You were kicked out of the KKK for being a bigot. 
 You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap. 
 You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie. 
 You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape. 
 You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 
 Your considered an expert on wormbeds. 
 Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell." 
 The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house. 
 You've ever bought a used cap. 
 Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes. 
 You pick your teeth from a catalog. 
 You've ever financed a tattoo. 
 You've ever stolen toilet paper. 
 You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture. 
 People hear your car a long time before they see it. 
 The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot. 
 You prefer car keys to Q-tips. 
 You take a fishing pole into Sea World. 
 You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup. 
 You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature. 
 You think the French Riviera is a foreign car. 
 you go to a stock car race and don't need a program. 
 You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course. 
 Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 
 MOTEL 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming. 
 You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off. 
 You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass. 
 Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state trooper to
     kiss her ass. 
 Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick. 
 You own a denim leisure suit. 
 You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. 
 Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices. 
 You've ever been kicked out of the KKK for being a BIGOT. 
 Your family tree does not fork. 
 You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car. 
 You have a rag for a gas cap. 
 The dog can't watch you eat without gagging. 
 You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window. 
 You show your boyfriend you really love him by carving his name on your arm. 
 You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions. 
 You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, 
     "For a good time time call..." 
 You ever hit on somebody in a V.D. clinic. 
 Your brother-in-law is also your uncle. 
 You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while your at work. 
 After the Prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with beer bottles. 
 Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner. 
 All of your four letter words are two syllables. 
 You've ever been too drunk to fish. 
 You cut your toenails in front of company. 
 You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women. 
 Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. 
 Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you. 
 You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts. 
 Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. 
 You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 
 You can spit without opening your mouth. 
 You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading. 
 You call your boss "dude". 
 You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy. 
 You have grease under your toenails. 
 You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. 
 Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board. 
 You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 
 You've ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. 
 You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding. 
 You've ever cleaned fish in your living room. 
 You actually know which kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper. 
 Your father walks you to school because you're both in the same grade. 
 The directions to your house say "Turn off the paved road." 
 Your honeymoon was in Little Rock. 
 Your wife has more children than teeth. 
 You think a family reunion is a good place to meet chicks. 
 You miss your sister's wedding because your best bowling shirt is at the cleaners. 
 Your front porch collapses and more than 2 hound dogs are killed. 
 Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain. 
 You've ever yelled "squeal like a piggy" when making love. 
 You've been on TV more than once describing what the tornado sounded like. 
 You don't need a clean shirt to go to work. 
 You've ever stabbed the back of someone's hand while they were reaching for the last piece
     of chicken. 
 When packing for vacation, your biggest decision is whether to use paper or plastic. 
 You think the phrase "chicken out" means one of your pets has escaped. 
 You have to take the entire day off work to get your teeth cleaned. 
 You think the "six to ten pounds" on the side of the Pampers box means how much it will hold.
 You have more fingers than teeth. 
 You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug. 
 You and your kid are both in the same grade. 
 You know you're a redneck when you use a handkerchief as a gasoline cap. 
 You know you are a redneck if when someone asks you for ID, you use your belt buckle. 
 You know you are a redneck if you refer to the fifth grade as, "My Senior year!" 
 You know you're a redneck if your name consists of more names than you have members of
     your family. 
 if you have trouble with people parking under your truck also 
 if you see the height clearance on a bridge and turn your 4WD pickup around. 
 if you've ever driven across a pond 
 If your 1 year old has more teeth than you do 
 if your dad walks you to school because you are in the same grade 
 You know you're a red-neck when you get a gun for your wife and think you've made a good
     trade.