Who am I, you want to know? Who is this Master fellow? Who is this peculiar dude who worships feather dusters, broom handles, potatoes, spam, and has total reign over The Universe?

Many people do not understand The Master. He has many sides, all of which have been viewed completely by a select few. Even if you had some insight into this, His mentality is hard to comprehend, even worse to pry into. He is no freak of nature, "weirdo," or anything else that labels him as being strange. He is, in fact, unique, as many people in this tiny Universe are. He goes about his day on a regular schedule, runs a normal life, has a beautiful TARDIS, a decent set of dentures, and isn't really that different from other people out there. Except for a few things, however.

The Master refuses to "settle for nonsense." He won't let any fads, trends, fashions, or popular culture blind him with their Vanity. He does not fit into a certain group, a "clique," so to speak. He is All-Knowing, yet somewhat All-Seeing. Most people think he's a Human, but in fact, he is a Gallifrean...older and yummier. He has no bollocks and is damn proud of not succumbing to that blasphemy. He Invented Communism with a passion, and believes wholeheartedly in a strong, centralized government run by His Masterful Self. He exercises His Right as a Gallifrean Time Lord to speak his mind, and He constantly and thoroughly abuses this priviledge like so many other Evil Time Lords in this Universe. In fact, He wishes that he could remove some of them because the Universe needs a Masterful Man, a Manly Man like The Master these days to restore chaos, servility, immorality, and a decent piece of fish to all people, except certain Oregonians, who need to be shipped back to The Prison Planet...but that's another story...

Long Live The Master! May His reign be long and prosperous, may He father many healthy Autons, eliminate Village Idiots, and drink lots and lots of of Prune Squishies!

~The Master's Hand Named Fred