The Final Break By Kyoko Godaikun Time: During the Live Amigos Tour-1998 Warning: The following contains violence that is a part of an abusive relationship. If this bothers you, please do not read. Warning 2: This story contains Yaoi. If you do not approve of love between two men, please do not read. Archiving: Only Katrinka’s page and Fanfiction.net has permission to archive. Everyone else must have permission. Summary: Goro tries to leave an abusive lover. It's up to Kimura to help. KimuraxGoro, ShingoxTsuyoshi. Yaoi, violence. The group was taking their traditional after concert bath. The tub was on the small side. The five members of Smap had barely been able to fit in. It was a time that the five of them could relax together. Forget about their troubles before returning to the hotel. Goro closed his eyes and tried to relax. The only time he had felt free was during the concert. Any other time, everything he did was under the watchful eye of his former lover Assistant manager Daichi. Goro had broken up with the man a few days before. It was the seventh break up in two years. He hoped that this time he would be allowed his freedom. "The concert went well tonight." Kimura Takuya told Goro. "It would have been better if Goro hadn't been off key for half of it." The assistant manager stepped into the room. Nakai glanced at Goro and said. "I was a bit flat too." "Just a bit flat?" Shingo chortled. "That's like calling the titanic just a big ship!" "You have no talent, Goro." Daichi growled. Kimura looked at Daichi. "You know the rules. We're allowed time to bathe alone. It's in our contract." "Then take it up with Kitagawa." Daichi snarled. He had never liked Kimura. "Did you hear that section calling your ex-boyfriends name?" Goro looked at Kimura. He knew his friend couldn't control the audience. The concert was different this night. There had been a whole rooting section that kept calling Mori's name. Even though it had been two years since the SMAP member had left to become a motorcycle racer, he still had fans. *Does Kimura still hurt about Mori?* Goro thought. *They where so close, and suddenly he was gone.* "Well, Kimura?" the manager demanded when he refused to answer. "Perhaps they know the real reason Mori left? That he broke up with his boyfriend?" "Shut up." Kimura snapped. "My love life is none of your business." "What did you say?" Daichi demanded. "You work for me. Not the other way around." "Drop it." Nakai glared at Daichi. "Get out of here, or I *will* call the agency!" The assistant looked his ex-lover over. "Goro, you have one minute." "Hai." Goro whispered. *I want to be free of you.* Goro thought. *Why won't you let me go?* *Will I still be your whipping boy forever?* As soon as the Assistant Manager left, Nakai said. "I am getting tired of him." "He thinks he's god." Tsuyoshi said. "Calls us at all hours of the morning to see if we're in bed." "He used to be a good manager, but not he's horrible." Shingo agreed. "Don't talk this way about him." Kimura said. "Remember, Goro-Chan’s involved with him." "Sorry Goro." Tsuyoshi said. "I hate him too." Goro admitted. "I have more reason to dislike the man then you do." "We need to get a new assistant manager." Nakai decided. "How?" Tsuyoshi asked. "I don't know. I'll have to think of something." Nakai said. Kimura looked into Goro’s eyes. "You sang very well tonight." "Thanks." For a brief instant, he felt as if he was alone with his friend. . Under the water, Kimura caressed Goro's leg. "What are you going to do for your day off?" Nakai asked the group. Shingo looked at Tsuyoshi, and smiled slowly. "I think we'll find something to do." A pang of jealousy went through Goro. The couple had always been so happy together. Tsuyoshi never had bruises. Shingo had always treated his lover as an equal. They weren't prisoners. "What about you, Kimura?" Nakai asked. "The hotel has a good spa. I thought I could work out, and then lay by the indoor pool." Again, he looked at Goro. "Want to join me?" "Sounds fun." Goro tried to smile. He hoped he could have an enjoyable day, without his ex-lover interfering. "What about you?" Kimura asked the older man. "My new girlfriend wants me to meet her parents." Nakai smiled. "Oh, getting serious." Shingo teased. "Next thing you know, you'll be getting married." "Be nice to me, blue boy." Nakai said, referring to the blue hair of Shingo. "GORO!" Daichi bellowed. Goro couldn't help but notice the look on Kimura's face. "Can't he leave you alone for a few minutes?" "I better go." Goro wanted to stay with his friends, relaxing. But Daichi called for him. He knew what would happen if he didn't do as he was told. Goro went into the main dressing room. The assistant manager was standing in the middle of the room. He knew his lover well enough to know that he was very angry. *I have to keep him calm.* "I'm sorry I took so long." Goro bowed. "You're lazy." Daichi snapped. "Say it!" "I won't say it!" Goro said firmly. "I'm not lazy! *You're* the lazy one!" "You're not allowed to talk that way to me!" The punch came out of no where. Goro found himself falling. "You where looking at Kimura again!" A slap. "What did I tell you would happen if you didn't obey me?" "Kimura's my friend, nothing else." Goro got to his feet. He would not let himself be his ex-lovers victim again. "Really?" Daichi sneered. "I've seen the way he looks at you. Friends don't look at each other that way. "It's the truth." He insisted. "I've bought a new curling iron." He threatened. "It's been months since I had to burn you." Goro tried to fight the fear he felt. He knew that Daichi's threats where real. He had scars from where his lover had burnt him with a curling iron. "You can burn me, but I won't come back to you." "Where did you put my cigarettes?" Another punch, this one in the mouth. "I haven't touched your cigarettes. I don't smoke. Find them yourself." Goro could feel something wet on his chin. He reached up and touched it. His lip was bleeding. "I have a staff meeting in fifteen minutes! I need to have a smoke." Again, another slap. "You have two minutes to find them!" "I told you, find them yourself." Goro noticed Kimura slipping into the room. By the look on his face, his friend was doing everything in his power not to beat Daichi up. "Don't think being around the rest of the group protects you." Daichi told him. "If you don't do what you’re told. You will be punished tonight." Kimura went to Goro. He whispered. "Do what he tells you. I don't want to see you get hurt." "I don't care if I'm hurt." Goro looked at Kimura. "If I do what he wants me to? He'll still control me." "Goro-Chan." "Daichi can beat me, he can abuse me. I won't obey him." Goro said firmly. Kimura went to his bag and took out a pack. He gave it to Nakai. "You can have one of mine." Daichi grabbed the pack and stormed off. "Thanks." Goro had broken up with Daichi two days before, but the older man had still acted as if nothing had happened. This wasn't the first time that Goro had broken up with the older man. It had happened several times over the past two years. Each time, Daichi forcing him to come back. "Your face is bleeding." Kimura picked up a wash cloth. He went to Goro, touching him gently on the chin. Then he dabbed the blood off. He looked into Goro's eyes as he did it. "Let me guess, you broke up with him." "I had to." "You're very brave." his fingers stroked Goro's cheek. "I don't feel brave." "You know Daichi always gets this way when you break up with him. But still, you stood up to him. If that's not bravery, I don't know what it is." Kimura kissed Goro very gently. "You better start getting ready. He'll be back soon." "Thanks for helping me." "Anytime." Yet another gentle kiss. Goro opened his mouth to his friend. They stood for several minutes kissing. Then Kimura pulled away from him, there was regret in Kimura's eyes. He went to his table at the other end of the room. He picked up a magazine and sat down. Goro sat at his own table. Through the mirror, he could watch his best friend. His finger traced his lips. He could still feel Kimura's kiss. Even though his lip hurt, the kisses felt good. No one knew of his love for his friend. He could feel with every touch, every gentle kiss, and that his friend felt the same way. *If Daichi had let me free. Would I be with you now?