monkee reviews 'Acquisition'
First Impression: Delightful!
Choose Your Aggravations: There's been a lot of noise about this episode violating Trek continuity, because Picard was allegedly the first Starfleet representative to meet the Ferengi. I'd much rather save my outrage for more egregious offenses. I mean, why waste any anguish on 'The Last Outpost,' for crying out loud? It was a lousy episode in TNG's first season! Those fur-draped Ferengi were abandoned long before TNG even ended! Star Trek has been around for thirty-five years, there are going to be both minor and major screw-ups. Let's not worry about the little ones, eh? I'm willing to accept some arm-waving here – Archer never actually found out exactly who they were, and intimidated them into staying hidden for centuries. Okay. Whatever. As far as I'm concerned, the re-appearance of the phaser whips, and Krem's parting "You'll never see US again," were enough of a nod to continuity.
The Ferengi: I've never much liked the Ferengi, to tell you the truth. The aforementioned 'Last Outpost' is one of the main reasons I stopped watching TNG in the middle of its first season, and didn't return for two years. In the beginning, I found them irritating, borderline offensive, and not even very funny. Rom, Nog and Quark changed a lot of that during the course of DS9 – the Ferengi gained some ground there, and more depth, although they were still featured in too many mediocre comedic episodes. Not so this time. 'Acquisition' struck a perfect balance with the Ferengi. They were funnier than I've seen them in ages, but we also got the added benefit of getting to know one of them, Krem, through his interactions with Archer. The two cousins, Krem and Ulis, were strongly reminiscent of Rom and Quark, the DS9 brothers, and I thought that was a great call. All four guest stars were outstanding, too. I always love seeing old Clint Howard again. What I especially loved, though, was the reverse casting of Phillips as the man in charge, and Combs as the sniveling underling.
Someday, though, I want Clint Howard to be a guest star, and actually have to say the word 'tranya.' I would pay money to see that, I swear I would!
Best Ferengi Moments: A million little details made the Ferengi sparkle in this episode. I loved the way they scoffed disdainfully at the human's little ears, but found T'Pol's pointed ones a real turn-on. They had a hilarious run-in with Phlox's bat, not to mention his trash can, and they nearly fired at a biobed. The bickering about profit and shares was dead on, but we discovered some other fascinating facts as well. Now we know that Ferengi favor purple striped socks, and like to sniff other people's food. And their boots! And it looks like Trip, and Chef, have successfully introduced pecan pie to a whole other species! Maybe THAT'S how humans came to be so powerful in the galaxy!
Ferengi-speak: The teaser and nearly all of the first one and a half acts are in Ferengi, yet you could still figure out exactly what was going on. Well done! And I always enjoys seeing the UT in action. First it figures out a phrase here and there, then it quickly locks onto the rest. Cool. Doesn't work on dogs, though <g>.
Chauvinistic Ferengi: This is an advantage of doing a prequel. We don't have to worry about the Ferengi selling women to slave markets. We already know Ferengi males are chauvinistic pigs who make their females pre-chew food for them and run around naked. We also know that by the end of DS9, a lot of that is going to change. We can relax, and enjoy the episode as a comedy without getting distracted by things that would normally bother us.
Out Ferengi-ing the Ferengi: Archer, Trip and T'Pol, the only three crewmen conscious, must work together to outwit the four Ferengi, and they do it with great panache. They plant scanners, sow discontent, and stage hilarious and convincing fights. T'Pol even vamps one of them! It was really a joy to watch them in action. I'm not sure exactly when they honed their convoluted plan, but it was pretty satisfying to watch Trip escort them right into the trap, where T'Pol was waiting with the disruptor. Boom, boom, boom – out go the lights!
Enterprise should do as many comedy episodes as they can conceivably get away with. Humor is their biggest strength, and Archer just comes to life in these situations.
Porthos! God, I love Porthos! From now on, any episode with Porthos gets an automatic point added to its rating! Okay, not really, but it sure was great to see him again! The Ferengi may not have been able to lock onto his language, but they were mighty impressed with HIS ears. I was alarmed when Muk stuck him into what looked very much like an airtight container, but thank goodness he came out alive and well. And darned happy to see his Daddy. How sweet was that? Gotta love a Captain who's not ashamed to kiss his dog!
Vulcan Love Slave: The unappreciated Ferengi, Krem, falls madly in lust with T'Pol. First he fantasizes about keeping her for a while before he sells her into slavery. His intentions become nobler when she asks him, as part of the master plan, to 'rescue' her from the humans. Then he just wants her to be his 'handsome' wife, and perform endless oo-mox on him. I commented on the Combs/Blalock spark in 'Shadows of P'Jem,' so I was thrilled to see it again here! Wonderful. Can Combs be a regular? Please? It doesn't matter who he plays! He rocks!
