From: Katrinka From: Katrinka Title: Art of Lonliness (1/2) Part of the Vaartuslik series Author: Katrinka (katrinka@flash.net) Archive: master_apprentice, and my homepage only. Anyone else, just ask. Rating: R Catagories: Hurt/Comfort, Drama Warnings: None Spoilers: None for this part Summary: Obi-Wan learns to deal with the loss of his master. Qui-Gon learns to deal with being a Monk. Feedback: This author grovels for feedback! If you like it, tell me. Heck, if you don't like it, tell me! Thanks to: Marnee for Beta'ing this! Two women stood at the temple door, their eyes curious as they looked at Qui-Gon. Finally, one of them spoke. "You should not be here." "I have permission to stay." "This place belongs to the Jedi-it's holy!" "I am quite aware of that." He thought of using the mind trick, but these women weren't hurting anything. "That is why I came here." The second woman nudged the first. Then he heard her whisper,"He's wearing a lightsaber!" "You're a Jedi!" The first woman seemed to be happy with this news. "I am a Jedi Monk. I came here for solitary reflection," Qui-Gon explained. "We welcome you to Gilawrten." The first woman bowed formally. "We would ask you, if we would be permitted to bring you foodstuffs as offerings." The second woman bowed. "I am not a god," Qui-Gon pointed out. "In the old times, it was tradition for the locals to donate food to the temple." He could feel how much this meant to the woman. "Then I would be honored by your donations." "Will there be more Jedi coming to the temple?" the first woman asked. "I've been told, that if I find this place satisfactory, that someday, others might come here." The women looked pleased. "Thank you." ****************** It was a late night on Coruscant. Obi-Wan was at yet another training session; not for his body, but his mind. His new Master insisted that his mind was out of shape. It was the neverending loneliness that made him want to cry. It felt as if a part of his soul was missing. Perhaps if he did as Windu said, the emptiness would leave. "Center your mind," was the command of Mace Windu. Obi-Wan Kenobi sat cross-legged on a pillow, trying to close his mind. His new Master walked around him, his mind probing at Obi-Wan's. "I can feel darkness within you. You must close your mind." "I am trying." "There is no try! There is just do!" Windu's voice was sharp. Obi-Wan closed his mind down the way he used to do when he was abused as a child. His mind felt nothing. He could feel the touch of Windu's hand on his shoulder. "Much better." "Master, why did you say you felt darkness inside me?" "We all have the capacity for darkness. That is all, I just felt your capacity." "Yes..." The word stuck in his throat. "Master." "We'll have one more exercise. Then you'll be able to rest." Windu looked him up and down. "Busy day tomorrow." "Yes, Master." "Concentrate your mind," came the command. *********** Obi-Wan was woken by the feel of lips on his cheek, then hands on his body, caressing him. The touch was familiar to him, a touch he knew almost as well as he knew himself. //Master.// The person touching him wasn't real, instead using the force to visit. He tried to mold his body into the touch. //I am no longer your master,// the visitor reminded him. //I'm a monk.// //A monk?// he asked puzzled. //Yes, a monk.// The hands stroked his hair. //Sleep, beloved.// //Yes, Qui-Gon.// The younger man pretended to fall asleep. Instead his mind was racing, reaching out, trying to locate his Master. He saw his Master. He sat on a mountain; Obi-Wan could feel the area surrounding him. Qui- Gon was in a disused Jedi temple. There were the ruins of a city at the foot of the mountain. A different city that was inhabited could be seen in the far distance. The air was cool to Qui-Gon. He was tightly wrapped in his cloak. Outside, the suns were just specks in the distance, much smaller than the sun of Coruscant, or many inhabited planets. More like stars instead of suns. Suddenly, the connection was broken off. The place seemed familiar to him, very familiar. That was the problem of being Qui-Gon's Padawan. He had been to many, many planets on diplomatic voyages. He would just have to remember where. Obi-Wan got out of bed. He went to the window, looking out at the night sky of Coruscant. Three months it had been since he came here. Three long months. The visit gave him something to believe in. Perhaps his Master wanted him back. Qui-Gon had called him beloved. The word made his heart fill with hope. The feel of his Master's mind breaking off hurt. The loneliness returned. He told himself that Qui- Gon was just checking on how he was doing. But why the kisses? Why the caressing? //Master, how could you leave me?// he asked the stars. *************** Obi-Wan spent the next few months at his assignment teaching the five year-old classes. He found that he enjoyed teaching the younger kids. //Perhaps I can do this when I become a Master.// //That is, if I last that long.// He stood on duty, while the kids played in the Academy yard. He thought of Qui-Gon. Now his Master was a monk, Obi-Wan a teacher. He wondered if the older man enjoyed the solitary life. Qui-Gon had always been reserved, but he never thought his Master would go off to be alone. //Why didn't you let me into your walls?// Obi-Wan thought. //I wonder if you ever knew that I loved you.