* *Your touches are so gentle. They never hurt.* *I love you.* *************** Kimura sat at his make up table on the other side of the room, pretending to read a magazine, but really looking into the mirror. He was spying on Goro. He was frankly worried about is friend. More then worried. It had taken ever fiber of his being not to beat Daichi to a pulp. *What kind of friend am I? I do nothing when he hurts you.* At one time, Kimura used to defend Goro. When he saw the bruises on his friend, he would go after Daichi. Then the day came, when Goro came into the studio with his face black and blue. Then he had taken Kimura into the bathroom and showed him his bruised body. Goro then did something unexpected. He begged Kimura to leave Daichi alone. All his going after him did was make Daichi beat him harder. At the time, Kimura was in a committed relationship. He couldn't take Goro away from Daichi. *If I hadn't had Mori, we could have been together.* *I could have protected you.* Daichi had returned a few moments after he had kissed Goro. He was getting ready for a staff meeting. "Give me some time for the meeting." "You have as much time as you need." Goro said softly. He reached for a shirt. For a brief instant, Kimura could see a bruise in the middle of his back. Another between his shoulder blades. A third on his shoulder blade itself. He put the shirt on. *Why can't I help you?* he closed his eyes to the memories of Goro being beaten the night before. He could hear it through the wall that separated their hotel room. *Why didn't I try to stop it?* "You're still mine." Daichi reached out, touching Goro. The younger man flinched. "Breaking up with me changes nothing." "It changes everything." Goro countered. "We're not over until I say we're over." Daichi insisted. "You've been trying to break up with me for two years. Have I ever let you go?" "Never." Goro admitted. "I won't let you go now." he glanced at Kimura. "We'll talk about this later." He watched Daichi leave. Then Goro picked up a tissue and wiped his lip. He rubbed his bruised shoulder. Kimura wanted to go to Goro, to hold him, to tell him that everything would be all right. But he couldn't. Goro was only a friend. *I should never have fallen in love with you.* *I kissed you again. I've got to stop doing that. If Daichi ever caught me kissing you, you'll get hurt.* *Do you know I love you? Do you know my touching you is the only way I can tell you the truth?* It was getting hard to control his temper around Daichi. The man had used to abuse Goro only in private, but now he was doing it more in public. Soon, very soon Kimura knew he would snap. He would hurt Daichi as badly as he had hurt Goro. *It will destroy the group.* *If it protected you, it would be worth it.* Kimura could see Shingo come out of the bathroom, wearing a robe. His blue hair toweled. He bent down over Kimura. "We can't let him stay alone tonight." "I agree." The older man whispered. "Got a plan?" "Just play along with me." He nodded. He watched as Shingo went to Goro. "Can I sit down?" Shingo asked. "Might as well." Goro shrugged. Shingo sat down. He opened a package of candy. "You want one?" "No thanks." Goro picked up a brush and ran it through his hair. "What are you going to do tonight?" "Go back to my room." Shingo raised an eyebrow. "Alone?" "Yeah, alone." "Would you like to join us tonight?" "I don't like partying." "We won't party." Shingo took a bite. "We'll eat dinner. What about that?" "Three's a crowd." He tried to smile. "Tsuyoshi and you never get to spend time alone anymore." "Nakai's going to be there." Shingo looked at Kimura and motioned to Goro. "Kimura's coming too." Kimura went to his friend; he gave Goro a large bear hug from behind. "Please, join us tonight." Goro reached up, touching Kimura's arm. He could feel the smaller man's fingers trembling. "You won't want me around. I'm too depressed." The grip around Goro tightened a bit. "It won't be fun if your not there." "I just need some time." his fingers felt like small kisses on his arm. "I won't force you. If you want to be alone. It will be all right." Kimura told him. "Can I spend some time in your room, Kimura?" Goro tried to smile. "You always cheer me up." The older man pulled away from him. "I'd like that too." *********** ********* Goro was sitting on the couch in Kimura's suite. It was an hour since their return from the concert venue. He watched as Kimura poured him a beer. They had been talking about the concert. Goro finally said. "It's too bad we couldn't have a concert in the United States." "No one knows us in the states." Kimura reminded him. "Remember when we visited Hawaii? They knew us there." Goro pointed out. "We could have a concert there. Or we could tour Asia." "That would be nice. I'd like to see fans in their home countries instead of them having to come to us." Kimura agreed. "But where and when we tour isn't up to us. It's up to Jimitsu. They want us to stay in Japan." "Perhaps if we start working on them now, next tour might be different." Goro decided to change the subject. "Can I ask you something?" "Ask me anything." Kimura handed him his beer. Then he sat down beside him. "Did Mori leave the group because of your break up?" "We broke up because I was in love with someone else. I don't know how Mori knew, but he did." Kimura confessed. "He told me that he couldn't live a lie anymore. "If you're in love with someone else, why aren't you with him?" "The one I love has been involved with someone for years. So I must keep my feelings secret." The look on Kimura's face made him realize that his friend loved the person deeply. *If he was in love with me, he would have told Me.* Goro realized. *He loves someone else.* *We've been friends for years. Why would anything change?* he asked himself. He put his drink down. He felt sick to his stomach. *I should have never hoped that the man he loved was me.