Introduction: Story Time! My better half, Maki, and I sometimes come up with interesting little side plots to things. He asked me about my characters in "Love Is Acceptance" (see the Fun Fiction) and we got to talking about different things in the story. When he asked if Kooky and Karma were going to have kids anytime soon, this was what ensued...

Lemmy: The views of these two authors does not necessarily represent the views of the Lemmy's Land administration. Uh, yeah...
 

Katie: No, I don't think Kooky and Karma are gonna have kids for awhile yet. I mean, if they did not only would they be pre-teen parents, but imagine how screwed up those kids would be with role models like the Koopa Kids!

Maki: Well, it IS the new millenium, so pre-teen parents are possible. But yeah, you're right. Bigmouth'd scare the heck outta the kids!
 

(((GRATUITIOUS FLASH TO A FUTURE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN AND HOPEFULLY NEVER WILL BE)))
 

Bigmouth: HEEEY KIDS! HYUCK! HYUCK! IT'S YOUR UNCLE BIGMOUTH! B-B-B-BBBPHTT!

Kids: GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Kooky: And I hope, you bloated sack of hot air, that you have enough money stashed in your tape funds to pay for their therapy bills!

Bigmouth: What funds? King Dad buys me tapes!

Kooky: Kids, I know this is going to sound verrry negative, but you're all going to grow up to be mad bombers and postal employees.

Kids: YAY!!!

Kooky: Argh!! That wasn't meant to be a GOOD thing!

Cootie Pie: Hey! Who're all these little Yoshi mix-ups?

Kooky: (in a mumbled voice) My kids.

Cootie Pie: Kids? Did you say kids? (giggles and runs off) Hip! You gotta hear this!

Kooky: Hey! This doesn't concern any of you! Don't you dare! I'm warning yo--

Hip: (offscreen) Kids? Kooky?! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Kooky: (mutters something that has been censored on behalf of the more sensitive viewers)

Bigmouth: (jumping up and down and singing) Kooky's got a girlfriend! Kooky's got a girlfriend!

Cheatsy: Uhhh... he's married and has kids, man...

Bigmouth: Whatever... Kooky's married and has ki-ids! Kooky's married and has ki-ids!

Later, during a battle with the Mario Brothers...

Mario: (nudges Luigi in the side and winks before turning to face Kooky, who is working his throat and preparing to spit fire at them) Soooo... a Yoshi, huh?

Kooky:  (eyes get wide and he suddenly chokes on the fire, making it come out of his nose) GACK! *cough cough* As... *wheeze* if you could talk, plumb scum! As I recall, there's a certain Mushroom lady lighting YOUR fire!

Mario: Hey! Peach isn't my girlfriend!

Princess Peach: I'm NOT?!

Mario: Uhhh... errr... heh heh... you're my... SHUT UP, KOOKY!!!

Kooky: (his usual crazy laugh)

Princess Peach: Ya know, Kooky, that laugh of yours could probably made Iraq surrender if we played it at a high enough frequency.

Kooky: SHUT UP!!! (starts to cry) Just leave me alone! (runs off)

Luigi: Wow... talk about TOUCHY!

Karma: Well, I hope you guys are happy. Do you have any idea what he does when he's upset?!

Bully: Curl up in a sock drawer and sleep for days?

Karma: Well yeah... but aside from that!

Mario: Uhhh... I give up. What does he do?

Karma: (rolls her eyes) Well I was hoping YOU'D know!

Mario: (slaps his forehead)

Cheatsy: (sarcastically) Maybe you should go home and make him feel better! (makes kissy noises)

Karma: Oh? And how would YOU know what I do to make him feel better? And it had better not have anything to do with that hole drilled conveniently in our door!

Cheatsy: Hey! Now that's just plain wrong! I'm not THAT low!

Bully: What? Eww! You're sick, Cheatsy!

Cutter (surfer dude from Reign Storm): (surfs in on a conveniently placed wave) Bummer dudes! COWABUNGA!!! (crashes into a wall)

Cheatsy: I swear!! It's not a peep hole so I can watch Kooky and Karma kissing or anything!

Peach: Then how do you know they did that?

