to see how the US girls are starving like this....*sob, sniff*

Name: Russian Women's Gymn Team

Please sir, could you spare a crumb of bread?? Ma'am could you feed us please?? Please, we're so hungary???

Name: A girl in the stands

Lyosha, my dear, look in a mirror! That hairdon't has got to go! And lay off Liza!

Name: Aleksei Voropayev

What about me. I am good looking and I chase women every where. I should be in Playgirl.

Name: Boris Pilkin

Hi, I am Boris Vasilyevich, and I am 200 years old. Are my bars routines for Sveta the best or what?

Name: Yelena Dolgopolova

Where can I submit my entry for "America's Funniest Home Videos"? I captured Ji Liya and Amy Chow on the floor.

Name: Krasimir Dunev

Well, *I* am going to be the centerfold in "Cosmopolitan", pretty boy!

Name: Alexei Nemov

All the women of the world let it be known!! I will be in Playgirl this month!!

Name: Maxi G.

Hey Aurelia. How about me? I have ripe enough body to attract men!

Name: Jaycie Phelps, Amy Chow, Dina Kotchetkova, and Gina Gogean

(silence)

Name: Dominique Dawes

Forget Amber! Forget Kerri! Forget Moceanu! You can even forget Miller! None of them are on a way to a Tony like I am!

Name: Amber

Hi, my name is Amber Redden, and not only am I an alcoholic, but I'm narcoleptic, xenophobic and have an unhealthy fixation on a certain gym star from Oklahoma. Also, where does one go to get, like, 150 pounds liposuctioned off? I swear, my thighs could feed a family of four for months!

Name: Aurelia Dobre

Hey Bogie - the Hungarian edition of "Playboy" is looking for some athletes out of the East - ya interested?

Name: Mirela Tugurlan

OK, who's been giving me uppers and downers? I thought we had a deal just to have me take 10 Advil a day!

Name: Jackie Fie - WTC President

The Code is still provisional right now, but it is possible that the "Roza yank" will make it as an "A" skill on beam. After all, with the travesties of Okino and Strug world-original skills...

Name: Oksana Fabrichnova

Hey Groshie! Wanna join the circus? It's an awesome life: there's another Groshie here, and no Arkayev. *And* they feed us! Mayeb you can sneak Ksyusha out, too.

Name: Roza Galieva-Arkaev

Thank you all so much for attending our wedding - I'm sure we'll be very happy living together in wedded bliss. Or course I will take over as beam coach along side my hubby so I can teach all the up and coming gymnasts my famous Roza Yank - I wonder why I couldn't get it coded....

Name: Sylvio K.

Should I give my self-healing power to girls? I think Heinz Lohrer has no idea of girl's constitution....

Name: Sylvio K.

Should I give my self-healing power to girls? I think Heinz Lohrer has no idea of constitution....

Name: Vanessa Atler

Worship me, USAG! And please do something about my goddamn DOB so I can be 16 this year*&$###!!!

Name: Natalia Lashchyonova

Umm, is there a talk show for people who used to have good careers who have burned out? I believe my topic would be "We live in a car and my husband is in jail." Or, "Men who burgle their friends' places, and the women who love them."

Name: Elfi Schlegel

But of course, John, as we've seen all too often, it all comes down to the landings. The girls have to be absolutely solid on all 4 apparatus, or else they're just going to give it away. It'll be gone. The hardest part will be nailing the Yurchenko vaults, which have a *blind* landing That means the gymnast cannot even see the ground. So she has to be solid.

Name: John Tesh

It's just a piece of metal hung around a brightly colored ribbon. But tonight, one of these girls, probably from the Eastern Bloc, is going to come out and dance her way to a gold medal. Those who are left behind will seek to take that ribbon and fashion a noose form it. Can't you feel it - little girls soaring through the rarefied air to the summit of their sport? They have the fire in the eyes and ice water in their veins.

Name: John Hinckley, Jr

Hey Amber! Maybe we can become cellblock mates after they arrest you for trying to kill Shannon Miller! We could swap stories. Yea, man, we could!

Name: Lyubov Sheremeta

That goes second for me!

Name: Andreea Cacovean

Hi, can someone please give me some growth hormones, and in a hurry? I'm like 19 now, and people are saying I look like Kim Kwang Suk's sister! I mean, at least that girl was only 12 at the time. Help!