* "Goro-Chan." Kimura interrupted his thoughts. "Come back to Earth." "Sorry, I was thinking." Goro could feel his heart break. "Did you ever tell the one you love?" "How could I? I was afraid what would have happened if his lover found out." Kimura confessed. "I have to be careful. He gets hurt because of me." "His lover beats him?" Goro guessed. "Yes, he does." Kimura admitted. "The one I love is so gentle. He wouldn't hurt a soul. I don't understand why his lover hurts him." "He must do something that makes his boyfriend mad. Perhaps he says the wrong thing." Goro said sadly, thinking of his own situation. "Perhaps his lover gets jealous of his having friends. Perhaps he isn't told the reason." "What should I do?" "Love him. Someday, you can help him." Goro fought back the tears. "How can you live with the pain of seeing him with someone else?" "The worse pain is when I hear him suffering, and I can't help." Kimura confessed. "I want to go to him, to tell him I love him. I want to hold him. But he begged me not to help him. I love him so much. I couldn't turn him down." "These past two years have been hell. Daichi began to see another lover. He expected me to be happy for him. How could I?" Goro began to sob. He wasn't crying for Daichi, but for Kimura. About the love they would never share. "You can't." Kimura sat beside him, and pulled him into his arms. Goro didn't care that his friend didn't love him. He needed Kimura's touch. ***************** Kimura held Goro as he cried. He had all but told Goro that he loved him. Kimura was puzzled. The news seemed to upset his friend. It was too soon he realized, too soon since Goro had broken up with Daichi. He wasn't quite sure if Goro had feelings for him. The doorbell rang. Goro pulled away from him. "You better go answer it." "Are you sure?" he asked as someone began to pound on the door. "It's Daichi." Someone yelled. "Open the door Kimura!" Kimura went to the door. He opened it a crack. "Meeting over?" "Where’s Goro?" "I have no idea." he lied. Daichi pushed his way into the room. He looked Goro up and down, a sneer on his face. "I knew you would run to him." "This isn't a good time." Kimura began. "I need to talk to Goro alone." Daichi insisted. Goro leapt to his feet. "Please, give me us a few minutes." "It's not safe." "I won't go back to him." Goro vowed. "Five minutes, please." "I'll wait in the bedroom." Kimura went into the bedroom, and shut the door. "Have the two of you gotten together yet?" The older man demanded. "He's my friend, nothing else." Goro insisted. "If he's just your friend, why would you cry his name when we made love?" *He cried my name?* Kimura thought. "It only happened once." Goro said. "It's happened more then once!" he could hear the slap of someone being hit. "Almost every time, you call his name!" It took all of Kimura's self control to not run into the other room, and give Daichi everything he deserved. "I never cheated on you." "You love him, don't you?" another hit. "Yes! I love him! Are you happy now? He was there for me. Every step you took away from me, make me love him more." Goro confessed. "But it was a one sided love. I've never told him my real feelings. I wouldn't have cheated on you." The news sunk in. His best friend was in love with him. For the first time, Kimura felt some hope. *If you can ever be free, we can be together.* "I don't believe you." Yet another hit. "You're a slut!" "I've never been with him!" Goro said firmly. "He's not in love with me. He's my friend. Nothing else!" "Liar!" "I've broken up with you! All you have to do is let me go!" "I'll never let you go!" Daichi told him. Kimura could hear the sound of Goro being thrown against the wall. Kimura's remaining control fell. He had to protect Goro. He ran into the living room. Daichi had taken off his belt, and was beating Goro. His friend lay, with his arms protecting his head. Kimura pulled Daichi away from Goro, and punched him. "Get out of here!" "I can do what ever I want to with Goro!" "Not anymore. He's no longer yours!" he glared at Daichi. "I'll hurt you if I have to." Nakai moved to Goro, grabbing his shirt. "Let's go," Goro got to his feet. As they began to leave, he turned to Kimura. His dark eyes terrified. "Stop!" Kimura ordered. The two men stopped. They where now in the hallway. "Do you want to go with him?" "Of course he does." Daichi said. "I was asking Goro!" "Goro doesn't get an opinion on this!" Daichi began to pull the younger man down the hall. "I don't want to go!" Goro yanked his hand from Daichi's. "I hate you! I'll never go back to you!" Daichi punched him in the face. "You will do as you’re told!" Kimura got between Goro and Daichi. "Go to my room, lock yourself in." "Hai!" He could hear Goro doing as he was told. "Bitch." Daichi snarled before trying to punch Kimura. Something snapped in Kimura. He would pay Daichi back for everything he had given Goro. He shoved Daichi against the wall, and then punched him again and again in the stomach. In the back of his mind, he could hear doors open. "What are you doing?" Nakai asked. "Kimura stop it!" He could hear Shingo yell. Kimura ignored him, punching Daichi in the face. "Why do you have to beat him?" "He doesn't obey me!" "Goro's a man. He's not an animal! He doesn't have to obey you!" "I'll leave him alone." Daichi promised. "Do you think I believe you?" again, he started punching him. "Enough!" Nakai ordered. Shingo and Nakai grabbed Kimura around the waist, and pulled him away from Daichi. Kimura tried to wrestle away from them. "Let me go!" "Get back to your room." He could hear Nakai tell Daichi. "Of course," Daichi got to his feet. "We're not done yet!" with that, the man walked off. Nakai pulled Kimura into his hotel room. "What the hell do you think you where doing?" Shingo shut the door behind them. "Why where you fighting with Daichi?" "He was beating Goro." He tried to move. "Let me go." "You’ll go after him." "I won't!" Kimura insisted. Nakai let Kimura go. He went to the wall, and punched it as hard as he could. The hand went through the plaster, and hit a board. "Oh great! Now we're going to have to pay for it." Shingo groaned. "I don't care." Tears began to pour down his face. "I don't care if this has destroyed the group. I don't care if I'll ever work again. I couldn't see Goro-Chan suffer." "Does he know you love him?" Shingo asked. "Why says I love him?" Kimura asked. "I don't think you would go after anyone like that, unless they hurt the one you love." Nakai told him. "It's been a pretty open secret with the group. Does Goro know?" "How could I tell him? If Daichi had found out, it would have hurt Goro-Chan." He took a deep breath, took his hand out of the wall, and then turned, so he was resting his back against the wall. "Don't worry about the group. You had to keep Goro safe." Nakai told him. "What happens if he goes back to Daichi? What will I do then?" "He might if he doesn't know about your feelings." Shingo suggested. "You need to tell him as soon as possible." "Does Goro have bruises?" Nakai asked. "Yes, on his back." "I want to film them. Then I want to interview the group members about it." Nakai decided. "Why?" Shingo asked. "The only way we're going to get Daichi out of Goro's life is to fire him." Nakai said. "To fire him, we must have some proof." "I think Goro's too fragile tonight." Kimura said. "Why don't you interview us tomorrow?" "I'll interview the rest of the group first." Nakai decided. "Now go to Goro. He needs you." *********** Goro lay curled against the wall. He had looked as Kimura had beaten Daichi. His friend had been so angry. Now that everyone was gone, Goro worried his friend would turn his anger onto him. The way Daichi had so many times in the past. He could hear the door open, then shut. Without thinking, he curled himself up even tighter. "He's gone." Kimura knelt beside Goro. He reached out to touch him, but the smaller man flinched. "What's wrong?" "Please, if you’re going to hit me, do it now." Goro said. "What would I hit you?" His friend sounded genuinely puzzled. "It hurts more if you wait. I'm prepared now." Goro covered his head with his hands. He sat terrified, waiting for the first blow. Kimura sat beside him, not touching, but close. "I'll never hurt you." "You’re angry." "I'm mad at Daichi, not at you. When I saw him hitting you, I went crazy. I'm sorry I