(sung to the tune of I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General)

Conan:
I am the very model of a modern late night talk show host,
With interviews, comic revues, big laughs, but I don't like to boast.
Each night I come out and pretend that I am a neurotic guy,
And tell the guests if I screw up it really makes me want to cry.

My sidekick Andy's really good at ad-libbing the one liners,
His little sister Stacey, well, I don't know what is up with her.
You know, she's got a crush on me, but is that really apropos?
She scares me just a little, why do we still let her on the show?

And then there's Max, our drummer boy, who really thinks he is the man,
Max Weinberg 7 is the really jazzy, rocking, loud house band.
With cast of characters unreal and often unbelievable,
Pimpbot, the Masterbating Bear, and Clinton voiced by Smigel.

Our writers always come up with the very best material,
Analogies and slide show bits and Conan eating cereal.
Remotes remain the coolest, at least, by the fans' contention,
Especially the one where Andy hit the KISS convention.

That's why, in matters comical and topical, from coast to coast,
I am the very model of a modern late night talk show host!