The Koopalings all run up to Bowser, all excited-like.

All: King Dad, King Dad!

Lemmy: We have the greatest most super idea, King Dad!

Larry: We could win $10,000 on Family Feud!

Bowser: NO!

Morton: But think of what we can do with $10,000, King Dad! We could buy a yacht, buy a motorhome, buy the Mushroom Kingdom, buy an air conditioner for my castle, buy wedding cake, buy a--

Roy: Shut up!

Bowser: No, no, the answer is NO!

Lemmy: Aw, come on King Dad, why can't we do it?

Bowser: You all don't remember when you've gone on game shows before?

Larry: Uh... what ever could you mean, King Dad?

Roy: Yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Bowser: Well, I hate to do this to you, but I'm going to play "The Tape".

Roy: The, uh, tape? What tape?

Bowser: The tape that has all of the times any of you has been on TV.  I wanted to keep this so I could laugh at you all when you got older, but I think I'd better put this in to remind you all why we are NOT going to be on the Family Feud.

Bowser sticks in the tape, and the first show they see is The $25,000 Pyramid.

Bowser:  Do you remember this, Morton?

Morton:  Uh...

***

Dick: Now, Morton Koopa Jr., you will be on the receiving end here, and Bob Newhart, you're going to be giving the clues.  Now, you know if you get all six right, you win the $25,000, I don't need to tell you that. Are you two ready?

Bob: Yes.

Morton: Yes, I'm ready, or at least as ready as I'll ever be, since I don't think anyone could really ever be ready with so much pressure on them to win so much money, but I'll try to be ready, so we can start whenever you two decide that you two are ready enough for us to start the game, because I could really use this money so I can-

Dick: Shut up! OK, you two are ready? Go!

The first clue reads "Parts of a Car".

Bob:  Stee-

Morton: Candy, light bulb, basket, scissors, wedding cake, camera-

Bob: Shut up!

Morton: Quiet, silence, peace-

Bob: STEERING WHEEL! TIRES! BRAKES!

Morton: Parts of a jeep!

Bob: WHAT?!

Morton: Parts of a truck? Bus? Van? Train?

Bob: Pass! Pass!

The next clue reads "Things the Sun Might Say".

Bob: Good morning, Earth!

Morton: Things a Koopa might say!

Bob: I'll shine on you until nightfall.

Morton: Things a flashlight might say!

Bob: I'm sunny and yellow and I fly high above the sky every day!

Morton: Things a wedding cake might say!

Bob: PASS!

The next clue reads "Things that are Blue".

Bob: The sky! The oceans!

Morton: Parts of the Earth! Parts of Plit!

Bob: Your brother Iggy's shell!

Morton: Things that are spiky!

Bob: The SMURFS!

Morton: Things that wear white clothing!

Bob: BLUEBERRIES! BLUUUE-berries.

Morton: Things that go with wedding cake!

Bob: PASS!

The next clue reads "Wedding Cake".

Bob:  Your favorite food!

Morton: Lox! No wait, that's Ludwig's favorite food... chocolate? No,  that's Ludwig's other favorite food...

Bob: You eat this at a wedding!

Morton: Rice!

Bob: It's a cake served at a wedding!

Morton: Chocolate cake! Strawberry shortcake! Cheesecake! Ice cream cake!

Bob: It's a wedding-ish cake!

Morton: Angel food cake!

BONK! The buzzer buzzes.

Dick: Oh, I'm sorry Morton, but time's up, and you didn't win any money. You must be the stupidest contestant ever on the show.

Morton: You can't do this to me! I need another chance! Those questions were too hard! Not even Ludwig could've got those answers right. I'm pleading, I'm begging, I'm pleading and begging both at the same time even, I need a second chance, please give me a second chance, or better yet, as-

Bowser mutes the TV.

***

Bowser:  Well, I think you all get the point.

Ludwig: Wedding cake! (Ludwig smacks Morton.) How could you miss wedding cake?

Morton: Well, I was under too much pressure, and Bob just kept-

Ludwig: Nevermind that I asked that question. But Bowser, that was just Morton. The great Ludwig von Koopa never had such an experience on a game show.

Bowser: I beg to differ. Did you forget Jeopardy? Let's look, shall we?

***

Alex: Now, let's look at our categories today, shall we? We have: mathematics, inventions and inventors, world currency, Moroccan history, Confucian waist sizes, and M&Ms. Mr. Einstein, you select our first category.

Albert:  I'll take Confucian waist sizes for $100, Alex.

Alex: The waist size of Kah Vu.

Ludwig: What is 16?

Alex: Ooh, sorry, that's incorrect.

Ludwig: Vat?! That is not incorrect? I studied Confucius for years, I know every little tidbit about him! I know that... uh, what are these two big guys doing here?

Alex: They're going to take you away.  Goodbye Mr. von Koopa. (to himself) Jerk.

***

Bowser: See Ludwig, you couldn't even get through the first question!

Ludwig: They rounded down to 15. You don't round down waist sizes! You just don't do that!

Bowser: Nevermind. This is why we are not going to be on Family Feud!

Roy: Bowser, why don't we just leave them two behind here? We two can still go, and Larry, Lemmy, and nerd boy.

Iggy: Hey!

Wendy: Why not me?

Roy: You're a girl, you're stupid!

Bowser: Roy, you don't remember when you went to Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Roy: Uh... must've been a different Roy.

Bowser: Oh was it?

***

Regis: So, Roy Koopa, you've made it into the hot seat. Are you ready to win the million?