frightened you." Kimura told him. "You're my best friend. I could never hit you." There was something about Kimura's voice that made Goro believe him. He lowered his hands. "Are you bleeding?" Kimura asked concerned. "No." Goro sat up. "He'll be back." "Let him come. I'm not afraid of him." he said. "I deserve it." "What do you mean?" "I love someone else. Daichi won't share me." he kicked himself for falling in love with Kimura. His friend had told him that he loved someone. Someone who was abused. He thought of that person. He knew from the pain in his heart that Kimura needed to be with him. "Just because you care for someone doesn't give anyone the right to hurt you." Kimura pointed out. "I shouldn't have fallen in love with you." Goro said. "If I hadn't perhaps I'd still be with Daichi." "But he would still be abusing you!" "I've been abused all my life. My parents, Kitagawa, Daichi have all abused me. I'm used to it." "It doesn't make it right." he reached out, stroking Goro's hair. "How long have you felt this way for me?" "I've loved you a year, maybe two. When Daichi began to cheat on me, I began to think about you. You where there for me each time I needed friendship. You’re my best friend, but you became more then that to me. I fell in love with you." Goro turned his back to him. "All the times you touched me in friendship. I took them wrong. I thought you meant you felt the same way. You're touches are as gentle as your kisses. They never hurt. I'm sorry. Go. I'll never mention it again." He could feel Kimura put his arms around his shoulders in the bear hug that had always comforted him. Even the hugs he had taken wrong. Kimura was simply being a friend. "I'll get over you. I still want to be your friend." Goro began to cry. "Go, please." "I can't leave." "But you love someone else." He said softly. "He needs you. One day, he'll come to you. You have to be there for him. You can't leave him." "You don't understand." he told Goro. The arms tightened a bit. Please, Kimura, please leave. Go to him. Tell him how you feel. He needs you. I know the loneliness he feels. Your love will give him strength." His crying turned to sobs. "My love is very strong. He stood up to his abuser." He began to stroke Goro's hair. He held his friend tightly as he cried. "Please, don't touch me. It makes me feel that you love me. You don't love me. You'll never love me. I know that." the tears kept flowing. "Your love needs your touch as much as I do." He waited for Kimura to let go. Instead, he moved even closer. "The one I love is you." "No, it's not me. If it was me, you would have said something." Goro said confused. "You're just trying to make me feel better. The one you love needs you." "I die a bit every time I hear Daichi hit you." Kimura said. "I love you. I've never loved anyone the way I have with you. I wouldn't lie to you. You should know that." Goro couldn't believe his ears. "You love me?" "I'll shout it in the middle of the concert if that's what you want. I'll wear a t-shirt that says I love Goro on it. I'm not ashamed of my love for you." Kimura told him. "I kiss you all the time. I do that because I love you." He believed the words of his friend. Goro turned in Kimura's arms. He put his arms around his waist. The older man held him closely as he cried. Kimura whispered into his hair. "I love you so much." When Goro had finished crying, he pulled away from Kimura a bit. Kimura whipped the tears from his face, then bent down and kissed him. ************** The Interview Goro couldn't sleep. It had been several hours since Kimura had insisted they go to bed. The younger man looked at the still dressed Kimura. His friend had drifted off to sleep soon after his head had hit the pillow. Goro on the other hand was too wound up to sleep. So he lay, stroking his friend's body. They hadn't made love. His new lover said that Goro needed some time. *The only thing I need is your touch.* So many things had changed in Inagaki Goro’s life in just a few hours. He had made a final break with his long time lover Daichi. Now he was with Kimura. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think that it would happen. Goro kissed his finger, and then reached out, stroking Kimura's face. Indirectly kissing his friend. Sleeping, Kimura looked like a small child. Innocent, without a care in the world. Goro had always been amazed how Kimura could change his appearance completely, one day appearing childlike, the next strong and fierce, the next, a pretty boy. Goro realized he loved all facets of his complicated friend. Kimura's eyes flickered open. "What time is it?" "It's six in the morning." Goro told him. Kimura took the younger man's hand and kissed it. "You need to sleep." "I am sleeping. This is a dream." He kidded. "Goro-Chan, you have to sleep." Goro laid his head down. Kimura moved closer to him. He put his arm around the younger man, putting his head onto his shoulder. "Sleep, I'll be here when you wake." "Are you sure?" He asked. "Of course I will." he promised. "Do you really love me?" Goro asked. "I'm in love with you." he stroked Goro's hair. "Now sleep." Goro felt safe and warm in Kimura's arms. He could feel that his friend would never hurt him. He would never again wake to pain as his lover beat him for snoring. He realized when he woke; Kimura would still be next to him. Goro had to admit he was exhausted. He didn't fight the sleep that over came him. ********************** Kimura woke. He reached out for Goro. His hand hitting open air. Had Goro left? They hadn't made love the night before. Even though both had wanted to. He now wondered if his choice had been a mistake. Kimura thought Goro needed some time. Goro had spent most of the night clinging to his friend. Kimura had been woken several times during the night with Goro looking at him, and tracing his face with a finger. Then Goro had asked him if he really loved him. Each time, Kimura had told him the truth. Goro's actions made him realize that all his friend needed was Kimura's touch. *Did he go back to Daichi?* Then he heard someone in the bathroom yelp. "Ouch." Kimura got out of bed, and went to the bathroom. Goro was trying to take off his shirt, but it had become stuck on a wound. He watched, as Goro closed his eyes, and with expert practice yanked the shirt off. Blood trickled down his back. Goro swayed from the pain, holding the sink so he wouldn't fall down. Tears poured down his face. He then shook his head, and picked up a washcloth. He reached for the wound, but couldn't touch it. Kimura took the washcloth out of his hand. He wetted it in the sink. Then he gently began to dab the wound. "Why didn't you take care of this last night?" "It wasn't like this last night." Goro admitted. "I had a welt. It must have broken during the night. When I woke, it was like this." "Has it happened before?" He asked concerned. "A few times." The younger man admitted. "I've been trying to be free of Daichi for two years. But each time, he makes me come back." "How? By beating you?" Kimura began to wash the sores. He tried to hold his temper. He had all ready beaten Daichi once, he wouldn't do it again. "Hai." "I see." Kimura said. "If you’re afraid I'll go back to him, I won't. It's over." He looked into his best friend's eyes. "No matter what happens, I'm not going back." "I know." Kimura took a bandage out of his overnight bag. He spread some ointment on it, and then bandaged Goro's wounds. "That feels better." Goro smiled. Kimura kissed Goro gently. Goro tried to intensify the kiss, but