I'm On Fire

So very many thanks to my wondrous beta-readers Mel and SnowFlake. They insta-beta, they harass...um, I mean, encourage me, they curb my use of commas, they make my stories make much more sense. I swear I'd never post a damn fic were it not for these two.

I'm on him and there's no in-between stage, no warning, no foreplay. I'm on him and he's in my mouth, all of him, I'm taking all of him. I've got him on his back, and his legs spread wide for me. I'm taking him in my mouth, deep, deep, and my arms curl around his hips, curve under him, grasp his ass and pull him up, off the bed. Pull him closer, have to be closer, want to swallow him whole. I'm hard, so hard, my entire being has narrowed to two things: his cock in my mouth and my cock throbbing in my pants.

He's not going to last, I can tell by the keening sounds he makes as I suck him ever harder, riding him hard, not giving him the slightest edge. I can feel his hands on my shoulders, in my hair. He's bucking up into my mouth, and I know he's right there, right on the edge, ready, so ready. He's ready to give in here, ready to give everything to me, and he shoves one last time, shuddering and screaming my name…

I wake up with my mouth watering for the taste of him, the echo of his scream still in my ears.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuck. I try to untangle myself from the sheets that have wrapped themselves around me while I thrashed in my sleep. I'm dripping with sweat, the sheets soaked with it, and my cock is hard, hard as a rock, throbbing with what it thinks it was doing in my dream.

Fuck.

I run my hand over my cock, but that's not what I need right now. I flop onto my back, hissing out my annoyance, my need, my desire to the dark of the ceiling. I can still hear him in my head, think I can almost taste him in my mouth. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water for more, and I curse again. I can just picture him, can see him as he arches hard against the bed, thrusting into my mouth and coming hard, out of control. My cock throbs again, hard against my stomach as my mind focuses on that image, and there just ain't no way I’m getting to sleep again tonight. I got just one thing on my mind, and I know it's crazy, but there ain't no way I can wait for it.

I tell myself I'm going out there, going out into the night in search of air, in search of distraction, but I ain't fooling no one, least of all myself. I'm in search of something, all right, and no matter what I tell myself, I aim to find it.

*~*~*~*~*

I'm outside his quarters. It's 2 in the morning and his light's still on. It's quiet out here in the night, quiet and so dark and I should be asleep. But my cock is still hard, so hard it hurts, and I can't seem to think of anything but what I need. And what I need is movin' around inside that hooch, so he's still awake. I wonder if McKay is in there, in there with my LT. Wonder, not for the first time, what they might be doin' in there, all alone so late at night.

I know what I’d be doin’ in there with the LT, if I had the opportunity Lieutenant McKay has. It grates on me, a lot, the two of them alone together all night long. Gettin’ to be real up close ‘n personal. Me ‘n the LT, what we have together, when we get to be together, well, it’s somethin’ special. We ain’t had a chance to talk much about it…when we do get some time together, we don’t tend to spend too much of it talkin’…and we ain’t mentioned love yet. So I just don’t know.

I’m not lookin’ or askin’ for anything he ain’t willin’ to give. And I know he wants to be with me just as bad as I want to be with him. But I also know… Well. Okay. I’ll say just what I know for sure. I know he clashes with Lt. McKay real good, and I see how his eyes flash and how sometimes when those two lock eyes, real angry like that, there's just something there between them. Something that leaves everyone else out.

And I know that I’ve seen Lt. McKay lookin' at my LT, lookin’ him over slow, and not carin’ too much when he sees me catchin’ him at it. And I know that they're in there together durin’ these long, lonely nights, in there together when I’m all the way across base in a tangle of sweaty sheets and heated thoughts. And I know no string of bullet holes in the floor of that hooch is gonna to keep those two from clashing. And I know, know from experience, that if you fight well together, fight like these two boys fight, well then, it’s possible and more’n possible that the sex would be un-fucking-believable.

That’s what I know.

What I don’t know is if they’ve crossed that line of bullet holes in the floor. What I don’t know is if Lt. McKay’s in there tonight with my LT, while I’m out here hard as a rock and achin’ for him. What I don’t know is how I’m gonna be able to control myself if I go in there, get a little up close ‘n personal myself with my LT.

Wonder if I have the balls to find out.

