A Third Redneck Test...
- You have more tattoos than teeth.
- The only tailored items in your wardrobe are your bowling ball and your bedsheet.
- You know how many bales of hay your car holds.
- You have the word "howdy" in your answering machine message.
- You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather than hem them.
- Your two year old has more teeth than you do.
- You refer to the duct tape on your car as "chrome".
- Your truck stalled on the expressway. And you never went back for it.
- You ever drove a truck into the creek just to see if it would float.
- You wish your outhouse were as nice as those at the state park.
- The family business needs a lookout.
- You've painted a car with house paint.
- You think the stock market is a place to buy hogs.
- Your mama can back down a biker.
- You ever named a child after a dog.
- Your truck has a new sunroof because the shotgun fell off the rack when you slammed the
door.
- Your sister's education goal is to get out of highschool before she gets pregnant.
- You walk your dog & you both use the same tree down on the corner.
- You have more belt-buckles than pants.
- You call your sister, "Dear."
- A family feud arises sunday morning between family members who want to watch jimmy
swaggart and those who want to watch wwf.
- A fancy night out for your family is a jaunt through the drive thru window at hardee's.
- A man asks your wife to dance and she takes off her clothes and dances on the table.
- After the prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with empty beer bottles.
- All of your four letter words are two syllables.
- Anyone in your family wrestles alligators for a living.
- Anything outside the lower 48 is "overseas."
- Birds are attracted to your beard.
- Dressing up is wearing the flannel shirt without any rips in it.
- During your wedding, when you kissed the bride, your john deere hat fell off.
- Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
- Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
- Have had lovemaking interrupted by a cow sticking it's head in the car window.
- Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.
- Your idea of forplay is: "get in the truck, bitch!"
- Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
- People hear your car a long time before they see it.
- Someone asks, "where's your bowling bag?" and you answer, "she's at home with the kids."
- Stealing road signs is a family outing.
- The cockroaches left you a note saying, "clean this place up!"
- Your girl wears a dress that is strapless and a bra that is not.
- You have to wash your hands before going to the bathroom.
- Your mom french kisses better than your sister.
- On sunday's people stop by to ask if you're having a yard sale and you're not.
- Your face looks like it just been run over by a car wash.
- Your dog has fleas on the inside of its ears.
- The clock in your kitchen reads the time backwards.
- Roses smell like their drunk.
- Your house gets up and runs away.
- When you take your trash to the dump and you return home with more stuff than you left with.
- You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
- You ever cut your grass and found a car.
- You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
- You think the stock market has fence around it.
- Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
- You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
- Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
- You own a homemade fur coat.
- Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
- You burn your yard rather than mow it.
- Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
- You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in."
- You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
- The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
- You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
- Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved
one.
- Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language.
- Someone asks, "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer, "She's at home with the kids."
- Birds are attracted to your beard.
- Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
- You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
- You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
- You've ever hit a deer with your car... deliberately.
- Your school fight song has "Dueling Banjos".
- You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
- You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
- You clean your fingernails with a stick.
- Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
- You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
- You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
- Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
- Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
- You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
- There are more than five McDonald's bags currently in the floorboard of your car.
- The Home Shopping operator recognized your voice.
- There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
- You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
- The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
- You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.