Insane Hockey Newsletter

I suppose you'll want something special for Issue #7, well, forget it.

As always, the Insane Hockey Newsletter is Brought to you by:

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And by the Web's most famous hotel.  Yes it's $10,000 a night, but hey, the accomodations are first class.

And now, the NEWS

Apparently there is no movement in the Sergei Federov/Detroit Redwings talks at this point.  This is interesting, as the Wings seem to be doing well without him.  Is it possible, Sergei, that hockey is a team sport and not an individual game like that sneaker company  whose skates you wear want it to be?  Amazing how the Wings lose Fedorov, Konstantinov, and Vernon and are still playing well.

Another team that is a surprise around the league are the Washington Capitals.  Adding 4 rookies and subtracting one old defensive coach has cheered the faithful on Pennsylvania Avenue.  Of course, the team still plays about 7th fiddle in Washington to the 'Skins, O's, Terps, Hoyas, Middies, and the Bulll---Wizards.  Gotta remember that.  When asked why the Caps were down in the hearts of the fans despite the good record, Sergei Gonchar shrugged his shoulders.  Well, with his new contract, maybe he can now afford English lessons.

The league is wincing as their efforts to increase the number of interference calls has not yielded an increase in goals.  Scoring is down even more than from last year.  The big problem is that there are not as many great scorers to go around anymore.  When there were fewer teams, everyone had people who could score.  Now, there are teams in the NHL (Florida comes to mind immediately) who may go through the season without a 30 goal man.  And if you think expansion will help, guess again.  How many 40 goal men is Nashville gonna have in uniform next year?

If you have any news, please, please write to us.  Also if you feel the undying urge to send money, please do so.  Click on this picture to make your contribution:

Featured Player Profile

Name:   Wendell Clark

Alleged Job: Forward and Captain, Toronto Maple Leafs

Real Job: Surgical Supply tester, Toronto, Ontario

Likes: Hospital rooms with big screen TVs.  Nurses who wear miniskirts.

Dislikes: The IHN (is there a theme here, or is it me?), and doctors who want to give him the "glove" exam.

Quote: "Ooof!"

Favorite Movie: The Shining

Favorite Book: Model Railroading for Fun and Profit.

Favorite Musician: Amy Grant

Favorite Dessert: Jello, preferably orange, although green is nice too.

Favorite Drink: Robitussin

How he wants to be remembered: Having more broken bones than Evel Keneval.

Rumors and Innuendo

Lies! Lies! And more Lies!

Is it just me, or are you as confused as I am seeing Janet Jones Gretzky in a Blues jersey in the "Hot Off the Ice" Catalog?

And speaking of Hot Off the Ice, who the hell is this Dave guy?  Something about me says this guy ain't right.  Dunno why, but he smiles waaaaay too much.  I suspect he'll make headlines one day when he shoots off a full AK-47 magazine inside a 7-11 in Duluth.  

Speaking of shooting off, Al Iafrate is in the rumor mill.  It says here that he'll be traded to an IHL team by the Sharks for a young prospect.  Count on it.

Also as a rumor,  but one I happen to like, Chicago higher ups will be ready to make a move as their team is off to its worst start in 50 years.  They will be trading Chelios to LA for a whole passel of young legs.  Unfortunately the Laker girls will end up spraining those young legs when trying to dance on ice, and the Lakers will have Chelly ride the bench until he stays out of foul trouble.

Colorado fans are in for a treat after New Years as the Avs will begin playing outdoors in Mile High Stadium for most of January and February.  Welcome back to the 1920's, who needs indoor arenas?

And finally, it was heard that Barney the Dinosaur tried out for the Phoenix Coyotes, but was not signed by the team.  The team said something about his hideous color.  And that's the pot calling the kettle black I suppose.

If you haven't already, check out our links page!  Here you will find links to a "Long Live the Nordiques" page and a Hartford Whalers Web Ring!  Swear to God.  (Yes, Virginia, we fixed the spelling of Hartford.)

And they all lived happily ever after, now go to bed you spoiled little brats!