Title - Shadows of the Mind (4/4)
Author - Katrinka
Authors Email: Katrinka@flash.net
Rating - NC-17 
Classification - MSR
Spoilers - The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati
Keywords - A/U what if
Sequel to Doors and Walls 
Archiving Gossamer, Ephemeral, and LEGACY only. Any other archiving must
have authors express permission first. I will probably give it!
Summary - After breaking her ankle, Scully's relationship with Mulder changes.



Scully woke the first thing she realized was that she was alone in bed. Inside her mind was something else. Her mind could feel Mulder's presence. Could feel her partner's desire as strongly as if it where her own. 

Scully could see herself in his mind, wearing a green lace teddy. It amazed her that Mulder even knew what the color green was. The Scully in his mind was sitting on a chair; her leg propped so that he could see her crotch. The imaginary Scully was running her fingers over her body, one hand kneading her own breast. 

*Yes, yes. Like that. * Her partner groaned. 

The faux Scully with a flick of one finger opened the crotch of her teddy. Then she took several moments licking her finger. The hand left her breast, and opened the lips of her crotch so that Mulder could see. Then with the wet finger, she began to masturbate herself. 

When Scully opened her eyes, she could see into the bathroom. Mulder was leaning against the bathroom wall. He was nude; the lights played on the rippled muscles of his chest. There was a hardness that arched towards his stomach. His hand was on it, stroking it. 

*Jesus is he large* Scully mused. She pictured that hardness making love to her. Those lips kissing her. 

"Yes, Scully, yes." Mulder told himself. "I love you, oh god I love you!" 

*I wonder how he knew that nosy sex turns me on? * She licked a finger, and inserted it into her vagina. Stroke, plunge, stroke plunge. Every time she heard her partner's groans, she grew more excited. Her hips began to buck in time with the strokes. 

*Come Scully, come here. * She heard Mulder beckon. *I want to be inside you. *

*This is crazy* Scully thought as she got out of bed. Using her crutches, she went into the bathroom. She put her crutches to the side, then reached out and touched Mulder's bare chest. 

Scully's partner crushed her to him, his kiss sucking the breath out of her. Then he picked her up in his arms, and set her on the sink. 

*Let me make love to you* she heard him whisper in her mind.

In answer, Scully pulled her partner to her. She could feel his hardness brush her leg, and then he was inside her. With one sharp thrust, he had filled her completely. 

The passion, Scully had never felt this type of passion before. She put her good leg around his hips and pulled him even more into her. She had always been teased by her lovers for her vagina being so big, she had never felt a man fill her completely until this.  

Scully wanted Mulder to move. *Please, *

In answer, Mulder began to thrust sharply into Scully. His arms crushing her until she believed she would be bruised. Every thrust he lifted her onto him, until she was sitting on his hardness instead of the sink. Mulder carried her away from the sink, then pushed her against the wall. She was able to put her bad leg on the toilet. Then the thrusting began again.

*Scully, Scully, Scully. * Mulder whispered in her mind. *I love you, I've never loved anyone like you. * 
 
Scully raked her nails across Mulder's back. She had been waiting years for this. 

"Scully!" Mulder shouted emptying himself into her. 

Three more strokes, and Scully came, shouting her partners name. 

"Oh my god!" Mulder gasped. He pulled out of Scully. "I thought I was fantasying. I didn't know it was really you."  Mulder's face grew red from shame. He grabbed a robe, and put it on. Then he walked quickly through the bedroom.

Scully followed him. "Mulder, it's okay. I wanted this too" 

Mulder stopped in the doorway. "No, it's not okay. You didn't want this. I forced myself on you. I need some time alone."

"Mulder..."

"Leave me alone!" 

**************
Twenty minutes later, Scully went into the living room. She found a fully dressed Mulder sitting on the couch, watching television. Every wall that Mulder had was sealed shut. 

Mulder didn't even look up to her. "Your not supposed to be out of bed." 

"I'm tired of the bedroom."

"I want to be alone." 

"Fine, be alone. But I want to be in here." 

"You are not supposed to be out of bed." Mulder repeated.

"The doctor said that I needed to stay off my foot. That isn't the same thing as bed rest!"
It took several minutes for Scully to walk to the couch. She sat down beside Mulder, laying her crutches on the floor. Mulder still hadn't looked at her.

Scully was surprised to see what Mulder was watching wasn't his normal B-movie/Porno movie. Instead, her partner was watching something very odd, in a language that she wasn't sure of. Scully tried to sound cheerful. "Whatcha watching?"

"Something on the Baltic channel."

"I didn't know you had the Baltic channel." 

Mulder shrugged. "It's new." 

They sat together watching something in a language neither understood. Her partner wouldn't look at her, wouldn't talk to her unless she talked to him first. 

