Date: Sat, 17 Jan 1998 17:22:09 From: Katrinka Subject: Love Bites (1/3) NC-17 MSR Title - Love Bites Author - Katrinka E-Mail address - katrinka@flash.net Rating - NC-17 Category -s, a, MSR Spoilers - Terma Keywords - MSR, angst Content warning: the after efects of slash, male rape, Muldertorture, but none happen in this. Archiving: sure, just tell me. ATXC okay. Summary - Mulder recovers from his experience at the hands of Kryeck and Arntzen Note: this story is pure confort, with some angst thrown in. Feedback: hug a fanfic writer, give feedback! All feedback will be responded to. Disclaimer: you kidding? I don't own the X-files! Fox Mulder awoke. He quickly discovered that he wasn't in the cell anymore, as he felt the floor moving - bringing the pain to remind him how much his leg and shoulder hurt. There were other minds around him, minds who thought in English. He opened his eyes and saw Scully was sitting beside him, looking at him with concern. //How do you feel?// A familiar voice asked in his mind. //I hurt...how did I get here?// He asked, terrified. //Krycek contacted Skinner, told him where we where.// Came the reply as he finally recognized her voice. //Why would he do that?// He asked, unconsciously turning his head as if they were speaking. //He loved you,// She replied keeping her eyes on those around them. //If he loved me, he wouldn't have hurt me.// He thought nervously as he began to look around. They were in the cargo bay of a large helicopter which appeared to be in flight. He began to wonder if the people around them could hear what he and Scully were thinking. //Do we really have to talk about him?// He asked, trying to avoid the painful subject. //No, we won't if you don't want to,// She answered with a small frown. Skinner was watching Mulder, almost as if Mulder was the one that had been the kidnapper - suspicion oozing from his every pore. "I see you finally decided to wake up Agent Mulder," he said evenly. "Yes sir," Mulder answered out loud, his voice raspy, his throat tired and raw. He needed a drink, quite badly he realized, somewhat startled at the small smile that formed on Scully's face out of the corner of his eye as she shared his thought. "Don't worry, we will get you to the hospital soon." Skinner paused. "The closest one is in Haiti." "Thank you sir," he looked up to Scully, to make sure she was still there. To make sure this wasn't all a dream, a dream he would wake up from, and find himself back in Krycek's bed. //I can't believe we're free...// she telepathed. //I thought we would be there forever,// he confessed in return. Out loud he said. "I thought I had died," "You almost did," Skinner told him. "If Scully hadn't stopped your bleeding, and Krycek hadn't contacted us, you probably wouldn't have lasted long," His stomach told him they were descending just before he felt the dull thump of the helicopter landing. The door was opened, and Medics came running towards them. "Take care of him!" Skinner ordered as he pointed at Mulder. The medics picked the stretcher that Mulder was on. He couldn't keep his eyes on Dana. If he was parted from her, he might never see her again. //Help me, don't let them take me!// He silently pleaded with her. //Don't panic Mulder,// She answered with a smile. "Let me go with him sir," Dana asked quickly, making to follow the stretcher. "Not until after you've been checked out," Skinner said. Mulder was taken to the waiting ambulance, and put in. The doors were slammed shut, and the ambulance left. The people in the ambulance talked fast in a language he didn't understand. One medic ran his fingers over Mulder's infected wounds. "Leave me alone!" he said hoarsely. ***************** Scully was in the waiting room, waiting for Mulder to get out of surgery. Skinner was there, waiting with her. It was a small room, with a couple of very old couches for people to sit on. It was hot here, in Haiti. The only thing that cooled them - a small floor fan which blew into the room. The ambulance had taken Mulder to the closest hospital, which fortunately had been close by. Skinner picked the packet up from between them. "What is this?" "It's Mulder's" she said. Skinner opened it. "It's in Russian," She decided to tell him the truth. "It's Mulder's KGB file," Skinner put the packet in his inside coat pocket. "I'll make sure that this gets to the proper channels." Scully fought down a feeling to snatched it away from him. "I think Mulder has a right to examine it first." "Where did he get this?" "Krycek gave it to him," "When I find out what exactly happened to the two of you, I will give you the file." he paused. "It isn't safe for you to be holding it. If the Russians decided to take it back, they would go to you first." "Yes sir," She replied, begrudgingly giving up for the moment. A female doctor came into the waiting room, glanced at Skinner and then at Scully. "I want you to be checked by a doctor," He said. "I'm not ill," Dana replied. "I want you to be checked out, just in case," He answered, his voice carrying the tone of authority. "I don't speak Creole," she said. "Can you translate for me?" "Of course," He answered with a smile as they rose to follow the doctor. They were taken to an examination room, where she got out a blood pressure cuff and said something to Dana, which Skinner answered without translating. The woman grabbed Scully's arm, and put the cuff on it. She tested Scully's blood pressure, then said something else. She and Skinner had a bit of quick conversation which made Scully really feel left out. "What did she say?" Scully demanded. "Your blood pressure is normal," Skinner told her. "Are you sure?" "I wouldn't lie to you Dana," he said softly. There was compassion in his eyes. She was surprised to hear her first name from him. The doctor said something else which Skinner translated. "She wants you to take off your shirt. Do you want me to leave?" "I'd feel better if you where here." Skinner smiled tightly, then went to the other side of the room, so her back would be facing him. She took off her shirt and let it fall to the floor. The silence in the room was deafening. Finally skinner said. "Who did this to you? Krycek?" She nodded. The doctor examined the wounds, Skinner translated. "She wants to know if you were raped." "no, *I* wasn't." she said, not quite sure if she should tell them about what had happened to Mulder. Skinner walked over to her, and looked her directly in the eyes, she was surprised to see pain there. "its very important to know if you were raped." He said evenly "No, I wasn't. If I had been, I would have told you." The exam lasted another thirty minutes. The doctor directed most of her comments to Skinner, who didn't translate everything. Scully realized she knew what it was like to be a small child again. **************** By the time they were done, Mulder was out of surgery but they wouldn't let her see him. He was still recovering, they said. The entire time, Skinner was there supporting her, almost as if he was family. When she was finally able to see Mulder, there was one drawback, she wasn't aloud to see him by herself as Skinner accompanied her. They found several people outside his room, talking to each other in Creole. Skinner walked up to them, and asked several questions. They looked at Dana, then back at him. Skinner turned back to her. "They want to know if your sure you want to see him." "Of course I want to see him!" She replied, concern starting to grow. Skinner relayed the information, then turned to her. "They say he is psychotic," "Mulder is sane! YOU tell them that!" She listened to the conversation, but didn't understand any of it. Finally he turned back to her. "They say they won't be held responsible if your hurt." "He won't hurt me!" she insisted. //Dana, if you can hear me, help me,// she heard him plead in her mind. The doctors looked Scully over as if she were insane too, but then moved so that she could enter the room. Mulder was lying on the bed with his arms were tied to the bed rails, even the one that was attached to the shoulder that had been shot. She was shocked to see that even his legs were strapped down and that he wore a gag. He looked at Scully, terror filling his eyes. Dana quickly moved to his side and removed the gag. "Your here, your really here," Mulder said hoarsely with a relieved smile. //I promised you I would never leave you,// //I should have believe you,// He replied, pulling at the straps that tied him to the bed. "Why did they tie you down?" Skinner asked angrily. "They wanted to give me a shot, and I fought back," he replied, the pain of the memory showing on his face. "Oh my god!" Scully said, reaching out to untie his hands, but finding she couldn't. "Are you sure you want to do that?" Skinner asked her. "Mulder isn't a danger," she insisted. "Why did he fight his treatments?" "He was given drugs against his will," she explained, "He is terrified of needles." "What kind of drugs?" Mulder looked away from them. "I am an addict. Krycek hooked me on drugs." "You didn't resist?" "Of course he resisted!" Dana replied as she started on the ropes which held his legs. Without being asked, Skinner took out his pocket knife and cut the ropes. "Your free now," he said as he pulled them from around his legs. "Not here," Mulder said, looking like a trapped animal. "They treat me like a thing." "There isn't anyone here to translate for