I lick my lips, thinkin' for a second, and again I'm overcome with the thought of what he might taste like when he thrusts himself, out of control, down my throat. My cock twitches, my balls tighten, and yeah, oh yeah, I'm more'n willing to find out, if I get to cool my desire tonight. Don’t even remember gettin' to the door, and I have to remind myself to knock and not just slip inside and take what I know is rightfully mine.

I remember in time though and rap lightly on the door. Sure, light, easy, no problem, no rush, I don’t need this. Just happened to be wandering by at 2 in the morning and thought I'd see if you wanted to chat. Sure thing. I'm cursing my own stupidity, my own lack of control, but then the door opens an' there he is, all back-lit, his skin golden in the light, and I start to think that maybe my comin' here wasn't so stupid after all.

"Sergeant?" He gives me that kinda half-smile he's been gettin' lately when he sees me an' doesn't expect it. He's lookin' at me, kinda surprised, I guess, at my showin' up here just now. I can't bring myself to really care. I step inside without waitin' for an invite, an' he doesn't step back. That puts me close to him, real close. Right where I wanna be. My body is achin' for him, has been since even before I woke up all sweaty and wantin' him. I glance around real quick. The hootch is empty, no one there but him, up late an' all alone. There's a cigarette burning in the ashtray on his desk, and a glass and a bottle next to a pile of paperwork.

No one home but him.

"Hey there, LT." I can't help but smile tightly, though, 'cause he still don't get it. His eyes still have that far-away look they get when he's been all caught up in his paperwork, and he looks pretty damn cute standin' there in his fatigue pants and t-shirt, feet bare and hair tousled. "What're you doin' still up?"

He peers past me into the night, then looks at me with curious eyes. "What're you doing still up…and here?"

I shrug and sidle closer to him. He doesn't seem to notice and moves to close the door. I allow him past, circle him as he goes, so that when he turns around from closing it, he's facing me. Close. He still looks confused. Let him. I bet he figures things out soon enough. Havin' him here so close, lookin' so good, makes my cock throb again and I know I gotta have him, gotta taste him soon. Need to. It's a bad desire.

He looks at me, lifts his chin. "What're you doing here? What's going on?"

I shake my head slow, just studying him, lettin' my eyes wander, takin' him in. Bein' this close to him, havin' him here with me, it's almost good enough, almost what I need.

But not quite.

“Lieutenant McKay gone AWOL tonight?” I take a step closer to him.

“AWOL?” He looks at me with his crooked smile. “No, he’s in Saigon tonight.”

“Oh.” I want to touch him, real bad, but I know once I lay a hand on him, I’m not gonna be able to stop touchin’ him. So instead I just look. Let my eyes feast on him, and I like it. Like lookin’ him up and down, like makin’ him kinda nervous. Like makin’ him realize that he’s mine and that I know it. “So you’re all alone tonight, no one here to keep you company?”

He's gettin' it, I can see, but he's playin' dumb. He's still kinda unsure when you get right down to it, unsure of what it is I want, maybe unsure of what it is he wants. Can't take it for granted that what I want is him and that I aim to get what I want. Doesn't want to be too forward, is how he puts it. Don't wanna be too slutty, do ya, LT? That it? Don't worry, baby, it won't have nothin' to do with forward or slutty. When I take you, you'll be screamin' for it, an' appearances won't mean nothin' to you then. You trust me on that one, you trust me good.

But he knows what kinda company I’m talkin’ about. I watch him blush an’ I smile a little. His eyes get kinda dark as I tease him, an’ I just can’t let it go. “Can’t stop wondering about somethin', LT, an’ thought maybe you could help me figure this one out.”

He looks at me guardedly.

“Lt. McKay coulda roomed with anyone he wanted. Hell, he coulda somehow figured a way to get his own quarters.” I pause and look to make sure he’s listening. “I think we both know that. So I guess my question is, what exactly is a nice boy like you doin’ with a roommate like him?”

His color is high and he raises his chin. But I can see it in his eyes. He knows what I’m askin’ him. He knows.

