There are so many religious beliefs and there are so many reasons why a child may turn to witchcraft. Each situation is unique and we can't tell everyone how to proceed. Ultimately this is a decision only the parent can make. What we wish to do here is to empower you to make a better and informed decision. Knowledge is power and it is a fool who turns their back on knowledge. Even if you intend on dragging your child back to your religion against their will, and this is your parental right, you will find it easier with a broader knowledge base. You may not believe in the things that we do, but knowing what beliefs your child is holding, can only help you in resolving any conflict. Use this whole web site to increase this knowledge, not just this page. Your child will respect your point of view and decisions more if you can show them that they are made with an understanding of Wicca, and not out of blind prejudice. I need to remind everyone that the content of this page is our opinion. We offer it here as is, without any promises that it will fix your problems. Only by you working at things with love can this be done.
Here we are going to address teenagers, Wicca, and your response as a parent. Let us start out with a definition that will remain in effect for the rest of this discussion. Even though we use the words 'Witchcraft' and 'Wicca' interchangeably, we will use Wicca from now on when referring to our belief system. There are people and groups out there who refer to themselves as witches, but they are not Wiccan. They, or their beliefs, may even be harmful. We will use the word 'Witchcraft' when talking in more general terms, such as a kid who wears a pentagram. In these cases we may not know if it is really Wicca or not.
We are going to address this situation from two different standpoints. The first will take the situation of you stumbling upon your child's secret by accident. The other will deal with your child coming forward and volunteering the information. Even though we have written this based on a parent/child relationship, there is a lot of good information here that is pertinent to any relationship, e.g. spouse, sibling, best friend, etc.
Regardless of which of the two situations applies to you, the first question is whether there is a need for concern. There may very well be. Wicca is a benign nature based religion, but if it is pursued for the wrong reasons there may be a need for concern. Also, there are many people, groups and beliefs that label themselves as Witchcraft, but are not Wicca. Many of these are a great cause of concern. If your child fits into either of the above mentioned categories of concern, we are on your side and want to help you.
In this endeavor I'm very lucky to have Ariel's help. She is a certified Crisis Intervention Counselor and has a lot of experience dealing with children and parents. I have consulted with her in every aspect of this page. The section on "Your Child Tells You They are a Witch", is all hers. Ariel is a very special lady, who tries to nurture and love everyone who she comes in contact with.
There are four segments here. The first one deals with you, your feelings and beliefs. We then talk about some of the reasons that kids may turn to Wicca. The third one is a section on discovering your child's secret on your own. We finish off with Ariel's "Your Child Tells You They are a Witch."
Before you react to the news that your child may be a witch, You need to remain calm and think things through. If you respond with a hair-trigger, you may do damage to your relationship with them that can't be undone later. First read this entire web site before deciding on a response. What you do next may be important and you may not have a second chance to go back and do it right.
The first thing you need to do is decide exactly what your beliefs are in reference to this situation. An atheist's beliefs will be different from a Jew's, which would be different from a Catholic's, or a Unitarian's, or a Fundamentalist Christian's. You may think our beliefs are beautiful or you may think that we are silly, or you may think that we will burn in Hell. I'm not going to try to convince you of anything here. Our beliefs are our beliefs, as yours are yours. However, I will try to educate you about our beliefs, which seem to have much in common with your child's. If they didn't, you probably wouldn't be reading this.
After you are clear on your beliefs, you need to get a handle on you feelings. These can also be quite variable. You may feel betrayed that they have strayed from the religion that you've brought them up in. This is understandable. Ariel covers these feelings in her section on "Your Child Tells You They are a Witch." Please realize that becoming adversarial will probably solve nothing and may further distance you from your loved one.
Kids may turn to Witchcraft for any of a number of reasons. Most of them, in our opinion, are not the right reasons. We plan to explain some of these reason here.