you?" "No, there isn't." "I'm going to make a call," Skinner said, anger very evident in his voice. "We're going to get you transferred to the local US army base." Skinner exchanged looks with Scully before he left the room. *************************** "Would you like some coffee?" Skinner asked her as they sat outside Mulder's hospital room at the base. She could see him through the large window. He had finally fallen asleep. "Sure," she shrugged. It was cooler here, at least this place had air conditioning. Skinner came back with her coffee and sat back down beside her. "I've made sure your file has gotten to a safe place." He said quietly, so that anyone nearby would not hear him. "Thank you sir." she replied, wondering if they would be able to see the documents again. Skinner looked her over. "Was Krycek the only person who was holding you?' "No, he had a superior. A Colonel Anatoli Arntzen." Skinner turned a strange shade of green. "Are you sure it was Arntzen?" "Positive, if you want to know what he looked like, he resembled Krycek, except he was about ten years older then him." "Your lucky you got out of there alive," Skinner said. "You've heard of him?" "The man's a manic, he slaughtered entire villages in Afghanistan. He's a wanted war criminal." Scully got a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach. She could remember what Krycek had told her, that Anatoli was Mulder's half-brother. Krycek was still with him. She could still remember what he looked like before Mulder had been shot. If that Arntzen was the way Skinner said he was, Krycek was probably dead. ************************** Mulder had been in the base hospital for only a day, but the only thing he found he appreciated was the fact that he understood everything anyone said. Skinner sat by Mulder's bed. He had come in when Scully had gone down to the lab to run some more tests. Mulder didn't have to be told the truth - he wasn't trusted to be alone. Alone, that was all he wanted to be now. He was tired of the stares, of the overheard thoughts as people passed in the hallway. He wanted to curl up and hide. Lock himself behind steel doors until he felt well enough to come out. Instead he was in this room, with a large window that lead out to the hallway, a window that was always open. So people could see ... see the freak he had become. "Agent Mulder, we need to talk about what happened when you where kidnapped." Skinner finally said. "If you must," Panic was beginning to over come him. How much had Scully told their superior? he looked away to hide his fear. "There is something I thought you might feel more comfortable talking about with me," Skinner paused. "You have five different types of STDs." "AIDS?" "No, you don't have AIDS," "That's a relief at least, are they treatable?" he asked. "Yes, your being treated for all of them. Did you get them when you where raped?" "How did you know about that!?! Did Dana tell you!?!" He replied angrily. "Your not the only man who has ever been raped." Skinner said softly. "it happened to me in Vietnam. It took me years to get over it, years to trust anyone." Mulder looked into Skinners eyes and realized this man understood him more then he thought. "I want to trust, but I can't, not yet." "The hospital has a rape councilor, and I think it would be good if you could talk to her." "Please sir...no," "What if I stay with you?" he offered. Mulder knew why Skinner wanted to stay with him, he wanted to find out what happened to him when he was kidnapped. He didn't say anything, just nodding his approval. There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Skinner said. A woman in a white lab coat came in and shook hands with Skinner, "Mr. Skinner, its good to talk to you again," "Thank you for coming so promptly," he answered. "This is Fox Mulder," The woman barely gave Mulder a glance. "Where is she?" "I wanted you to talk to Mulder," Skinner said. The woman's lip curled into a sneer. "That's impossible. Rape is an act of power, men are the ones that have the power. Therefore this man couldn't have been raped." "He *was* raped," Skinner said, anger growing in his voice. "What ever sex, no matter how rough it was, had to be consensual." She spat. "He's tricked you, he wanted to have sex, it was probably the best sex in his life!" The words cut Mulder harsher then any knife could. He looked at Skinner, mentally pleading him for him to help. Skinner got up and grabbed the woman by the arm. "I think it would be best if we talk outside." He hissed before literally pulling her outside, and shutting the door. Through the window, Mulder watched Skinner and the woman arguing, both becoming more and more animated as the heat built up in the discussion. She said he hadn't been raped. Perhaps he hadn't ... he couldn't even remember everything that happened. ***************************** Later, after the councilor had left, Mulder watched through the glass as Dana walked up and spoke with Skinner who gave her something, then left. A doctor came up to her, and talked with her. He hungered. Scully came into the room, carefully shutting the door behind her, then walked over to his bed. "How are you feeling?" She asked as she studied his features for signs of any problems. "Wonderful, like I could run a marathon," He replied with a slight smile. "Seriously." He looked away from her. The hunger gnawed in the bit of his stomach. "I could use a fix." "I can't do that," she paused. "The tests on your blood came back, your not addicted to heroin," "Then what am I addicted to?" "There where traces of exocyclitazine in your blood along with another unknown substance." "Could that unknown substance make us telepathic?" he asked. "It could be, It's in my blood stream too." she replied, taking his hand in hers. //Now that we're back ... are we going to loose this closeness?// he asked inside her mind. //I don't know,// she confessed. "More of the drugs have been found during the raid, you *can* get more of it." She said out loud. "I want off of them, I want to go cold turkey, " he replied firmly. "Are you sure it's wise? The physiological ramifications..." "It's the *only* way," he interrupted her. "There are too many side effects for you to do that." She responded with a frown. He looked at her. "Please Dana," "I didn't tell you, I have gotten permission to be allowed to treat you," she told him. "I'll be the only one giving you shots," "are you positive?" "I promise,' she said. *********************************************** "Leave Dana alone!" He cried out desperately. Scully was woken by Mulder's screaming in his sleep. He was sitting up in bed, his eyes staring out into nothing. "I've done everything you wanted me to, please don't hurt her!" After all Mulder had been through, he was dreaming about their experiences again. She wasn't sure if he should wake him. Then, deciding it might help, she gently touched him. Mulder jumped, as if startled, and his eyes blinked. "Scully..." "It's all right, you had a nightmare." He ran a hand through his hair. "It seemed so real. I'm sorry that I woke you," He laid back down, turning his face away from her. Mulder had scars, scars that ran deep. "I wish I was as strong as you, What you did took more courage then I will ever have." "I had been on the game when I was in college, I was used to men using my body." he said so softly that she wasn't sure she heard him correctly. "Did anyone hurt you when you where alone?" "No I was well ... kept. Every once in a while, I would hear them beat you, and your cries. I couldn't help you...." He turned to her. He began to cry. Scully took him into her arms, holding her lover close, stroking his hair. //It still hurts, why does it still hurt?// he asked her telepathically. ************************** "Someone sent you a package." Dana announced as she walked into his room, carrying the package. "Whose it from?" Mulder asked. "I don't know, it's got British stamps." she said as she handed the package to him. There was no return address, but he recognized the handwriting. "Do you think it's safe?" She asked. "If its from who I think it is, it's safe." He responded as he tore open the wrapping paper and opened the box, revealing several wrapped packages and a card. "From the both of us." He read. He opened up the card, and reading the inside slowly. Mulder, I was told that you are in hospital. I hope you are recovering well. While your recuperating, please take time to go through these items. I inherited them a few months ago from grandmother. I think its right that you have some of them. Don't worry about the photos, I have made myself copies. I think you have a right to have some of mother. You might not remember her much, but she loved you a lot. I hope that you can find time to visit London after your recovery. Love, William "Whose it from? A friend from Oxford?" Scully asked. "Not exactly." he said with a sigh as he put the card aside. He didn't know what to say to his partner. He had never told her about William. Dana picked up the card and read it. Then she looked back at Mulder. "Who is William, and why does he have some of your mother's things?" "William's my brother." "A brother." Dana said slowly. Clearly not believing him. "If you have a brother, why isn't there photos of him at your mothers house?" Mulder took a deep breath, and let it out. He didn't really want to talk about this, but he knew if he