Most interviews begin in a cafe. But this one ended at my house, and somewhere in between, we lost our shirts. It's Janeane Garofalo, and she knows the truth--about cats, dogs, and everything in-between, it seems. So grab a latte and get to the table in a rush. Janeane wants to talk to you, and she's saving you a seat.

JH: When you were in 1st grade and the teacher asked the inevitable, "what do you want to be when you grow up?", how did you respond?

JG: A secretary. My mom was a secretary.

JH: When did you change your mind? What was your comic epiphany?

JG: Well you know what? Bill Murray! To get into college you had to write an essay, and I wrote my essay on Bill Murray! I met him when he came to SNL to do the tribute to Michael O'Donoghue. Although thank God I didn't save it and give it to him. He would've thought I was the biggest asshole in the world. But meeting him was one of the high points of my life.

JH: You've mentioned in the past that one of the most important elements to your success is self-respect.

JG: Well, it manifests itself in two ways in me; I don't like to do a lot of self-deprecating humor--a lot of women tend to do that. Although I have a very self-deprecating side to me, I try and stay away from it. A lot of women comics deal with it. I think maybe it's a feminine quality. Integrity-wise I like to do quality work. Sometimes when I'm involved with projects where I don't always agree with some of the quality, it's hard. Like there's been some stuff I've done that is not my cup of tea comedically - but you've gotta suck it up and do it on a show that 's not your show.

JH: Referring to?

JG: Referring to, perhaps a couple of sketches we did on Saturday Night Live are not necessarily something I would've liked to have done, but being that it's a team show, you've gotta do it. So you commit and, as hard as it is, you do it.

JH: You met Ben Stiller at three in the morning in a deli in Los Angeles. After that things seem to have fallen into place. Are you happy with the way things have evolved from there?

JG: Yeah, that started it all. My fortuitous meeting with Ben Stiller. I would have wished that my stand-up career would have been more in gear before my meeting with him; I would have wished that I could have ha since she was thirteen. Ben Stiller's also a child performer. It really doesn't make sense. That actually hurt us more than it helped us. That created a backlash against the movie; it created expectations that the movie couldn't meet. "The graduate for the nineties...." And that's just not true. And that's not the fault of anybody involved with the movie. The press just needs to put words on a page and so they do it and there you go.

JH: What is Generation X anyway? I hate using that word.

JG: I hate using it too. I don't even know what it means.

JH: Feminism seems somewhat of a fractured cause these days. People call you a feminist. Why do they call you a feminist, and how do you perceive the state of the movement today, especially in the entertainment industry?

JG: I feel bad that people think that "feminism" is a dirty word. I don't understand that at all, I'm proud to be labeled a feminist. I consider myself a person who has throughout my entire life stood up for myself. It's never been my ambition to be someone who takes a backseat to anything. I'm not a male basher at all. I divide people into assholes and non-assholes, and that's genderless. I encounter sexism everyday. SNL certainly has it's share, as does every show I've ever been involved with. And that's another thing - I don't see why SNL gets picked on more than anything else. I've never not been involved in a "boy's club." For all SNL's flaws, that is certainly no more of an offender than any other show, any other production, or any other organization in this country (except a women's organization).

JH: As a woman in the industry, what's your perspective on sexism in Hollywood?

JG: People are reticent to make "women's films", people are reticent to have strong female characters in television, in film, in radio. They're much less likely to put financial backing behind a film like Fried Green Tomatoes --a more feminized type of film, where the majority of the audience is going to be women. Hollywood feels like it's not going to make money. There was a time when they wouldn't make a black film--that kind of thing.

JH: To what degree have you encountered "the glass ceiling?

JG: You encounter the glass ceiling in Hollywood more if you are not drop-dead gorgeous. If you are a character actor, like I am, and a woman, there is a glass ceiling. You are not cast as the lead. And if you are the lead, it's about the fact that you are not gorgeous--that you are the off-beat person. Whereas male leads can be anyone from Danny DeVito to John Goodman. They can work and work and work, and get the girl, and be successful, but females are not afforded that same luxury. When they cast the supposedly unattractive female lead in a movie like Frankie and Johnny and White Palace, you've got Michelle Pfeiffer and Susan Sarandon playing those roles, which is complete bullshit.