“I just think,” I say, an’ my voice is real quiet. “that you ‘n I both know that…”

He interrupts me. “You want a drink?” He walks past me, kinda hesitates by me for a second, like he might stop and do somethin', or like he thinks I might stop him and do somethin' to him…but he keeps on movin' an' I let him. He's got that high and mighty look to him as he goes by, tryin' to convince someone (me or him, I ain't sure), how he don’t need me. Sure, LT. Right.

He's standing at his desk and he's pourin' me a drink without waitin’ for me to answer, 'cause he thinks he knows what I want.

He don't know nothin', but I do surely intend to show him.

He turns around to hand it to me, but doesn't expect me to be right up there behind him the way I am. He jumps and spills the whiskey over his hand, and curses, lookin' for somethin' to mop it up with. Still tryin' to pretend like he don't notice me so close to him that he's just gotta be feelin' the heat from my body like I’m feelin' the heat from his.

I can't take my eyes away from his face and when I take hold of his hand, he finally looks at me. He's startled and he don't expect it when I lift his hand to my mouth an', real careful-like, suck the whiskey drippin' from his fingertips. One at a time, real slow, I take his fingers into my mouth and suck the drops from them. He takes in some air and groans without meanin' to, and I just love havin' that kind of effect on the boy.

"Sergeant." He's tryin' to act like he's still in control. "What do you think you're doing….ohhh." He trails off with a moan as I slowly lick my way down his wrist where the whiskey has dripped. He ain't in control. This boy has the hardest time gettin' that through his skull. Think maybe it's time I showed him.

I don’t take my eyes off of him as I run my tongue back up his wrist and release his hand. I take a few steps back and lock the door. He watches me move, and when his eyes return to mine, they’re a bit wary. “You know there’s nothing going on between Johnny and me…”

“Oh, it’s Johnny and me now,” I interrupt. “What happened to you ‘n me, LT?”

“Zeke,” he starts angrily, then falters. Steps a little closer and puts his hand against my chest. I wonder for a second if he can feel my heart beating. Feels to me like it’s about to burst out of my chest. He says, quiet, “You know it’s always you and me.”

“I know it. I just wanna make sure you know it.” I’ve got the taste of him in my mouth. It’s mixed with the taste of the whiskey, and it’s making my blood hot. My cock has not settled down at all, and bein’ this close to him is makin’ me throb. Time for some action. I move in slowly, and admire him for standin’ his ground. The way I feel tonight, I imagine the look in my eyes might be a little intimidating. “Wanna make sure you know it but good.”

I get up close to him, and finally, my hands are on him. I wrap one arm around his waist and pull him up against me, so he can feel how very hard I am. I’m a little surprised to feel him just as hard as I am, his erection jutting into my hip. He must have liked my tongue on him. I run my other hand through his hair, real gentle, then tighten my grip and pull his head back just so. Not enough to hurt, but just to show him I can. I wanna kiss him so bad that I ache, but this here is a teaching lesson, and I gotta do it right. I stop with my lips almost touching his. “Gonna love you good tonight, LT.”

His breath quickens, burns against my lips, and my cock jumps. I want him. “Gonna show you what you need.”

He breathes, “I just need you…”

I pull his head further back. Bend a bit and run my tongue from the base of his throat up that long neck, slow, tasting, right up to his ear. Tug on his earlobe a little, then put my lips right up against his ear, growling, “Yeah, you do, an’ I’m gonna show you how bad you need me. Gonna make you beg for it so hard, you ain’t never gonna look twice at that chopper jockey again.”

He takes a breath, and he’s gonna deny it, gonna deny what everyone knows, what everyone can’t help but see. There's sparks flyin’ between 'em, all the damn time. Even if nothin’ has happened yet, and I’m none too sure that’s the truth, there’s something burnin’ hot between 'em an’ it’s only a matter of time.

I yank his head back and capture his mouth with my own, plunge my tongue in, tasting him, breathing him, wanting him, so bad. Kissing him is everything, I wanna get lost in it, the taste of him in my mouth settin’ me on fire. I want him so much. But more than that…I want him to want me.

Want him to want me bad.

And I’m willin’ to make him beg for it. Aim to, actually.

I release his lips and he gasps for air, but doesn’t pull back, uh-uh, not at all. His hands, while I was kissin’ him, clutched around me and he’s holdin’ on tight like he don’t intend to let go. His mouth tastes good, so good, but I need to taste more of him. I remember what it was like when I woke up, remember what it felt like in that dream, to have him in my mouth, an' I know that's what I want now.