Cheatsy: Umm... I think I hear my Dad calling! (runs off)

Cootie Pie: Hmph... He's probably running off to look through his hole some more.

Bully: (shudders) Okay, ENOUGH of that! I have better things to think about than my older brother's private life, okay?!

Mario: Can we cut the crud now and fight, please?

Bully: ......ya know, I'm not in the mood anymore. I'm goin' home. (turns and leaves)

Luigi: Heh... yeah, me too. I'd better get back home to Daisy. I left her locked up in the castle all alone with Toad and-- GAH!!  GOOD LORD!!! (runs off as fast as he can towards the palace)

Cootie Pie: Well... I still don't think a Koopa and a Yoshi mix...

Hip: (bobbles alongside her on his ball) Well apparantly they do. Kooky's got the little brats to prove it back home!

Cootie Pie: Yeah. Hee hee... I remember when I was a little brat.

Hip: That's because it was only about ten minutes ago!

Meanwhile...

Cheatsy: YOOWWW!! MY EYE!! MY EYE!!! HELP ME!!!

Kooky: (wakes up from where he's curled up in the sock drawer) Hey! What's making all that racket?! It's waking up the kids! Heeeey... is that an eyeball sticking through our door?!

Karma: Grr... if that's who I THINK it is, this castle's gonna have turtle soup for dinner tonight!

Cheatsy: Uhhh heh heh... don't mind me! I'm just... ahhh... checking the insulation! YEAH! That's it!! (pulls his eye painfully out of the hole)

Kooky: Sheesh... jealousy does strange things to people.

Cheatsy: HEY! I'm not jealous!

Karma: Yes you are!

Cheatsy: NO I'M NOT!!! ARRGHH!! You guys stink! (runs off)

Karma: (turns to Kooky) Yup! He's jealous!

Kooky: Well, duh! (curls back up in the sock drawer and goes back to sleep)

Karma: So why DO you sleep in there when you get upset?

Kooky: I could tell you, but you'd never understand...

Karma shrugs and goes and lays down on the bed and falls asleep. Slowly an eye appears at the hole again. It moves quickly and quietly and then gets stuck again.

Cheatsy: ARRGHHH!!! OWWWWW!!!!

Karma: Mmmph... Kooky, he's back.

Kooky: (sits up) GRR!!! Why do I always have to do everything myself around here?! (jumps out of the drawer, tears the mirror off of the bedside dresser, stomps over to the hole, and holds the mirror in front of it)

Cheatsy: Hey! Who's that ugly guy with the shifty eye starin' at me?!

Kooky: That oughta keep him quiet...

Cheatsy: Hey Kooky! There's some ugly guy in your room! Not that I'm lookin' or anything!

Kooky: SHADDUP!!!

Cheatsy: I swear! Look at that guy's big ol' nose! And that hair! HA! What a moron!

Kooky: Ya got that right, you idiot.

Cheatsy: Huh?

Kooky: Is there a reason you're perched outside of my door?

Cheatsy: Umm... it's cheaper than cable TV?

Karma: Hmm... he has a point.

Kooky: HEY! Who's side are you on?!

Karma: WHAT? I'm just saying he has a point! Geez!

Kooky: (pokes a claw through the hole angrily)

Cheatsy:  OWWW!! Expect a call from my lawyer!

Kooky: Heh... if you could AFFORD a lawyer, you mean.

Cheatsy: Well I can! You just wait and see!

Kooky: Yup.. are you going to get that imaginary giraffe friend of yours to be a witness?

Cheatsy: HEY!!! Captain Tiptoes is NOT imaginary!

Kooky: Yes... he... IS!

Cheatsy: Isnotisnotisnot!!! *sniff* WAAAHHH!!!!

Kooky: (clasps his hands together and looks up) God? When will you make it stop? I'm sorry I tortured all those gigapets.

Karma walks back to the bed and lies down again and Kooky's about to get back into the sock drawer when the eye appears back in the hole.

Kooky: (growls) Don't tempt me, Cheatsy.

Mario: Actually, it's-a me! Mario! It's Luigi's turn after me!

Kooky: WHAT?! Get outta here!