Name: Yelena Shushunova

Oh, can somebody nice give me a tank so I can roll over the Gag-7 team like a bug? They are a disgrace to my sport! Just watch me become Brevet judge so I can give them 7's!

Name: John Macready

Hey man, if you're handicapping the field for worlds, *I* should definitely be your favorite for AA gold USA rocks, man, and all my routines under the new Code start from a 10. I mean, look at my awesome strength moves on rings and my *one* incredible HB release! Forget Nemov and Ivankov, *I* am the man!

Name: Gina Gogean

Hey girls, can I join ya? You can see the *real* me, how my game face is all just a persona and that I like to let it all hang out when I go out. Just watch me go crazy!

Name: Oksana Lyapina

Hi - you may recognize me from the feed the children campaigns and I would like to thank everyone for their donations. Several boxes of food have arrived for me at the round lake training center and I was lucky to have intercepted them before Arkaev could get his ugly hands on them. I've been trying to tell him that if he started feeding me I could be world AA champion but he won't listen. So I have decided to eat in secret and then when I win worlds in Lausanne I can say to him "I told you so"

Name: Amber Redden - Future Hollywood Director

Life can be tough, but if you hold up your head and come out able to
smile, then you know you have got it beat.

By the way I think you should note, I'm really a mellow person! It was all a psychology project!

Name: Yelena Zamolodchikova

Can I come to the clubs with you? What, I can't??!! Waaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Name: Yelena Grosheva

Wanna hit the Moscow club scene, chickies? OK, maybe not you Dina, but Roza? If you can tear yourself away from Leo... We can get the Lyoshas and Zhenyas to come, too. But Kolya's underage.

Name: Sveta B.

Sumthink is retton in Denmark.

Name: Mary Lou Redden

Amber who? uh- I don't know any Amber. Just because I changed the way I spell my name it doesn't mean I know an Amber.....
That howling noise in the yard is just my pet hyena.

Name: Kerri Strug!

Oh yeah Dominique?!! That is because you six all sabotaged my tour by spreadnig horrible rumours about my hamster experience! That just wasn't true!! I only ever had a pet dog!

Name: Roseanne Barr

You people fighting over moves named after you below? SHUT UP!
Why I was so good, they named two aparatusseseses after me!!!

Name: Bela Karolyi

Kerri and Domi....that is no guud, no guud...please stop fighting.....yew can dew it......

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Oh, shut up and go back on the Gold Tour, Kerri!
OOOOOPS! I forgot! Your tour folded! Silly me, how could I forget?
hahahahahahaha

Name: Kerri Strug

Dominique, you're a leech! You hear me? A leech!!! Just like all those UCLA people!! You're all leeches!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Who are you calling annoying, Miss Helium-voice??? At least my agent knows what he's doing!!! And my daddy built me a gym! Would your father ever do that for YOU? I don't think so!
So go suck some helium.

Name: Kerri Strug

Dominique, would you stop repeating yourself??? I told you that's annoying!!! You just won't listen!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Mary Lou, I was looking back at some tapes of me in Atlanta, and you're right....I don't point my toes.
Boy, am I glad I don't! All those other gymnasts just don't know how stupid they look with their toes pointed!

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Mary Lou, I was looking back at some tapes of me in Atlanta, and you're right....I don't point my toes.
Boy, am I glad I don't! Those other gymnasts just don't know how stupid they look with their toes pointed!

Name: Mary Lou Retton

By the way, who on Earth is Lavinia Milosovici???
Ohhhhh I know who she is! She's the girl who's always pointing her toes! UGGGGHHH! Talk about terrible gymnastics! Pointed toes??? *gag* Where do these Romanians get these silly ideas??
I'm glad my little Dominique doesn't point her toes like that Lavinia!

Name: Mary Lou Retton

Retton?????!!! Is that that psycho girl's last name???
Wait a second.....you don't mean......
COUSIN AMBER!!!!

Name: Amber Retton

Whoever you are, I will hunt you down. I will hunt you down to the ends of the Earth and beyond. I am ruthless with my enemies, and an expert computer hacker and programmer. I will infect you.
Now if someone would just tell me what a floppy disk is, I could write a script for a message board in honor of that great Chinese gymnast that just retired....what was her name???

oh that's right. Luvina Milosovoci. Right. She's my favorite after Shannon and Vanessa.

