Title - Shadows of the Mind (3/4)
Author - Katrinka
Authors Email: Katrinka@flash.net
Rating - G first three parts, NC-17 last part
Classification - MSR
Spoilers - The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati
Keywords - A/U what if
Sequel to Doors and Walls 
Archiving Gossamer, Ephemeral, and LEGACY only. Any other archiving must
have authors express permission first. I will probably give it!
Summary - After breaking her ankle, Scully's relationship with Mulder changes.


As the FBI doctor examined Scully, Mulder could feel that his partner was humoring him. Scully had asked for him to be here, perhaps so that she could prove finally that she was right. Mulder wondered how she could be right when her ankle was still swollen, still looked painful.  The Doctors fingers ran over the large swelling behind Scully's anklebone. 

"Ouch!" Scully yelped.

The nurse brought an envelope into the room and handed it to the Doctor. "Agent Scully's x-rays are ready." 

"Thank you," The doctor placed the x-rays on the light box, then turned the light on. He took out a pen and circled three places. "I have some good news and bad news Agent Scully. Which would you like to hear first?"

"The good news?"

"The good news is your ankle isn't sprained." 

Mulder let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. *Thank goodness! *

"Then what's caused the swelling?" Scully asked.

"That's the bad news." The Doctor paused for several seconds. "Your foot is broken in two places, and your ankle is broken."

"Are you sure?" Scully asked.

"Would you like to look at the x-rays?"

"Please," Scully got down from the table, with Mulder's help; she was able to hobble to the light box. She peered up to the x-rays. "If my foot was in this condition, why wouldn't the other hospital notice it?"

"Simple, they decided that you had a sprained ankle, so they weren't looking for any breaks." The Doctor explained.

"What happens now?" Mulder asked, he couldn't keep the concern out of his voice. *I caused this*

"Agent Scully needs to keep weight off of her ankle. She needs a cast, and will have to use crutches for some time."

"What does that mean for work?" Scully asked.

"I'm going to request you take the rest of the week off." The Doctor paused. "When you come to work next week, it will be desk duty until your cleared."

Mulder got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.  "How long will that be?"

"Six to eight weeks." 

*That long? They might reassign Scully! * Mulder's mind raced. *How can Scully stand for me to be near her? I'm the one that broke her ankle! *

"Can you help me back to the table?" Scully asked.

"Sure," Mulder helped Scully to the table. He wouldn't look at her; guilt began to overcome him. *I caused this pain. *

Mulder stood morosely in the corner as the Doctor gave Scully several colors her cast could be. Blue, purple, orange, various shades of gray. Scully picked a light shade of gray. She turned to Mulder. "What do you think?" 

"It's okay," he shrugged. 

"Do you like another color better?" 

Mulder walked to the table, and randomly picked another shade of gray, this one darker. "This one,"

Scully looked puzzled. "Are you sure?"

"What color is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm red-green color blind." He reminded her. 

Scully picked indigo. "Can you see this?"

"Yeah, it's blue." for the first time in a long time, felt embarrassed.

"I want a cast in this color." Scully told the Doctor. 

*************************

"I have to get something out of my car." Mulder had told Scully after helping her into the apartment and making sure she was comfortable on the couch. Now he was returning to his apartment, with the box. In front of his apartment building was a beat up van that hadn't been there when Mulder had gone to the parking lot. Byers sat behind the wheel. 

*Get in* Byers telepathed. *We need to talk*

*Scully's waiting for me. *

*It will only take a few minutes. * 

Mulder realized it wasn't a request, it was an order. He got into the van, putting the box he was carrying between the seats. *What's up? *

"The Grays made get well cards for Scully, I promised to deliver them. * Byers explained.

"No alien invasions?" Mulder asked out loud. Talking telepathically was beginning to hurt his mind. He reached up, rubbing his aching forehead.

"Not today." Byers glanced at the box. "Is Scully moving in with you."

"She's staying with me for a while."

Byers smiled. "See? Told you she was in love with you."