Some kids are looking for attention. This can take a few different forms. Some want attention only in school, others want everyone to pay attention to them. Claiming to be a witch can make people take notice. You can tell attention-getters because they wear their witchcraft on their sleeve for all to see. They will often freely talk about being a witch to people. Look for jewelry, such as pentagrams, on there person. Be careful, since often they are seeking attention outside of the home. They may hide things well at home, but seek attention among their peers. But remember, being open doesn't automatically make them an attention-getter. Some people, who are sincere about Wicca as a religion, are very public. It may not be easy to discern the difference.
Another way that kids seek attention is a 'goth' fashion or lifestyle. This often goes hand in hand with attention-getting and claiming to be a witch. These kids wear black and have an affection for anything of a horror motif. Goth is not part of being a practitioner of the Wiccan religion. I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because a kid is goth, doesn't make them a witch or Wiccan. This is true even if they wear pentagrams and other such regalia. In some instances, a child could be both goth and Wiccan, but the two would not be related. If a child were to display both a goth fashion/lifestyle and claim to be a witch, it is almost certain that they are just looking for attention. I've personally never known a true witch who was also a goth, but such a thing probably exists.
Some kids may turn to Witchcraft because it is 'cool'. Movies like The Craft have made an impression on teen culture. I get many pieces of e-mail from these kids wanting to know how to become a witch. Some have even begged me to initiate them. They have no clue about what being a witch is about, let alone knowing anything about the Wiccan Religion. Some want to become witches because their friends are. I've even had entire groups of kids e-mail me wanting to know how to start a coven. To the teens who fall into the "Witchcraft is cool" catagory, I begin by explaining what the true nature of Witchcraft is. This is the main reason this site was started. I would much rather they remain in their natural religion, than take up Wicca for the wrong reasons. I usually advise them to talk things over with their parents. When I do this, I hope that the confused teen finds love and nurturing and not a harsh or violent reprimand.
Some kids practice Witchcraft just as a way to rebel. Other kids think that being a witch will get them power. This could be from magic or from the fear they can instill on their peers. Some are looking to get back at an ex-boyfriend. This is not what Wicca is about. The sad truth is that there are some books and web sites out there that promise just these things. At this impressionable an age, they want to, and will, believe anything that seems authoritative and looks desirable. I often wish that I had the power to pull some of these sites off of the net. Then again, I'm sure many would wish the same of this site. Freedom of speech is one of our most important rights, along with freedom of religion.
This brings me to my next point. All of the Wiccans I know, knew that they were different at a young age. Read Myrddin's Story to hear about my experiences as a teen. If your child is sincere about Wicca as a religion, you now need to do some soul searching. To some it may be all right. To others it may be one of the biggest blows they have ever received. Read on, and remember, a mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open. What should you do?
It can take many forms. It could be a piece of jewelry with a pentagram. You may have found some books in their room. It may have even been an e-mail on the computer. Whatever it is, you think that your child is into Witchcraft. Yes it could be a phase, but it could be something more harmful too. What should you do?
I think that the first thing you need to do is make sure that they are not into Satanism or some other potentially harmful stuff. Reading the contents of this web site should help you in this. What may be more difficult would be to identify whether it is true Wicca, or something else calling itself that. If you have a title and/or author of a book, you can e-mail us at myrd@hotmail.com and we will tell you if this book or author is wholesome Wicca or not. Any book that is on our Suggested Reading List of course is, but there are hundreds of other books out there. Many of these are also wholesome in our opinion.
Eventually you will need to sit them down and talk to them. You have a choice here and I'll paint you two scenarios and let you decide which is best. In the first, you begin by raising your voice in an accusatory manner. "How dare you bring Witchcraft into this house! Is this what you think of your mother and me?" Your son or daughter then becomes fearful. They may lie to avoid your wrath. If a chasm has formed between the two of you, it could only widen by this course of action.