JH: Do you see any way around it?

JG: No. The only thing I can do to be around it is I don't not eat, I don't have a stylist, and when I do photoshoots, I don't have someone come in and airbrush them and make me look better. I don't do any of those things that keep (women) restricted, and that put us in a category. A woman's body is a political statement. Everytime an actress starves herself for a part, we all lose. They are cow-towing to societal pressures to look a certain way. And that's not a creation of women, that's a creation of the male part of the society for women, and we're our own worst enemy. I think it's important for there to be more women doing stand-up and acting who aren't self-deprecating, or generic, or anorexic, as a lot of women are. I think it's important for women to see the Breeders, I think it's important for women to see Sinead O'Connor, I think it's important for people to see Rosie O'Donnell, I think it's important for people to see Roseanne, you know what I mean? So I think, without sounding arrogant, what I do is sort-of important. But it's better than it's ever been. There's more independent-minded young females now than ever, so that's good. If I can be successful in this business as-is, I've done something.

JH: How do you respond to the claim that there are no original ideas in Hollywood? Has the industry's brought it upon itself?

JG: Oh, they're there. They don't always get produced. Yes, the system has created "there's no original ideas." There's plenty of original ideas, and plenty of great scripts that will never be made because they're too good. They're risk-taking, and the powers that be underestimate the American public.

JH: Saturday Night Live: We hear the rumors about how it's a "boy's club." How did you become involved with it?

JG: I auditioned for Lorne when I was twenty-five. He came to see me do stand-up, which I couldn't believe. he was right in the front row at Catch a Rising Star NY. I was really nervous! And ordinarily I had done really well at Catch a Rising Star--it was a club that was really good to me. Well, I bombed that night. I had performed there a hundred times, but I just couldn't buy a laugh. Still, they offered me a writing position on the show. But I didn't want to write, I wanted to perform, so I turned them down. And then they offered it again in 1994.

JH: Did you write on the show as well as perform?

JG: Yes. Everybody writes. I doesn't always get on, but everybody is encouraged to write.

JH: What did you expect from it, and were those expectations realized?

JG: I didn't have expectations, I had hopes. What I wanted was to be so busy performing and writing that I literally would barely have time to make my changes in between sketches. I wanted so badly to be just overworked--to be exhausted at the end of a Saturday night. And that was not realized, except for maybe three shows where I did a lot. And I was so happy. I was so happy getting those quick changes, you know what I mean? And that's what we all want. And with fifteen people, we can't all have that. We're all disappointed on a weekly basis. There's nobody there who could say, "I am satisfied with how much I've done..." We all share that same desire to be run ragged, and we all share the same disappointment of not being run ragged.

JH: Do you feel that you had to compromise a lot with SNL?

JG: Sometimes, sometimes. And then sometimes there were things I really liked. But then again, a lot of the audience members didn't seem to have the highest of standards. Like in the sketch we did Saturday (1.21.95), the Little Women sketch, where Chris Farley's character called me a whore. They applauded that--the audience applauded that-- which I didn't like at all. The point wasn't supposed to be funny that he called me a whore, it was supposed to be that he was this Victorian, very pristine gentleman who, once he falls through the ice, calls me a whore. The shock of it was supposed to be the point, not the joke that he called me a whore. I was unhappy when they applauded. Fred Wolf wrote that--that's not his fault. I like Fred Wolf's writing a lot. The audience missed the point, and that disappointed me. It's hard to stand on stage and hear an audience applaud the word "whore". That's hard. Even women were doing it, you know? Men and women were doing it, and that's tough.

JH: Do you feel your overall experience was worthwhile?

JG: Yes. While there was a lot of unhappiness, I remember it fondly, and I would do it again.

