Episode 5.16: The One With The Cop--Script Summary
Teaser A: Chandler's apartment. Monica, wearing one of Chandler's shirts, sits in Chandler's lap. They do a crossword puzzle. Joey enters, comments on how cute Monica and Chandler look, exits to his room, and goes to sleep. Joey dreams of Monica sitting in his lap, doing a crossword puzzle with him. He awakens when he realizes what he's dreaming.
ACT ONE
Scene B: Coffee House. All of them (minus Joey and Ross) hang out. Monica wears Joey's sweat shirt. Gunther gives them their bill. They're short on tip, so Phoebe digs under the cushion of her chair and finds a police badge. Joey enters. He tells Monica she should wear her boyfriend's sweat shirt, not his. Ross enters. Phoebe shows him the badge, and he makes a lame joke about it.
Scene C: Furniture Store. Ross purchases a couch. Ross asks Rachel to help him carry it to his apartment in order to avoid the exhorbitant delivery charge. The salesman is skeptical that Ross and Rachel are a couple. Ross tells the salesman that he and Rachel used to go out, and they "did it" 128 times.
Scene D: Street. Phoebe sees a woman put her cigarette out on a tree. She tells the woman not to do that, and the woman blows her off. Phoebe pulls out the police badge and uses it to force the woman to apologize to the tree.
Scene E: Ross's Stairway. Ross and Rachel are unsuccessful in getting the couch up the stairs.
Scene H: Chandler's Apartment. Monica and Chandler hang out. Phoebe enters with the badge. Monica and Chandler convince Phoebe to return the badge to the police. Phoebe exits as Joey enters. Joey sees Monica and Chandler and tries to exit. Monica and Chandler stop Joey and convince him to tell them what's bothering him. Joey tells them his dream. Monica tells Joey that he probably just wants a girl he can be close with. Joey asks how he can obtain the same closeness that Monica and Chandler have. Chandler says he and Monica were friends for seven years, first. Rachel enters, looking for a tape measure. Joey lustfully stares at Rachel.
Scene J: Street. Phoebe notices a car that's parked halfway on the sidewalk. A guy, Gary, exits the car and walks toward the coffee house. Phoebe tells him to move the car, but he says it's okay. He's on the job. Phoebe pulls out the badge and tells Gary she's a cop. He says that he's one, too.
ACT TWO
Scene K: Street. Phoebe tries to escape from Gary by telling him she's a vice cop, undercover as a whore. Gary asks her questions about her precinct, and she makes up all kinds of crazy answers. Finally, Gary asks Phoebe where she found his badge. Phoebe throws the badge at Gary and runs off.
Scene M: Monica's Apartment. Rachel rummages in the kitchen drawer. Joey enters. Joey asks Rachel if she'd like to take their friendship to the next level, like Monica and Chandler. Rachel tells Joey that the idea is to meet a girl and become friends with her before dating her, not try to date his existing friends.
Scene P: Ross's Stairway. Rachel brings Chandler to help her and Ross with the couch. They manage to get the couch stuck in the stairway.
Scene R: Chandler's Apartment. Monica and Chandler hang out. Phoebe enters and tells them that she just ditched a cute cop.
Scene T: Ross's Stairway. Ross and Rachel try to pry the couch loose. In the process, Rachel accidentally sets off the fire alarm. All of the tenants trample on the couch to get down the stairs, totally trashing the couch.
Scene W: Monica's Apartment. Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler hang out. There is a knock on the door. Phoebe answers it, and it's Gary. Gary asks Phoebe out to dinner. Phoebe accepts.
Scene X: Chandler's Apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Monica hang out. Joey enters. Rachel asks Joey if he met any girls. He said he met one, and he slept with her...and her roommate.
Tag Y: Furniture Store. Ross tries to return the couch, now in two pieces, to a saleswoman.