T'Pol and Vulcan Humor: T'Pol exhibits a sense of humor with both Trip and Archer this week. I love it! And it's not really out of character, either. Spock and Tuvok were both masters of sarcastic humor. Good humor requires some real sharpness and timing – perhaps Vulcans who live among humans consider its mastery to be an intellectual challenge. In any case, I really enjoyed it, and all of the other interactions between the 'big three.'
'Shipper Watch: Plenty for us to chew on this week! Look at Trip when Krem is fondling T'Pol's face as she feigns unconsciousness. He looks like he's ready to leap right out and blow his cover! Awww! And there at the end, T'Pol is actually TEASING Archer. If she weren't Vulcan, it could be construed as flirting! Maybe it can anyway. Probably not, but...whatever. They can tease me with this 'shipper stuff, now. I know better than to take any of it too seriously – I'm a jaded J/C er! The best 'shipper moment, however, comes from poor Sato, who wasn't even AWAKE at the time! In Archer and Trip's big deception, Trip tells the Ferengi that Hoshi is his wife, and they'd better keep their filthy hands off of her! Haha! There will be Trip/Hoshi fanfics popping up within days!
Archer Watch: Archer ROCKED this week, and you sure don't hear me say that too often! There's not much a Captain can do when he's shackled to the wall with a gun pointed at his head, but Archer quickly assesses the situation and adapts. At first, he reacts as anyone would when faced with a bunch of thugs. "Just take what you want and leave," he tells them. When one of the things they want turns out to be a half-dozen female crewmembers, he has to adjust. He was wise to see that he could take advantage of the way the three more experienced Ferengi abused and diminished the newbie. And I like how, after a while, he seemed to genuinely care about the generally likeable Krem. He was quick, clever, compassionate and quite funny with T'Pol in the end. And he gave Porthos smooches, which earns him big points in my book. My only complaint is that he let the Ferengi off scot-free at the end, and probably didn't find out as much about them as he should have. I'm willing to let it slide, though, since the episode was clearly intended to be taken lightly.
Best Lines:
"Just because a guy's in his underwear, you think the worst." (Trip, to T'Pol)
"She's a Vulcan. They really aren't that interesting, once you get to know them. Trust me. She's got no sense of humor, she's always complaining..." (Archer, to Krem)
"There are times I wish Vulcans hadn't learned to repress their violent tendencies." (T'Pol, to Trip, regarding unwanted physical contact from Krem)
"Are you calling me a thief?" (Ulis, to Muk)
"Everyone knows you'd steal earwax out of your mother's ears." (Muk, to Ulis)
"Where. Is. The. Vault? Do. You. Understand. Me?" (Grish, to Porthos)
"Woof! WOOF!" (Porthos, to Grish)
"You don't give a damn about this crew! All you care about is your precious gold!" (Trip, to Archer)
"What's your wife worth? Five bars of gold? Maybe six? Let them take Hoshi, and I'll give you ten." (Archer, to Trip)
"It's an old water polo injury. Flares up now and then. I just need to rest." (Archer, to Krem)
"You sure told him." (Archer, sarcastically, to Krem, after his unsuccessful attempt to stand up to Ulis)
"Have you come to rescue me?" (T'Pol, slinking over to poor, hapless Krem)
"I'm well-trained in the arts of pleasure, but I'm not familiar with oo-mox." (T'Pol, to Krem)
"Sorry fellas. Bank must be closed today." (Trip, to unconscious Ulis, Muk and Grish)
"You won't see US again!" (Krem, to Archer)
THE Best Exchange:
"Not that interesting. No sense of humor. Always complaining…" (T'Pol, dangling keys in front of Archer)
"I'll make it up to you." (Contrite Archer, to T'Pol)
"How?" (T'Pol, to Archer)
"Five bars of gold?" (Archer, to T'Pol)
Trip's Underwear: See? There was so much going on this week, I almost FORGOT to comment on the fact that Trip spent a full third of the episode in his underwear! You know, it was really gratuitous, and I'm quite certain that Trip could have found thirty seconds to throw something on earlier in the episode, but...[monkee shrugs]...I don't know – it was sort of fun. And hey, he wore it well!
Rating: 9.5/10. It made me laugh. A lot! Enterprise does humor very well.
Next Week: *I* didn't get to see the promo, but I was able to read the transcript. I like Rene Auberjonois, but this one looks a lot like Terra Nova to me. Well, we'll see!
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