From: Katrinka Title: Vaartuslik Part One: Discovery Author: Katrinka (katrinka@flash.net) Archive: master_apprentice, and my homepage only. Anyone else, just ask. Rating: R Warnings: some voyerism, a lot of angst, also the results of Child sexual abuse. (No actual abuse take place in the story) Spoilers: None for this part Summary: Obi-Wan's past ghosts come back to haunt him. Feedback: Hug a author, give feedback. Any feedback will be answered. Copywrite: No, don't even think I own these characters. The big L in the sky does. Thanks to: Asaara for Beta'ing this! Vaartuslik Part One: Discovery When Qui-Gon Jinn awoke, he was the only person in the quarters he shared with his Apprentice. They had been on this planet for a month, attending a "Peace Conference". Every morning, Obi-Wan would slip out, and explore another part of the island. So Qui-Gon knew his apprentice was probably somewhere. Obi-Wan's behavior had changed since a ghost from his past had arrived at the conference. Obi-Wan had withdrawn into a shell that was inside him. Qui-Gon was frankly worried about his Padawan. He didn't know how the young man would react if he remembered the past. The older man decided to go looking for him. Qui-Gon found the younger man, under a waterfall. His braid was loose, dark golden hair falling below his bare shoulders. The water rippling over his muscles. He looked pure, and sensual at the same time. Qui-Gon was in a perfect place, where he could watch Obi-Wan shower, without being seen. It wasn't his place to do more then just observe. The younger man was just a few days from Vaartuslik, the age of deciding. The time when a Padawan decides if they want a relationship with their master. The older man did want to bond, but traditions dictated that the Padawan would be the one to make the Vaartuslik. He watched as Obi-Wan's hand moved down his body, his hand wrapping around his cock, caressing it. With the other hand, he braced himself against the side of the waterfall. Qui-Gon knew he shouldn't do it, but he had to know what turned on the young man. He read his mind. He was shocked to find the younger man fantasizing about him. //You want me don't you?// he asked in the fantasy. His hand around the younger man's cock, pumping it hard. //Yes,// Obi-Wan gasped in the fantasy. //Tell me! Tell me what you want!// the dream Master demanded. //I want you, Master// The kneading got even harder, painful, until he pleaded. //Take me, I want you to take me.// //I'm going to hurt you, and your going to enjoy it.// //Please, don't hurt me,// the younger man pleaded. Qui-Gon got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He could hear himself saying the same words to his master. Begging not to be hurt, and being rebuffed in the process. Qui-Gon closed his mind to the fantasy, turned and left. He now knew that the Vaartuslik would never take place. ******************** Obi-Wan was back in their room, unpacking. The Master watched as his Padawan opened a drawer, then reached up and rubbed his eyes. "What's wrong?" Qui-Gon asked. "I have a horrible headache. No matter how I concentrate, it won't go away." "Perhaps you should take today off?' He suggested. "It's okay, I can handle the work." "I didn't say you couldn't," Qui-Gon went up behind his student, close enough for Obi-Wan to feel him, but not close enough to be actually touching. He could hear an intake of breath from Obi-Wan. "You're not Superman, even you need a break." "I am a Jedi. I must be strong." "You are strong. That's what I admire in you the most. It's very attractive." Qui-Gon felt the Padawan reach out and touch his mind. Obi-Wan's voice shook. "You like me." "Let me guess, you don't like men?" "Master, you're gorgeous. How can I not find you attractive?" Obi-Wan said impulsively. The man's trembling grew even stronger. Obi-Wan was terrified. "You're a virgin aren't you?" "Yes...no...I don't know." The younger man was uncomfortable, there was no question about that. Qui-Gon had been assured that the memories had been taken from Obi-Wan. Now the young man remembered that sometime in his young life, he had been raped. "It's all right, I won't bring it up again." "I do want you, but I would like to take this slowly, would that be okay?" "That would be great." Qui-Gon smiled. Obi-Wan smiled back, then he moved forward a step. He put his hand on Qui-Gon's cheek, and kissed him, very gently. ************************ Qbi-Wan waited outside a conference room, as his master was in another round of endless negotiations. Qui-Gon had specified that he wait outside the door until he was ready. The Governor of the planet Quarbia walked up to Obi-Wan. He was the same height as the Jedi, with long dark curls. "Are you on duty?" Obi-Wan fought down the