there was no passion behind it. His kiss was more like performing a chore. Kimura pulled away from him. "Do you really want this?" "I have to pay you back for helping me." "We're friends. Why would you need to pay me?" "If we don't, you'll leave me." "That's what Daichi would do?" Kimura guessed. Goro nodded. "I'm not him." he reached out stroking his cheek. "I'll wait until you’re ready. Are you really ready?" "No, not really." Goro admitted. "Then we wait." Kimura told him. "Do you want to get rid of Daichi forever?" "We can't do that." "What if we could?" "I'd do anything to get rid of him." Goro vowed. "What are we going to do?" "Nakai has a plan. He wants to film interviews with the entire group about Daichi." Kimura told him. "Would you be willing to be interviewed about his abuse?" Goro looked scared for a moment, and then said. "Yes! I will let myself be interviewed." "He'll want to film your back." "Call him. Tell him, I want to do it now." Goro told him. "You don't have to." Kimura told him. "I know. But I must." Goro reached out, touching Kimura. "Please support me in this." "I do." Kimura forced himself to smile. **************** Within twenty minutes, Shingo was setting up a tripod in Kimura's hotel room. He was acting as Nakai's cameraman. Goro sat on the couch, wearing Kimura's robe. He watched as Kimura made the arrangements with Nakai. For a brief instant, Goro felt as if they thought of him as a small child. No one talked directly at him. Instead, they spoke to Kimura. "Should he put on some clothes?" Kimura asked. "No, have him leave his robe on." Nakai decided. "We'll need to film his injuries." "Are you sure he wants to be filmed?" Shingo asked. "Yes, he does." Kimura said. "Do you think he'll want to be shot over his shoulder, or have his face seen?" Nakai asked. "Over his shoulder." Kimura decided. "I want my face to be seen." Goro said. "I am not a child. I can make up my own mind. I can talk for myself." "Of course you can." Nakai sounded like someone trying to humor a small child. "Sorry, Goro-Chan. We've been so worried about you." Shingo said. "He's right. We didn't want you to worry." Nakai agreed. "Forgive us?" Kimura asked. Goro thought for a moment, his friends were caring for him. "Of course I forgive you." "We just want the old Goro back." Shingo said. "The one that wasn't afraid all the time." "I'm afraid?" "We've noticed the changes in you. You jump when anyone comes into the room." "Drop it!" Kimura glared at Shingo. "If you where so worried about me." Goro continued, ignoring Kimura. "Why didn't anyone say anything to me? Why didn't you do anything to help me?" "You asked us not to." Shingo reminded him. "We were wrong in following your wishes." "Let's talk about this later." Kimura suggested. "We need to be interviewed." "Who wants to be first?" Nakai asked. "I do." Goro said. "I'm ready." "Do you want me to go?" Kimura asked. "It's up to Goro." Nakai said. Goro knew there where things that he did that Kimura would not accept. He looked at Kimura. "Would you not hold anything that I say against me?" "Of course I wouldn't!" Kimura promised. "Then I want you to stay." He watched as Kimura went to the other side of the room. He sat down in a chair, and lit a cigarette. "Do you want to show your wounds first, or be interviewed?" Nakai asked. "I want to show my wounds." Goro slipped out of the robe. Underneath the robe, he was nude. He turned away from Kimura. He could hear Shingo turn on the camera, then move closer to him. Centering in on the still healing wounds on this legs and buttocks. Then the new ones on his back. Then Shingo moved in front, filming the scars on his legs. "How did you get that scar?" Nakai asked. "Which one?" "The one above your penis." Nakai said. "The scar is about eight cm long, two across. The edges are jagged." "I was sleeping. I woke. It felt pain in my mid-drift. The pain was almost indescribable." He tried to gather his thoughts. "Daichi had placed curling iron on me." 'Why would Daichi do that?" "I had received a phone call from Kimura. Daichi thought I was going off to be with him.' Goro said. "Instead, Kimura had called about a rehearsal. I was having a hard time learning a new dance routine, so he had arranged for me to work with the dance instructor." "What does Daichi think of Kimura?" Nakai asked. "Daichi didn't believe that we where just friends. He insisted that I was having an affair with Kimura." Goro paused. "Every time he caught me talking to him, Daichi would punish me." "Why didn't you stop talking to him?" "Kimura's my best friend. How could I stop being his friend?" He said in a rush. "Even though you were beaten?" "Yes, even then. Kimura's friendship is worth it." "Did you ever tell Kimura about your punishment?" Nakai asked. "At first, he used to go after Daichi every time he saw one of my bruises." Goro said softly. "That's when Daichi began to use the curling iron on me. Every time Kimura tried to get him to stop, I was burned. It's very uncomfortable to do a concert when you have a burn on the inside of your leg." "What happened then?" "I couldn't stand the pain. I went to Kimura, and begged him to stop defending me. I think it broke his heart, but he agreed to abide by my wishes." "Did the beatings stop?" "They became worse." Goro admitted. "I started being hit for looking at Kimura wrong." "Why did you stay?" "I tried to leave, but there was no where to go. No one to help protect me. I was alone every time I tried to leave." He looked at the wall. "Because he works with management, he always knows where I am. He found me, and forces me to return to him." "You didn't fight?" "Fighting only made the beatings worse. I couldn't call the police. If it got in the news, the group could be destroyed. “He whispered.”I've hated myself more every time he forced me to return. Sometime the hatred becomes too much. I've never told any of the group this. I've tried to kill myself four times." "How?" "The first three times where with pills. The last time, I slit my wrists." He looked at the scar on his right wrist. "Each time, Daichi's found me. He saved my life. He made up some story about why I went to the hospital. The doctors always believed it, so the incidents went down as accidental overdoses. " "What would have happened if he had been allowed to take you back last night?" "Daichi's room is on the fourteenth floor. I've checked I would have been able to open a window. “Goro admitted.”I would have jumped." "What about now? Will you try and kill yourself?" "Death was the only way to be free of Daichi. But now, I don't feel that way. Last night, my best friend was there for me. He saved me." He continued. "I want to live my life with Kimura.." Nakai turned off the camera. "You can put your robe on now." He turned and picked up his robe. While he put it on, he could feel Kimura wrap him in a bear hug. He turned so that his friend was holding him. He was surprised to see Kimura crying. "I'm sorry Goro-Chan. I should have been there for you." "You're here for me now." His arms went around his friend. "I can't stay for the interview." Kimura told him. "I'm sorry." "Will you come back afterwards?" "Of course I will." he promised. He touched Goro's cheek gently. "We've just gotten together. I wouldn't leave you." ****************** After the interview, Goro sat alone in the hotel cafe. The interview had drained his remaining strength. So he sat, staring at his cup of coffee. He couldn't help but notice the people who recognized him. He tried to ignore them. "Can I