Welcome to Leon Phelps' Sexual Palace!
Here are some of my terms of sexual bliss...
- The
Dirty Sanchez -- When you're going at it doggy-style and just as you're about to spill
your load, you plunge a finger into her poop-shoot and reach around to her upper lip,
where you proceed to paint on "The Dirty Sanchez."
- The
Wet Burrito -- Similar to the Dirty Sanchez, only performed with your own ball sweat.
- The
Code of Silence -- Anytime you fuck a girl that's so dirty or ugly that you rip off the
used condom, gag her with it, and tell her that you'll kill her if she tells a soul what
just happened between the two of you.
- The
Coyote -- When you wake up the morning after sex with an absolute beast to find that she's
sleeping on your arm and rather than have to talk to her or, god forbid, touch her again,
you gnaw your own arm off and leave it there.
- The
Purple Mushroom -- When you're receiving a little oral pleasure from a girl and just
before you shoot your load, you whip it out of her mouth and try to impale her cheek. The
impression it leaves resembles a purple mushroom.
- The
Divot -- A must for golfers! When you've got your hand below the belt on some girl with a
fair amount of bush, you grab on to as much of it as you can, scream "Fore!" and
rip every last pube out of her.
- The
Bronco -- When you're taking a girl doggy-style and just at the moment of climax you reach
around, grab her tits as tightly as you can, scream out another girl's name, and enjoy the
sensation as she tries to buck you off.
- The
Rodeo - This is variation of the Bronco, where a bunch of your closest friends are hidden
in a bedroom closet prior to the sexual encounter. When the male involved in the feat
yells out RODEO, they all run out with a video camera and you try and see how long you can
stay on as she tries to get away.
- The
Pearl Necklace -- When you are enjoying a fine blowjob or titty-fucking session and you
happen to leave a line of droplets resembling a string of pearls around her neck.
- The
New York Style Taco -- Any time that you are so drunk that you go down on a girl and puke
in her box.
- The
Stinky Pinky -- When you're going at it from the back and you insert a pinky finger in
along side your member, reach around front, and plunge it so far into her nostril that it
tilts her head back.
- The
Gobstopper -- When you're receiving a hand job and just as you're about to come, the girl
decides to squeeze your unit with all of her might and cap you off with her thumb.
- The
Stranger -- When the tedium of your nightly jerk off becomes too much so you sit on your
hand until it falls asleep, giving the sensation of someone else doing it.
- The
Donkey Punch -- When you're attacking a girl from the back and at the moment of climax you
pull out, plunge it into her cornhole, let out a mighty "Hee Haw!" and punch her
in the back of the head. Note: In order to fully enjoy the Donkey Punch, you must knock
her out as this results in a tightening of the asshole.
- The
Hot Lunch (a.k.a. Cleveland Steamer, a.k.a. Hot Carl) -- When you're receiving a blow job
from a position where you're crouched over her face on all fours and you drop a monster
shit right onto her chest.
- The
Chili Dog -- A variation of above where you proceed to titty-fuck her afterwards.
- The
Shocker - This occurs when you're fingering a girl and decide to give her a surprise, so
you insert a digit or two into her asshole.
- The
Beetle Clip -- You insert your thumb into the snatch and forefinger into the poop-shoot
and try your like hell to make them touch each other.
- The
Six Pack -- When performing the above and you attempt to carry the girl around (similar to
the way you would a six pack).
- The
Golden Shower (a.k.a. Watersports) -- Any shape or form of urinating on or in a girl.
- The
Bismarck -- When you've got your dick buried to the hilt in some girl's throat and you
pull out to sign her face, then belt her, and smear the blood and come together.
- Tossing
Salad (a.k.a. Rim Job) -- A common prison practice that could also be termed "eating
asshole."
- The
Cave -- When you blow your load into a girl's mouth and proceed to kick her teeth in,
making her mouth look like a cave.
