Contemplation of Death and Dying

Death is the great mystery. It comes for all of us sometime, but we don't know when. Most of us would rather not think about it. Not thinking about it, we protect ourselves from fear by creating illusion.

For some of us, the illusion may be in clinging unquestioningly to our childhood beliefs about the afterlife. Others of us desensitize ourselves to the fear of death through stories. Books, movies, computer games project death out there on the page or screen, often sanitized, made interesting. No matter how death is portrayed in media, gruesome or not, it is just media. You can turn the page, rewind the tape, or hit the replay button. Characters die and die again. It's not that way in life.

In real life, the dead stay dead. In real life, death comes in many forms. It can be quick and painless, but often is not. Life wants to persist. Life force does not give in to death casually. The struggle and surrender can be longer, tougher, and messier than you'd have thought.

As we go about the job of living, each of us forms our own responses to the thought of death. We develop strategies to keep the horror manageable. We may avoid thinking about it. We may engage in fantasies that comfort us. Some become preoccupied with death at the expense of living. Others of us build an intellectual wall of philosophy that keeps death abstract and distant. What would happen if we gave up our illusions? How would we live if we looked at death squarely, without filters?

If you feel ready to examine your relationship with death, contemplate the following:

• What are your beliefs about death? How realistic are they? Where did you get those beliefs?
• How do you manage fear of death? Do you make death into a caricature? Do you avoid thinking about it. Do you dwell on it?
• Do you take dangerous risks because you imagine yourself immortal?
• Do you avoid taking normal risks out of fear of dying?
• Do you obtain amusement from death presented in the media? If you do, how does that affect your thinking about death and life? What illusion must be maintained to make a character's death amusing?
• How do you process the horrors of death presented in the news? Do you blank it out? Does it raise your anxiety? Does it harden your heart? Does it arouse your compassion?
• How would you live today if you knew you would die tomorrow?
• What would you do today if you knew someone you love would die tomorrow?

Given that life will end, and you don't know when, consider that life, therefore, must be lived now. Commit yourself to living now, as if this and every day were your last day of life.

Death and Life

Precious life slips and falls
Between our grasping fingers. It holds us in its sway
For a few short moments,
Ticks on the cosmic clock.
We are gone,
Or our beloved is gone,
And someone weeps.
Over there somewhere
Another life begins.
The clock ticks,
And it all starts over.

Tom Barrett

We materially advanced westerners have few guideposts for managing our experiences with death. We gape at it on the movie screen-- images spiced with explosions, smoke, and flame, with short takes and quick cuts, but we rarely look it in the face. Never see it with unblinking eyes. We eat meat killed conveniently out of sight. Our executions are behind high prison walls. We turn away from the squashed opposum on the road. Our families give up their last breath all too often in hospitals that are to the spirit as a vacuum is to air. Some of us allow our nation's children to carry guns and shoot each other down in the street as we sit idly by insulated by newsprint and videotape.

Safely quarantined from death, we let it titillate us on screen and in books. But do we know what to do when we encounter it for real? We know to cry for our dead pet. We pay homage to the rare dead elder all made up in sunday best laying stiff, but pretty, in the open coffin. But these experiences are thrust upon us unwillinglyand we retreat from them as soon as we can.

What if we really concentrated on the change that is death? How would we be different if we could look at death with clear eyes, see it for its mystery and grotesqueness? How much more would we appreciate life if we were not afraid to examine the alternative to it?

Most of us grasp at life, holding it tightly so that we don't lose it. In grasping we fail to relax and enjoy the life that we so much fear losing.

We need to realize that ALL is impermanent. We all go some time, so it is prudent to be prepared for the moment of our transition.

At the same time consider that those whom you love will be gone sometime too. Maybe before you, maybe after you, but there will be separation.

That means: Live life with fullness. Just BE in your life. Be aware. Be mindful. Be fearless. Be compassionate. Love. Share. Forgive.

Look around at those you share air with. Think of your family and friends. How would you respond if these individuals were gone for good?

How can you prepare yourself for the loss.

What has been left unsaid?

What has been left undone?

What amends would you regret not making?

What can you do now to bring a greater sense of completion to your life?

Death
by Alex Grey





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