In the second case, you approach them calmly. "Your mother and I couldn't help noticing a couple of things. We find it interesting that you are persuing this, can you explain this to us? We know about the Wiccan Religion, even though it is not our beliefs." Which of the two do you think will ellicit valuable information from your child? In which case do you think your loved one will consider what you have to say? If they are into something that could be harmful, in which scenario do you think that you have a better chance being able to help them? Choose your actions wisely.
For many kids, Witchcraft or Wicca may just be a phase. If they are practicing Wicca for the wrong reasons however, there may be need for concern. A child changing religious beliefs for the wrong reasons may have emotional problems. Only a professional would be able to advise you about this. We are not stating that every kid that follows Wicca needs professional help, we just want to acknowledge that this may possibly be true. Read Ariel's piece next for more insight into your teen and Wicca.
The news that your child is "different" in any way is always disturbing, but hearing your child tell you they are a witch can be devastating BUT, it doesn't have to be. You should first compliment yourself on raising an honest caring child. They have chosen to share one of the most personal things about themselves with you. They have opened themselves up to the criticisms of the people who mean the most to them. You have loved and nurtured them from birth and you can continue to do so, with some patience and understanding. It will be a difficult journey, but one well worth it. It will involve learning, growing, joy and pain. A large part of the outcome depends on how open you can hold your mind. Some parents hold on so tightly to their prejudices that they actually reject their children or disown them, either throwing them out or forcing them to run away. Since you are reading this, I assume you are not going to do that. That alone puts you ahead of one fourth of most parents.
The feelings you have; fear, anger and confusion are justifiable. After all, this is your baby we're talking about. You may be asking yourself "Why did my child have to tell me?" Well, you're just lucky I guess! All kidding aside, Your child wants to be honest with you (another compliment to your parenting skills). Hiding what he or she is, is a tremendous burden which carries with it guilt and shame. Your child is granting you the respectful and caring gift of honesty, even with the great personal risk of rejection. In making this revelation, your child has lifted a great burden off his or her shoulders. You need to understand what a joyous relief it is not to have to lie about, or hide, who you really are.
While this revelation has relieved your child, it has undeniably burdened you. It is also an opportunity. The opportunity lies in the fact that you now know your child better than you ever did. This situation affords you the opportunity to get closer to your child than you ever have been. If you can be honest (not accusing) about your own feelings, and how you love him or her in spite of this revelation, you can use this situation to draw closer to your child. You may become more important to him or her than you have ever been. What parent would pass up this opportunity?
As a parent, you may be wondering if you did or didn't do something to make your child choose this way of life. The answer is no. Just as some people have a particular talent or an affinity for something, whether it's mathematics or cooking, witches feel an affinity to Wicca and often go much of their life searching for the path that "feels right". Chances are you are a wonderful parent, and your Wiccan child will be (or already is) a wonderful adult. The most important contribution any parent can make to their children's lives is love! Like most parents, you've done that, and continue to do so or you wouldn't be reading this now.
Something else that may be preying on your mind is probably the question of, "Who recruited my kid?" Hopefully the answer is no one. Witches do not recruit. If someone did in fact recruit him, then it is not Witchcraft and there is a great need to be concerned. Yes, there are some groups who call themselves witches, who may recruit. They are not witches by our definition. Please read the section on "What is Witchcraft?" on our main page. If your child is a witch by our definition, then they sought out a religious path and found one on their own.
You may also have concerns about the law. Every American is guaranteed the right to the pursuit of happiness, the right to assemble peacefully, and the freedom of religion. It may not be 17th century Salem, but discrimination still exists today. These are things you need to discuss with your child. See our section on "Coming out of the Broom Closet."
Is the refrain of "What is my child thinking?" still going through your mind? If your child came "out of the broom closet" to you voluntarily, they had a lot to consider before they chose to tell you. Your reaction, their friends, school, job and whether or not they would have a home after this revelation were probably all considered. Even now that your child has come out to you they are probably still concerned about these things.
Every parent wants their child to grow up to be the football captain, the class president or the prom Queen. Just because they are a witch doesn't mean they can't be that, and so much more.