Top 12 New Commandments
- Anyone who says Thou Shalt Not one more time gets whacked
- Thou shalt continue to read the second part of the Passover
Haggadah after the Seder meal
- Ladies' wigs count as hair
- Thou shalt have no other gods before breakfast
- For the last time, circumcision stays
- Thou shalt not colorize Hollywood movies
- Endives are acceptable Lulav substitutes
- Due to illness, the role of the prophet Elijah in Kings II 15-21
will be played by Ed Asner
- To prevent further embarrassment, the name Oral Tradition will be
replaced by Spoken Tradition
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Mac
- Thou shalt not begin thy jokes with "A priest, a minister and a
rabbi," so that your days will be lengthened on G-d's
earth
- It's Hanukkah - not Chanooca, not Chanucca - Hanukkah, always and
everywhere, got it?
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