Hi, everyone, & welcome. There is some real nice poetry & other stuff here tat friends of mine have written and or sent to me. Some are really spiritual. Please sign my guestbook so I will know what you think. You may want to save this site, as I try to update it a lot. God loves you, & so do I!!!

Close to the door he paused to stand   as he took his class ring off her hand   all who were watching did not speak  as a silent tear ran down his cheek  and through his mind the memories ran     of the moments they walked  and laughed in the sand     but now her eyes were so terrible cold   for he would never again   have her to hold   they watched in silence  as he bent near  and whispered the words......     "I LOVE YOU" in her ear  he touched her face and started to cry  as he put on his ring and wanted to die     and just then the wind began to blow   as they lowered her casket into the snow.... This is what happens   to many a lives.....when friends let friends.....     Drink and drive.

I Am Your Disease

Hello... just in case you forgot me... I am your disease... I hate meetings... I hate Higher Powers... I hate your program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you suffering and I wish you death. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me? I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can't feel anything at all, that's my true gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools. Without my help these things would not be possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace. More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, your meeting, your Higher Power. All of these things weaken me, and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lay here quietly. You don't see me but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I can live. When you live, I may only exist. But I am here... Waiting... And until we meet again, if we meet again, I wish you suffering and death. Sincerely, Your Disease.
Author Unknown

My Name Is Cocaine
MY NAME IS COCAINE My name is cocaine,call me coke for short: I entered this country without a passport. Ever since then I've made lots of scum rich. some have been murdered and found in a ditch. I'm more valued than diamonds, more treasured than gold, use me just once and you too will be sold. I'll make a schoolboy forget his books, I'll make a beauty queen forget her looks, I'll take a renowned speaker and make him a bore, I'll take your mother and make her a whore. I'll make a teacher forget how to teach, I'll make a preacher not want to preach, I'll take your rent money and you'll be evicted, I'll murder your babies, or they'll be addicted. I'll make you rob and steal and kill, when you're under my power you will have no will. Remember my friend my name is big C :if you try me one time you may never be free. I've destroyed many actors, politicians and heroes, I've decreased bank accounts from millions to zero, I'll make shooting and stabbings a common affair, once I take charge you won't have a prayer. Now that you know me what will you do? you'll have to decide, its all up to you, listen to me and please listen well...... when you ride with cocaine you're headed for HELL!!!

12steps of a sponsor

STEP1: I will help you grow to become more productive by your own definition. STEP2: I cannot convince you of the crucial choice of choosing the scary uncertainty of growing over the misery of not growing. STEP3: I want to know you as a friend, yet I cannot get close to you when you choose not to get close to me. STEP 4: I will help you become more autonomous, become more loving of yourself, and more free to continue becoming the authority of your own life. STEP5: I cannot give you growth or grow for you; you must grow for yourself by facing reality--grim as it may be at times. STEP6: I will be there for you and hang in there with you as long as I get the slightest hint that you are trying to grow. STEP7: I cannot take away your loneliness or pain. STEP8: I cannot evaluate your goals or tell you what is best for you in your world. STEP9: I cannot "fix you" simply because I cannot. STEP10: I cannot stand by and watch you wallow in limbo. STEP11: When I begin to care for you out of pity or when I begin to lose trust in you, then I am toxic for you and you for me. STEP12: If you can accept all this, then perhaps we can help each other becaome what God meant us to be... mature, loving, human beings.

A nice Recovery PRAYER

Dear God, Take my life and let me live serenely for today. Open my mind to happy thoughts. Take away my self-pity, I don't want it. Take away my ill will towards others. Make it possible for me to feel joy, love, and compassion. Help me to accept what is, to hold my tongue, to do my daily task, and to let go with love. Take away my worry about the future. Make me realize that in your hands everything will be provided. Help me to understand that I have no control over anything but my own actions. Make me know that today is precious and will soon be gone. Help me to remember that all hatred and pain directed toward me are the hatred and pain the other person is feeling toward him self. Thank you for your willingness to accept my burden and lighten my load.

GOODBYE COCAINE

Goodbye, Cocaine. You've got to go. Your not my friend this I know. Goodbye, Cocaine. Your not my rock. Because my possessions I've had to hock. You took my job, my home, my car. This time I think you went too far. You closed in quickly for the kill. Six short months was all down hill. My children just can't comprehend. Why I chose you over them. Their very hurt this I see. Cause I chose you and you chose me. You took away my train of thought. And then I knew that I was caught. Your cunning ways I did not see. And then you wouldn't set me free. You took all that was dear to me. For your deception I could not flee. You took everything I had to give. All so I could let you live. You made me powerless under your spell. At times you made me feel like hell. You altered my thoughts and altered my mind. You really were not very kind. You crept in my life so quiet and sly., It's really hard to say goodbye. I've had enough of your evil way. You're out the door, this time to stay. I'm on my way back just wait and see. I have twelve steps to help guide me. I may stumble along the way. But I can stay clean - just for today. My life is not yours to take. Your one bad habit I have to break. Goodbye, Cocaine. You're not my friend. Goodbye, Cocaine. This is the end.
           
