The Leprechaun...



The Leprechaun
by LaVonne Boruk

My name is Luigi. I'm traveling with Lolly. We are heading to Los Angeles, and we have leverets in the car.

The furry little devils just won't settle down and behave themselves. We were tooling along Interstate 10, doing all right and making good time until one of the hares squealed like he was hurting. I had twisted around from the driver's seat to see what was going on back there with the long-legged rascals when Lolly screamed, "You better watch it!"

I thought what the heck, I was only going ninety. I turned my eyes back on the road just in time to miss a car that was passing me like I was standing still. The car wobbled from one lane to another and back again as I tried to bring it under control.

When the car was finally stable in it's own lane again I looked at the animals in the back seat and said, "See what you did. You nearly got us killed. Now remember, you're in this, too, and you're not buckled down, so you'd better behave yourselves!"

The long-eared bunnies didn't say a thing. They just squealed a little bit as if they were delighted. When I turned my head forward again I saw a woman standing on the side of the highway with her thumb stuck in the air. I put my foot on the brake, pushing down as hard as I could. It seemed forever before they decided to obey my order, but we finally came to a screeching halt beside the lovely dream.

Without saying a word, she hopped into the back seat when Lolly opened the door for her. After getting settled down back there with the babies in the box, she asked, "Where you going?"

While I was still admiring her gorgeous body and luscious red lips and feeling tongue-tied, Lolly spoke quickly, "We're only going a short distance."

Her beautiful lips began to move, and her voice was music to my ears, "I was hoping you were going farther than that." She settled back in the seat, looking disappointed.

I gave Lolly a sharp glance that meant for her to shut up, then I turned toward the back seat and said, "Actually, we are going all the way to the west coast. Where are you headed?"

"Oh, that's wonderful. I was hoping you would be going somewhere near Los Angeles."

My heart began to pound in my chest, and my lips felt dry. She had put both feet up on the seat and was leaning on her elbow watching me as I spoke. I tried to say something, but the words just wouldn't come out, her legs were so perfect. She kicked her shoes off, and looking very relaxed, she said, "My name is Lillian, and I'm from Donegal."

"Donegal? As in Ireland?" "That's the place. I'm a leprechaun!" "Really? I thought leprechauns weren't real." She stuck her face up close to mine and said, "Here, feel, then tell me whether I'm real or not." Her laugh was like the tinkle of ice in a tall drink on a hot summer day.

I longed to kiss her lips, her perfume was so heady, and her face was so close to mine, but Lolly's scream brought me back to reality, "You'd better watch where you're going!"

"Calm down, Lolly. I know what I'm doing." I said, angrily, as another car zoomed past missing us by a hair. I pulled the car back into its lane, gently this time, so I didn't lose control.

Lolly was shaking like a leaf. Even her voice trembled as she said, "I think we need a rest. Let's stop and get some food. It's way past noon and I'm hungry."

That sounded like a good idea. I could feast my eyes on the loveliness of Lillian sitting across the table from me as we eat, I thought.

I pulled off the road at the next exit and found a nice restaurant and parked the car near the entrance. "I thought we'd just get a sandwich at a fast food place and be on our way," Lolly said, making no effort to get out of the car. "Oh, I'm starved." But not for food, I added under my breath. I was eager to get closer to Lillian. "Besides, Lillian looks like she's starved, too." Again, not for food, I hoped.

"Oh I am. I haven't had anything to eat all day." "Great! Then we'll go in and see what delectable things they have on the menu. How does a thick, juicy steak sound? Or maybe lobster? Or whatever you like?" I was talking to Lillian, even though I knew Lolly thought I was talking to her.

Lolly finished her meal first and she placed her napkin on the table and stood up, saying, "This is as far as I go. Have a nice trip." She put something in my pocket and walked away before I could open my mouth to speak.