JH: It's was a learning experience?

JG: Yes. Very much so.

JH: Do you believe in Fate?

JG: I'm hoping. I'm hoping that I believe in Fate. It's weird. (About SNL:) I think people have misunderstood me there, and misunderstood why I left, and I think there was a lot of negative feelings towards me there; that they misinterpreted my decision to leave as arrogance. I did it because I didn't think I was helping the show. I didn't think I was needed there. I went through a really severe depression for some reason that hit me there, and I don't know if it would've hit me anywhere I was, if I'd have been working at a book store, but something happened when I turned thirty that read more exposure. There's a lot of comics out there who don't get the exposure that they deserve, comics that aren't doing the same old bullshit, you know, and they're still not being seen. And it's a shame. Because, I guess, they're too smart for TV.

JH: Reality Bites. The movie has become a symbol of sorts for that illustrious and enigmatic "Generation X." Where does that put you, and how do you feel about it?

JG: I didn't see it as a symbol of anything. Other people do, but I'm not even in Generation X. I'm 30. I thought it was just a love triangle story between people who happen to be in their early twenties; I attach no greater importance to it than that, except for the fact that, as a sign of the times, it had two strong female parts in it, and I was glad to do it.

JH: Do you find that people tag labels on to you because of it?

JG: Yes. You know, "Generation X comedienne." And they call Ethan Hawke a Generation X actor --he's been acting since he was twelve. Winona Ryder's been actinglly negatively affected my life, and affected my work, and affected my relationships at the show, and I'm sorry that happened. And if I had to do it over again, I would mentally toughen myself up before getting there, and I wouldn't have left.

JH: Any hope you'll ever work with SNL again?

JG: I would like to. If there was a smaller cast, I could definitely be interested. There's just fifteen of us now, so my leaving actually helps. It makes more room.

JH: "Bye Bye Love"?

JG: Yes...it's a very non-offensive movie. It's very quasi-family-fare. I could take my nephews to it. That's good.

JH: If life were a big movie and you were the producer, who would you want to write, direct, and score?

JG: Scorcese directing, Fran Leibowictz and Jennifer Saunders writing, Chrissy Hynde scoring. Starring in it - (she ponders) ...I like Juliet Lewis, I like Holly Hunter, David Thewlis, Lily Taylor, you know, the usual cool people.

JH: You should sing a song on it.

JG: (Laughing) I can't sing! I think we've proved that on SNL!

JH: A lot of people have trouble seeing past the millennium. What do you see happening - to yourself and to the world - beyond 2000?

JG: I don't. I have no idea.

JH: Exploding universe?

JG: Armageddon. (For some reason we're laughing.) I truly do believe that the world is gonna end pretty soon. We probably won't make it to 2000.

JH: Okay. In five lines or less, sum up the meaning of your life.

JG: The random decisions that I've made that I have no idea why. I have no idea why I make certain decisions, or I say certain things, and I constantly ask myself, "What the fuck are you talking about? Why did you say that?" Why I do some of the self-destructive things that I do. That's how I sum up my life: why!?

After the interview, Janeane makes a pilgrimage to the powder room and I am left to contemplate her coolness in temporary privacy. Upon returning, I offer her a tee-shirt I designed with her in mind (and only her). It's simple, just a few words: "Hi. I'm Janeane Garofalo, and all I got was this crummy tee-shirt." To my surprise, she loves it, and to show her enthusiasm, she rips her own tee off, in the wide-open of the cafe, and reaches for my offering. After replacing her former gear with my more original BVD, she hands me her old white, proposing a trade. I accept and, for the first time as an adult, remove my shirt in a public place. I am liberated. Janeane has shown me the light, and she can do it for you, too. Janeane Garafalo knows the way.

And then she walked me home. Because, aside from being a guru to millions, Janeane Garofalo is the most nurturing celebrity on the planet. She assisted me with my kidload of photo equiptment, and sent me back home, a girl inspired.

Jen Heck
jmh6101@is2.nyu.edu