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The "Unequivocally Reprehensible" Memo's Greatest Hits!

Praising Private Ryan

There's Something About Dumb Comedy

Out of Sight: What a difference a director makes

The Truman Show: Jim Carrey's  new clothes

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About that Hollywood studio memo...

Those of you who may have seen the hysterical (in every sense of the word) memo from An Employee of A Major Hollywood Motion Picture Studio may be wondering where it has gone.   Well, I was contacted by people from the studio, who told me the writer had been reprimanded for her unprofessional, "out of line" conduct, and that apologies were being made to all the field agency representatives to whom she had blanket-faxed her ridiculous, personally insulting and abusive mail.  They asked me if I would be willing to take the memo off my site.  And, since I felt that the primary purpose of posting the memo had been achieved (i.e., some rude and unacceptable workplace behavior had been exposed -- fittingly, in the bully's own choice words -- and disciplinary action had been taken against the perp), I agreed to take down the links. 

I certainly have nothing against The Studio or the other folks who work there. Although I confess I'm mystified as to why such a pointless and unproductive fit -- preserved in writing for all to see -- would be tolerated by any respectable company.  Indeed, I  feel compassion for anyone who would have to work anywhere near a person who would write and send such a petty, juvenile document.  That said, I can sympathize with the impulse behind writing it in the first place.  I've done similar things myself -- although I hope they were much better written.  But it's one thing to do this kind of cathartic venting in private;  it's something else entirely to actually send the thing!  I spent more than three years working at Microsoft, where impulsive "flame mails" scorch the mail servers all the time -- but this absurd tirade was beyond anything that should or would be tolerated anyplace I've ever worked.

Local agency and L.A. studio reps also asked me where I got the memo, which I'm not about to reveal -- mainly because it's utterly beside the point.  The issue isn't how the memo got around. That was inevitable, given its snotty, insulting tone and wide fax distribution -- and it's just another indication of the sender's bad judgement that she didn't think about that ahead of time: Hey,  wake up and smell the Information Age!  I simply wanted this person (whom I'd never met, spoken to, or even heard of -- so it's nothing personal) to be held accountable for what she, and she alone, did when she wrote that thing, printed it out, signed it, and then faxed it to people all over the country.   (This was not done in haste or on impulse; there was plenty of time to reconsider...)

Anyway, her misconduct and bad judgement are self-evident, and by posting the proof I was only too happy to extend the writer enough rope to hang herself -- in front of office workers 'round the globe!  Responses I received from those who read the two-page temper tantrum were unanimous in finding it a personal harangue that exceeded the boundaries of the merely unprofessional.  All things considered, it was just plain ugly.  (Not only that, but the grammar and spelling were atrocious!) 

Why do I care?  Because I, and friends of mine, have toiled under and alongside abusive, ineffectual, and/or passive-aggressive bosses and co-workers -- and I think they should be held responsible for their own behavior.  (One friend recently quit her job when her boss -- also in the film industry -- not only "vented" his frustrations by yelling at people in the office, but also by throwing things at them.  Hmmmm.  I call that "assault.")

But for those of you who missed it, I now present (drum roll, please)...


The "Unequivocally Reprehensible" Memo's
Greatest Hits!

by Anonymous (not Joe Klein)

(WARNING: Reading the following may be even more traumatic than the first 30 minutes of Saving Private Ryan!)

  • "I am writing the memo that I was hoping never to have to write."

  • "What more can we do to make these deadlines more apparent to you?  Nothing, I believe."

  • "In my estimation, this is unequivocally reprehensible."

  • "I could give you a high school lesson on the myriad ways to remind yourself of a deadline -- like scanning the memos when they come and immediately writing reminders on your desk calendar -- but I'm not going to do that, nor should anyone else have to. You are all adult professionals -- many of you are parents -- and I will not commence treating you in such a childish way."

  • "If you think this is harsh, it is.  I have been here three years and getting agencies to meet deadlines has been the bane of my existence during this time.  Little else upsets or disturbs me because I have a deep-rooted respect for each and every one of you and consider these indiscretions almost a personal affront."

  • "We here at the studio are completely powerless to approach the next step unless we hear from all of you; this is not the environment where piece-mailing is acceptable."

  • "If it's the mundane nature of paperwork that drags you down, get over it."

  • "Understand, although this letter may lead you to believe otherwise, I am not an ogre."

  • "I am not a crook."  (Ooops, that was Richard Nixon.)

  • "I hope I have been able to shed some light on how crucial it is to meet every deadline imposed, no matter how ridiculous or sublime."

  • "By disregarding what may seem irrelevant or unimportant to you, we at the studio are put in awkward positions with our superiors, so we are putting an end to it right now."

  • "My sincere thanks for understanding and strictly adhering to this memo.  My apologies to those that constantly meet the deadlines requested of them."

 

NEXT:  Saving Private Ryan

 

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