At first I was stunned by Lolly's actions, but then it hit me. Lillian would be sitting in the front seat beside me all the way to Los Angeles. If I drove slower that could easily take three days. Suddenly, I was in heaven. Let Lolly get back home on her own. Who cares? Not me.

Lillian hadn't said a word, but now back in the car she wanted to know why Lolly did that. I just passed it off as if it were nothing. I couldn't think about Lolly with Lillian sitting so close to me.

I wanted to hold Lillian close and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, but I couldn't say the words. They just wouldn't come out, I was so mesmerized by her beauty. Her delicate little fingers, and even her feet were perfect, I noticed when she slipped her shoes off again. All I could think to say was, "So you're a leprechaun, huh?" I knew the big grin on my face looked silly, but I didn't care.

"Yep, I'm a real leprechaun." She held her face close to mine, and this time, I leaned over and kissed her on the lips, quickly before she could move away. I wanted to crush her to me, but I managed to control myself, keeping it gentle. She was so tiny she looked like she would break in two at the slightest touch.

"I hear that leprechauns can reveal hidden treasure when one is caught." I felt stupid, but I didn't know what else to say, I was that much under her spell. "It's true. But you haven't caught me yet. When you do, I'll show you the hidden treasure." Her laughter tinkled in my heart. Her delicate little hand found it's way into mine. I swear I don't know how, but it set me on fire.

Now I really couldn't talk. She was silent, too, as the miles and the hours went swiftly by. It was growing dark. I turned the headlights on, then leaned back and stretched my weary back and legs. Yawning, I said, "I'm tired and sleepy. How about you?" Lillian laughed and said, "I'm hungry."

The ice in my glass tinkled with joy at the sound of her laughter, but I couldn't imagine how she could be so hungry after all the food she had put away for lunch a few hours earlier. "We should be in San Antonio soon. Maybe we can find a swank hotel there with a nice restaurant." I stole a glance at her to see her reaction to that.

But she only smiled. Her smile tugged at my heartstrings and they began to hum love's tune.

Nothing was too good for this sweet little angel beside me, and if she were hungry, by grabs I'd feed her. She didn't have any baggage, not even a purse, so I was sure Lillian didn't have any cash. Well, no matter. Love is love. But I have to admit I thought about the contents of my wallet and the miles we had left to go.

Still, nothing is too good for this living doll with the sparkling black eyes and the bubbly disposition. Heaven couldn't be much better than this, I thought. And that hidden treasure had to be in San Antonio. Maybe it was in a hotel there.

I thought, too, about the one and a half carat diamond engagement ring Lolly had thrust in my pocket as she departed. I could always sell it if I ran short of cash. It was way too big for Lillian's fragile little fingers, anyway.

In the hotel parking lot I stood, holding the car door open and watching, enthralled, as she took a tiny comb from her pocket and ran it through her shiny black hair that fell in waves to frame her cherubic face, then cascaded down to her waist. Then she refreshed her lipstick, as if she needed it to make her mouth more inviting. It was all I could do to restrain myself from reaching down and kissing her lips. But I managed not to as I didn't think I'd look good wearing her lipstick. Besides, I knew one kiss wouldn't be enough.

We checked into the hotel, then went to the restaurant. After I paid the fat bill we went up to our room. I could hardly wait to get her in my arms. I thought she was in a hurry, too, for she told me to go first in the bathroom. I wanted her to go first, but she insisted that I was the one who needed the rest and I should get prepared for bed first, so I did.

When I was finished shaving and showering, I put on some good smelling after-shave before returning to the bedroom.

Lillian had disappeared. She was playing hide and see k. Okay, I thought, I'll play your silly game. I looked everywhere, but she was not in the room. I cursed myself for a fool, and went to bed feeling like an idiot. I was dead tired, though, and I slept like a log.

The sun was shining brightly when I woke and I decided to skip breakfast. I'd eat later somewhere down the road. This day was too lovely to waste time sitting around eating breakfast. Besides, I wasn't hungry. In the hotel dining room I got a pot of coffee to keep me company.

