Top Ten Reasons To Become an Orthodox Jew
10. You will become an instant topic of conversation
and amusement amongst all former friends
9. You will no longer have to eat your Aunt Harriet's homemade
pork rinds
8. Bums, vagrants, total strangers and missionaries will
strike up conversations with you on the subway about theology,
philosophy and the meaning of life (if in New York add - while
their accomplice steals your wallet)
7. You will never have to decide between chicken and beef
on airline flights (except on El Al where there is no
difference between them anyway)
6. You will become a close friend and confidant of all
the staff at Food City Kosher Department
5. You will have the privilege of donating half your
income to a Jewish day school (and your firstborn)
4. You will understand all of Jackie Mason's jokes
3. You will no longer have to agonize over French, Creole,
Thai, Sushi, Italian or Indian cuisine. Your choice becomes
upholstered cardboard (also known as kosher pizza),
pseudo-Chinese, or triple-bypass deli sandwiches on rye
(with added cholesterol and a pickle on the side)
2. Men - your bald spot will always be covered
Women - you can have your hair done and it doesn't even
have to be on your head
1. For one entire day every week you cannot be reached
by phone, cellular, pager or E-mail