join you?" Tsuyoshi came to his table. "Might as well." He watched Tsuyoshi sit. "The agency called Nakai this morning. Seems Daichi complained about Kimura." "He deserved what he got." "Tell me about it." Tsuyoshi looked Goro over. "Have you eaten breakfast yet?" Goro shook his head. "Haven't felt like eating." The waitress came up to the table. Tsuyoshi ordered for both of them. After she left, he turned back to Goro. "You look like you need to have some fun." "I don't remember what fun is." He admitted. "What are your plans for today?" "Lock myself in my hotel room. Pray that Daichi won't come back." "Why don't you and Kimura go out?" "Kimura can't take me out." Goro reminded him. "We can't be seen together." "That's not true." Tsuyoshi insisted. "Shingo and I go out all the time." "We're famous. Don't people recognize you?" "We dress up." Tsuyoshi smiled. "That's your problem. You need to have some fun. Forget about all this." "Here, you want my coffee? I haven't drunk from it." Goro decided to change the subject. Tsuyoshi touched the coffee cup. "This coffee is cold. How long have you been here?" "Since the interview." 'That was an hour ago." he looked up, seeing something behind Goro's back. "I forgot I need to do something." "But your breakfast." "Feed it to someone else." Tsuyoshi got up, and left. He felt something touch his shoulder. Then Kimura said. "Can I sit down?" "Of course," Kimura sat in Tsuyoshi's vacated place. His eyes were red-rimmed, as if he had been crying. He lit a cigarette and took a drag. Just then the waitress brought the food. She looked a Kimura oddly, but put a plate in front of him. Then she gave Goro his. "I didn't...” Kimura began. "Thank you." Goro told the waitress. She bowed and left. "I didn't order breakfast." Kimura told him. "Tsuyoshi did, but he had to leave." "Then we shouldn't leave good food to go to waste." he began eating. Goro looked down to the breakfast that Tsuyoshi had ordered for him. It was an breakfast, with lots of bacon and sausage. He picked up his chopsticks, and began to shove the food around. "What’s' wrong?" "Nothing." Goro told him. "YOu're not eating." Kimura pointed out. "I'm not that hungry." Goro confessed. "Why didn't you tell me that he burnt you because of me?" Kimura asked. "The truth." "I was afraid that you would stop being my friend." Goro confessed. "The only thing that kept me sane in all this was your friendship." "You'll never loose my friendship." Kimura promised. "If you had felt like ending it all. You should have come to me." "I wasn't thinking straight. At the time, I felt trapped. Killing myself was the only way out." Kimura took Goro's right hand. He brought the scarred wrist to his lips, and kissed it. A single tear trickled down his cheek. "Please, if you ever want to kill yourself again. Tell someone. If I'm not there, call one of the rest of the group. We'll help you." "I will." He promised. "I want to live." Again, the lips caressed Goro's scar. "If you ever feel trapped with me. Tell me. I'll let you go freely." "I don't feel trapped." Goro told him. "For the first time in a very long time, I feel free." Kimura glanced at the people in the cafe. "Let's go back to the room and discuss this." "Of course." Goro nodded. ************** Goro woke. He could feel fingers tracing his face. He felt confused for a second, as he could feel the presence of someone beside him. He opened his eyes. The person was Kimura. He was watching Goro in much the same way he had done during the night. *Did my telling the truth ruin our relationship?* He asked himself. "How was your sleep?" Kimura asked. "It was good." Goro tried to smile. "Today's our day off." Kimura's eyes where concerned. They hadn't discussed Goro's secret since the return to the room. Instead, Kimura had insisted that Goro take a nap. "If you need to do something, that's fine." Goro told him. "I'll be all right by myself." "I'm not sure that would be a good idea." "I won't try and kill myself." He promised. Kimura flinched, and then looked away from him. "If I hadn't stopped him, you would have." "I'm sorry you had to hear about my attempted suicides. You'll probably never forgive me, will you?" "Why would I have to forgive you?" "I'm the one who kept the secret from you.” Goro told him. "I was wrong. I should have told you my feelings. If I had, none of this might have happened." "When was the first time?" "Why does it matter?" "I need to know." his friend insisted. "It was two and a half years ago. The last time I tried was a little over three months ago. " He told him. "And last night would have been your final attempt." Kimura said seriously. "Why couldn't you ever tell me?" "I did try to tell you. Each time, I came to you, but you where always too busy." Goro admitted. "If my best friend didn't have time for me, perhaps Daichi was right. So I tried to end the pain." "I can remember two and a half years ago. You came to me. You said you really had to talk to me." Kimura reminded him. "But I had Mori. I told you perhaps later. Then, you suddenly developed the flu. You where hospitalized. Was that the first attempt?" "Hai." "The second time was right before I broke up with Mori. I can still remember it. You came to my room. You where crying, you said you needed help." Kimura said very softly. "Mori even tried to invite you in. But I wouldn't let you. I was trying to work out my relationship with him. I was afraid of what would happen if you where there. So I sent you away." "I went back to the room and took a bottle of pills." Goro said. "If I had let you in, would you have tried?" "No, I wouldn't have." Goro told him. "Then this is my fault." a tear rolled down his cheek. "I'm sorry." "No, it's mine. I should have been stronger." Goro decided. "If I had said I was going to kill myself, instead of just saying I needed to talk, you would have found the time for me." "I'm afraid." More tears rolled down Kimura's cheeks. "I'm afraid you'll do it again. You have to get help. Please, promise you'll get help." "I don't want to die. I want to live." Goro realized. "I have another confession to make." "What's that?" he could hear the dread in his friend's voice. "I've been going to a psychologist. I know what most people think of the mentally ill." Goro felt ashamed. "I wish I lived in the states, being sick isn't seen as such a disgrace." "Did the doctor prescribe you something?" "Their in my suitcase." "How long has it been since you've taken them?" "I haven't taken anything for two days." "You know you can't do that." Kimura's eyes were serious. "You have to take all your meds." "I'm sorry." "Can I have your room key?" Kimura asked. Goro took it out of his pocket, and handed it to his friend. "I'll be right back. Don't let anyone in." Goro nodded. He watched his friend leave. He reached up, whiping the tears from his face. He was puzzled. Kimura now knew about his illness. Instead of his saying anything condemning, he was more worried about his friend getting the medicines he needed. Kimura returned a few minutes later with Goro's suitcases. He set them on the spare bed. "I'll go get you some water." Goro got out of bed. He went to his suitcase, opening it. He found the bottle of Zanex and the bottle of Prozac. Then he took one tablet out of each bottle. Kimura handed him a glass. He put the pills in his mouth, and drank the water. He put the glass down. "Thanks." He waited for Kimura to leave. To say something condemning. Instead, he said. "Your no different then a diabetic or someone with a heart condition. You're sick, you get treatment for it." "You don't think less of me?" Kimura hugged him from behind. "You're very brave. Most people, who need help, don't get it. Most sick people afraid of the stigma getting help would give them. You're one of the lucky ones." "Thanks for understanding." He turned in Kimura's arms. Kimura kissed his friend. It was a kiss of passion and of sadness. Then he said. "We both need this." "What do you mean?" In answer, Kimura kissed Goro again, and began to work on his friend's clothes. ************************* Kimura woke, his new lover curled up beside him on the bed. He could smell his lover's musky scent on him. They had cried together, and loved together. He could feel a bond with Goro that he had never felt possible before. Not only that, but Kimura was haunted by the thought of Goro's attempted suicides. His friend has said there was no where to turn. Last night, if he had let Daichi take Goro with him, his friend would be dead. He had planned to jump out of a fourteenth story window. *Instead, I stopped him.