The Blue-Files (1/?) by Kate

~~~X~~~

Mt. Thomas Police Station Monday morning, 8:00am

"Did you lot steal my Tim Tams?" Tom demanded angrily.

"Not me" Nick yelled back without even looking up from his book. Danielle Steel's latest romance novel. Absolutely fascinating.

"This is bloody brilliant" he muttered. He took another bite of his vegemite sandwich, chewing it slowly.

Maggie arrived at work and eyed him with a slight smile. "Good book, huh?"

Nick ignored her sarcasm. "Best one she's ever written" he declared.

"Ah, so you've read them all?"

"For your information, yes, Margaret, I have. Twice."

Maggie glanced at Tom, who was muttering angrily as he hunted through the tiny kitchen cupboard. "What's he stewing about?"

"Reckons someone's nicked his Tim Tams. If you ask me, he just ate them and forgot to get any more."

"Probably."

Dash arrived, wheeling in her bike with PJ behind her, holding a small, grey kangaroo.

Tom took one look at the kangaroo, which Dash was now holding. "I don't know what that thing's doing in here but someone get it out before it does it's business all over the floor. And I assure you that I won't be the one cleaning it up."

"But I had to bring him here" Dash protested. "He... at least I think it's a he... was just hopping along the footpath and I couldn't leave him there. He could have been attacked by a bunyip or something..."

"Ha ha. Very funny McKinley."

"Can we keep him here? Please Tom...I mean boss?"

Tom sighed heavily. "All right. But this is the last time. Understand?"

"Yep, thanks boss. I'll put him in the same cell as Kinky the koala and Wally the Wombat. I don't think he'll get on well with Petronella the Platypus... Oh yeah, um I, um...I couldn't find Tiger when I went to feed him last night. Um, I think he got lost in your office yesterday when he got out of the cell."

"You have a *tiger* in my office?!!!"

"Of course not!!! Don't be silly Tom... I mean boss. Tiger's a tarantula..."

She smiled at him sweetly and left the main office.

"Has anyone else noticed that this place is turning into a zoo?" Nick asked, looking up from his book.

"I'll bet that the blasted koala took my Tim Tams!" Tom said.

"C'mon boss, koalas don't eat Tim Tams. You probably just misplaced them."

"I did not!" he replied indignantly. "I'm going to call in someone who understands what I'm going through. Someone who is willing to fight for their freedom, for their rights, for their Tim Tams! I'm going to call the F.B.I." He put his hands on his waist in a heroic pose.

Maggie bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. PJ turned away and conveniently busied himself if a pile of three-month-old paperwork.

With one last heroic glare, Tom stomped off into his office. It was time to call in THE PROFESSIONALS.

~*~

"Mulder."

Scully watched the expression on her partner's face as he listened through the receiver.

"Yeah... uh huh... yeah... we'll be there as soon as we can."

He slammed down the reciever. "C'mon Scully. We have to get going. It's an emergency." He grabbed his coat and threw her hers. "There's not a minute to waste!"

Scully followed him out of the office and along the corridor to the elevator. "What is it Mulder? What's wrong?"

"A child has been abducted - disappeared without a trace. His name is Tim. Tim Tam."

"That's an unusual name. Just like the chocolate biscuits."

"I know Scully. And I think that there's unexplained phenomena involved."

"You think that this child was abducted by aliens?"

"I don't know. But the town where this child disappeared from is a known UFO hotspot. It also seems to have the highest crime rate in the whole southern hemisphere!"

"Where is this place Mulder? I don't think I've heard of it."

"It's a little country town in Australia, called Mount Thomas. C'mon Scully, we have to get the first flight to Australia!"

"But Mulder, what about luggage?"

"Luggage-smuggage. This is a case of life or death, Scully! We have to get their post-haste. Besides, those guys who were stuck on Gilligan's Island for years and years hadn't taken any luggage with them and they survived."

"Mulder, that's just a TV show. It's not real."

Mulder looked shocked. "WHAT?! Nobody ever told me that! ...Does that mean that the Brady Bunch weren't really one big happy family?"

"Mulder, you seriously need help."

"I know. But how can I use my good looks and sparkling personality to convince Skinner to fly us half-way across the world to investigate the disappearance of a Tim Tam?"

"What sparkling personality? Mulder, I'm serious. I think you have a really bad psychological condition. Its called 'mysisterwasabductedbyalienswheniwas- twelveandivespentmyentirelifelooking- forherandasaresult I HAVE NO LIFE'. Mulder, you have to get help."

"Don't be ridiculous Scully. I have a perfectly normal life."

Scully burst out laughing. "That's what the Brady Bunch always thought. Now come on. We've got a Tim Tam to find."

~*~

"Life without him is unbearable... I don't think I can go on" Tom moaned to himself.

Dash giggled as she watched through the crack in the door. "This is so funny" she whispered.

"Give us a look" Adam begged.

Dash moved aside and let him peek through.

"I can't believe he's so upset over a pack of Tim Tams" Dash said scornfully. "A pack of Monte Carlos maybe, or those adorable little 'Pigs In Mud' bickies, but this is ridiculous."

"Give the bloke a break" Nick said irritably. "It's his own choice of who he marries. He shouldn't had to marry Victoria just because she's the mother of his children. He loves Edwina!"

Adam and Dash both looked at him and snorted.

"Yeah, sure Nick" Adam grinned. "Whatever you say."

~*~

Tuesday, 1:15pm

Nick blew hard on the gumleaf and the rest of the gang sang along to the squeaky tune of 'Waltzing Matilda,' swaying from side to side as they sang.

Then suddenly the door opened.

They stopped singing.

Nick stopped in the middle of a note.

"Agents Mulder and Scully, F.B.I" said the tall, dark and handsome man. "We're here to investigate the disappearance of Tim Tam."

There was suppressed laughter, quiet giggling, and an urgent need to make sure that Spanky the Kangaroo had plenty of food and water. Mulder and Scully were left alone in the office.

Tom stuck his head out of his office, his face tearstained and his face lined from a long and sleepless night.

"You're the FBI agents?" he asked hopefully, choking back a sob.

Mulder nodded his head soberly. "Yes. We're here to help you find Tim Tam. To fight against the evil that plagues our terrestrial sphere. To bring light into darkness, to feed the hungry and shelter the homeless."

Tom looked a bit overwhelmed, but was comforted by Mulder's words. "Come into my office" he said quietly. "We can talk in there."

~*~

"Now, Mr Croydon," Scully started. "You said that you thought Tim was abducted by aliens. Have you any proof to substantiate these claims?"

"Well, on Monday morning we received a lot of phone calls concerning mysterious lights above the station - a blue flashing light that said "POLICE STATION". I have to admit that we're all completely baffled."

Mulder nodded understandingly. "Hm. Ever since 1947 there have been reported sightings very similar to what you just described. I think that this is a classic case of an alien abduction."

Tom started to sob. "Is there anyway to get my beloved Tim Tams back? Please - I'll do anything!"

Scully looked confused. "You mean there's *more* than one Tim Tam?"