He seeks after my mouth for a second before snapping open his eyes as I walk him back towards the bed. His eyes flash, put-out, not at all happy with me takin' my lips from him. Serves the boy right. I seen him eyein' McKay, though I wonder if he even knows he's doin' it. He watches McKay with that considerin' expression, and I can't help but wonder just what exactly it is he's lookin' for there. The LT'n me, we're it. When we're together, it's everything. We ain't been doin' this for long, not long at all, but I know that much, for sure. What we have is real. It's love 'n desire n' need, all mixed up together into this tremendous whole.

With him and McKay, well…it ain't nothin' but lust. They got their friendship, sure, an' it ain't that I'm jealous of, I promise you that. They need each other in some way, an' I'm more n' willin' to try an' understand that. But sometimes that turns to something else entirely, and the way they look at each other is…hungry. Heated.

That just won't do.

He's growlin' at me now. "You show up here and expect me to…and now you…" He stops as the back of his knees hit the bed and he sits down abruptly. Cut off at the knees, LT, what you gonna do?

I need him. Need this. We been playin' it kinda safe since we got together, all easy and loving and that's been good. But tonight…tonight is burnin' me up inside. I know what I need and what I need is him, right in front of me, sprawled as he is on the edge of the bed. His legs are spread wide and I can see the outline of his cock even through those fatigues. He wants me too, but not as bad as I want him.

I stand in front of him, and from where he sits, his eyes can't help but be drawn to my cock. I smile a little, and it feels dangerous even to me. Smile down at him, and my whole body feels hot. He reaches out for me, his hand running lightly over my cock through my pants, and he smiles up at me. His smile is just a bit dangerous, as well, but this boy sure don’t know what he's gettin' himself into here.

I grab hold of his wrist and he jumps a little. I can't keep from groaning as I press his hand up against my cock. "Zeke," he whispers, and my name on his lips is enough to ignite the fire that's been in me since that dream. I push him back roughly, and he's leanin' there, back on his elbows, his feet still on the floor, legs spread oh, so nicely. He eyes me a little uneasily, but I don't give him a chance to move or speak or even twitch. Just watch his eyes real good as I drop to my knees in front of him.

His expression is startled and he starts to shake his head. "No, Zeke, don't…" Too late, LT. You should know better'n to give orders too late. The fire in me is raging, and I know just exactly what it is that I need. I tear open the front of his fatigues, an' release his cock to the hot night air. He's hard as anything, right there in front of me. I don’t hesitate, can't hesitate, need this, and as I take hold of his cock, he groans, and again says, "No…"

But my mouth is watering for him, an' god, finally, I take him in my mouth. One move and I'm on him, swallowing him. No licking, no stroking, I just take him in my mouth and proceed to try to swallow as much of him as I can. His taste erupts in my mouth, an' I'm all but consumed by the heat, the musk, the taste that is purely, purely Myron. Heated and sharp, like nothin' I've ever tasted before.

When I lowered my head towards him, his fingers had woven themselves in my hair, had started to pull back. But one touch of my mouth on his cock an' suddenly he's yankin' me towards him like he can't stop himself. I don’t stop him, don't even try, love the feel of his hand grabbin' my hair and pullin' me towards him as I do my damnedest to deep throat his long, slim cock. He's moaning, an' I can hear him thrashin' his head back an' forth on the bed. He's tryin' to deny me, but he don’t stand a chance.

Not a chance, LT.

He's in my mouth an' the taste of it just makes me want more. He's jerkin' his hips and moaning continually, out of control, the way I like him. I grab hold of his hips with my hands and hold him down on the bed, so I can concentrate on gettin' more of him in my mouth. He's not yellin', 'cause he knows he can't, but he's sayin', over 'n over, "Zeke, you shouldn't, damn, Zeke, no…"

I'd stop if I thought he really wanted me to, I think. If I could. But his hands are still holding me close to him, and his hips are movin' in a rhythm that tells me he likes it. It's time this boy knows he's mine. I can control him, even when I'm on my knees in front of him. On my knees, and he's mine, an' I think that's why he's tryin' to get me to stop. Can't think of me like this, worshipping at him, takin' him in my mouth and wantin' more. Always more.

