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The Ultimate Mystery

Let's take an adventure. Sit back, relax and enjoy. Don't forget to flush when you're done. All set and ready for launch. This is a bathroom tale. Better yet, a toilet mystery. This is the stuff dreams are made of. I'm sitting on a toilet. The seat is very hard. I'm tired. Tired of sitting. Tired of straining my bowels for a mere nugget or two. Tired of staring at the crotch of my underwear. I'm bored. Bored of the same room. Bored of the same floor. I'm becoming impatient and irritable. Impatient from waiting. Always waiting. I'm glancing toward the bathtub. On the shower curtain, I see a large insect that appears to be alive. It's brownish green. Like a booger. I think I'll get up and give my ass a rest from this damn cement donut. The bug is gone. I can't see it. I have no idea where it went. I'm getting up. I still can't see the bug. Oh shit. I think it's on my butt. Oh shit. Ow! Damn, I missed. Wonderful. This must look great. I'm standing in the bathroom, pants at my knees, and I'm slapping myself in the ass. I'm losing it. Okay. Calm down. I think it fell off. I hope it fell off. It didn't fall off. I just know it. Maybe I can shake it off. Oh, so now I'm standing here shaking my butt. This is so crazy. Maybe I'll get one of the kids to look and see if it's there. Uh, maybe not. I wonder if I can see it in the mirror. Ahhhhhh! Damn! I had no idea. What an ugly butt. Hmmm. No bug. I must have scared it away with my damn ugly butt. Wow. That was really weird. I'd better go warn everybody about the ass monster in the bathroom.
the end

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