Name: Carol Orchard

Just to clarify Kerri Strug, you do have a world original skill named in your honour. It's a tour jete jump on floor with a 1/2 turn out and it gets a C rating. So now you know you are a superstar.
And Shannon, don't you forget that when you debuted the world original cast handstand 1 1/2 turn on UB at the 1994 worlds, the FIG named this world original skill in your honour as the current United States superstar. How quickly we forget....

Name: Dominique Moceanu

*I* am going to be in the International Team Championships. *I* am going to score the highest on every apparatus. *I* will have my face on the cover of every magazine in the world. My daddy told me so!

Name: Kerri Strug

Hi guys! I'm taking acting lessons now so I can lower my voice to that of Victoria Jackson! Oh, and don't worry, Shannon, you kin do it! I'm sure I can get my agent Mr. Steinberg to buy my way into the Code. Maybe falling on the vault landing can be a world-original skill named in my honor!

Name: Shannon Miller

Gee, no fair! I'm two-time world champion, America's *most decorated* gymnast ever, and yet I no longer have *any* moves in the Code to call my own. Whaddaya have to do to get respect around here? And, I'm being stalked by that sicko Amber - last week, she sent a pumpkin in the mail! But at least I got my boyfriend now. Damn that bitch Beth Ruyak - now Steve knows!

Name: Svetlana Khorkina

I don't like to brag you two but I do have 4 skills named after me (stalder shaposnikova 1/2, the release move and full twisting layout gainer on beam and 1 and 1/2 piruette after the handstand fase) and a vault and I manage to have good form and interpret my rutines with artistry. And Betty, just because you can do a triple turn does not mean you can dance!!

Name: Oksana Chusovitina

Exuse me Ms Human Form Break - re-read the code! I have three skills named after me: hop-full on bars, full-out dismount off bars, and layout full-out on floor!
I can't believe the FIG WTC allowed your bar dismount from Barcelona in the code and to be named after you - and they had the gaul to insult me by giving it the same D rating as my full-out. I never!

Name: Betty Okino

I never! The nerve of some people, bashing people in such a public forum! And for the record, I deserved all of my high scores and placements - after all, I was *so* elegant and I have two skills named after me in the code of points. That's two more than you Chusovitina!

Name: Oksana Chusovitina

Excuse me? Betty, go back to level 6 where you belong and leave the tumbling to us real gymnasts? I could do harder passes when I was 7 years old and still training in the run-down gym in Tashkent with no mats or lighting. You ought be ashamed of yourself!

Name: teddy roosevelt

i sure would like to have a coyote head hanging in my great room ...

Name: Betty O.

hey, Betty here....remember, I placed 4th @ the '91 worlds? That's me!
Anyways, anyone want to take a power tumbling class with me? After all,
My tumbling passes were always so hard!!

Name: Amber (with bandaged wrists)

I looked in the mirror today.

Name: Kerri Strug

Dang!! I didn't even make as much money on the tour as the Mag 6 or anyone else that was there! I'm gonna kill that Steinburg!! He's gonna die a slow, torturous death......

Name: Shanfan

Shannon rules, Don't mess with her. Peace, love, and Shannon forever.

Name: 911 Medic

Help! The Chinese are falling all over the place, and they can't get up!

Name: Amber

Hi guys. So whaddaya think of pretty ol' me? I tried the Lyapina diet, but I just got too hungry; so instead I went on the Zmeskal diet, and it's worked great! I've already lost 30 lbs, so now I only 240. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful! (hate me because I am an unstable, psycho stalker of the stars who has no social life and sends voodoo dolls to Shannon Miller)

Name: Beth Ruyak

How do you feel about your major screw-up tonight? How long do you think it'll be before you put back together the pieces of your shattered life? How disappointed is your family in your disgraceful performance? When did you stop practicing satanic rituals? Hmmm?

Name: Amber

I called Shannon! I called Shannon!
I was soo dag gum nervous!
I gave her dad the *secret name*
Then shannon answered the phone
I said Hi i'm psycho Amber
You're the best gymnast because you're American and your name is easy
to say not like that russian girl. What's her name? I think it's
Milo. Do you remember seeing me at the American Cup? I was the girl
who was stocking you. Remember that? You're so great because you
laugh at my jokes. Funny how your laugh sounds so much like a scream.

Then Shannon said all these words that if anyone else would have said
I would have thought that they didn't like me but this is Shannon!
She likes me and she thinks I'm super nice!