(A light flashes through the hole)

Toad: YEAH! Blackmail material! holds up a polaroid)

Kooky: You stupid fungus! Why's that blackmail material, huh? Everyone knows we're married and all I was doing when you snapped that picture was screaming at your pasta-addicted bloated plumber friend!

Toad: Well... uhh... it'll get a laugh back at the palace! (sticks his tongue out and puts the photo in his pocket)

Karma: (wakes up) Geez! What're you yelling at?!

Kooky: Nothing Karma... nothing at AHHHH!!! Not you!!!

Bowser: (looking through peephole) Hiya son!

An hour later...

Kooky: GO AWAY!!!

Cutter: EXCELLENT!!! (headbangs and air guitars)

Karma: (yawns) We should start charging admission or something...

Kooky: NO! I will NOT sell out on my privacy!

Karma: Well its sorta being given away for free now, right? (points at the hole)

Luigi: HEY! Move over, bro! I can't see a thing!

Mario: GAH! Quit shoving!!

Kooky: *sniffle* But... but it's our PRIVACY! I'm not gonna sink to Cheatsy's level and charge admission!

Karma: RRGHH!! Then kill them all or something, just stop yelling!

Kooky: (grins evilly and rubs his hands together)

Karma: I WAS KIDDING!!!

Kooky: (frowns) Fine... maybe if we ignore them, they'll go away.

Another hour later...

Mario: HA! Look! Karma turned over so she's facing the sock drawer! (20 flashes come through the hole)

Kooky: ...or maybe not.

Peach: Did it ever occur to you two that you could just plug up the hole?

Everybody: PEACH! Geez, there goes OUR entertainment!

Kooky: (quickly plugs up the hole with a pointy stick) Heh heh... no idiot's gonna try and look in there NOW!

Toad: YEEOOWWWW!!!!

Kooky: HA!! Gotcha!!

Karma: (groans and puts the pillow over her head) When's it gonna stop?! Why can't they obsess over Mario and Peach or something?

(Another peephole shows up and some anonymous Koopa Troopa in an announcer's outfit appears)

Koopa Troopa: Well guys, it's very simple. Everybody's tired of the usual couples... you know, Demi and Bruce, Katt and Falco, Mario and Peach, Bill and Monica... you get the picture.

Kooky: Yeah! 25 of 'em!

Koopa Troopa: You guys are the new hot item, so tough cookies! HEY GUYS!! THERE'S A NEW HOLE OVER HERE!!!

Cheatsy: HAHAHAHA!! Look where I am, you guys! (peeks through the hole)

Kooky: Kill me... kill me now!

Karma: No! You kill me first!

Morton: HEEEEY!! If they kill each other then that means I get the kids!

Kooky: I'd sooner send them on a flight with a kamikaze pilot!

Karma: Look, enough's enough. I'm just going to turn off the light and that way they can't see anything in here and they'll go away.

(20 flashlight beams come through the hole)

Mario: First rule in plumber's training! Always be prepared!

Luigi: Wasn't that boy scouts?

Karma: Can I ask you something, Kooky?

Kooky: What?

Karma: Why is it you and your family do your best to kill those guys out on the battlefield but you're just lying in the sock drawer now and not doing anything to get rid of them?

Kooky: Well I... heeey, you're right!! (hops out of the drawer and gets a rocket launcher out of the closet)

Luigi: Uh oh! He's packin' heat!

Everybody: AHHHH!!! (run away in a scatter)

(Cut to an outside view of the Koopa's castle. There's a pause and then everything goes up in a firey blast!  Karma's lying in a burned bed and Kooky climbs back into the charred remains of the sock drawer)

Kooky: Umm... sorry.

Karma: It's okay. It DID get rid of them.

(a periscope pokes out of a nearby puddle)

Kooky: What the heck?!

(Sonic and Tails climb out of the puddle)

Sonic: Geez, I dunno lil' bud. This sure don't look like the Norwegian chilidog festival

Tails: Well, I DID tell ya not to trust directions from that eel back there.

Sonic: Yeah... geez, just because I tried to see what he'd look like spellin' my name in neon writing was no reason to get BENT OUT OF SHAPE! HAHAHAHAHA!! Get it? Bent out of shape?

Tails: (rolls his eyes and then sees Karma and Kooky) Woah... hey Sonic! Check out those freaks over there!

