Q : what do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A : Melt it down make a tyre and call it
a good year.
What part of the car causes the most accidents?
The nut that holds the wheel.
California Driving.
The following are a sampling of REAL answers
received
on exams givenby the California Department of
Transportation's
driving school.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red
traffic light and a
flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing
the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dick all day long.
When the family buys a new car:
Father's question:"How many miles to the gallon?"
Mother's question:"What colour is the upholstery?"
Daughter's question: "Has it a good mirror"
Son's question: "How fast will she go?"
Neighbours question: "Where the blazes did they
get the money?"
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled
the motorist as the
police clerk
handed him a reciept for his traffic fine.
"Keep it," the clerk advised. " When you get
four of them, you get a
bicycle."
In the application form for a new driver's licence
one question
was,"Have you ever been arrested?"
The applicant put down."No".
The next question was,"Why?" The applicant put
down,"Never been
caught."
Customer to used-car salesman:"What I would
like is a car that runs
as smoothly as you talk."
"How come the right side of your car is painted
green and the left side
is painted yellow?"
"In the event of any accident and if it comes
up in court you should
hear the witnesses contradict each other!"
"So your husband refused to buy you a car?"
"He didn't actually refuse. He said he thought
I ought to become more
familiar with machinery in general before I started
driving. So he
bought a washing machine to start on."
"What happened to your speedometer?"
"I didn't need it, so I took it out and sold
it."
"Didn't need it? How can you manage without it?"
"Easy, at 20 mph the exhaust rattles, at 30 mph
the door rattles, and
at 40 mph I rattle."
Driving instructor:"Now madam, this is the gear
lever ; down there
there is the clutch on the left; and next to
it, in the middle, is the
brake; and next to that, on the right, is the
accelerator."
Lady:"Just a minute! Let's take one thing at
a time.
Teach me to drive first."
"you're getting a new car? But the one you had
was a swell job."
"Its a whim of my wife's."
"Why don't you put your foot down?"
"Not with my wife. She has a whim of iron."
A man stopped at a small town garage and told
the mechanic,"
whenever I hit eighty, there's a terrible knocking
in the engine."
The mechanic gave the vehicle a prolonged and
thorough
examination, and after much testing, wiped the
grease from his hands
and drawled,"I don't see nothing wrong, mister.
It must be the good
Lord a-warning you."
"Charlie says he's going to have bigger wheels
fitted to his mini-car."
"why?"
"dogs keep wetting the windows."
"How is the car you brought?"
"The only part of it that dosen't make a noise
is the horn."
"I turned the way I signalled," said the lady
driver, indignantly, after
the smash.
"I know it," retorted the man. "That's what fooled
me!"
Q : whats the speed limit for sex?
A : 68, cause after that you got to turn
around.
A police officer stopped a car which was zigzagging
alarmingly and
asked the driver what he was doing.
"I'm learning to drive," was the reply.
"What? without an instructor?" exclaimed the
officer.
"Oh yes," answered the driver." It's a correspondence
course."