In the car I found some music and turned the radio up loud. I put my foot heavily on the accelerator and sped out of the hotel's parking lot. Back on the Interstate I settled down and poured a cup of the coffee. I tapped my left foot in time to the beat of the music and the miles went by. Lolly, I thought. I'd treated her so badly. Lord, how I wish she was here now.

And then, just ahead of me I saw a woman with long black hair shining in the sunlight holding her thumb up. Lillian! Damn her, I thought, but my foot went down hard on the brake. The tires squealed as I brought the car to a stop beside her, my arm reaching to open the door for her.

Lillian got in the car without a word, just like she had yesterday. I don't know whom I was maddest at, her or myself for being such a fool.

"Why did you leave the hotel last night?" "I needed a breath of air." She said it so calmly I couldn't believe my ears. But then she added, "I needed some exercise after being cooped up in the car so long." "So you went for a walk? Why didn't you ask me to walk with you?" "You were so tired, I thought you needed your rest." "Do you realize you're thirty miles from the hotel? Did you walk all night?"

"I got lost and couldn't find my way back to the hotel. I knew you'd be on the highway so I—" "You know you shouldn't be walking on the Interstate. It's too dangerous."

I had forgotten all about Lolly again. She was the furthest thing from my mind. As angry as I was all I could think of was getting this vision in my arms and never letting her go.

"I'm hungry. Can we get some breakfast, please?" I thought about my wallet again. It was already so thin I could hardly feel it in the back pocket of my jeans. But that old feeling came over me. I wanted to hold her and never let her go, so I pulled into a parking spot at the first nice restaurant I saw.

Lillian ordered some of everything on the breakfast menu and cleaned her plate quickly. I just had toast and orange juice. I paid the bill from my fast diminishing wad, feeling like I'd made a good investment.

Back in the car, I looked at the gas gauge. It was setting on empty, so I drove to the first service station I saw and filled it up again. Lillian sat in the car and waited while I went inside to pay for the gas. When I returned to the car I found the leverets had somehow got out of their box and were running around all over the car. One managed to get out of the car when I opened the door. It ran up under the car and I tried to coax the little devil out, but he wouldn't come to me. He just cowered under the transmission. Angry again, I got back in the car, muttering, "Okay, you little bastard, just stay there." I turned the key in the ignition.

Lillian reached over and turned off the ignition. "Let me. I'll get the little baby out from under the car for you," she said sweetly. She got out and peeked under the car, holding out her hands, and said, "Come to mama, baby."

Just like that she had the little fellow in her hands. She put him safely back in his box, then gathered up all six of the others and put them back in the box, too.

I was amazed. I couldn't believe it. But then I remembered how I had been in love with her from the start and I knew she had worked her charm on the leverets, too.

I drove on until suddenly, it hit me. I turned to her and said, "That's a beautiful red dress you're wearing, but I thought leprechauns always have red hair and green eyes and wear little green suits."

Lillian just smiled, and took my hand. I settled back in the seat and pressed the accelerator harder. The miles flew by. I hardly noticed any of the scenery. It couldn't compare, anyway, to this loveliness sitting beside me holding my hand. The flames burned brightly all the way down to my groin, and my jeans suddenly felt too tight.

She was still wearing that same red dress that she had worn yesterday, but she looked clean and neat, like she'd just put it on. I wondered how she could stay so clean so long. I had put on fresh clothes that morning at the hotel.

The miles flew. Lillian hardly said anything. She lay back in her seat and went to sleep.

Poor thing, I thought. She hadn't got any sleep last night and she had walked thirty miles, to boot. She had to be worn out. I let her sleep. I dreamed of tonight in the hotel.

Lillian was still sleeping when I pulled into the hotel's parking lot. I turned the ignition off and went around the car to open her door. She waked up at that moment. "Where are we?" She asked, looking more beautiful than ever in her grogginess.