didn't, Dana would know he was lying. "William is my biological brother." Dana noticed the other signature on the card. "Whose Ray?" "His partner ... his lover. They've been together for about twenty years." "There's more then that isn't there, this Ray hurt you." she said reading his expression. "I don't want to talk about Ray." Dana shrugged. Mulder opened the first package. It was the size of a book, and as he opened it, he realized it was a photo album. He turned the first page. There was a photo of a woman that looked allot like Mulder holding a baby. A boy in his young teens was standing beside her holding Mulder. Memories washed over Mulder. He wondered if his life would have been different if his real mother hadn't died. ********************** Mulder woke with a start. Dana was stretched out in the chair reading a thick book. It had only been a dream. He wasn't a hooker any more. What made him think of that? His body craved drugs he couldn't have. He reached out, his shaking fingers touching the photo of his family, before the death of his mother. He realized it was time that he told Dana the truth. he glanced over to her. "You've never asked me about my sexual past." "You acted like you didn't want to talk about it." she said, putting the book aside. She got up and walked over to him. "If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have too." "You have the right to know." he said softly. "I got into Oxford on a scholarship. My father basically paid my plane ticket, and I was on my own. I didn't have a work permit, and I had to pay my rent." "What did you do?" "I would go to school during the week, and on the weekend, I'd work, as a ... hustler." It slowly dawned on Scully. "You were a prostitute?" "Ray Doyle tried to take me off the streets. I really loved him. It was his intervention that got me into the FBI academy." "What about William, didn't he mind that his lover was involved with you?" "When he found out - yes. William and I became friends later on." "Why didn't you tell me about him?" Dana asked. "If I did, I would have had to tell you about me being a hustler, and I wasn't ready for that." Dana reached out, gently touching his arm. "I understand now." ************************* It hadn't changed much, the long days of withdrawal. Mulder still panicked every time he thought of being seen nude. Dana at his side, protecting, like he had been when he thought she was dying of cancer. She was here, she was his life. She was the only one who could keep him safe, for he still couldn't trust the hospital staff. Scully looked over to him, her eyes tired from his waking her with the nightmares. "Your beginning to really smell." She said, crinkling her nose. "Well, it's not like I can get up and take a bath," he tried to kid, "Why are you bringing this up?" "The Doctors here think you need to bathe, and I agree." "I see, and when exactly is this going to happen?" He replied, trying to keep the near-panic he felt out of his voice. "Will you be here? Promise you'll be here." She got up, and as had become their custom, reached out and touched him. Their minds connected and she could feel his panic, while he could feel her understanding. //If we shut the blinds, could you trust me enough to bathe you?// She finally asked. //I'm too heavy for you to lift,// //I'll give you a bed bath. Once you get used to that, perhaps in a couple of days, a real bath.// He closed his mind to hers and moved his head so she couldn't see his face. "You'll see me nude right?" "That's the general idea." she paused, "I can do it so I won't see you completely nude, I'll do a bit of you at a time." Trust, how far did he trust her anymore? Did he trust her enough to share his body with her? Why was he so terrified? His fear was almost enough to overcome the craving that his body felt. The thought of strangers coming in here, forcing him to bathe was enough for him to nod. He watched Dana walk over to the door, try to lock it, but finally shoving a chair under the knob. Pulling the curtain over the large window, he watched as she walked over to the other windows, and shut them too. By the way she walked he didn't have to be telepathic to read her exhaustion. "Are you sure your up to doing this?" he asked with concern. "Of course I am." she replied as she went into the bathroom, where he heard her opening cabinets and finally taking something out which she began to fill with water. A thought crossed his mind. "After this, perhaps you should contact Skinner and get some rest." She came into the room, holding a small tub and some towels. She set the tub on the beside table and set the towels down on his bed. "I made you a promise and I intend to keep it. Do you really want me to?" She asked as she rolled up her shirt sleeves. "Stop thinking of just me, I don't think your taking a few hours off for a nap will hurt anything." he said looking down to his trembling fingers. They shook now almost constantly because of the withdrawal. "Just promise you'll come back to me tonight." "I'll never leave you Mulder." she said, putting a few wash cloths in the tub. "Can you trust me enough to pull your blankets down to your waist?" Still not looking at her, he eased the sheets down, revealing his chest. "I'll try to keep the water warm." she told him. He could feel the touch of the washcloth as she moved it over his good shoulder. The stroking was gentle, as if she were bathing a baby. He bit his lip, trying to keep the fear inside him. She didn't say anything or attempt to touch his mind as the cloth went across the scars that covered his arms. Lifting the blankets so that his good leg was revealed, she gently washed it, slowly moving up and over his limp penis, and then the catheter. A few moments passed before she finally spoke. "I'm going to have to go change the water. When I get back, I'm going to have to wash your back. Do you think you could trust me enough to do that?" He nodded without looking at her. When she was gone, he sat up. It felt good to sit up on his own. He wondered if it would feel this good the first time he got out of bed. He put the railing down, and slowly eased his good leg over the side of the bed. He looked at the bathroom door and couldn't help but see the smile that Scully tried to hide when she saw him sitting up. She came over to him, and set the tub on the bedside table. Trying to sound stern, she said. "What on earth do you think your doing?" "I can't stay in the bed forever. I am sick of it." He was surprised to see tears well up in her eyes. Tears she tried to hide. "I'm not so scared when your here." "I'm glad," she replied, trying to suppress her feelings of joy. "One thing Scully, could you talk to the doctor about getting this catheter out?" he asked. She choked back something, almost a sob and turned away from him as her shoulders began to shake. He was scared, he had done too much. "Scully, ... Dana, please, don't cry. I'm sorry, I'll behave." She turned back to face him, the tears rolling down her cheeks, "You haven't done too much. I'm proud of you, very very proud." "Are you sure?" he asked, still worried. For the first time in a long time, her old smile lit her face. He couldn't help it, he smiled back. ********************************* Dana sat beside Mulder's bed. With his hair was toweled, he looked like an innocent child when he slept. His face was covered in sweat, but he was sleeping. Beside the bed, she saw a framed photo of a young Mulder and his family, before he was adopted. He looked so innocent back then, almost like he did now. It was almost seven in the morning, early for most people, but for Dana Scully it seemed like sleeping in. For the first time since he had started going through heroin withdrawals, Fox Mulder had slept through the night. It probably wouldn't be a big thing for someone who didn't care for him. Someone who hadn't experienced the nightmares with him. Mulder slowly opened his eyes and turned his face so that he could look at Dana. //I had a dream that you would be here,// //How are you feeling?// she answered with a smile. //I forgot how wonderful it is not to have nightmares,// he confessed, looked her over. //Did you get any sleep?// //I woke up about thirty minutes ago.// Mulder rubbed his eyes. //I think I could use another ten hours,// //Why don't you take them?// she suggested. //No, I should stay up, its morning...// She got up and gently touched his arm, which increased their contact. //You are exhausted, I am your doctor, I am giving you an order.// Mulder smiled a bit. //Yes doctor! What about skinner, he will be here soon.// //Don't worry about him, I can handle him.// //I love you,// he telepathed. //I love you too.