Get used to it, LT. Ain't never gonna get enough of you.

He pulls his hands from my hair, clutches the sheets beneath him for dear life. I move my hands lower, under him, grab hold of that sweet ass. He gasps for air and thrusts deep in my mouth. Yeah, LT, you give it to me, give it to me so good. He tastes like heat, like sweat, like Myron, like everything I'm ever gonna need in life. I'm hard, so hard, my heart beatin' like mad, and my cock leakin' pre-come in my pants, and I wonder if it's possible that I could come without a hand ever bein' laid on me. I'm so hard and throbbing, but my whole being is focused on havin' him in my mouth. I grab hold of his ass harder, he thrusts up, and I open my throat and suddenly I have him much, much deeper that I did before. All of him, all of that sweet cock, deep in my throat, all of him, and I groan around him and he gasps for air.

He's lovin' this. I'm lovin' this. Love lovin' him. Love takin' him. But there's gonna be more, LT. Gotta get that pilot outta your mind. You ain't gonna stand a chance against me. I slip one hand further under him, stroke the hot cleft of his ass, and he lurches up against me, gasps my name louder. No stoppin' me, LT.

I stroke him there, so tender, and he descends into one sweet, unending moan that makes me shudder with desire. Oh, god, I need to taste him in my mouth. I find his entrance and before I can think, I stroke around it, and push in, careful, careful, though I'm shakin' with need. Push in and up and he's arching off the bed, hushed cries in the quiet night. He's panting harshly, desperately calling my name, beggin' me, "Zeke, Zeke, damn, oh damn." He's sobbing, thrusting, asking for more, and I angle up and touch him deep inside where he ain't never been touched before. His entire body stiffens and his cock swells and erupts in my mouth, come pumping out. I swallow, the taste of him scalding me, salt and heat down my throat. Again and again he spurts, lurching against the bed, begging me, and God, and Jesus for mercy, till he's limp and spent, his gasps harsh in the air.

I let his cock slip from my mouth, pull my hand away, and climb up over him, my knees achin' so good from bein' on 'em in front of him. He's lyin' there, his eyes closed, mouth still open as he struggles to regain his breath, arms sprawled to his sides, utterly spent. I pull him up onto the bed, so I can be over him. He manages to open his eyes. They're glassy and sated and he focuses on my face over him. "Zeke…christ, Zeke. You…"

I close my mouth over his, press my tongue into his mouth, kiss him good and sweet and harsh. When I pull away he moans quietly, and I say into his ear, "You like that, LT? Like the way you taste in my mouth? I love the taste of you, LT. Love your cock in my mouth." I watch him as I say it and his lips tighten.

"What, LT," I whisper. "You don't like me on my knees in front of you?" I run my tongue around his ear, and he scrunches his eyes closed, moans quietly. "Go on, then. Tell me you don't like it, and I'll never," I breathe hot in his ear. "…never do it again." I pause for a second, listen to him breathing. "You can't do that, can you?"

He moves his jaw, opens his eyes again and glares at me. "No, damn you. No, I can't. I loved having you…" He swallows. "…having you do that to me." He clenches his eyes shut for a second. "But you shouldn't be on your knees in front of me. That's not where you…"

"Not where I belong, LT?" I ask, all innocent. "Who belongs there, then? That pretty chopper jockey o' yours? That where he belongs?"

His tone is outraged. "He's not 'my' chopper jockey! And he's not…he doesn't…" He growls, frustrated, and I can't help but push things.

"Doesn't what, LT? Somethin' you wanna do that you ain't willin' to ask that boy for?" I press down against him, lettin' him feel how very hard I am. So hard that I ache. I run my hand down his side, let my hand grab hold of his ass again. "I'll give you anything you want, LT, anything," I whisper. "Trick is, I’m gonna make you beg for it. Think you can do that?"

He jerks, glares at me. Oh, now, LT, you wanna get this party started but good, don’t you? That hot, angry look in your eyes, how sure you are that you won't give into me, when a minute ago, you was thrusting into my mouth, callin' my name and not lettin' go of my head… Sure, LT. Right. You won't ever beg for it.

'Less I make you.