Sonic: Heh heh... cool! Dig the mismatched lovers we got here! Maybe we ARE at the chilidog festival!

Tails: I dunno Sonic. I don't see a "Freak Show" sign posted anywhere.

Kooky: LEAVE US ALONE!!!

Sonic: Heeey, cool realism! But they gotta be robots. I mean, who ever heard of talking animals? Pbbhht.

Kooky: Okay look... all we want is a little peace and quiet so we can sleep, and all evening long you jerks have been coming in here and annoying the living &*$(#*^$)#( out of us, and I'm getting just a little SICK OF IT!!!

Sonic: Hmm... they didn't do too good of a job on that blue-haired dude though. He gives me the way-gnarly nasties! (shudders)

Tails:  Hey Sonic? I still need a mask for my Halloween costume! Can I have that fake rubber lizard's head? I mean, I don't think anyone would miss it.

Sonic:  Knock yerself out, little buddy!

Tails: HEY! His head doesn't come off!

Kooky:  Lunatic Lepus! I ought to dash your brains out on a cold turkey leg!

Sonic: Heh heh... careful there, Tails! He's a fiesty one!

Karma: Geez! Just go away!

Tails: Wow, she talks, Sonic!

Sonic: Hey cool! Tell ya what, grab her head too and we can go as freaks together this year!

Tails: I dunno... usually I'd go right ahead but I feel a little nervous about grabbing some lady's head in an effort to take it off...

(one of the kids toddles in)

Kid: Mommy? Daddy? What's going on?

Sonic: Check it out! They even made some freaky robot kids!

Kid: Mommy?  Is he the Easter Bunny? (points at Tails, who is still trying to get Kooky's head off)

Karma: No sweetie... you go back to bed. Quick!

Kid: (runs out of the room)

Sonic: Woah, hold it there little buddy! According to the map, we're not even CLOSE to Norway!

Tails:  Aww really? I was just about to get it off...

Kooky: Oww... my brain....

(Sonic and Tails jump back into the puddle and disappear)

Karma: Kooky?! Kooky, are you okay?!

Kooky: (dazed) Mommy? Can I wear the jammies with the lambs on 'em?

(Karma shakes him back to his senses)
Kooky: ARE THEY GONE?! ARE THEY?!

Karma: Shhh... yes, they're all gone now, honey.

Kooky: YESSS!!! (jumps back into the drawer and goes promptly to sleep)

(The scene is quiet now except for some hooting owls and chirping crickets... and Mario, who stayed in the castle instead of running, finally hits the ground)

Mario: (gets up and brushes himself off) Re-entry stinks!

Hip: Hey Kooky? Can I borrow a sleeping bag? Sailor Mars burned my keep in Ice Land down.

Kooky: ....and why is that?

Hip: Ugh! She says I stood her up! I've never even MET her before!  Hmph... I think Tuxedo Mask is to blame...

Kooky: Fine...sleep in the kids' room.

Lemmy: Okay!  (runs off to the kids' room and slams the door) Hey kids! Ya wanna hear a scary story?

Kids: YEAH!!

Lemmy: Just a little while ago... on a dark and stormy night... the unthinkable happened.

Kids: What?

Lemmy: SINBAD GOT ANOTHER TV SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kids: AHHHHHHH!!!!! (faint)

Karma: Quiet down in there, Lemmy!

Lemmy: Sorry.

Karma: By the way, Kooky... isn't your Dad gonna be mad that you blew up the whole castle?

Kooky: Can we worry about it in the morning please? I just wanna sleep right now!

Hip: (comes in munching on something) Hey, do you know if we're out of Doritos or not?

Kooky: Geez, I dunno!

Lemmy: (turns on the TV in Kooky's and Karma's room full blast)

Kooky: Rrggghhh!!! (just then the alarm clock goes off and blares 7 AM)  NO!!! NO NO NO  NO!!!  (screams and runs off for parts unknown)

Karma: So why are you here again Lemmy?

Lemmy: Sailor Scout burned my keep down... but it could have just as easily been Walt Disney/

Karma: I'm not even gonna ask.

Have a scribble of your own?  Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Scribbles.
Go back to my main page.