// Mulder closed his eyes and fell back to sleep. ************************ Title - Love Bites Author - Katrinka E-Mail address - katrinka@flash.net Rating - NC-17 Category -s, a, MSR Spoilers - Terma Keywords - MSR, angst Content warning: the after efects of slash, male rape, Muldertorture, but none happen in this. Archiving: sure, just tell me. ATXC okay. Summary - Mulder recovers from his experience at the hands of Kryeck and Arntzen Note: this story is pure confort, with some angst thrown in. Feedback: hug a fanfic writer, give feedback! All feedback will be responded to. Disclaimer: you kidding? I don't own the X-files! The character of Elizabeth is owned by Roger Damion Price and Thames tv. When Mulder woke, he saw light through the window blinds, but Scully wasn't there. In fact no one was there. Perhaps she was taking a break, she deserved it. He wanted out of the bed, even if it was only to get as far as the chair, but he would be out of it and out of it now. He eased the railing down and slid out of bed on his good leg, grabbing the bed side table for support. Then he pulled his bad leg out of bed, not setting it on the floor. Slowly turning his back to the chair, he eased himself down and settled into the chair. He grabbed the sheet from the bed, and pulled it onto him. Picking up the remote, he flipped through the channels to see what was on TV. Skinner came into the room, carrying a large cup of coffee. At seeing Mulder in the chair, his eyes widened and he almost dropped it. "*What the hell* are you doing out of bed?" The tone of his voice frightened Mulder. He flinched. "I was tired of being in it. " Skinner stood there for moment, and Mulder could feel he was considering what to say next. "Why don't I get a stool to prop up your leg?" "All right," He said, watching his superior pick it up and bring it over to him. "I wanted to thank you sir, for sticking around during my recovery." "I didn't have anything else to do, I'm on vacation." He replied trying to sound non-chalant. "Oh I see." Mulder said. "Did you find any games on?" Skinner asked, pulling up the other chair. "Yeah, I did." Mulder replied, rubbing his eyes. "Why do TV's have to be so far away? I can't even tell whose playing." "What do they look like?" skinner asked. "Blobs, running around." Skinner took some glasses out of his pocket and passed them to Mulder. "Try these." Mulder looked at them and recognized his glasses. He put them on. They sat back and watched the baseball game. Then Skinner looked back at Mulder. "I have a cabin, in the Rockies. It's not being used. Why don't you and Scully use it while you recover?" "Are you sure you want me to?" Mulder asked. "Do I have to order you?" "No, you don't." Mulder said. " Thanks." ******************************** They had entered through the side entrance of the cabin, the only one he could conquer with his crutches. Mulder felt along the wall until he found a switch and flipped it on. He stood for a few moments, looking around. There appeared to be a small kitchen off one side of the living room, while a hallway led off the other to what he assumed would be the bedrooms. Moving forward while he maneuvered with the crutches, he ventured down the hallway only to find one bedroom. He could sense Dana just behind him, but he didn't acknowledge her. Instead he went into the bedroom and turned on the light. It was a large spacious room, dominated by a king sized bed. He fought down a growing sense of panic as he realized if they were to sleep together, Scully would want sex, and he wasn't ready for that. "This is nice," Scully said as she pressed by him to get a better view of the room.. "Yeah, wonderful." he muttered as he turned to leave. "If you want me to, I'll take the couch." "Do you really want to sleep in another room?" she asked, not giving him a chance to answer. "The bed is big enough for both of us to sleep in, without touching.... I know you must be concerned about your leg." "Your right, I am." He replied, realizing she was giving him a chance to hide the real reason. He noticed a small remote on top of the TV, which he picked up before moving over to the bed. Sitting down on the covers, he brought his feet up and pressed the power button. "Skinner's got satellite." He said, somewhat surprised as he flipped through the channels which were offered. "Why don't you watch it, while I bring the bags in?" she suggested, her tone showing the realization that he had already made that choice. Startled, he looked up to her. "Do you want me to help?" "No need, we didn't bring much." she replied with a shrug before turning to retrieve their luggage.. He found several erotic channels - something he wouldn't have hesitated to watch before. Now it just made him uncomfortable. It made him think of his feelings for Scully and he was getting very confused. He loved her, more then he had ever loved anyone before, but he was also terrified of her. The idea of her touch somehow frightened him. He settled on some Asian basketball, and leaned back on the pillows to watch as the two teams moved down the court. When Scully had returned with the last of the bags, he asked if she wanted to go exploring. She smiled and said sure - concern showing in her eyes as she watched him pull himself up on the crutches. *************************** Mulder was surprised to find a top of the line computer in the living room. "What's this for?" He asked as he moved toward it. "Skinner told me that he was going to give you some way of translating your records." Scully replied, slowing her pace to not make him embarrassed for his slower pace. Pressing the power switch on the console, they heard the machinery begin to hum as both the computer and a nearby scanner began to power up. "You know, I've seen something like this being used a couple of times before." He said with some excitement showing in his voice for the first time in a long time she noticed. "It has a built in translator and all you have to do is scan in my documents, and we will have the translation." "Great," She replied, wondering if he really meant that she would be doing the work. "Where are my records?" he asked as he eased himself into the office chair, showing some of his old character as he looked at the menu on the screen. Scully reached into her brief case, and gave them to him. "Are you sure you want to do this now?" she asked, not sure if the swing of his moods would be good for him or them. "I need to know if Krycek was telling you the truth." He replied as he laid his crutches on the floor beside the chair and rolled over to the scanner. He didn't seem to notice when Scully pulled up a chair just behind him. "What can I do to help?" she asked realizing that it would be better to be part of the process than watching it from the sidelines. "What do you know about Russian?" he said as he opened the packet, taking out the first document and laying it on the scanner. "I'm afraid of what we're about to find out." Selecting the scan option from the menu, they watched the light beneath the cover move slowly back and forth several times before the printer hummed to life and paper began to move through it. "Traitors to the people's justice" he read off after picking up the first sheet. "What is that?" she asked. "It was a term that Stalin used for his enemies during the purge." Leaning in to read over his shoulder, he didn't even notice the brush of her hair on his shoulder. The report talked at length about Alexi and his wife who appeared to be part of the Jewish anarchist community. After a long interrogation, they had both given a full confession and had both been summarily executed in the usual fashion - a single pistol shot to the back of the head as each was made to kneel and were given scant seconds to say their final prayers. Their twin sons were put in the Institution for Friends and Families of Traitors of the People's Justice which would give them a good chance of rehabilitation. "Who do you think those people are?" Scully asked. "I think their my grandparents." he paused. "I won't know for sure, unless I translate more." "Your not in this alone, I will help you," Scully promised, gently putting her hand on his arm. He wanted to kiss her, but the fear that had been haunting him since the kidnapping was still there. He reluctantly put his hand on top of hers. "Thanks." He said as they exchanged knowing smiles. **************** Mulder yawned. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes for the umpteenth time in the last few hours as Scully glanced at her watch. It was just past midnight which, before the kidnapping, would normally not have been all that late - Now, in the condition he was in, she could tell her partner was exhausted. //Why don't you take a break.// she suggested as she looked over his worn features. //I'm not finished,// he replied, shoving his glasses back on. They had been talking telepathically since they had started working on the project. //Your exhausted, I can feel that. Why don't you take a short nap? I'll wake you up in an hour.// //What about my scanning?// //I'll do it, it isn't that hard to do.// Turning to look directly at her, she could tell he was considering whether or not to trust her. Reaching out to gently touch her cheek, their minds met briefly through the contact. She could feel that he wanted to kiss her, but there was a hidden terror there that she didn't understand. Turning to pick up his crutches, she found herself somewhat saddened that he had broken the contact. She watched him pull himself out of the chair and slowly make his way toward the bedroom. Sighing at how things were between them, she opted to distract herself from the situation. Moving to take the now vacant chair, she began to look over the documents - even though she discovered that concentration would be difficult as her thoughts kept returning to her lover. She shook her head in an unconscious effort to clear her thoughts before digging into the work at hand. It was close to three am when she finally finished and had printed out all the information they had scanned along with making a backup disk. Turning off the equipment and the lights, she took the printouts and disks with her into the bedroom, where she hid them. Standing by the bed, she smiled to herself as she watched the covers gently move with each breath of the sleeping figure. Mulder looked so innocent as he slept she thought, with the raging demons that where inside him locked far away at the moment. He looked like he did before all this happened, the way he had the night before they had been kidnapped. As quietly as possible, she undressed, and slipped into bed beside him. ********************** Dana opened her eyes to find sunlight streaming through the window. Reaching out, she discovered Mulder had already gotten up. //How could this have happened? I was so close to knowing my past!