"C'mere, LT," I order, and when he resists, out of sheer sassiness, I think, I yank him close. Crush his lips with a kiss, and then pull back. While he's still gaspin' for breath, I yank his shirt off over his head real quick. He ends up lying there lookin' up at me all out of breath. He's tense. Knows I'm at the edge of control here. But he still arches an eyebrow, runs his hands through his rumpled hair. Cocky, LT. I reach down and yank his pants the rest of the way off his legs, roll him over with one hand, so very easily, even though he tries to push me away. I lay on his back, pressin' him down into the thin mattress. I pin him and press my lips against his ear. "Gonna make you beg for it, LT. Gonna make you scream."

"Oh yeah?" He flexes his back against me, testing how strong a hold I have on him. My weight is enough to hold him still.

I run my tongue across his back, shoulder to shoulder. It's hot. I'm hot, feel like I'm burning. I bite his left shoulder, leave a mark that I know I shouldn't. Don't care. Draw my teeth, sharp, down his back. He growls, pushes back against me. Tryin' to get closer or tryin' to get away, I don't know or care at this point. His skin, where the sun don't touch it, is white, and I want to eat him up. Manage to satisfy myself (for now) with kissing my way down his back. Open-mouthed kisses, tryin' to take as much of him into me as possible without leavin' another mark. He bucks against me, his face buried in the pillow. I'm tryin' to make him mine. Make him *know* he's mine.

I'm down to the cleft of his ass, and he ain't tryin' to get away anymore. He's got the pillow clutched in a death grip and he's waitin' for me to do what I will. *Wants* me to do what I will. He ain't recovered yet from comin', and I take advantage of that. Let my tongue slip down his ass real easy. Spend some time right at the top of the cleft, lick lazily, tryin' to ignore my cock which is throbbin' against the bed and beggin' me to just be done with it, just *take* him, hard and fast, plunge inside of him over and over and. . .

Okay. Okay. Breathe. Concentrate.

I hear him moaning, feel him shifting under me. I'm determined to make him beg. I've taken the edge off him, but that's all it is, is the edge, and I'm gonna make him hard, so hard, again. He's moving a little against the bed, and I grab his ass, hold him still. He freezes, and I bet he knows what I'm plannin' here. I slide my tongue down, down, further down, till I'm right at his entrance, and then I'm rimmin' him for all I'm worth. He cries out in surprise, cuttin' himself off in the middle of it, knowin' he's gotta be quiet. It's gotta be killin' him, not bein' able to yell, not bein' able to move as I hold him pinned, my tongue exploring his ass with abandon.

He's strugglin' against my hands, but I hold him down. I hear him moanin' into the pillow and I bet you he's gettin' hard again. Not as hard as I am, though. Him lurchin' up against me is makin' me throb and I have to turn this up a notch. Have to. He's slick and wet from my tongue. I regretfully withdraw and lick my way up to his back again. Stop for a minute (Have to force myself to stop touching him. So hard to pull my hands away). Strip my clothes off quickly, thankin' God I didn't take time to lace my boots up tight when I stumbled out of my quarters. I like that I got him in such a state all he can do is sag to the mattress and wait while I get rid of my fatigues.

I'm back quickly, ease my way up his body, givin' hot, wet kisses as I go. I get so that he can feel my cock pressed against his thigh, so he can feel how hard I am. I let one hand stray back down to his ass. His breath speeds up some more. Turns into a gasp when I slowly press my finger in (he's so hot and slick) and I say, "Easy, now, LT. Easy."

I work my finger in and out, waitin' for him to get used to the invasion, to relax those muscles. It ain't over by a long shot. I stroke him long and easy. He opens up for me and I grin. You ain't beggin' yet, LT, but your body is askin' for it. God, I want to be inside him. My cock leaps at the thought.

"LT, you just relax now." My voice is harsh with need, and I don't give him a chance to tense up as I push another finger in beside the first. Stroke him deep, and he clenches, gasping for breath.

"Zeke. . ." He sounds uneasy, and his body has frozen under me. I take my time, continue working at him, and slip one hand under him to grasp his cock. He's half-hard again already, and I angle the fingers inside him and manage to brush against his prostate. His cock jumps, stiffening, and I hear him moaning, muffled, as he shoves his face into the pillow. I smile and stroke his cock as it gets real hard again, real fast. I want to be inside him so bad. I keep movin' my fingers, zero in on his prostate, and he's beggin' for it now. Stifled by the pillow as he tries to keep quiet, but he's started pleading for me, desperate. I push a third finger in, stretchin' him as much as I can.