urge to run. This man was a Quarbinte, from a race that was highly telepathic. "I am waiting for my Master." "Would you be permitted to come to my quarters, for a break?" Hayata smiled, his dark eyes dancing. Something told Obi-Wan not to trust this man. Then he realized that Hayata might be able to help the negotiations by talking to him. "I could use a break." He followed the Quarbinte to his quarters. The man gestured to a chair. As Obi-Wan sat down, Hayata ordered tea. "It's been a long time, hasn't it?" "I don't understand." "Look into your heart Ben. Who was your first master?" The dark force was deep in this one. Obi-Wan could feel it. "My Master is Qui-Gon Jinn." The governor came closer to Obi-Wan. "You really don't remember me, do you?" "I've never met you before this conference." Something grabbed Obi-Wan from behind. he tried to move away from the chair. But there was now iron bars across his chest and legs. Then another slap, and his arms where tied down. The man reached out, putting a hand on both sides of Obi-Wan's head. In his mind he heard. //Remember! You will remember!// Memories flooded over Obi-Wan. Of a year-long hell at the hands of a Jedi Master who believed that it was his right to use his apprentice body. Of a life where a young boy used to dream of dying to except the pain. "You remember, don't you whore?" Hayata swore roughly. Obi-Wan know knew the man, he was his first master! "Why do you want me to remember? Why?" Obi-Wan asked hopelessly. The nightmares that had plagued Obi-Wan where real. He had really been abused as a child. "Because you are my whore, and I want you back!" The man kissed him roughly, pushing his tongue into Obi-Wan's mouth. He unfastened Obi-Wan's pants and began to manipulate his penis. "You liked being my apprentice. I am simply putting our lives back the way they should be!" //Master help me!// Obi-Wan screamed in his mind. //Please help me!// "Qui-Gon won't hear your cries. You're my slave now." The man kissed him again, and rubbed harder. "I'm going to take you, and you're going to like it." "I won't let you!" Obi-Wan tried to use the force, but it was useless. It didn't work on his former master. His body was betraying him, his cock growing harder at the manipulations. //You're a bit long in the tooth for my liking, but you'll do.// The former master said in his mind. Obi-Wan closed his mind to the attack. It had helped him before. Hayata would have his body, but not his mind. Then suddenly his former master was being pulled off of him, and thrown to the floor. "Are you all right?" Qui-Gon! It was his Master! "Master!" Obi-Wan tried to struggle against the chair. With swift motions, Qui-Gon unfastened Obi-Wan's bindings. //First chance you get, run!// //Master, shouldn't I fight alongside you?// //Not with this. Do as I say Obi-Wan.// The look in his master's eyes made him nod. "You've interfered in my life one too many times Qui-Gon!" the Quarbinte thundered. "Your argument is with me, not the boy." "Why should I give you the boy? He was mine before yours." "If you think he will stay with you, show him that you care for him." Qui-Gon said. "Let the Padawan go." "He's mine. You can't take him away from me!" //Go Obi-Wan! Go now!// Qui-Gon commanded. Obi-Wan did as he was told, running away. //Run little boy,// he heard the voice of his former master say. //Trust me, you'll come back...// ****************** Qui-Gon found Obi-Wan on a hill. He was staring at the horizon. The younger man's legs where tucked up under his chin, his arms around his knees. The memories tried to take control of him. //I'm no longer twelve! I'm eighteen!// //No, I'm nineteen! A year from my life was taken!// //Center, you must find your center.// Qui-Gon heard Obi-Wan tell himself. //A good Jedi can forget such things. The past cannot harm me. I must still my mind.// Qui-Gon realized that Obi-Wan had yet to face his recovered memories. He decided to talk to his young charge. "What are you doing?" "I'm trying to meditate. I need to rid myself of these memories." Qui-Gon sat on the grass beside Obi-Wan. He pretended not to notice when the younger man flinched. "Sometimes meditation cannot rid a mind that has yet to be healed. Use the Force to help heal you." "No! I will never use the Force again!" the young man swore. "That is your decision." Qui-Gon said. "I will not give into emotions." he vowed. "You knew about my lost time, didn't you, Master?" "Yes I was told." the Master admitted. "Yet you never brought it up. How could you keep it from me?" "Perhaps it was because I went through similar abuse, and I wished I could have had it taken from my mind." Obi-Wan looked at his Master. "How many times did it happen?" Qui-Gon hated to talk about his first master, but knew that the younger man needed to know he understood. "I was with my first master for four years. He convinced me that abusing me was a normal part of my training." "How did the abuse stop? How did you convince him not to hurt you?" There was question in the young man's eyes. //He blames himself.