(Note from Lemmy, not on tape: He must have been the only contestant abailable to win the Fastest Fingers! Just like Ray Romano.)

Roy: You bet, Regis!

Regis: Ok, let's play! For $100, what fast food restaurant uses the slogan  "Making it Great"? Is it A: McDonald's, B: Pizza Hut, C: Kentucky Fried Chicken, or D: Jack in the Box?

Roy: Uh... can I use one of my lifelines?

Regis:  Sure, which one?

Roy: The one where I POUND YOU INTO THE GROUND IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE ANSWER!

Regis: B! It's B!

Roy: I choose B.

Regis: He's right, for $100! Congratulations, you won, now get out of here!

Roy: I want to go for the million though!

Regis: SECURITY!

***

Bowser: That is why we will not be on Family Feud.

Roy: But it was FUN beating up Regis!

Bowser: Now everyone leave me alone already!

Iggy: But we could-

Lemmy:  -make a great team!

Bowser: Oh no you two don't! Here I have you two when you were on Fun House!

Iggy: Uh-

Lemmy: -oh.

***

J. D.: Now,  you two know what to do. Lemmy, you get three tags, and then come out over here, tag Iggy, and then he goes in to get three tags, and you keep doing that until time runs out. Got it?

Iggy: Got-

Lemmy: -it.

J. D.: On your mark, get set, go!

Lemmy runs into the Fun House and heads straight for Balloon Lagoon.

Lemmy: Ah, this water's nice.

J. D.: Lemmy, what are you doing? You're supposed to be getting the tags!

Lemmy: But I like it here in the water! The water's just right, plus look at all these balloons!

Iggy: I'm coming in too, Lemmy!

J. D.: Tiny, get these brats out of here!

Tiny: Will do, will do!

***

Bowser: What do you two have to say now?

Iggy: So-

Lemmy: -rry.

Wendy: At least I can be responsible on a game show. I can behave appropriately.

Bowser: Oh, can you now, Wendy? What about when you were on The Price is Right?

Wendy:  Uh... PLEASE DADDY! I'VE GROWN UP SINCE THEN! I AM MATURE NOW!

Bowser: It was last week, Wendy.

Wendy: Don't show that tape, Daddy! Don't you dare-

Morton put a sock in Wendy's mouth.

Morton: And they say I talk too much.

***

Bob: Who's next, Rod?

Rod: Wendy O. Koopa, come on down! You're the next contestant on The Price is Right!

Wendy: Thank you! Thank you all for your support, thank... AGH! This podium is green! I hate green! I want the red one over there.

Bob: I'm sorry Wendy, but there's already some one at that podium.

Wendy: Don't worry, I'll manage.

Wendy zaps the contestant at the red podium, and he turns to dust. Wendy then moves to the red podium.

Bob: Uh... I will not question what that was. Janice, bring out the next item up for bids.

Wendy: Ew! She's an old ugly fossil!

Janice: Hey! At least I'm not an ugly Koopa Kid!

Wendy then zaps Janice, and she turns to dust.

Bob: Janice! What did you do to Janice?

Wendy: She called me ugly. Now Bob, do you think I'm ugly (she says this while waving her laser at him).

Bob: Uh, no, of course not! Yeah, that's right, most beautiful Koopa in the world!

Wendy: I thought so!

Bob: Anyway, what do you bid on that trash compactor?

Wendy: I bid $500.

Bob: OK, how about you Harvey?

Harvey: I bid $300.

Bob: And last, what about you, Tina?

Tina: I bid $501!

Bob: $501, and-

Wendy: HEY! No one outbids me by a dollar!

Wendy zaps Tina with the laser, and she turns to dust.

Bob: (to himself) Please let this be over $500, please oh please... (out loud) IT'S $509! I'm still alive! I- I mean, Wendy, get up on this stage!

Wendy: Wow! I can't believe I made it up here!

Bob: And now you can win that lovely spa over there.

Wendy: Ooh, nice.

Bob: And you can win it playing the Check Game.

Wendy: Uh... I don't know how to play this game.

Bob: (to himself) Why does no one know how to play Check Game?! (to Wendy) Well, I'll explain it to you then. Write this check for an amount so that when added to the price of the spa, the total is between $5000 and $6000. Now do you understand?

Wendy:  Uh, no.

Bob: Well do it anyway!

Wendy: I want an EASY game!

Bob: Well, you've got Check Game. I can't change the game!

Wendy: Give me that easy Plinko game! I don't like this! And you won't like me mad!

Bob: HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!

***

Bowser: Remember now, Wendy?

Wendy: He started it!

Larry: But I, of course, have never been on a game show, and so I've never embarrassed you on one.

Bowser: Oh how quickly you forget things, Larry. Let's watch Let's Make a Deal now.

***

Monty: Now Larry, you have the $10,000 in cash and the Corvette! But if you want, you can trade it in for what's behind door number 3.

Larry: I can't help it! I've gotta' choose door number 3!

Monty: And behind door number 3 we have... your very own cow!

Larry: What? I don't want a stupid cow! I changed my mind!

Monty: Well it's too late to do that, Larry. You already made your decision. You don't get the money or the Corvette.

Larry: I can sue you, you know! I know lawyers! I'll sue you even more if this security doesn't let go of me! You hearing me? You'll rue this day!

***

Wendy: "Rue"? What an idiot!

Larry: Well, I was *sniff* upset.

Bowser: Now we are not going on any stupid game show! You hear me? No game show!

All:  Yes, King Dad.

The Koopalings walk to their rooms with their heads hanging down. When they're all gone, Bowser calls the Who Wants to be a Millionaire hotline.

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