// A young child ran up to him. "Obi-Wan, will you play ball with us?" He looked across the playground. His new Master was standing, watching him. //I need to talk to you, come here.// "I'm sorry, perhaps later," he told the child. The only training he had received from Windu was endless evenings of mind-control exercises. As he walked across the grass, he wondered if he hadn't conducted last night's practice right. He never seemed to please his new Master. Windu wouldn't tell him the day of the exercise if it had been completed right, but would always wait until the next day. Obi-Wan Kenobi had always been afraid of Mace Windu. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was because the man was always so big, so hulking. So able to see right through him. His third Master. Would he ever be able to become a Knight? He knew that Windu only took him because of his friendship with Qui-Gon. He followed Windu to his office. The Master asked,"How are you doing?" "I am fine." There was a pause as the word stuck in his mouth. "Master." "You still don't feel convertible calling me Master." The man smiled at Obi-Wan. "Why don't you call me Windu." "Yes, Windu," Obi-Wan repeated. Windu gestured to the couch. Obi-Wan sat down. Windu sat down a few feet away from him. "Your exercises last night were done very well. I've seen much progress in you." Obi-Wan tried to hide his surprise. "Your mind control is a lot better than it was when you first arrived." "I've been working, Master." "Tonight, your exercises will be short," Windu promised. "Tell me, what happened between Qui- Gon and you." Obi-Wan looked away from the man. "I don't feel comfortable talking about him." "I know you were involved with him. You were his lover," Windu said. Obi-Wan looked up at the man in shock. "I was never Qui-Gon's lover," he objected. The man waved his hand. "Tell me the truth." Obi-Wan found himself telling the entire events of Quafala to Windu, of not really knowing what had happened, except for his Master's leaving. "You were the first person Qui-Gon could trust to form the bond of Vaar." Obi-Wan looked at the older man, not understanding what he was saying. "I am?" "He must really love you, for him to get this scared." "Qui-Gon scared?" "That's why he ran. He's scared." Windu thought for a moment. "He used to do this when we were at the academy. Anytime he was afraid, he would be off in a shot." "What should I do?" Obi-Wan asked. "Give him some time. When you start feeling him, then go find him." "Do you really think I will begin to feel him?" "He loves you. Eventually, he will let down his barriers enough to see how you are," Windu said wisely. "You chose to have a Vaar with him. No matter what he wants to do, you can't just break off a Vaar. It's a life-long thing." "You'll let me try to find him?" Obi-Wan asked. "But you're my Master." 'I am only your Master for now. You are meant to be with Qui-Gon. Besides," the man smiled again, "your master is too good of a Jedi to allow him to run off." *********** When Obi-Wan went back to his quarters, he asked the computer to describe a Vaar. The computer describe a lifebond between a Master and apprentice. A tie that was beyond friendship, beyond love. //Lover...// Obi-Wan felt light headed. He grabbed the desk. Memories washed over him like a wave. ********Obi-Wan kissed his Master's lips, and felt his Master's arms go around him, pulling him close. Then Qui-Gon pulled away from him. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" "I'm no longer a little boy." he pointed out. "You're a man now." Qui-Gon unfastened the younger man's hair, running his fingers through Obi-Wan's braid. "We will take this slowly." "I want this." *********** Their first time together. The Vaar had been formed then. His hand touched the amber amulet at his neck. Qui-Gon had always worn it; now it was on him. The emptiness was no longer there. Instead, his heart filled with Qui-Gon's spirit. Windu had been right: no matter how much his master wanted to, there was no way to break the Vaar. Now that the Vaar was reformed, Obi-Wan knew exactly where his Master was. The mythical planet of Gilawrtin. He would have to go there. His Master might not want him, but Obi-Wan needed to feel his Master's arms around him. He would have to close his mind. If he knew where Qui-Gon was, his Master would also know his plans. ******************** Qui-Gon went onto the ledge. The lights in the distant city enticed him. Beckoned him to come and rejoin society. He reminded himself yet again that a monk was to live alone, away from all other life. This temple... his mother had told him tales of the legendary temple. The first home of the Jedi. His mind drifted to Obi-Wan. He couldn't break that final tie with his former Padawan. //Why can't my love for you leave?// //What would you say if you knew I invaded your dreams?// He reached out with his mind, using the last parts of the Vaar. Coldness, all he could feel was coldness. He realized that perhaps even the smallest link was gone. The he could see Obi-Wan in his mind's eye. He was wearing overalls, with a company logo on them. He was sitting at a flight computer. //Perhaps a training exercise.