- The
Bullwinkle -- When you're entering your partner from the rear and you reach up front,
wrench her nipples as hard as you can, put your hands up to the sides of your head like
antlers, and wiggle your fingers and stick out your tongue while emitting a high pitched
turkey gobble.
- Felching
-- A homosexual activity in which one fag fucks another and proceeds to suck his own
spooge out of his partner's asshole with a straw.
- The
Dog in the Bathtub -- The name given to attempting to drop your nuts into a girl's
asshole. Aptly named, as it's about the only thing harder than getting a dog into a
bathtub.
- The
Dolphin -- When you're giving it to a girl from behind and you pull out to stuff it in her
butt when she turns her head around and whimpers, "Uh Uh, Uh Uh," sounding
exactly like a dolphin.
- The
V-Plow -- When you're muff diving and in order to look up at the girl you drag your whole
face through here snatch, nose proudly leading the way, parting that nasty labia.
- The
Crimson Tide -- When you're going down on some girl and, to your surprise, the lunar
alignment dictates that her monthly flow has just to begun.
- The
Free Willy -- When you've worked up such a throbber that when some girl unzips your pants
to give you a hummer, you spring forth and poke her eye out harpoon style.
- The
Mudslide -- After convincing some girl to give you a little ass munching action, you
proceed to unleash a massive flow of diarrhea and sit there and laugh as it runs down her
face and body.
- The
Fortune Cookie -- After you're done banging some chick, you slip the condom off as you
pull out, leaving it in there for the next customer.
- The
Eiffel Tower -- When you and a friend decide to work a girl over together. You get her
down on all fours with one of you in her mouth and the other going at it doggy style. From
this position you give one another a mighty, two-handed high five, making the entire
structure resemble the Eiffel tower.
- The
Angry Dragon -- On the first round of the night, work up an extremely large load during a
blowjob. Just before you're about to explode, grab the back of her head and ram your unit
as far down her throat as possible, causing her to gag on your pint of fluid. The result?
She spews it out of her nose, making her resemble an angry dragon.
- The
Flying Camel -- A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her
from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself
up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a
camel in distress. Strictly a class move.
- The
Fishhook -- A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you
stick your finger up her anus.
- The
Ram -- Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the
wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall against her head should allow for deeper
penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
- The
Fountain of You -- While sitting on her face and having her eat your asshole, jerk off
like a madman, build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, and spew like a
geyser all over her neck, tits, and stomach (Better in her bed).
- The
Pink Glove -- This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you
pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. This is
referred to as the pink glove.
- The
Fish Eye -- Fucking her from behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are
in prison) whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell is
going on back there.
- The
Fur Ball -- You're chomping away at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size
of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you
to beat the piss out of her.
- Tea
Bagging -- When she takes your whole scrotum into her mouth and holds it there like a tea
bag in a cup of hot water.
- The
Hummer -- While sucking on your rod, she emits a low humming noise. The vibrations from
her throat make it all too easy to bring her concert to a quick end.
- Snow
Balling -- Occurs when some chick takes your load in her mouth and has the audacity come
up and kiss you while it's still in there.
- The
Camel Clutch -- When she's lying on her stomach with you giving it to her from behind and
you decide to emulate the Iron Sheik through his signature move, grabbing her underneath
the chin and pulling straight back with both hands.
- The
Rumpledforeskin -- When some girl makes you stop fucking her because she somehow realizes
that you don't remember her name, causing you to go limp (like the fairy tale).
- The
Skull Fuck -- The act of removing a person's eye (unless you really luck out and find
someone who's already lost one) and fucking the gaping whole left in its place. SICK!
- One
in the Fridge, One in the Freezer -- Another one that requires a partner, this simply
refers to you and a buddy putting one in her pussy and another in her butt, and
simultaneously trying to reach her uterus and large intestine.
- The
Repunzel -- When no amount of suggestion, persuasion, or begging will get a girl to go
down on you and you're forced to resort to simply pulling her head down there by the hair.
- The
Boston Cooler -- Any form of oral stimulation in which you cleverly conceal ice cubes in
you mouth to surprise your partner.