"It's not that. Scully's ankle is broken. I'm simply there to help her get around." Mulder looked into Byers eyes. "That's it."

"You're in love with her."

"She's my *partner* nothing else." Mulder said firmly.

"If you say so." Byers picked up a small box. "I had something else to give you. A white psychic noise machine."

"Why do I need that?" 

"When having your walls up begins to strain your mind. You can use this, and open them for a while."

"Won't someone know?"

"A white noise machine makes it so no one can hear your thoughts. You can ease drop in peace. Why don't you draw a bath, turn this on, and lower all your barriers for about thirty minutes." Byers smiled. "Trust me, you'll feel better."

Mulder opened the larger box; he placed the white noise machine inside. Byers handed him the packet of cards for Scully. He put that in, then closed the lid. 

"You better get going, Scully'll miss you."

Something bothered Mulder. "What about the practice tonight?" 

"I'll take care of it." Byers smiled. "No matter what you say, you love her. You need to be by Scully right now."

**************************

"Sorry I took so long," Mulder said as he came into the apartment. 

Scully was sitting on the couch; her leg propped up on a stool. She tried to smile. "I thought you ditched me again."

"On the way to my car?"

"It's happened before." There was the ring of truth to her voice. 

It was true; Mulder had ditched Scully many times. "I'm sorry. I should think more before running off." he told her. "Most of the time I do it because it's easier not to have to argue with you about where I'm going."

"At least you could tell me." she was upset with him.

"Next time I will." Mulder promised.

"You better, or I'll let the air out of your tires." Scully smiled evilly. 

"You wouldn't." 

That made Scully smile wider. "Of course I will. I might even sugar your gas tank." 

Mulder stared at his partner. *Scully's nuts. *

"I am not." Scully said, answering his question. "Admit it, you've ditched me too many times!"

"I'm sorry. I'll try and be better from now on." Mulder showed her the box. "Byers had something for you."

Scully raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Mulder sat down beside her. He took the white noise machine out of the box, and then he handed her the box. "All this is for you."

Scully looked into the box. She smiled as she saw the scientific journals. "When did you get these?"

"This morning. That's why I left so early. I went by your apartment and packed up your unread journal pile." 

"Thanks." Scully smiled again, and then she picked up the envelope. As she opened it, the get-well cards spilled onto her lap, and some fell to the ground. Mulder bent down and picked them up. 

Mulder sat, watching his partner open the get-well cards. Most had been handmade by his team. She smiled as she read them out loud to her partner. One she read silently and put aside.

"What's wrong with that one?" Mulder asked.

"Nothing," her tone of voice made him realize something was wrong. 

"I know you better then that!" Mulder grabbed the card and opened it. 

"Hey that's mine!" Scully protested.

Mulder ignored her and read the card. 
"Dear Dr. Scully,
Please forgive Mulder for hurting you. He is a good coach, and I know he didn't mean it. Please forgive him and marry him. He's a good man. He deserves to get married.
Love Kernisha."

"Don't worry Scully. Kernisha's the team's matchmaker."

Oh really?" Scully said slowly.

"Really. She tried to hook Byers up with her mom. Poor Byers."

"What's so wrong with that?"

Mulder gave her a half-smile. "Kernisha's mom is in prison for killing two husbands."

"Ouch." Scully picked up the next card and opened it. 

************************
Mulder could hear Scully in the next room reading one of her journals. He had given her just about everything she needed before he had taken a bath. In the dark, Mulder switched on the white noise machine, and then he got into the bathtub. The water was warm against his bare skin. He felt as if he was in a cocoon. Mulder closed his eyes, and opened the doors in his mind. 

As the doors opened, Mulder felt free. He opened his mind fully, letting it soar. The people next door where watching a movie in some Baltic language. He let his mind move past that, in the apartment on the other side of him, a woman was nursing her baby. It made Mulder think of Scully. All she wanted was to have a child. She had talked to him of adoption. If she ever got married, she wanted to adopt kids. 