Patti G.

12 Steps I Took

12 Steps I Took********************   I took one step, began to moan I can't do this on my own I took two steps, began to pray restore me God, today I took three steps, gave up my will maybe God loves me still I took a fourth, I looked inside Nothing more would I hide And on the fifth, I said aloud I've done some wrong, and I'm not proud I took six steps, and got prepared To lose the defects, I was scared Now I'm at seven, take them away God, for this I pray And on eight, the list was long Amends to make for all the wrong I took nine steps, put down my pride Forgiveness asked, I will not hide Ten steps I take each day I pray Make amends along the way And on eleven I pray to know Each day His will, which way to go I took twelve steps, I'm like a bird   To others now, I spread the word........   (author unknown)

A CRY.....By:justbert58

A CRY FROM ALMOST TO FAR Anger demons attack my brain            I steadly try drinking away pain    Feel I'm slowly going insane            Living on the streets, just like a life fugitive; Learning to lie and cheat;Feelings are so intrusive Nothing matters anymore   Don't care if I live or die Never can find the damn door    Nothing ever to eat Tired of coming to on the floor     Fed up with being ah so lonely Got to be a better way      No longer want to be stoned Want to see the light of day       Help me O'LORD For I do see      This is not how I wish to be; I Need to know life , Need to see through       The haze of confusion See the day clearly ,Want to make a decision on my own   Do something right for a change Be useful not useless 1 day at a time! Do good once in a while    Happy not ful of fear Have a purpose, maybe even a destiny    Serenity to accept the things I cannot change    Courage to change the things I can Wisdom to know the difference . justbert58@webtv.net
The 23rd &1/2 Psalm (Please visit the author's homepage & sign her guestbook

My NA/AA Poem By:Angie L

Your pains been great~This I see Come take my hand and walk with me. There is a place that offers inner peace And all your yearning could cease Your long journey has led you here I can see it, I've had those fears You thought you were so strong You, as we all, were so wrong. If you are willing to give up this fight Come with me to a special meeting tonight So far you've choosen this life you hate Now, heres a chance at a new fate It takes alittle time to start the healing But boy,being clean is quite a feeling. Everyone told me to keep coming back This, truely, will set you on he right track So put your fears away Start living a better way today Start with NA/AA~ what more can I say Written by: Angie L

Reverse The Trends
We often strive for an answer to the many things we don't understand We look around us and wonder why things seem out of hand Prejudice, hate, and ignorance seem to fill our world with pain Why our attention and focus is on the bad in our world I just can not explain Distrust, hurt, and anger have become a way of life What a ludicrous thought it is that we gain pleasure from others strife The golden rule has been thrown out and altruism cast aside But I believe its all a cover up for the love and hope inside These things that we treasure most, we've all learned how to hide Because once we were hurt when we took a risk, so now we protect our pride Its time we change the way....    our world is today To make our future a place where each of us can say... I love the world we live in, and  I know tomorrow can be A place where people of all walks of life can be themselves and feel free Lets spend our time and energy to build a bright tomorrow Foster kindness, compassion, caring  and rid our world of sorrow The message here is simple....  Don't wait for someone else to change what you can start today You can make our world a better place in a very special way Break down the walls that separate,  and I think you'll find Its such a nicer place to be, when people around us are kind.   ~~~Author: R.G.~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ .... make the effort to put something behind you, forgive someone you have held a grudge against, contact someone you have been avoiding because of something that happened but you wish things were different with.  Don't wait for someone else to make the move... it may never happen and valuable time and friendship will be lost.  Friends and family are our most important treasure.  Take the time to get closer to someone you have been distant or judgmental about ....make a difference to someone today! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How The Seed Was Planted
I stumbled through the doors of recovery angry and scared, you had nothing for me. I sat in my chair staring at the cracked floor and the whole time I was still craving more. shaking and sucked up, I thought I was hot then I started to listen and saw I was not. My addiction had ruled me for 23 years and I had wallowed in hatred deep in my tears. I heard a young lady speak of her past, strengths, and hopes and about how at last she had found a new way of life with AA and how she was happy Just For Today. My eyes slowly raised until i could see, the glow in her eyes, and I said thats for me. Now this young lady, I'm so happy to say; I gladly call my sponsor to this very day. Four years have gone by in the blink on an eye and I have'nt found a good reason to get high. When I see a newcomer watching the floor I still feel the way when I came thru that door and I gladly reach out a warm loving hand and gently say welcome to recovery land.
A Gratefully Recovering Addict;DENISE