// she heard him say in her mind. She got out of bed and quickly slipped a robe on before she went into the living room. The sight of the room stunned her as she looked over the damage. The front door had been kicked in and the computer was gone. Mulder was sitting morosely on the couch, his face streaked with tears. He looked up to her. "It's gone." He said with a voice filled with sadness. "They must have followed us here." She said, moving to the door and shutting it. Looking at the nearby furniture, she pulled a bureau across the floor and left it squarely in front of the door. "We probably should call Skinner and find some place else to stay." She said firmly, wondering how the noise of the invasion had not awakened her. "Now that they have the tape, and the files, they won't be back." He said to the floor dejectedly. Scully walked over to him and offered him her hand. "Come to the bedroom with me." She asked with a smile, knowing that he would be happy to hear she had made backups. He looked up to her, his eyes red-rimmed. "I want to stay here." "I want to show you something, please." He took her hand, and she led him into the bedroom. Moving to her side of the bed, she lifted the mattress and pulled the hard copy out. "I saved this for you." "You printed up a hard copy? I can't believe it." He said, relief flooding his every feature as he leafed through the pages. "There is also a backup disk of the scans. I hid that too." She added with a smile. "Your a genius." he couldn't help but smile, and he was surprised to see her smiling back. ******************************** Mulder sat in a comfortable chair on the porch of the cabin looking out over the scenery that spilled out around them. He was taking a break from his work and all he could think of was Dana. If only he hadn't revealed his secret to her, she wouldn't have followed him to the beach. He wouldn't have made love to her. His fingers ran along the scars on his arms reminding him of his addiction and his weakness. Dana had been wanting to make love since their arrival. She had only said it to him once, but that was a drawback of them being able to share minds, he realized. He was terrified when she touched him. He had always managed to stay on his side of the bed whenever they had slept together. He didn't even know if he wanted to continue their relationship, let alone be her lover. She deserved someone strong, not someone who had been too weak to resist becoming addicted to drugs. He loved her, and that was the problem. When he woke that morning, seeing her beside him, he had become hard, very hard wanting to make love to her. He had reached out to touch her, and rolled over onto his hurt leg - quickly reminding him of realities of the situation. Not remembering what had actually happened was the hardest part for Mulder. Not knowing what he did with Krycek really bothered him. Especially after the counselor told him the rape was his fault. And knowing Scully had been forced to watch, he wondered if something worse then the gang rape had happened? That was hard enough, but had Scully seen more? The door of the cabin opened, and Dana came out. She walked over to him, but managed to avoid touching him. "The view is beautiful." She said as she stood by the rail and looked over the area around the cabin. "Not as beautiful as you," he let slip out. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said that." "I have been able to touch your mind, but for some reason I have felt even farther away from you. It's like you no longer trust me." She said with a small frown, turning her back to face him and leaning back against the rail. "I trust you. It's just that...." perhaps she could help. "Was I too much of a jerk when I was on the drugs?" "Not ... really" She said. She was lying, he could feel it. That was a bad part about being telepathic. "I don't know what I did..." "I keep telling you, it wasn't your fault." She said firmly. "I didn't say it was..." He tried not to sound panicked. "I just wanted to know... Why is wanting to know such a bad thing?" "It's not a bad thing." she started, crossing her arms across her chest as she put on her physicians expression. "You where under the influence of drugs that lowered your inhibitions. Your not ready for the rest." "Shouldn't I be the one that decides that?" Reluctantly Scully said. "It made you sexually excited. Krycek and you......" Mulder got a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach. The nightmares where true. "I made love to him." "It wasn't your fault." she insisted, pushing off the rail to pace in front of him as she talked. "Then tell me, whose fault was it?" Tears stung his eyes, the woman he loved had seen him make love to someone else. He felt so filthy. "It was Krycek's. He wanted revenge." she said, stopping to look down at him in the chair. "I learned from watching him that he was in love with you." Mulder couldn't believe his ears. "In love with me? How could someone love me, and hurt me so badly?" "You don't deny that you where involved with him." she reminded. "That was years ago. We had a few one night stands, that was all." He couldn't believe he was talking about this with Scully. "You broke his heart." she countered. "I never loved him." was all that Mulder could say. The feeling of never being clean was overwhelming him. He needed a shower, that was it, a nice long shower. He picked up his crutches, and got to his feet. "I know, he's insane, you should remember that." She said, not quite knowing what to do next. "It's never far from my thoughts." he said going inside. ****************************** Mulder locked the bedroom door behind him. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. Scully thought that he was in love with Krycek. She had seen him make love to Krycek. Even brought up the affair. The affair he had had, just because he couldn't have Dana. He had missed his ex-partner, and had reached out to the first person handy, Alex Krycek. He thought that affair was forgotten. Now he knew it never would be. He could still remember the way that Krycek raped him the first time. The pain, the humiliation he felt. He was dirty, filthy. He needed a shower, badly. Mulder went to the bathroom. Bracing himself against the wall, he took his brace off. Then he pulled his jeans off. The cold air hit his hurt leg and he began to shiver. He took his shirt off next. He could see himself now in the bathroom mirror. He had lost so much weight since being kidnapped. He had never been fat, but now his ribs stuck out. He could see the scar from the gunshot in his thigh, Scully had told him he could walk on his own, if he really wanted. He didn't believe her. How could he? His face, he couldn't even recognize himself. He took his glasses off. He turned the shower on, waiting for the water to get to the proper temperature before he stepped in. He let the warm, cleansing water wash over him. He picked up the soap, and began to wash. No matter how much he washed, he couldn't get himself clean enough. *************************** When Mulder was finished showering, he found Scully on the bed, waiting for him. "What are you doing here?" he exclaimed, suddenly feeling very self conscious about his naked body. "It's my bedroom too." she pointed out. "but I locked the door." He said, gesturing with his hand. "There was a key in the kitchen." He went over to the closet, took out his robe, and put it on before sitting down on the other side of the bed. "I was worried about you," she admitted. "Your shower lasted over an hour," "I was dirty," he shrugged. "Your the psychologist, tell me, if you had a patent that did that, what would you do? You would know she was raped." She said sternly. "That wasn't the reason I took the shower." he lied. "You need to talk to someone Mulder, someone professional. If it would make you feel better, I could call a rape crisis center for you." "No, I don't want you to do that." "Why not?" she asked, not yet understanding the feeling of fear she got from him. "Because men can't be raped." he looked down to his scarred leg. "Who ever gave you such a stupid idea?" Dana's eyes flashed. "When I was in hospital, Skinner had a rape councilor talk to me. She told me that men can't get raped, because men are the ones that have the power. She told me that I must have wanted it." He replied, trying unsuccessfully to keep himself from crying. "I didn't. I hated every moment that Krycek touched me." He was surprised when Scully got up, and came over to him. She knelt on the floor in front of him. "The councilor was wrong. What happened to you wasn't consensual, I watched remember?" "It hurt Dana, it