Scully knew Mulder well enough to know that he was upset, very upset. They had made love. They had both wanted it. Now her partner had a change of heart. 

*Why are you so upset that we made love? You were wonderful." Scully knew the truth as soon as she got the words out. Mulder believed he had forced himself on her. It was the fact that she *knew*, knew a secret that he had been hiding from her.  

"I don't want to talk about it." Mulder said softly. "I raped you. How can you stand to stay in the same room as me, after what I did that to you?"

"You didn't force me to make love to you, I wanted it too. I love you."

Mulder flinched. Then he said so quietly that she wasn't sure she heard him. "Oh god no Scully. Don't say it, please don't say it."

"What's wrong with love?"

"Love is a curse created to destroy the lives of unsuspecting." 

"Your trying to say that love is a bad thing?'

"Of course it's bad. Look what it made me do to you." Mulder paused, thinking. "I'll request a new partner in the morning." 

"Mulder, why are you running away from your feelings?"

"There's nothing to run away from. I'll have a new partner. My feelings will go away after a while."

"You can't honestly believe that you could simply change you feelings because you won't see me?" Scully asked incredulous. "When we made love, I could feel your feelings. You could feel mine. Why can't you trust them?"

"Because I forced you to feel the way you are." Mulder moped.

"That's a bunch of bullshit." Scully spat. "I loved you before today, I will love you for the rest of my life. Your fantasies didn't change that."

 "There is no such thing as love." Mulder took the chain out from under his shirt. He turned his wedding ring over and over in his long fingers. 

"I hate her!" Scully said exasperated. "I hate what Diana Fowley did to you!"

"She taught me the truth. That love is a lie." 

"Then everything we've gone through in the past six years is a lie. Not just what happened to day but *Everything*. You taught me to believe, to have hope. Now you say that our feelings aren't real. If that's the truth, then I really don't want you as a partner. ." 

Mulder flinched, and Scully realized she said the wrong thing. Mulder took the chain off. "It's been eight years since she left me. Eight long years." He set the ring on the end table. "I need to stop wearing it. I won't be able to move on while I wear it." It was momentous. Mulder had taken off his wedding ring. "Time Scully, please give me some time to think. Don't push our new relationship. If it's meant to be, it can stand me thinking about it for a while." 

"I'll give you as much time as you need." Scully promised. She picked up the remote and turned on food network. The opening of Iron Chef was playing. "I'll let you pick who your going to be today."

"What would the winner get?"

"The winner decides what we eat tonight, and picks the movie."

Mulder turned to Scully tears streaked his face. "You're going to love my picks tonight!" 

Scully gave him half a smile. "I hope so."

Mulder turned back towards the television. "Oh, the challenger's a girl. That's it, I've got to be Sakai."

"Sure thing." Scully was surprised to feel Mulder's hand on top of hers. She let him take her hand in his. 




*******************



Scully had found a marathon of Iron Chef on the TV. She had taken much glee out of challenging her partner again and again. At the moment, Mulder had four wins to Scully's three. 

They sat together on the couch, watching the marathon. Neither of them discussing the talk that they had earlier. He still felt guilty for making love to Scully. She didn't believe it, but he knew he had forced her to make love to him. Scully knew Mulder's secret. She knew, and hadn't made fun of him.  Instead, she had told him that he had taught her to believe. 

They had held hands for most of the day. Scully's fingers where so tiny.  Mulder hadn't realized it until they had held hands. Mulder wanted to do more, to take his partner into his arms, and make slow love to her. 

*No more. I can't force her to make love to me again. * 

It was too soon, too soon after Mulder had taken off his wedding ring. He still felt married, though he had been legally divorced for over a year. At least Diana had given him that when she returned.  

*Diana's dead. *

*I need to get her out of my mind*

*I can never have a relationship with Scully as long as I think I'm married. *

Mulder had to act. He picked up the wedding ring, went into the bedroom. He opened up his sock drawer, and put the ring in it. 

It had to end; it would never end until he took control of his pain. Mulder glanced at the photo of Diana that was on the wall. Eight years, today it had been eight years since she had left him.  He took the photo off the wall, and dropped it in the trashcan. 

Mulder then took out something that he had always been too afraid to display. It was a photo of Scully that he took while they had been undercover. She was wearing a gray dress, and smiling at him with their secret smile. He took the frame out of the trashcan, and opened the back. Then he took out his ex-wives photo. 

*End, it must end* he thought, as he tore Diana Fowley's photo in tiny pieces. He then placed Scully's photo in the frame, put the back on, and re-hung the frame on the wall. *That's better, that's much better. *

*Time, I need time. * Mulder thought. *Please wait for me Scully. *