I'm up against his back an' movin' my fingers inside him an' I know I can't put this off for much longer. My balls are achin' and I want him bad. Bad enough to push this further than I should. This should be about love, not just lust, but I want him so bad I ache and I don't know that I could stop if I had to.

Which probably ain't the greatest deal in the world for him. Don't wanna hurt him. Don't ever wanna hurt him. I'm tryin' to breathe. Tryin' to control myself. Take it slow. Take it easy. Kinda difficult to do, with my fingers so very deep inside him, and him movin' his hips steadily up against my cock. Not to mention the desperate need in his voice as he begs into the pillow for me to just *do* it, just *take* him, for god's sake. . .

"LT," I say, but it comes out as a gasp. I'm tryin' so hard to focus on control. Control, Zeke. It's your job. It's what you do. Get control. Not easy at all, with this body beneath my fingers, those sounds comin' from his throat. He's… keening, almost. Wanting, needing, but there's an edge to it. He knows this is gonna hurt, and there ain't nothin' I can do about it.

But he keeps movin' up against me, and all I want, all I can think about, is holding his hips and plunging into him as hard as I can, as far as I can, sinking in him till it's just us, together. But I know better.

I know better. I do. Take it slow. Take it easy.

I pull my fingers from him slowly, and he moans, long and low in his throat. He wants me too. Wants me *in* him.

"Zeke." His voice is ragged as he looks back over his shoulder at me, and his face is a mask of need. "Dammit, Zeke, *please*."

Oh Christ.

I need this. Feel like my blood is on fire. I *need* this. Feel like everything, *everything's* been buildin' up to this. I hold onto his hips. Don't see how I can stop now. Know I should. But I push forward, push my cock (hard, so hard) forward, and oh. Oh god, he's so damn hot, and I’m right *there*. . .

"No," he says.

Myron. Myron says.

Christ. I want. . .I want. . . It takes every bit of strength in my body to hold myself there. Not pull back. Can't do that. But hold on.

"Wait," he says then. And my blood is pounding in my ears and all I can *do* is wait. He moves against me and I almost (almost) lose it. But he's pushin' me away, turning against me. Easing over onto his back and he raises his legs, pushes till they're cocked over my shoulders and I can't do nothin' else *but* take him. Take him. Make him mine.

He's lookin' at me in the dim light. His eyes are dark and piercing. He don't say a word. angles his hips against me and moves only a little. There's trust and determination and need there, and oh god. I can't stop now. He knows that. He knows. Christ.

I'm as slick as I'm gonna get, with spit and pre-come, slidin' against him, and I want in. God. "LT," I rasp, just as he says, "Do it."

Goddammit. I push forward, and don't hold back. Can't. Push into him, as slow as I can, but I don’t stop. His eyes snap shut for a minute, but he opens 'em again, forces 'em open, looks at me, his eyes focused on mine as I push my way into his body. It's the hardest thing in the world to not just take him, just fucking *take* him, as every goddamn cell in my body is willin' me to do, just thrust into him and make him mine.

But I'm determined to show him I'm the one in control here (right?) and I press in steady, then stop, watchin' his face as it clenches, watchin' for the give in his body. His whole body is tense as he tries to will it to take me. I hold myself still as I can, but his tight heat is surrounding me and it's just not possible to not move. To not want more. I rock myself slow, so very slow.

He's so tight around me, an' his face shows nothin' but pain. His eyes are closed, his hands clutch at the sheets beneath him. I rock, and slowly, his body lets me in. Slowly I ease, god, ease in, and he's got his head thrown back now, eyes closed. Breathe. Watch him breathe. Take a moment.

My body is burnin', achin' to move, but I stay there, and there's this sudden *give*, and he gasps, and I'm in him all the way. In him deep, and his eyes are open, watchin' me. Wanting it. Wanting *me*.

Goddamn.

I'm shaking.