hurt even more when I found out that you saw...." "What you did when we where kidnapped made me love you more." She said softly, looking up into his eyes. "How can you say that?" "You went through it so that I wouldn't." she said, suddenly realizing the one thing he hadn't known. "I couldn't let you..." the damn broke, he began to sob. Dana sat down on the bed beside him, and pulled him to her. She held him close, gently stroking his hair. When he was finished, he still let her hold him. "You know the city that is nearby has a large gay community. I called around and found a gay rape center. I think you should at least call and talk to a counselor, or even better, go in for an appointment." She said softly, enjoying the feel of their bodies together again. "Will you come with me?" "I'll drive you there, and wait for you. But you have to talk to the councilor alone." "Why alone?" "There are things that are personal to you that you might need to discuss." Mulder nodded. He had to agree with her. "I am going to use a alias. I wouldn't want it to get back to anyone...." "I understand." she said. For the first time, Mulder realized she did. *************************** Mulder went into intensive therapy at the center. He had three hour sessions every day, in the mornings which he never disclosed what was talked about. She in return, never asked. Even after the first day, he seemed to be more at peace with himself. On the fourth day, he came out, walking on his own. A quick check showed that his leg was well on the way to healing. On the fifth day, Mulder came out of the session early. "My therapist thinks that I am well enough to stop my therapy. Today will be my last session." "That's wonderful Marty." she smiled. "She wants to talk to you, if you don't mind." "Are you going to be there?" she asked. "Of course I will." She followed him back to the room. The therapist was a African woman in her early forties who greeted her with a thick British accent. "You must be Diana, Marty has told me a lot about you." Dana shook the therapist hand and was directed to the couch. Sitting down, she was happy when Mulder sat beside her. The councilor sat down in a chair close to the couch. "It's good to finally meet you." She started. "Has Marty discussed what we've been talking about?" the councilor asked. "No, I respect the doctor/patent relationship." Scully replied with a smile, having tried to avoid even the mental images she had received from Mulder during his sessions. "We've discussed Marty's feeling's towards what happened, and his sexuality." "I see," Scully said, "Is this the time that you revel to me that Marty is really gay, and not bi?" The councilor laughed. "No! I do not try to get people to come out unless they want to. Marty is deeply in love with you." "I love him too." she admitted. "The two of you are partners on a police force. There is a special relationship between partners. For me to try to destroy that would be wrong." She paused looking back and forth between them. "Marty told me that you watched him be raped. How did you feel about that?" She finally asked, her eyes settling on Dana's face a she tried to analyze the effect of her question before she heard the answer. "I was uncomfortable." "Just uncomfortable? Where you angry?" "Very angry," she admitted. "Towards Marty?" "No! Never! What happened wasn't his fault!" "It's okay Diana," Mulder said, putting his hand on Dana's. "Seeing him raped was worse then being raped myself. I couldn't help him! How could he ever forgive me?" she said, near tears. "Did you know you are the only person he trusts fully?" the councilor asked. "Even after all this?" Dana asked, turning towards Mulder. "Especially after all this." Mulder told her. ******************** The nightmares kept Mulder from having a good nights sleep. It was six AM and he had been up since three reading his records and finding out revelations about his father. The one report that haunted him dealt with the murder of his mother. His father was posing as a businessman then, commuting from America to England - spying for the Soviets. When he was told to end his assignment he killed his wife. Mulder couldn't believe her eyes. Dana came into the living room. She was wearing her robe. "Couldn't sleep?" "No," He replied, his expression catching her attention. She sat down on the couch. "Find anything interesting?" "My father didn't die when my mother did. This report says he killed her." "Does it say what happened to him?" "According to this, he is still working deep cover in America." He turned the page that he was reading. "He arranged for Samantha and I to be adopted by his mistress. She only wanted my sister, but he convinced her that it would be in her best interest to take me too." Mulder put the folder down, then he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "You don't know if it's true," "My past memories make sense now." he said with a sigh as he put his glasses in their case. "I can tell it's the truth. I have a good idea who my father is, and it makes me hate him even more." "So who is he?" "Cancerman," he spat. He got off the couch, and went to where his running shoes were. He could feel that Scully didn't believe him - That old drawback of being telepathic. "Mulder...." "Leave me alone." he said angrily, trying to close his mind to her as he quickly put on his shoes. "I'm going to take a walk" "Are you sure you want to do that?" "I just need to be alone." He said before opening the door and leaving her alone in her thoughts. ******************************************** Enjoying the warmth of the sun, he was glad that Dana had given him time to be alone. He needed to think about many things. During his counseling with Elizabeth, she had told him about other people like him. "The Tomorrow People" or so she had said they called themselves. Scully would someday be like him. As a telepath they would never stop being able to read people's minds. The woman had proven her point by healing his leg, and showing him how he could close parts of his mind to her. He had hidden in his mind everything he knew about these people. Dana didn't need to know, not that she would believe him. He wasn't quite sure he believed himself. ********************************************** Mulder returned to the cabin about an hour later. He was exhausted. Even though he was able to walk, he was out of shape. He found Scully sitting on the couch, reading through his report with a cup of coffee on the end table where she put the records down when she he walked in. "I'm sorry I was looking through them." She said with a somewhat embarrassed smile. "It's okay. You have a right to see it." He replied as he sat down beside her on the couch. "It's a lot to take in." she agreed. "But I know why the originals were stolen. Cancerman didn't want you to find the truth out." "So you believe me?" "Of course I do! I love you!" Mulder looked at her, wanting to tell her he loved her, but not quite ready. "Our relationship...What would you feel if we started it again?" he asked. "Mulder, I won't put any pressure on you. I will leave our relationship up to you. If, or when we return, and we're still not involved, I will take it as we were never meant to be." ************************ Title - Love Bites Author - Katrinka E-Mail address - katrinka@flash.net Rating - NC-17 Category -s, a, MSR Spoilers - Terma Keywords - MSR, angst Content warning: the after efects of slash, male rape, Muldertorture, but none happen in this. Archiving: sure, just tell me. ATXC okay. Summary - Mulder recovers from his experience at the hands of Kryeck and Arntzen Note: this story is pure confort, with some angst thrown in. Feedback: hug a fanfic writer, give feedback! All feedback will be responded to. Disclaimer: you kidding? I don't own the X-files! Feeling better about their relationship now that he knew Scully had accepted the truth about him, Mulder poured over the translated records without the usual distractions which had plagued him earlier. He smiled as he found himself thinking of her acceptance as he read the reports. They couldn't go on like this much longer, sleeping in the same bed, but never touching. Never letting the words "I love you" reach his lips. He could hear her in the kitchen, preparing breakfast - the smell of eggs and sausage confirming what his ears had told him. Startled as the phone next to the couch chirped to life, Mulder reached over and snatched it off the cradle. It was Skinner, officially informing him that he had another ten days before he had to report back to work. His fingers trembled as he hung up the phone. Ten more days. That's all he had to restart the relationship. Ten days to tell Scully he loved her, to get over his fear of kissing her. She came into the living room with a dish towel in her hands. "What's wrong?" "It was Skinner, he says we have ten more days." He replied, trying to stop his hands from shaking. "Did he give a reason?" she asked with a frown, the towel moving over her hands as she dried them off. "He says its a waste of resources to let his best agents lay around." "I don't think your ready yet," "I'm going to have to be." He said as he got up and walked over to her. Reaching out he gently touched her soft cheek with his fingers. //We have only ten days. I think it would be easier if we prepare while we still can touch minds.