*I would give my life to see you have your own baby. * Mulder thought. "You'd make a terrific mother. *

Mulder could see Scully in his mind's eyes. Through her eyes, he could see colors. Many, many colors. Life wasn't blues, oranges and shades of gray to her. There were colors that he had never seen before. She was looking at the cards that his team had made her. One card had a very accurate drawing of Scully sitting on the grass. For the first time in his life, grass wasn't gray. His mother had taught Mulder that grass was supposed to be green, though he had never seen the color before. Green, the color he saw as the grass was green. 

Mulder watched as Scully picked up another card. This one wasn't in the gray he had seen when he looked at it through his eyes. Instead there were colors. This wasn't the green he had seen before. This was another color, a color that had life. *Red, this must be red*

Through his partner's eyes, life was a rainbow of colors. He lay in the tub, living life vicariously through his partner's. Scully got up, and hobbled to Mulder's computer. He was surprised to see that the wallpaper on his computer wasn't dull colors of gray. Instead a garish wash of reds and greens. 

Scully sat down, and dialed into his Internet connection. That surprised him, as she knew what his password was. *You know me better then I know myself. *

Scully found clothes WebPages. She looked at different things on sale. Most of them looking like her classic style. The colors of the clothes she picked surprised him. Instead of the shades of gray he was used to, she picked reds, greens. Then she looked for clothes for a man. She picked turtlenecks, of various colors. He could hear her thinking of ways to sneaking them into his closet, the way she had before. That was part of the game, their sneaking things into each other's apartments instead of just giving them as a present. His favorite clothes were ones bought by Scully. 

*Mulder looks so good in turtlenecks*

Mulder was seeing a different side of his partner. He liked this side. He wished he could go into the living room, and tell what he was seeing with her. They could share each other's minds. Byers had told him that sharing minds was much more erotic then sex. 

*Friends, we can only be friends. * He reminded himself. 

*********************
Mulder woke to find someone curled up against him. Her head resting on his shoulder, her slim body pressed against his. He could smell the faint scent of musk in her hair. For a brief moment he thought that Diana had crawled into his bed, the way she had several times after her return. He damned himself for giving into her the first time. As their bodies moved together, all he could think of was Scully. As she cried out in orgasm, he realized that what they used to have was over. The times after that, he had thrown his ex-wife out. 

*She's dead* he reminded himself. *I visited her grave. Then I got drunk. *

*I celebrated Diana's death. *

Scully moaned and moved closer to him. Mulder found himself putting his arms around her. Holding her tightly. It was okay, he reminded himself. *She's asleep, she won't know*

*Byers is wrong. I don't love her. * He thought as he tucked his partner's head under his chin. Scully was so tiny in his arms. He wondered what it would be like to hold her when she was nude. *That'll never happen. *

*If I love you, I'll get hurt again. * His lips brushed Scully's forehead. *Try and understand Scully. I won't loose you this way. *

*I can't loose you. * His grip on her tightened. Scully moaned slightly. For a brief moment Mulder was afraid Scully was awake. The only thing that happened was his partner moved even closer, until her cast touched his leg.

*I can't live without you. *

Then it dawned on Mulder he did love Scully. He reached up, stroking her hair. *I love you. Oh god, how did this happen? *

*How did you force your way into my heart? * His lips kissed her hair. 

*Why does my life feel incomplete without you? *

He opened himself to his partner, could feel that Scully loved him. Loved him as deeply as his love for her. His fingers began to shake. *I want to love you. I want to make love to you. I want to hear you cry my name. *

His long-held back love for Scully overcame him. His desire for Scully ached his body. As he turned to her, his wedding ring hit her in the face.   

*I'm divorced. *

*She once told me she would never get together with someone divorced. *

*It's against her religion. *

*Damn it Diana! Even when dead, you can ruin my life. *

Mulder came to a decision. He kissed his partner very gently. Then he got out of bed, and went into the living room. He lay down on the couch, and drifted off to sleep.