Name: Mo Huilan

I feel like Chicken Tonight, like chicken to -

Uh Oh, Looks like the judges didn't like that. Damn. There goes the At' 96 AA.

Name: Amber again

Strangely enough, Vanessa Atler's attorney did the same thing...
Amazing coincidence, no?

Name: Amber

Ohmigod! Shannon Miller's attorney just slapped me with a restraining order. Says I can't come within 100 miles of her. But why? No fair!

Name: Svetlana Khorkina

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. And, I *am* sooo beautiful...

Name: Dominique Moceanu

I think I am awesome and so well loved, because I have the grace of Nadia and the personality of Mary Lou. (Domi:"Dad, I don't want to read this!") (Dad:"The hell if you're not!" "READ IT!") And I think I am the best *sob* gymnast ever and if you train at my gym you *sob* will be as good as me.

Name: Gina Gogean

Sometimes I get so sleepy during my routines, I just want to lay down on the beam or floor mat and take a good snooze. Maybe it is because of the great amount of Librium, Valium, and Seconal that I take daily; I really don't know. Oh, the sandman is calling me now... zzzZZZzzZZZZzzzZZZ...

Name: Simona Amanar

I am very excited about my new floor routine, I have 5 E tumbling passes and it is to the music of the "Hokey Pokey" and "The Chicken Dance"! Gina has been teaching me the secrets to great facial expression as well!

Name: Voropayev

Don't whine Valery you pathetic wimp. For some odd reason, Bogie never liked me. She obviously has some problem if she isn't interested in me.

Name: Kerri

Wow... I coulda had a V8!

Name: Uwe Billerbeck

Oh, Valeri, Ne Znayu!!
I lost my mind since I fell down from podium after missed tunbling pass at Moscow world Stars!
Angelika and Ruscha laughed at me!!!!

Name: Asterisk

Alexandra Marinescu threatened to throw me in jail a few nights ago because she found it irritating that I was standing outside her bedroom window howling. What a thing to get upset over! Some people get mad too easily! If I didn't love Alexandra so much, I would probably kill her.

Name: Lyapina

(to the tune of "Waterfalls" by TLC)
"Let's go chasing chili dogs...."

Name: Kerri Strug

*sob*

Name: Kerri Strug

DOH! I went on the wrong tour! I want my money!!

Name: Kerri Strug

Oh man, I'm gonna get sooo much money now that I'm the new Mary Lou. This tour is gonna give me 1.13 million dollars!! Go me, go me! Eat your heart out Mag 6!

Name: Ji Liya

Ah hah! My secret is out! I'm really a Romanian in disguise!

Name: Mari Kosuge, Miho Shinoda

We don't have a stiff shoulder! We are just DANCING!

Name: Belenki

Sveta avandoned me!!!
Well, I will turn to Homosexual!!
Hey Billi, you agree me, don't you???

Name: Yang Bo

Hey guys, guess what: my '89 routine *still* starts from a 10. And Ji - girlfriend, you make me embarrassed to be Chinese. Where did you learn that beam routine, Romania?

Name: Svetlana Boginskiya

And while he was out, he coached me too. We also got a little help from Elizabeth Berkley.

Name: Kim

I asked Bela for one more shot and he came out of retirement to coach me!

Name: Marta

Be-la! You promised me that you would retire for good this time! Must they carry you off the podium?!?

Name: Bela

Fooled you again! I'm stayeeing in gymnasteecs.

Name: Bela

That's it. This was thee last one. I'm leeving gymnasteecs. I'm veery tired.

Name: Bela

No, no, no I'm staying in gymnasteecs. Who told you I was leeving??

Name: Bela

I'm leeving gymnastecs. I'm veery tired.

Name: Madonna

I may have cleaned up my act now, but who said you could steal my old moves Boginskiya?!?

Name: Carol Orchard

That's right: we could have a whole bars routine with world original skills named in the honor of Dominique Moceanu, the former American superstar.

Name: Dominique

Shut up, Svetlana! I don't see *you* throwing any of my skills, like the Moceanu I (Geinger with feet flexed and legs apart), Moceanu II (giants that somehow manage to never go through the handstand position), or Moceanu III (overrotated Pak Salto followed immediatly by a bent arm back hip circle). So ha! Who's the wimp now? I'm sorry if you are jealous or something, but please, don't take it out on my gymnastics!