// //It's fading, I can't touch your mind anymore unless we are touching,// she replied, sadness plainly evident on her features as her hand gently covered his on her cheek. //Dana, I want to have an us, when we get back. The only way we are going to be able to do that, is if I start now,// Looking deep into her eyes, he smiled as he saw the same emotional turmoil as he was experiencing. He felt a bit of fear in her mind. //Are you sure you want this,// //The best thing that ever happened to me was when you kissed me. The best lovemaking I have ever had in my life was when we made love on the beach.// He felt opened completely now to her. //I am terrified to tell you the truth, I can't promise you that I can make love to you before we return. I love you, I *want* there to be an us,// A tear fell down Scully's cheek. She brought her other hand to his cheek, letting the forgotten towel fall to the floor, increasing the mental contact with the completed circuit. //Knowing you want me is enough. Love making is more then sex, it's touching, feelings.// //I'll try Dana, I'll promise you, I'll try.// he put his hand on her waist. //Your the only one I trust. Not only that, I love you.// He had an overwhelming urge to kiss her. Which he did, softly on the lips. ************************** They were sitting on the love seat which they had pulled onto the cabins porch, working on her laptop. She had been greatly relieved that the thieves hadn't stolen it while they had slept. In the time that had passed, she found her abilities had waned, now only able to send to him telepathically if they were touching. Mulder was sitting beside her, a bit of a breakthrough in and of itself. He was wearing his glasses, carefully studying the printouts. His hair had grown shaggy since they had been kidnapped, spilling over his forehead and onto his glasses. It made him look more boyish - more innocent. She wasn't surprised when she felt his hand on her shoulder, he had been touching her often, just hadn't let the barriers down enough to let her touch him. He put his arm around her, and moved closer. "Do you mind if I do that?" he asked with that smile she had missed. "It feels good." She admitted truthfully, knowing that he would be able to see that. "Great," he replied as he went back to his reading. Now that they where touching, she could feel what he was thinking. //That wasn't so bad...now why can't you let her touch you?// A few minutes passed as they read. then he said out loud. "Can you touch me Dana?" "Are you sure your ready?" She asked, concern filling her thoughts. "Please, I don't care where," He replied as she felt his fear. Cautiously reaching out, she heard his sharp intake of breath as her fingers made contact with the skin of his arm. Then she could almost hear him relax. //More, please,// she heard him ask in her mind. Her hand moved up his arm, to his shoulders which felt tight. //This man could use a good back rub.// she thought, forgetting he would hear her thought. //I would like that,// he thought. //Are you sure your ready?// she asked with a smile. //Yes,// She turned off the laptop and gently placed it on the porch as he put the records on the ground. He turned his back to her in a show of trust before she gently touched his back, and heard another sharp intake of breath. She pretended she didn't notice. Instead she went to work rubbing her lovers back. After a few minutes she could feel him relax. There was something else she could feel from him, desire. She tried to fight down her own. "Do you like that?" she asked. "It felt good, thanks." he said. Sadly, she took her hands off him, he wasn't ready, she knew that. She could wait till he was. **************************** //Scully looks better then I do in my robe,// Mulder thought stealing a glance at his lover as she sat on the other side of the bed, munching popcorn. Skinner in his infinite wisdom had put the only TV that was attached to the satellite dish in the bedroom. They where watching a Russian movie with horrid English captioning and he wondered if the translator had ever taken an English lesson in it's life - let alone speak it. "Can I have some popcorn?" he asked. Laying on a pillow as she moved closer he found he could now see down the front of her robe, to the curves of her breasts and her hard nipples. He could feel a familiar tingling in his mid-section as he realized that she wasn't wearing a bra. God he wanted her. He wanted to take her into his arms, and give her the love that he had been aching to give. He quickly turned his eyes away from Scully, and went back to staring at the TV set. //I'm just like Krycek ... an animal.// The woman in the movie looked remarkably like Dana, slowly stripping for her lover. It was so easy for him to imagine that it was Dana that it excited him. The animal began to rise in him again. The beast he couldn't control. "Mulder, can I ask you a favor?" Scully said. "Sure," Mulder he replied, suddenly glad that she had distracted his thoughts. "I could really use a back rub." she said, setting the popcorn on the bedside table. "All right," Mulder replied hesitantly, moving so that he was behind her on the bed. Gently easing herself onto his lap to straddle his legs so that he would be conformable, he wasn't at all surprised to find that his hand shook as he touched the fabric over her back. He slowly began to rub her shoulders, even though this was really beginning to turn him on. He tried to focus on the movement of his fingers as the animal began to take control. After rubbing for a while, he slowly moved his hand under her arm, finding her breast and touching her hard nipple, slowly rubbing it through the robe. Scully moved backwards into him, so that her body was now pressed against him. She brought her hand up and rested behind his neck, giving him even more access to her breasts. Scully moaned low in the back of her throat. //Please Mulder, touch me more.// //Are you sure you want me to?// he asked. //Please,// His hand went down her body, stroking her stomach in small circles before moving on to find the tie to the robe. Gently unfastening it, he let it fall open as he slipped his hand inside and up beneath her soft breasts, his fingers exploring the direct contact of her skin as he found her nipple again. He still couldn't be sure that he wasn't forcing this onto Scully. //Open yourself to me Dana, I need to know what your thinking.// //I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.// //Please Dana, I have to know this isn't forced.// The first thing he could feel from her was the shock she felt at the idea that Mulder was forcing her to do anything. Then he felt her desire, almost as strong as his. Pulling her to him, he moved his other hand around her side, sliding through the opening of the robe and gently moving lower, while he continued to caress her breast - cupping and pressing against her chest as he enjoyed the feel of it within his palm. He could feel the tingle of her skin as she felt him play over her stomach, while at the same time he could feel his own feelings growing. She spread her legs for him, giving more access as his fingers moved lower, feeling the gentle slope inward. //Touch me here, please,// she begged in his mind. //Make love to me with your fingers, I want you...// His fingers moved over the soft lips of her clitoris as he relished in her feelings as if they where his own. For the first time he could feel what it was like for a woman to be touched there. His lips found the back of her neck, kissing and suckling as he tasted her skin. It was enough for him now to do this. The stroking was becoming maddening to Scully, as her hips moved in rhythm to his fingers - rubbing against Mulder's still clothed body, bringing pleasure to him as his penis began to swell. He could feel what his lover wanted as she thought of it, and it made him feel good that he could give it to her. As his fingers gently caressed her clitoris, his other hand left her breast and moved down to find her vagina, ever so gently easing two fingers into her warm opening - exploring as he felt her smooth inner walls, spreading and curling his fingers deep inside her. He heard her cry out as he moved in and out - making her buck into him more. He rested his thumb over her nub, moving it back and forth and then hard against her as his fingers picked up their rhythm. Passion, he had never felt this kind of passion before. He found his own hips were beginning to move as he rubbed his cock against her He felt her growing orgasm as her mind cried out his name to his mind. As her body exploded against him, he gasped against her neck as he came biting her neck so hard, that he could taste her blood. They collapsed together on the bed, Scully putting her arms around him as they began to catch their breath with Mulder settling down, his head on her shoulder. "Thank you for giving me your love," she told him out loud. ******************** When he woke up, he found he was back in Dana's arms. He was nude, having woken up in the middle of the night and cleaned up. He finally felt a little bit normal. Finally feeling good when making love. He had chosen this and had been the one in control. He had given to his lover, not just taken. He didn't realize how exciting it could be to stimulate his partners body - to feel what she was feeling. Dana had trusted him enough to let him make love to her. Trusted him enough to believe he wouldn't hurt her. Trust, it all boiled down to trust. Even when he couldn't trust himself, he could trust her. Looking down at her sleeping form, he noticed the row of love bites on the back of her neck. She looked as if she had been attacked by a vampire. Scully's eyes flickered wide open. "I was attacked by what?" "I thought you looked like you've been attacked by a vampire," he told her with a smile. "Or a teenage boy." She replied, snuggling closer to him. "That bad?" she asked, reaching up and touching her neck. "I don't usually leave hickeys." he admitted. "Mulder that was the most exciting sex I have ever had." He searched her eyes, as if they could reveal the truth. "Really?" "Feeling you touch my mind as we made love was so wonderful. I wish it could always happen." A tear slowly rolled down her cheek. "My telepathy is fading. Soon we won't have this." //You don't know that,// he told her. //Has our touch-telepathy faded any?