My friends, I would suggest that a good relationship must contain two features -- the practical and the transcendent.
In this age of self-help books and support groups, a good deal is said about the pragmatic marriage.
All of this is good advice, yet it ought not lead us to the opposite conclusion -- that love isn't as crucial for the success of a marriage as a no-loophole pre-nuptial agreement.
On the contrary, love is essential, and when I speak of love I mean that feeling we all hope to have that there is someone else in the world whose welfare we are as committed to as our own.
Sometimes the chemistry of love works explosively, like dynamite;
This conviction of love makes all the difference in the world, because otherwise we are merely going through the motions of marriage.
They must be so integrated that one does not suffer neglect at the expense of the other.
We are reminded constantly of the importance of communication skills, mutual consideration, providing a space for each party to grow and fulfill him or herself.
And we are told that love alone won't sustain a relationship, that we shouldn't be led out on a limb by the romantic impulse.
And this is what I mean by the "transcendent" aspect of marriage.
It is the readiness to come out of ourselves, radically to extend ourselves, for the sake of another.
To find this kind of love is, as the poet Evelyn Barkins said, "Beyond the bounds of logic and common sense, it is the gift sublime."
And from what I have observed of ___________ and __________, I think their relationship exhibits something of this selfless, spiritual quality.
other times it works gradually, more like oxidation.
It really depends on the temperament of the individuals and the circumstances of their romance.
But it doesn't matter how or when it happens, so long as that miraculous sensation, that authentic ardor, is really present.
Granted, love alone is not enough to make a relationship work;
but without it all the practical advice in the world is powerless to make our lives any richer, or deeper, or more generous.
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