But he moves his hips under me and all pretense of thought disappears as my cock takes over for my brain. Forget careful, forget waiting, all there is now is my sheer need to just pin him to the mattress. Fuck him hard, take him, make him mine, make him know it. I thrust into him, and he moans, twists his head against the sheets, and takes it. I can't stop myself now, movin' steady into that warmth, that tightness, like nothin', nothin' I've ever felt before.

He's moanin' my name, over and over, low, and the desperation in his tone drives me on. God, the boy makes me so fuckin' hot, I don't know how I've waited this long, how I've held on this long. I surge into him again and again. No more games, no more waiting and gentleness. I need this, so bad, and when I hear him sob, "Zeke…oh damn…more," that's it. I lose it, lose myself completely, my breath grating and burning in my throat.

So hot, so much, and he gasps, and shudders, and still I pound into him. He's takin' me and lovin' it, he's callin' for me, callin' for more. I lurch forward, press myself close as I can, kiss him roughly. My lips against his stifle his cries before they can get too loud. I lose myself in him, desperate and unable to hold back. Pounding, and he writhes, tightens around me (how is it possible for it to get any tighter. . .) and gasps my name against my lips as he comes, surging up against me, and I wanna roar, so bad, as I thrust into him one last time and come, hard, deep inside of him. Feel like it goes on forever, both of us. I feel his come, hot and slick against my belly. I'm still in him, can't move, feel like I wanna stay here forever.

But I'm shakin' so bad now, I'm not sure how long I can hold myself here. I don’t wanna hurt him, and I know he's gotta be in a world of pain now, no matter how good this was. I give myself several moments to make sure I *can* move without fallin' over, then carefully pull back, pull out, sorry to leave the warmth of his body, and feelin' bad as he winces with pain as I remove myself. I ease his legs down from my shoulders, move over so he can lay them down. He flinches again as I do so, and I take a moment to run my hands over his legs, rub 'em a little, makin' sure he's okay.

He watches me do that, a serious expression on his face, and I worry for a moment that I've gone too far tonight. Never wanted to take this someplace he didn't want to go. But he shifts over onto his side (wincing again at the movement), and tugs at me to lie down beside him. I wanna lie down, wanna collapse beside him real bad, but first I snag the towel he's got hangin' over the foot of the bed, and use it, gentle as I can, to clean him (and myself) up a bit. A shower would be better, but I imagine we'd draw some attention to ourselves if we tried to do that together at this hour of the morning.

I lie on my back beside him as he curls up next to me. He watches me. I watch the ceiling. I'm still tryin' to catch my breath. I can *feel* him lookin' at me.

"So, Zeke," he says, and there's a whole lot of amusement in that tone.

"Yessir."

"You, uh, believe me now, about us? You 'n me?"

I turn my head to look at him. He's lyin' there on his side, all sexy and sated. And way too pleased with himself.

"Yessir," I say lazily.

"And," he pauses, and he's not quite so amused now, "you know there's nothing going on between Lieutenant McKay and myself?"

I look at him steady for a moment. Raise an eyebrow. "Whatever you say, sir."

He frowns at me. Props himself up on one elbow. Kinda hard to look all in charge there, LT, when you're naked and rumpled from the hot, sweaty sex we just had. But I don't grin, unh-unh. Got too much respect for my superior officer to do that.

"We're just *roommates,* he insists. "And he drives me crazy as it is."

I just look at him, carefully expressionless. Then I turn back to look at the ceiling, settle myself on the pillow a bit. "'Course, LT. I understand completely."

He's glarin' at me. I can feel it without lookin' at him. I grin a little at the ceiling. Think about gettin' up and gettin' dressed. Make my way back to my own bed. Think that gettin' to sleep (yeah, I think I got a whole hour or so till wake-up) won't be any sort of a problem now. And sweet dreams are pretty much guaranteed.

But I got a few minutes here, and I roll over on my side, draw him close before he can pull away in a snit. Kiss him good, and pull back a bit so I can look him in the eye. He's still annoyed, but too sleepy to hold onto it long.

I say, "You just remember that it's me 'n you, LT. You got that? Me 'n you, no matter what."

He narrows his eyes at me. "Yessir," he responds, and I grin at him and kiss him again. He relaxes against me and I hold him close for these last few minutes before I have to head out. He's warm against me, and I can't seem to think of anything except that what I need is this. Right here. Me 'n him.

~end~

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