// //No, it hasn't,// There was hope in her thoughts. //Are you going to leave me now?// he asked. //You gave me the ultimatum....// //Of course I won't - I'm here for the long run.// she promised. "Can you touch me?" He ran his hand over her bare skin. He wasn't so nervous this time he was happy to find. Her skin was so smooth and he loved exploring. Touching her had made him hard again he found as his hand moved between her legs, finding her clit, and gently stroke it as he enjoyed the feelings of her response to him. //Can I touch you?// she asked tentatively in his mind. A bit of terror went through him. But he knew to grow he would have to trust her enough to touch him as he had touched her. "Just don't touch my ass." "All right," she agreed. He took her hand, and placed it on his shoulder as he tried to fight the terror he felt when she slowly and cautiously ran her hand over his body. //Open yourself to me Mulder, share your fears with me,// he heard her ask. //I'm ashamed of my fears,// //Let me know this isn't forced,// she said, echoing what he had said earlier. Hesitating only slightly, he opened his mind to her. Her fingers lightly touched him, as if they where the touch of feathers - moving down his arm, and across his stomach. Then lower, touching the pubic area above his cock. She gently petted the base of his cock as it hardened with her touch - Arching up, as if trying to reach her hand. //I won't touch you there if you don't want me to,// she told him. //I have a beast inside me that's my passion.// He revealed to her. //I want to ask you something ... it sounds crazy, but it's the only way I think I can ever make love to you.// He thought hesitantly. //Ask, I won't laugh.// //I am so hot for you, but I am afraid I will hurt you.// he looked away from her. //I want to be dominated, I want you to whip me into passion, then use it the way you want to.// //The way I feel for you now, that won't be a problem.// she told him. Scully's fingers wrapped around the base of his cock, slowly moving up and down its length - gently stroking as he sucked a lung full of air in. His body reacted to her missives as his cock swelled even more within her grasp. //Can I get on top of you, are you ready for that?// she asked him. //Or do you want me to just use my hand,// //Dominate me, please, take me.// he begged. She moved so that she was kneeling over him, gently rubbing her clit over the tip of his cock before slowly lowering herself - enjoying the feel of his swollen head penetrating her before easing it deeper. //I love you Mulder, I know you won't hurt me,// she told him in his mind. //I trust you,// Can I kiss you?" he gasped as his hands moved up her sides and his hips moved with hers. He needed her lips badly. She was warm, tight, it felt better then he remembered to be inside her. He felt her muscles contract around him, gently squeezing and massaging as she moved up and down his shaft. Smiling as she leaned her head down, he felt her soft breasts against his chest as she kissed him. //That feels good,// he told her. //get going FBI woman,// Still smiling down to him, she began to thrust harder, arching her back as he reached up, cupping her breasts in his hands and kneading them - twisting her hard nipples within his fingers and hearing her reaction to the pleasure. He wanted to take control - he wanted to be deep inside her. She read his thoughts, rolling over onto her back and pulling him on top of her. His cock found her opening as her legs rested on his shoulders. Taking his cock in his hand, he gently rubbed his moist head over the swollen lips of her clit before leaning forward and easing slowly into her. She was warm and tight inside. He began to thrust in long deep strokes as her hands moved over his back, avoiding moving lower as she silently urged him on. He felt like a virgin as he made love to her. She seemed like the more experienced woman. He felt her body reacting to his movements as her muscles began to clamp down on him, and he lost control - pushing hard against her and gasping as he felt the tingle of his orgasm deep inside her. Arching her head back with her mouth open he felt her muscles grip his cock hard as she cried out his name and came beneath him. ************************ He was lying in bed with Dana. His Dana. They were in their apartment. Her small body curled around his lanky frame. She hadn't seemed this petite to him before. There was a strange bulge against him. He was at home here, he felt comfortable - safe. "It's our anniversary today, the last one we celebrate alone," she told him. "Alone?" then he realized what the bulge was, she was pregnant. Pregnant with their child. He had to feel it, feel if it was real. "Can I touch your stomach?' In answer, she took his hand, and put it on her stomach. He had expected her stomach to be soft, but it was hard. He ran his hand across her soft skin, suddenly feeling movement against his hand. He hadn't quite expected that. "Babies move even before their born," she told him, as if she knew what he was thinking. "I want you to know how much I love you,' he looked into her eyes. "Your love for me gave us this miracle," she said with a smile. "What do you mean?" "You found my eggs, and had them stored in deep freeze for me. Because of your act, we have our baby," "Our baby," he said softly, he still couldn't believe it. ***************** Mulder opened his eyes and looked at the sleeping figure next to him. He was beside Scully. Reaching out to gently caress her shoulder, he saw the scars on his arms. It had been a dream, but it felt like more then a dream. It seemed real. Like he had seen a promise of the future. Dana woke up beside him. "I had the strangest dream," he said softly as he move his fingers through her soft hair. "I know, I had the same one too, we where married, and I was pregnant." She replied, seeming haunted by the idea. "that's the one I had," he said with a sigh. "I never thanked you for saving my eggs." "It was something I had to do," it felt strange talking about something that was in the dream. "When I woke, I felt empty. The baby, I could feel our baby, when you put your hand on my stomach, I could feel it move." she said softly, close to tears at the loss. "It was real, it felt so real." "What if we saw a bit of our future?" he asked. "That's ridicules," she replied. "You would have said the same thing six months ago about touching minds." he pointed out. "Do you want it to be real?" she asked. "Yes," he admitted. "We were together, we were happy, how could I not want it?" She began to cry and Mulder pulled her into his arms. ******************* The dream had told Scully there was a chance for them to be together in the future. It had given her hope. As she packed her things, she hid Mulder's file in her carry on bag. Mulder hadn't said much about the dream. She could tell that the dream had disturbed him more then he wanted to admit. They continued to pack in silence. Mulder tossed a shirt in a bag. "I don't want to go home." He said softly. "What's wrong with going home?" "I'm not looking forward to living without you." he admitted. "Skinner told me something when you where in the hospital." she said. "What's that?" He thinks we should move in together." Mulder stopped packing and looked at her. "He *knows* about us? You told him?" "He thinks we've been involved since my abduction." she said. "It's strange he never said anything to us," "It didn't affect our job performance." "Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?' "I didn't want to put pressure on you, you weren't ready." "Where do you want to live?' "How about my house, its large enough to give you room for your video collection. Perhaps once you move in, you'll let me take a look at it." That made Mulder smile. He went over to her, and put his arms around her, enjoying the feel of her body against his. "You really want to see my collection of sightings videos?" "I heard you have a more interesting collection." She said with a smile. "Who did you hear that from?" he asked. "Fronke," "He likes aliens," Mulder shrugged. "Is it true that you have a copy of Alien Studs in Heat?" she asked. "Yes..." he said slowly. "That's one of my favorite porno vids." she said. "I'm seeing an entirely new side of you," Mulder said fascinated. Scully could feel Mulder's hardness pressing against her. "There's a lot about me you don't know." 'There's a lot I would like to learn," he replied as their lips met.