Name: Khorkina

Grips are for wimps!!!

Name: Kim Kwang Suk

Ok, so I was 7 years old in Stuttgart - what does it matter? I had the coolest bar routine and deserved to win, and to hell with the NK federation if they couldn't get my age straight... BTW, I'm going to my HS prom this year - isn't that cool?

Name: Roza Galiyeva

Man, my life sucks. Leo's like 58, I;m 20 now and that bitch Tatyana has a cool life now. How come we underdogs never get a chance, huh?

Name: David B

Oxygen's for losers!!

Name: Kim Gwang Suk

Yes, of course I was 15 in Stuttgart - don't you celebrate your birthday twice a year like everybody else?

Name: Pink Floyd

Hey, I like this page! Wish you were here, Roger.

Name: Pink Floyd

Hey, I like this page! Wish you were here, Roger.

Name: Grisha or Koba

Help us! We're going over the edge, and it's no joke!!

Name: Sally

You are ALL wrong! Linus is the one and only true
Sweet Baboo!!!

Name: Sylvio

oh- but Katja I AM your sweetest Baboo!

Name: Voropayev

I am the MacDaddy. Nemov doesn't compare to me.

Name: A. W.

Katja, I'm not your sweetest baboo!

Name: Miller

No, I am not Laschenova, but I don't need to be.
And I am happy with my medals. Would not anyone ?
Whining is for losers !

Name: Gymn Fan in the Audience

Quick!! Does anyone know the Hiemlich Maneuver?? The Chinese are Choking!!

Name: Kerri Strug

Hehe, Bela said I could do it. And it really really hurt and I didn't
think I could do it, but Bela said I could do it. And then I said I could do
it even though it really, really hurt and I did it!!

Name: Dina K.

This room smells. Liapina, go pooper scoop and I'll give you carrot stick.

Name: Oksana Lyapina

[to the tune of "Lovefool" by the Cardigans]: Feed me, feed me, say that you'll feed me...

Name: Red-haired RUS beam coach

Hey, I design really cool and original routines, so how come then do people like Peggy Liddick's work and why does no one know my name?

Name: poweruser

I HATE WINDOWS 95!

Name: miller

Oops!! Didn't do double twisting Yurchenko did I??
Long live scrunggies!!!

Name: Miller

I should have won in Barcelona. I mean, instead of deducting for her split in her double layout they name it in the code after her. My floor rutine was much more difficult anyway. Who needs a double layout when everyone knows a whip to a full in is much more difficult. And about my double twisting Yurchenko, it was deffinitly a 10. I mean I stuck the landing. Sure I am no Laschenova but Kim got a 10 in 91 why can't I?? No fair!!

Name: Leonid Yakovlevich

Hey Roza, babe, come on and light my fire!

Name: Grigory

Allo, my name is Grigory and I'm an alcoholic. Oy, that took a long time to type out!

Name: Elizabeth Berkley

Hey Boginskiya, we need another Showgirl for the sequal. You interested??

Name: Dominique Dawes

I don't know, Mo, but don't you hate when that
happens?

Name: Mo Huilan

Why do I keep ****ing up?

Name: Dina K.

No, Leo, I DON'T need a massage! Go back to Roza.

Name: nunya@aol.com

Can I have s'more? Will tumble for food.

Name: John Tesh

Can you feel it in the air tonight?? Little girls dancing for gold.
Shannon Miller- The gold eluded her in Barcelona, will it do the same tonight.
Dominique Moceanu- Taught by the best coach in the world, Bela Karolyi. She is the next Nadia.
She is sure to leave Atlanta with an individual gold medal.
Oh, and some other gymnasts are here too.

Name: Arkayev

Lyapina what did you say? Did you say you want MORE?

Name: Maura Driscoll

Shut up Julianne. Everyone knows that *I* am the greatest commentator in the world.
You only wish you could compare to me.
Hmmm, I need to make a mental note to contact John Tesh.
I think we would be a match made in heaven.

Name: Stovbachataya

Hi my name is Ludmilla Stov WOOOPS. HELP, I'VE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET UP

Name: Julianne McNamara

You have no idea how difficult it is to put the word difficulty into every second difficult sentence I say with great difficulty.
Because, I have to difficultly make it sound like difficulty is not being repeated to often, because it's difficult to avoid getting on people's nerves if I do that.
Difficulty! AAGGHHHH!! Help!! Difficulty.. difficulty... aagghhh... no I'm sane I tell you! .... diff... i... cu.....