I wanted to take her in my arms right then and there, but she reached in her pocket and began running the comb through her long tousled hair. Then she put on fresh lipstick.

I could hardly wait for her to finish. I said, "We're at the hotel. It's time for some real sleep." Then I yawned and stretched, feeling every bone in my body would break from the strain. Lillian put the comb and lipstick back in her pocket, and rubbed her eyes, trying to wake up. I helped her out of the car and we walked into the hotel lobby.

We had barely got to our room when she said, "I'm hungry. Can we get something to eat, please?"

I dropped my luggage on the floor, thinking, where does she put all this food. Then I looked into her eyes, two deep pools that drew me into them like magic.

After dinner we returned to the room. This time I fastened the night latch as well as the regular lock.

"I went first last night. Tonight it's your turn to get ready for bed first." "Okay," she giggled, and went into the bathroom like an obedient child. I sat down on the side of the bed and waited, anticipating. She was soon back, still wearing her red dress. I stood up as she came closer and took her in my arms. I could hardly wait for what I knew was going to happen next. After a long, sweet kiss, I excused myself and went to the bathroom to prepare for bed.

When I returned to the bedroom Lillian was nowhere to be seen. I looked at the bolt on the door. It was still in its slot, fastened tight just like I had left it. She had to be in the room somewhere. I began to search under the bed, behind the chair. Then I thought, she must have slipped into the bathroom while I wasn't looking. But she wasn't there either.

Where could she be? She was tiny, but surely she wasn't in the dresser drawer. Still, I opened it to see. She wasn't there. How did she get out of the room? Confused and angry, I went to bed, but I couldn't sleep. Lolly, I thought, I wish you were here. Why did I treat you so badly. You're the only woman I've ever loved. We were going to be married in Los Angeles. Maybe I should turn around and go home. But I can't. I still have the leverets in the car and I have to deliver them to the buyer in Los Angeles. One more day and I'll be there. But it won't be the same without you, dear sweet Lolly. I hope you got home safely and you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I woke in the morning still tired from tossing and turning all night. The sun shone brightly and the scenery was beautiful, but without Lolly to share it with it was nothing.

The leverets were misbehaving again. It's amazing how fast the little devils grow. They were crawling all over the car again when I got in it. Still angry at myself, I said what the hell, and just left them alone to wander where they would, after counting them to make sure all seven of the frisky little fellows were still there. I thought, you don't have to worry about love. I was a little envious of the leverets, really. Their life would be so peaceful, compared to mine. They'd have all the love and care they needed, while I was worried about Lolly. It would serve me right if she never spoke to me again.

Back on the Interstate I had only my jug of coffee to keep me occupied. Then one of the leverets got under my foot. I reached down to pick him up, but he scampered away from me. I looked all around and finally found him hiding under the brake pedal. I was trying to get him out when all of a sudden, there she was again, still in that red dress, long black hair streaming down to her waist, thumb stuck high in the air.

I forgot about the leveret and smashed the brake hard. Stopping beside Lillian, I reached over and opened the car door for her. When I did the little bugger scampered out onto the highway right in front of an oncoming eighteen-wheeler. By some miracle the little devil wasn't hit. I got out of the car and started chasing after him, but he only ran away from me, dodging one car after another. A car squealed to a stop and its driver shouted at me, "Get out of the road, you idiot, before you cause an accident." Then he sped away. I caught my breath, realizing he was right. I could get myself killed like that. The little leveret was still dodging cars, but I went back to my car intending to leave him to his fate.

Lillian said, "Don't sweat it Darling. Let me get him." I could hardly believe my ears, but she was already getting out of the car. All she did was walk to the side of the road where she could see the little fellow and, making a noise with her hands, she said, "Come to mama, baby."

Believe it or not, the little fellow came straight to her. She picked him up and put him back in the box. Then she gathered up the other six and stuffed them in the box, too.