// Qui-Gon told himself. He could feel an emptiness inside Obi-Wan. That something was lost, and he wasn't sure what. Then Qui-Gon could feel the Padawan's mind touch his, a sadness in his thoughts. //Master, why won't you forgive me?// //You're not the one that needs forgiveness.// //Then why leave?// //It's for the best this way. I love you.// Qui-Gon closed his mind to the Padawan's. Qui-Gon looked up at the stars. They seemed to call him a liar. //I'm a monk now,// he reminded himself, as he turned to go back to his duties. ******************** Obi-Wan found a beauty to Gilawrtin. The place was so out of the way that there weren't even regular pleasure ships here. Instead, he had to hire himself out as a worker on a transport. Qui-Gon's mindtouch had surprised him. Obi-Wan left on what was euphemistically called shore leave. He had three days. Only three days. In the spaceport, Obi-Wan could feel something reach out, for a brief instant touching his mind. He turned. Standing several yards away, was Xanatos. He wore a black silk cape. His hair was loose and his eyes glowed. His former captor pulled the hood up over his head, and disappeared. For an instant, Obi-Wan felt dizzy. //How can he touch my mind?// //Master, I must find my Master!// Obi-Wan stopped at a stand that had a large sign: "Marnee's fruits." A woman stood behind the stand, looking bored. "Care to buy some fruit?" "What can you recommend?" The woman showed him several fruits. "These are the best on Gilawrtin." "I'll take one of each." As the woman packed the food, he asked,"Is there a Jedi temple on Gilawrtin?" "Not an occupied one." "Well, any deserted ones?" The woman stopped packing. "No, nothing." Obi-Wan waved his hand; he could feel his mind touch the woman's. "Tell me about the temple." "The only Jedi temple on Gilawrtin is forbidden to strangers." "Where is it?" It's on Kiv mountain. The deserted city is at the foot of the mountain." "How far away is this Kiv mountain?" "A two-hour aircar ride from the new city." "Thank you for the fruit." Obi-Wan paid the woman and left. Obi-Wan went to a rental agency. It was full of people. He took a number and sat down to wait. A young girl sat on the chair beside him. He asked the woman with her, "Why is this place so crowded?" "The public transport went on strike this morning. The new city is very spread out." "Hence the need for transport," Obi-Wan guessed. The child looked Obi-Wan over. "Are you a Jedi?" "No, I'm a visitor." Obi-Wan said. "Hush, Kalia," the woman said. "Jedis can be visitors, too," Kalia insisted. "Of course they can," he told her. "Why did you want to know if I was a Jedi?" "You don't know the prophecy?" "Please, I would like to hear the prophecy," Obi-Wan said. "There is an old tale that once the Jedi return to Gilawrtin, we will be allowed to live in the holy city." "What's the holy city?" "It's beneath the Jedi Temple. People from around the galaxy used to go there to study at the Temple." "Then what happened?" "The Jedi had to leave during the Sith war. They never returned," Kalia said morosely. "The Jedi vowed they would come back." The mother's number was called and she got up and went towards the counter. Obi-Wan couldn't stand the sadness of the child. "Don't tell anyone, but I am a Jedi." The girl's eyes lit up. "Really?" "Yes, really. But don't tell anyone." "I won't." She promised. Kalia's mother called across the room, telling her that it was time to go. The girl climbed onto Obi-Wan's lap, and gave him a large hug, then her lips brushed his cheek. "Thank you." Obi-Wan kissed her back. "Remember, it's our secret!" "I promise," the girl said, running after her mother. ************************** He opened himself to the Force. It told him where his Master was. He drove through the streets of the deserted city and wondered why anyone would leave it. He found a building, and parked his car inside. Then he began walking through the streets. The place was chilly, even for him. Obi-Wan took his cape out of the backpack and put it on. That was better, much better. He looked up to the suns. They seemed like small jewels in the distance, instead of suns. It would be getting dark in a few hours. He would have to concentrate on finding his Master. He walked over the cobblestones of the streets, every stone still in place. None of the buildings needed paint. The grass in yards had even been trimmed. Someone had taken care of this place. Then he remembered the child telling him at the rental agency, "When the Jedi return, the holy city can be reopened." Did someone take care of this place in remembrance of the tale? Something nagged in the back of his mind. Xanatos. Was it a dream that he could feel the man's presence? Windu had reassured him that you couldn't feel the presence of another without a mental bond. Obi-Wan still had his doubts. He had never made a mental bond with Xanatos, yet the older man could touch his mind. //Obi-Wan! Where are you?// Xanatos said in his mind. //What part of the new city are you in?// For the first time, he was grateful for Windu's teaching. He closed his mind to the outside intruder. He now knew that Xanatos was on this planet. //Whatever he wants from me, he can't have it,// Obi-Wan vowed. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Special offer from The Science Fiction Book ClubŪ! Take 5 Star WarsŪ books for just $1, with membership. Many choices! 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