// the Master realized. "I went for a Jedi exam. The examiner was Yoda. He read my mind, and found the truth. My Master was allowed to quit the Jedi." "What happened to you?" "Yoda took me on as his apprentice. The rest of the Jedi pretended that nothing ever happened." Qui-Gon wiped a tear from his eye. This was harder then he thought. "Something did happen. It took me many years to learn to accept my pain." "You where never punished." It wasn't a question, not really. "Why should I have been punished? What happened to me wasn't my fault." "I was punished." "No, you where innocent." "Then what do you call what they did to me?" he countered. "They took my memories. They wouldn't allow me to count the one year of training I had with Hayata towards my Jedi Knighthood." The Padawan's voice was soft, so soft Qui-Gon had trouble hearing him. "Time after time, Jedi Knights came for Padawans. I was never even considered. People talked about me. I knew I did something wrong..." "The Jedi who took your memories did so you could have a fresh start, without the pain of your first year troubling you." "The truth was there. I just didn't know it. I was weak enough to let myself be used." "You weren't weak. Your master was much stronger then you." "It was my fault, it had to be my fault!" The young man was getting more upset. Qui-Gon knew he needed to face the truth. "Sometimes, when something is really bothering me,I let my emotions take over for four minutes. Then when the time is over, I put myself in control again." "Not this." He took a deep breath and let it out. "You are human Obi-Wan. You're allowed to hurt." "I don't want to hurt. I want the pain to go away!" "If you refuse to deal with your emotions, your hurt will never leave you." Qui-Gon tried to reason. "For a few minutes, let the pain rule you. You don't have to be brave all the time." Tears began to stream down the young man's cheeks. Qui-Gon reached out and touched his student's back, trying to calm him telepathically. The master was surprised when Obi-Wan turned to him. //Hold me.// Qui-Gon took the younger man into his arms. Obi-Wan began to sob. //I was innocent. Why would anyone hurt someone who is innocent?// "I don't know." Qui-Gon said out loud, as he stroked his Padawan's hair. ******************* Obi-Wan felt strength from the touch of his teacher. The older man made no move to hurt him, only comfort. Qui-Gon had been right, letting the feelings take over made him feel better. There was something else Obi-Wan felt in the touch. His mentor was masking his feelings towards him. //He's trying to protect me.// Obi-Wan thought. Obi-Wan pulled away from his mentor. "Thank you Master." "Do you feel any better?" There was concern in the man's eyes. "Somewhat." Qui-Gon reached out and wiped the tears from Obi-Wan's cheeks. "You will feel better once more time has passed." Impassively Obi-Wan asked. "In the time I have been your Padawan, you have had no relationships. Is it because of the abuse you suffered?" When he saw the pain in Qui-Gon's eyes, he quickly apologized. "I am sorry for asking such a personal question Master." "You really want to know, if someday, you will trust enough to have a relationship." When Obi-Wan nodded, Qui-Gon continued. "I have had lovers before, but the relationships did not last long. It has been hard for me to trust. I gave myself to the Force instead." "I trust you Master." The mentor's eyes questioned. "How can you trust me? I didn't tell you about your mind-erase." "Master, I understand your reasoning behind not telling me. You where trying to spare me the pain that you once had felt." Obi-Wan met his mentor's gaze. "I *do* trust you." "I wish you had never gotten your memories back." Qui-Gon broke eye contact. Obi-Wan decided to change the subject. "My former master is here. What should I do?" "You must wait. Given time, the man will convict himself." "What if he tries to kill me?" "He wouldn't be that foolish." There was the sound of chiming bells in the background. "It's time for our next conference. Are you ready?" "I'm ready." Qui-Gon reached out, touching his young apprentice. "If he tries anything, I might kill him myself." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ With more than 18 million e-mails exchanged daily... http://www.onelist.com ...ONElist is THE place where the world talks! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Master & Apprentice Archive: http://www.valdemar.net/ma/warn.html