I met Vince Vaughn when we went to Utah to do Clay Pigeons, a twisted murder mystery with Joaquin Phoenix, out this month. He is a fabulous person, a prince among men and Steve McQueen incarnate. By Janeane Garofalo.

Janeane: Okay, Vince, here are some Jane questions. What role has been the most difficult for you and why?
Vince: Probably the role of Vince. Now they'll print that without the irony.

J: Without the tongue in your cheek.
V: Yeah, I guess we just pulled back the curtain on the swinger.

J: Okay. Why do you think there are so many stories about actors coming to Hollywood with just $20 in their pockets?
V: I don't know, but it wasn't like that for me. My daddy loved me. He was like the American dream. He came from a farm in Ohio, worked in a mental institution to put himself through college; he was the only one in his family to graduate college; he started out in an apartment, then bought a house, then moved to an upper-class neighborhood. So I was taught those values. But I think people look at acting as a pipe dream to begin with, not as work. But it is work -- it's a very tough thing to succeed at. It comes down to the ability to think for yourself and say, "I believe I can do anything." For me, the greatest thing was having a role model who accomplished a lot.

J: That's cool. What aggravates you most in a director and co-stars?
V: Not agreeing with me. Oh, God. This story is now entitled "I'll Never Work Again."

J: There's nothing worse than being directed, I always say. When a movie didn't come out as well as you had hoped, does it bother you?
V: I blame everyone but me -- the director, the co-stars, the script flaws I thought we could get past, no one having the vision I had. It's never me.

J: I actually never minded until it was a movie I really liked -- The Matchmaker. It bombed. And it took the joy of going to the movies away from me. But Vince, in Clay Pigeons you're funny as well as menacing. You should definitely do more comedies, because it's so rare when somebody is a dramatic actor, is as good-looking as you are and funny.
V: Comedies are the best to do, because on the set when someone's dying or the mom was stolen from them or something happened that's not a lot of fun, they're working out their demons. At the end of the day, you kind of have a light laugh, you stumble around, maybe hit your head, and then everyone laughs and has a drink. Maybe I'm not a sophisticated thespian, but that equals F-U-N.

J: That's P-H-U-N. I heard that, motherphucker. I actually would rather do comedy. Sometimes, it causes me great anxiety to tackle straight drama. Like I have hives right now.
V: Really? I've been struggling with that for six months.

J: I'm convinced it's manifested from anxiety.
V: No, it's contagious. You got it from me. I'm a leper.

J: But I haven't seen you in months.
V: Well, then, maybe it's time to look at the dance card...

J: Really, because I can't even name 'em, and I don't use protection. I'm kidding! Completely kidding. I'm totally monogamous. Anyway, so I got hives. And I feel it's definitely physically manifested because I was walking Dew recently at about 2:30 in the morning --
V: The gorgeous dog you got while filming Clay Pigeons.

J: Yes. I was walking him, and this girl came up to me and said, "Are you Janeane Garofalo?" And I said, "Yeah." She said, "Is that Dew, who I saw on the HBO special?" I said, "Yeah!" She said, "Look, I've got to tell you, I think you suck. You get away with this Gen X thing, but your stand-up has gotten worse over the years." I got home, and the hives were in gear, full-blown by 4 a.m.
V: Which says to me this: She's an idiot.

J: Hey, she was a grad student! I should have asked her for some money for the Zovirax and the cortisone cream I need as a result of our chat. Now I have a twofold question for you. Has anything like that happened to you, and what's going on with your stress-related hives?
V: Number one, nothing like that, although I have had some situations where girls have come up to me in bars, and their boyfriends have also come up to me and let it be known that Funny Boy better not approach their girl. But what are you going to do? You have to do what you think is right for you. You know, I don't pick projects so that all the kids at the Starbucks think I'm a classic.

J: But that's why I'm doing it. I want the kids at the Starbucks to think I'm the Cadillac of performers.
V: You are the Cadillac. But as for my hives, I did three movies in a row and -- I don't know if I'm giving away too much, but I tend to drink quite a bit, and I also tend to smoke a little and not sleep all that much. I've been known to stay up entire nights, drinking.

J: And then go right to work.
V: Well, I don't want work to get in the way of a good time.

J: Plus, it helps your work.
V: Well, that was my school of acting. Maybe I'll realize at a certain point when everything's gone away and I'm on The Love Boat...

J: And you lose your looks. For one of your next movies, the remake of Psycho, were you surprised when they offered you the part of the mother? I know you wanted to play the shower, and they offered you the mother instead.
V: I also wanted to play the fly -- just the voice-over. "Hey, this arm looks good, I'll land on this arm." First off, I thought, "God, why would they remake Psycho?" Then I heard Gus Van Sant [Good Will Hunting] was directing it, and I go, "Boy, I like all his films, and I'd love to work with him!" After hearing his approach on it, I felt good, and I was flattered that Gus offered me the part of Norman Bates.

J: Okay. Now I'm going to pretend I'm a Jane reader who gets to ask Vince Vaughn a question: Speaking of the Black Panther Party and the trial of the Chicago Eight back in the day, what was your feeling when you saw poor Bobby Seale literally gagged and bound to his chair, sentenced to that fate by Judge Julius Hoffman?
V: ...What year was that?

J: 1968.
V: Ah, I wasn't born yet.

J: That was a prenatal question. I know how politically active you are. I was 4 at the time, so I can't answer it myself. But I know I would have been outraged!
V: Um, I think I got tears in my eyes when Elvis died.

J: And Frank Sinatra?
V: Well, he seemed like he had a full life and it was his time, you know? Where Elvis is concerned, it seemed like he was taken at an early age.

J: I guess. So after Return to Paradise, with you, Anne Heche and Joaquin Phoenix; and Clay Pigeons, with you, me and Joaquin; and Psycho, with you and Anne; do you have anything else coming up?
V: Nothing booked. I'd love to do a comedy with the Garaf. There's not many scripts that I find funny. Like when we ere talking about doing comedy vs. drama, I think the best films encompass all of them.

J: You mean like Woody Allen's later work, if that's what you're talking about?
V: I'm not much of a fan of Woody Allen.

J: Agh! Crimes and Misdemeanors is my favorite film!
V: I would rather listen to a Hank Williams record, personally.