* *He'd gone two days without his meds. He has to take them everyday.* Kimura's room phone rang. He answered it. 'Kimura here." "Is Goro-Chan free this afternoon?" An extremely cheerful voice asked. "Is this Shingo?" Kimura asked. "Who else?" he said. "You two free?" "Aren't you helping Nakai with the evidence?" "We're done. Mappy's taking his girlfriend to Tokyo to interview Mori." "Why would he do that?" Kimura asked. "He's not in the group anymore." "I don't know. Nakai called Mori. He was told something that made him want to go to Tokyo as soon as possible." Shingo explained. "After the interview, he’ll deliver the film." "I thought he was going to meet his fiancée’s parents." Kimura said confused. "He will, but this is important." Goro turned over in bed. He looked up to Kimura. "Who is it?" "Shingo. Go back to sleep." He rubbed his eyes. "I'm awake." "Hey Kimura, I want to talk to Goro-Chan." Shingo said over the phone. "The over grown teenager wants to talk to you." Kimura made a face. "Don't know one." "The big blue haired bunny." Kimura could hear Shingo laughing on the other end of the phone. "Oh him!" Goro held out his hand. Kimura gave him the phone. He reached over and turned the speaker on. "I was sleeping, Bunny-Chan." "Sorry about that!" Shingo laughed. "Hey, Goro want to do a double date?" "Do you have anyone you want me to date?" Goro asked. "I know of a lipstick commercial model that’s free. You need to go out with a gorgeous model." Shingo suggested. "This one's crazy for you." Goro smiled. "Can I take Kimura instead?" "That’s who I meant!" Shingo laughed. "You remember he did that cm with a girl smearing lipstick on him." Goro looked at Kimura. "Want to go out?" "That sounds good to me." He took a long drag of his cigarette. "Where are we going?" "Kimura asked where?" he asked. "Tell him somewhere fun." Shingo said. "He says somewhere fun." "Is he paying?" Kimura asked. "He wants to know if you're paying." "Tell him he's got money!" Shingo said. "He said yes!" Goro lied. "Might as well." Kimura said into the speaker. "We'll pick you up at 8." Shingo said. "And bring your own money!" "You're no fun." He handed the phone to Kimura who put it down. "Where are we going?" Kimura asked. "Shingo didn't say." Kimura smiled. "A mystery trip." Goro smiled. "Exactly." "It will be our first date." Kimura kissed him. He felt Goro's hands on him, pulling him back down to the bed. With a sigh, Kimura gave in. ********************** *What have I gotten myself into?* Goro thought, as Tsuyoshi pulled a wig out of his bag. The two men where standing in Tsuyoshi's hotel suite, getting ready for the evening out. "You’d look good in this." Tsuyoshi held up a wig. Goro glanced at the wig. It was clown red. "That's way too bright for me." Tsuyoshi picked another wig out. This one was a subtle red. "What about this?" "Better." he looked his friend up and down. "Why do you have a wig collection?" "We like going out." Tsuyoshi shrugged. "I told you we dressed up." "So, these are Shingo's??" "No, these are mine." It made Tsuyoshi laugh. "I'm a transvestite." "Oh Kami!" Goro gasped, his mind picturing Tsuyoshi in a dress. "You're really a cross dresser?" "You're surprised by that?" "Truthfully, yes!" "You once caught me in a dress." Tsuyoshi reminded him. "You told me you where kidding around." Tsuyoshi raised an eyebrow. "I think I make a cute girl." "Too bad we couldn't get Shingo in one." Goro mused. "He makes such a good girl." "The problem is half of Japan knows what he looks like in a dress." "I don't care. I want our guys in a dress." Goro kidded. "*I* don't want to wear one." "The only dresses we have are mine and I don't think they will fit Kimura." Tsuyoshi paused. "We'd probably have to hold him down to make him wear one." “Kimura’s too macho for that." "Oh, and he looks so good in them." Tsuyoshi mused. "It's such a waste." "So I have to wear one?" Goro asked, still feeling uncertain. "Do you *want* to wear one?" "Not really." He admitted. "Baka, you don't have to dress up." Tsuyoshi picked up a blond wig. "But I am." ************ Shingo took them to a shopping area. Small stores dotted the narrow streets. The entire area was pedestrians only. No one seemed to notice the tall man with the cute red head, and the taller man wearing a hat pulled low,with a short blond woman. Goro realized that Tsuyoshi had been right. His friend did look good as a girl. Kimura had morphed completely. He was dressed in jeans, an American sweat shirt, his hair slicked back. He was wearing a baseball cap backwards. He also wore dark glasses. He looked like an American. "Like you know, where do you want to go first?" Kimura asked him in English. Goro's mind began to race. What kind of answer did his friend want? He decided to play it safe. He tried to find the words in English, since his date insisted he was American. "Where would you like to go?" "I asked you first." "I'm not sure." He admitted. "I've never been here before." For a brief instant, Goro was afraid. Daichi had always gotten angry when he couldn't make up his mind. Instead, Kimura smiled. "It's okay. I've never been here either." "Why don't we just walk around?" Shingo suggested. "We should find something soon." "That sounds great to me." Tsuyoshi took Shingo's arm. So they walked. Goro noticed a few same sex couples holding hands. They where mixed in with families, and straight couples on dates. "What's wrong?" Kimura whispered to him. "Its nothing." he lied. "Dude you are lying." "English is hard for me. I have trouble finding the words." He finally confessed. "Then talk to me in Japanese, and I'll talk to you in English." He suggested. "Can you follow my English?" "Yes, I can." Goro smiled. They stopped at a tobacco shop. Tsuyoshi and Shingo went in. Goro decided to stay outside. "You can go in if you want." "Why aren't you going in?" "It's too much of a temptation." "Yeah, you gave up smoking didn't you?" Kimura smiled. "How long has it been?" "Two years." he looked around. Across the street was a one hundred yen shop. "That might be a fun place to go." "Where?" "Hundred yen shop." "When they get out, we'll go." he reached out, taking Goro's hand. The grip on his hand strong, but not strong enough to hurt. His thumb began to massage Goro's. Goro looked down to his hand. He felt nervous. His fingers began to tremble. "What's wrong?" Kimura asked concerned. "No one's ever held my hand before." He admitted. "Do you want me to stop?" "I like it." He confessed. "This won't be the only time." "I'm so happy when I'm with you. I want to hold your hand forever." Goro shook his head. "That' didn't come out right." "What's wrong with wanting forever?" Kimura leaned forward, kissing Goro very gently. *My first public kiss.