tamiturtle@webtv.net (N.A. ROCKS !!!!) One little rock,so many people,How did it start? Such a raw deal. Fight,Fight to make it go away, Then you see the people another day; "Buy my bag" they say to you."Its not addictive" but you only can stare. Your heart starts pounding,you can't run away; That little white rock is here to stay. Your mind is weak,you want to tweek; but look what happened only last week. You stole some cash, you made your dash; the cops they found you, and took your stash; they lock you up, with a bunch of freaks; and leave you there for eight long weeks. So alone in this little cell, everyone here looks like hell. They let you free, but where to go? No family wants a junkie, as you surely know. You look at what all you have done; and realize, just how dumb. What a waste of time! You could have saved every dime. Tri-Mets your ride, no need to hide; No need for pimps,no need for punks; you're above all that junk. Find a new game,nothin's the same. The world kept on going, didn't miss you a bit; and all you cared about was one more hit. The drugs I did kick and life I did pick. If I could get back all that I lost, I would do it at any cost. But certain things money can't buy; It won't do any good to cry, I'm gonna give myself one more try. It's hard to hold a job, hard to handle the next-door snob. Keep on going, another job,now you are the snob! Winning is better when you're on the right road; maybe someday I'll have someone to hold. My man will love me 'cause that's the way it should be: He'll be a square, and I won't even care. Coming home after a long day at work; then I'll know I'm not a jerk. The family is gone, but what can I say; Everything had to be done that way. But I still have me, I'm all I can be; I'm stronger now, I wish you could see. The memories are still there, and so is the pain; they don't wash away like the rain. This poem was written by another friend I met in twelvesteps chat @ talkcity.

I recieved this from a very dear friend, Teddy Bear, who has a special place in my heart.

A Frail Old Angels Cry
 
Last night I had a dream It had a tale to tell. I dreamed I saw an Angel; Poor thing, he wasn't feeling well. His body bruised and battered His wings were ripped and torn This Angel could hardly walk, He looked so tired and worn. I walked right up to him to ask; Angel? How can this be? He turned around and paused a (bit), Then he spoke these words to me: "I'm Your Guardian Angel, A great task as you can see. You've run amok most all your life: Look what it's done to me. These bruises are from shielding you In times both dire and ill. Those alcoholic bouts and drugs you've used I've often paid the bill You see my wings are ripped and torn; How often they have flown you From evils unaware. Each mark is it's own story of deadly wounds destroyed. You made me wish~~more than once- That I was unemployed. If only you could make it Standing on your own; Oh, don't you fret  or worry but please try to remember I'm getting old and frail. I could not believe all I had heard, Let alone how much he cared. I wept upon his shoulder, Then left him in despair. The next day I sat and pondered: Should I really try? And in the distance I thought I heard; A frail Old Angel Cry.
Author unknown


Wouldnt it be wonderful if love came back.......... Better than way you give it..... . The world could be yours.... Its the way God intended People wake up .........   Take the time to smell the flowers......... Live without regret watch a sunset.......  Be thankful for what is ours...... There are no gaurantees..... . What your next breath will bring.....   Be thankful for all you do have...... Give praise to the KING.... Seasons of change are here.... Moving faster with each passing day.... One day may never come.... Will it then be to late to pray? ......   Can you imagine being nailed to the cross........ For the sake of all of man kind ..... In His blood is a promise.... That will live longer than time .... When your addiction is beyond your control....... And your life seems to be a total loss ..... Reach for HIS PROMISE,its ours for the asking..... For it is HIS blood on the cross ....   He died so that we may live......  In return what .do we give?...... Hatred sin and sorrow....   Knowing we are not guaranted tomorrow....... Please dont take life for granted....... Dont let all of lifes challenges keep you enchanted.....   Look at the good things like flowers, sunrises, and Gods green earth!!! ...... Let people know you are his creation and that you have worth!.........     You must remember the good times you've had and try real hard to let go of the bad ......  For when your heart is trapped it has a need to be free.... Just let go and let God and then my friend you will see........ Only time can heal the past,   and when that time comes your heart will be free at last............ So have no regrets have no sorrow and then you will truly have tomorrow.... Always remember God didnt give us a promise of what tomorrow will bring........ So live and love your brother like theres no tomorrow......... and always give praise to the King. ----------------------------------------------- written by Desperado and Tequila-Sunrize                 4 - 15 -99


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