Name: Kerri Strug.

Heart
Of
Gold!?

WOOOOWWWWW!!! That is a great name! I'll take it, Mr. Agent!
I'm the Heart Of Gold, right? Great!
Oh yeah, and put me down for three hundred magic beans! Don't worry, I've got the money!

Name: Shannon

Ugh, Mr. Security Guard Person, there is a big, fat ugly white girl who is trying to get me to read this stupid story she made up. I said no but she is bugging me anyway. Can you please tell her to go away.

Name: Chris Rea (Just back from Gymtalk)

This ain't no technological breakdown,
Oh no, this is the road, to heck.

Name: Dominique Dawes

Summer days, wastin' away, but oh-oh those summer nights.
Da da dum dum dum dum,
Tell me more, tell me more, did ya get very far?
Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh...

Name: Dominique Dawes

Summer days, wastin' away, but oh-oh those summer nights.
Da da dum dum dum dum,
Tell me more, tell me more, did ya get very far?
Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh...

Name: Dominique

My daddy's better than your daddy!!
My daddy bought me a gym for my 15th birthday-
So There!!

Name: Shannon

Oh my GoD! I'm being stalked by the re-incarnation of Kate Smith!!

Help!! Steve!!!

Name: Elvire Teza

Les americains sont très stupids. Je ne les aime pas de touts.
I wish they would learn how to pronounce my name. Especially that fille Vanessa.

Name: S. Miller

Shannon
+
James
=
4ever

and that's all I want to say about my personal life, so stop pestering me about it!

Name: Domi Rulz 4-Ever and Ever

You all should stop insulting Nique. You know that you are just jealous of her. I think it is terrible to say that she is a bad gymnast when you have never even met her. She has never done anything to you, so why don't you just leave her alone.

Name: Octavian

I must tell that Simona to lay off the Vivarin.

Name: simona

Gina! Milo! dinner is ready! I cook soup and eggs! ....now where's my cappuchino...

Name: Amber

Lavinia Milosivoci is my favorite Russian gymnast. The message board I put up in her honor will be ready later today.

Name: Kim Gwang Suk

I am 15 I tell you. Oh, wait a minute, I was 15 in 1992. Disregard that last remark

Name: Lavinia M.

Eez theze my bord? AMBER!!!
Who eeze dominique moceanu? eez she geemnast?

Name: Dina

Tell that vermin Lyapina to stop eating my hamster's food!

Name: Lisenko

I am the greatest. The beam obeys me.

Name: Nikolai Tikhonovich

I only drove the car. I did not touch any of Vitalik's stuff.

Name: Olga Chudina

Change your damn music Gurova!!!!

Name: Amy Chow

Name: Dominique Moceanu

Why should I point my toes, keep my knees straight or do actual difficulty in my routines when I can smile and be cute and get the crowd involved? Toe point? Body extension? Difficulty? Choreography? What's that?

Name: Blaine Wilson

Toe point? What do you mean? I do point my toes - you never said which way to point them - it's my own interpretation. Toe point is for wimps!

Name: Krasimir

I'm too sexy for my work, too sexy for my work, so sexy I'm a jerk.

Name: Aleksei

I'm too sexy for my shirt...

Name: Alexi

I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts

Name: John Roethlesberger

Nemov is really scared of me now - okay, I lost the ScAm cup title but I know the US team can beat Russia's butt now - they are all shaking in their boots after my teammate Blaine won the ScAm cup by the largest margin in history!
Who needs to have a realistic team goal when you can pretend you're a medal contender and then cry to everyone watching on national TV afterwards?

Name: Sveta Khorkina

Hey guys, do you know where my mascara is?

Name: Grisha M.

Where's my damn beer?

Name: Vitaly

I do not like this wall. It is not the color I came for.

Name: madmilo

Don't mess with me after my root canal!

Name: Oksana L.

I fell through the hole in a Lifesaver and broke my arm!

Name: Roza

Tell that dug leonid to keep his paws off!

Name: Bella

Feel no Fear- yoo ken do eet!

Name: Simona

Has anyone seen my cappuchino?

Name: Gina

Has anyone seen my frontal lobes?

Name: Milo

Tell that old Crone Svetlana to stop hogging the damn beam!