* Goro thought. *Why does everything seem so new with you?* "When you do something for me, there are never any ties. You never expect something in return." Goro told him. "If there are ties, then it really wouldn't be nice, would it?" Shingo and Tsuyoshi came out of the store. Shingo handed Kimura a bag. "Here are your smokes." "We went somewhere I wanted to go." Tsuyoshi said. "Now it's your turn." "One hundred yen shop." Goro told them. They crossed the crowded street. Kimura was holding tightly to his hand. As they walked, Goro realized hee felt free with Kimura. They went into the shop. It was extremely crowded. With very narrow isles. Kimura let go of his hand, and picked up a pair of dark glasses. "Want some glasses Goro-Chan?" "All ready have some." but he smiled as his friend placed them on his face. Kimura picked out a matching pair, and put them on. "Now we're twins." He could hear Shingo laughing behind them. "You look like you're going together." Goro looked at Kimura. His friend smiled. He so much wanted to say they where, but it was too early in their relationship. "You got a problem with my boyfriend?" Kimura is the one who answered, in English. He put his arm around his friend. "Do we need to step outside and talk about it." "Yeah! Let's talk about it!" Shingo said in English. "My boyfriend's Number one! Ichiban!" "My girl is much cuter then yours!" then Shingo began to laugh. Tsuyoshi grabbed Goro's arm. "Let's go look." "Is it okay?" he asked Kimura. "Have fun." He followed Tsuyoshi to the back of the store. He glanced back to Shingo who was talking to Kimura. Tsuyoshi found a row of older Mooks. He pulled one out. "Look! It's us." Goro glanced at the book. "It was us. A very long time ago." Tsuyoshi looked at the publication date. "1988. Lots of things have changed." Goro noticed another copy on the shelf. He picked it up. He flipped through it. There was a photo of him on a skateboard. He looked fragile. It had been taken during the first photo shoot after Goro had become a member of Smap. He could still remember how uncertain he was to be in the group. Since he had joined several months after Smap was formed. He could see Kimura in the background of one photo. *You where the one that made sure everyone treated me as a friend, not an unwanted outsider.* He found another page, which featured Shingo. The tall, strong man that he knew was only a small child in this. The next page had several photos of Kimura and Mori. One photo had the two men holding hands. . He still wondered if Kimura was completely over him. The two of them had been so close. Then he found a page of just Kimura. Even at that young of an age, there was something special about his friend. He reached out, tracing his friend’s features. *We where both so innocent then.* "Hey look, Shingo was smaller then us." Tsuyoshi pointed out. Goro glanced at Shingo, who was a few feet from him. "He didn't stay that way." "I think Nakai was the same height he is now." "You better not let him hear you say that." He tried to hide his fear. Tsuyoshi looked at his lover. Then he loudly said. "Hey you used to be short!" Shingo joined them. "What are you reading?" Tsuyoshi took one off the shelf and handed it to him. "Old SMAP." "Only old SMAP is Kimura!" Shingo teased. "He’s almost all SMAPed out!" Kimura whapped Shingo, his elbow accidentally hitting Goro in the face. "Cut that out." Goro flinched. He turned and walked away from them. He decided to check out a safer part of the store. Kimura followed him. "I didn't mean to hit you." "I know." he held the mook close. "I want to buy this." “I’m going to buy one too." Kimura tried to smile. "You looked so cute back then."" "Oh, so I don't look cute now?" Goro raised an eyebrow. "Cute-no, beautiful-yes." "So I'm beautiful?" he asked. "Very." Kimura smiled widely. **************** "Is anyone hungry?" Kimura asked. "I am." Shingo moaned. "Tsu-chan wouldn't let me eat today." Kimura could feel Goro's hand tighten. He looked down to him. The look of fear that had passed since going out had returned. "That isn't exactly true." Tsuyoshi smiled. "We slept in past breakfast, and you jumped me for lunch." Kimura was surprised to hear Goro's laughter. "Are you hungry, Goro-Chan?" Shingo asked him. "Very." Goro smiled. "Where would you like to eat?" Kimura asked. He could see Goro weighing the words in his mind. "What if we eat Chinese?" "Chinese?" "I saw a stall around the corner." "Then let's go." Shingo said. They went to the stall. It was a small, walk in. It had been overlooked by everyone except for Goro. The waitress showed them to a booth. Goro sat down. Kimura plopped down beside him. Shingo and Tsuyoshi sat down on the other side of the booth. The waitress gave them plates. "The buffet is behind you." "You should dye your hair red." Tsuyoshi said. "You're such a cute redhead." "When you dye your hair blond, I will!" Goro smiled. "What if I dye my hair blond?" Shingo asked. "Would you do it then?" "NO!" the other three men said at once. "Come on, let's get some food." Shingo went to the buffet, soon followed by the other three. He piled his plate full of just about anything that looked good. He went back to the table, and sat down. Goro on the other hand, very carefully picked out things he would eat. Finally, several minutes after everyone else had sat down; he came back to the table. Kimura moved over. Goro sat down. He looked at Goro's plate. It was filled with only vegetables. "Dieting?" Tsuyoshi asked. "I wasn't sure what that stuff was." He admitted. "Is there anything on my plate you would like to try?" He asked. Goro pointed at a pot sticker. "That wasn't there when I got there." "Shingo stole it all." Tsuyoshi said. "Let me give you a taste." Using his chopsticks, Kimura picked the pot sticker up. He then brought it to Goro's lips. "Open your mouth Goro-Chan." Goro opened his mouth. He let his friend slip the food inside. Then he began to chew. His eyes met Kimura's and he smiled. "That was good." "Have another." Kimura fed another to Goro, then another. The entire time, they looked into each other's eyes. It was strangely erotic. Goro reached up, touching Kimura's cheek. "Can I try something else?" "What would you like?" Goro smiled. "Surprise me." Kimura picked something at random. Goro used his tongue to caress it, before putting it in his mouth. Then he moved forward, kissing Goro with the same passion. "Cut it out you two!" Tsuyoshi hissed. "People are watching!" Goro looked at the floor. "I'm sorry." Kimura reached under the table, and squeezed Goro's leg. "It's my fault. I got carried away." He could feel Goro put his hand on top of his. He moved his hand, so that he was holding Goro's. "No it's my fault!" Shingo pretended to cry. "I got the rest of the pot stickers." "No, it's mine." Tsuyoshi said. "All I could think of was watching the two of you eat. I'm a food voyeur!" Goro began to laugh. It made Kimura feel good to see his friend so happy. Kimura gestured to the waitress. She came to the table. "My friend would like an order of the pot sticker’s dish." "Of course." the waitress bowed, and left. A few minutes later, she returned with a plate of different types of dumplings. "Thank you." Goro looked up to the waitress and smiled. ***************