"How did you do that?" "Oh it was easy." Then I remembered, she had been hitchhiking again on the Interstate highway. I said, "I told you that you shouldn't be hitchhiking, and especially not on the Interstate. It's too dangerous." Her hand had found its way into mine, casting its spell on me.

Lillian just smiled, and said, "Oh I hitchhiked all over Ireland. Nothing bad ever happened to me." Scared out of my wits about her safety, I yelled, "Dammit, this is not Ireland."

Then remembering whom I was talking to, I lowered my voice and added softly, "Anything could happen to you out here. I'd hate to think—" Her hand felt so good in my big paw, I had trouble hearing what she said, "You worry too much. I can take care of myself. Nothing bad is going to happen to me."

"How the hell did you get out of the hotel room last night?" Lillian giggled, but all she said was, "I'm hungry. Can we get some breakfast please?"

After stuffing ourselves, Lillian put her head on the back of the car seat and went to sleep.

I turned the radio on and found some music. Turning it down so as not to wake Lillian, I tapped my foot to the beat of the music and stole glances at the sleeping beauty beside me, forgetting all about Lolly again. I was dreaming of tonight, while the miles went by on wings.

We'd spend tonight in Phoenix, then one more day would find us in Los Angeles. The hidden treasure had to be in Phoenix. I'd make sure of it this time. I wouldn't let Lillian out of my sight once we got to the hotel room, even if it meant I didn't get to shower and shave and brush my teeth. Tonight was the night she would be all mine.

The farther west we traveled, the longer the sun stayed high in the sky. It was still daylight when Lillian stirred from her slumber. Right away I asked, "Are you going to show me the hidden treasure tonight?"

Lillian perked up at that and said, "I forgot to tell you that before you get the hidden treasure you must kiss the blarney stone." Feeling tricked again, I asked, "Where is the blarney stone?" "It's in the dungeon of the king's castle in Dublin, by the Irish Sea."

Her laughter sent feelings of pleasure to my groin, and I could hardly think straight, but I said, "Has anyone kissed the blarney stone yet?"

"Only a few have been brave enough to try it." "Did any of them succeed?"

"No one has succeeded yet. Maybe you will be the first." Her laughter sent more pleasure sensations to my lower regions, and my jeans suddenly felt tighter than usual.

I knew it wasn't my wallet causing that tightness. I squirmed around in the seat, trying to find a comfortable position, so my jeans wouldn't pinch where it hurt the most.

In Phoenix she pulled her disappearing act again. I was used to it, by now, though, and dead tired besides. I went to bed and slept until very late the next morning.

I was driving through the Chocolate Mountains of California when she appeared again on the side of the road. As always, my foot went automatically to the brake while my brain went somewhere else. Just as automatically, my hand reached over and opened the door for her. Lillian was still wearing that pretty red dress, looking just as fresh and beautiful as the first time I had seen her, but this time I just said, disgustedly, "Get in; we'll be in Los Angeles before the sun goes down."

This time she didn't ask for breakfast. I was glad, because the sides of my wallet were rubbing against each other.

Lillian went to sleep, and I drove on, after turning the music on the radio up as loud as it was comfortable to my ears. I tapped my foot to the beat of the music as the speedometer climbed up to ninety. Lillian woke just before we got to the outskirts of Los Angeles. Brushing her hair from her eyes she looked around and said, "Let me out at the first traffic light."

My foot slowed the car easily at the red light and she hopped quickly out of the car and threaded her way across four lanes of traffic. The light turned green and I went on my way without a backward glance, so I don't know what happened to Lillian. I'm sure she found some other fool, though.

I drove on to my destination with the leverets. They somehow had managed to behave themselves all the rest of the way. Now as I pulled into the driveway of the place where I was to deliver the leverets two people came out to greet me. One of them was Lolly. I was never so happy to see anyone in my life. All she did was reach out her hand and ask, "May I have my ring back?"

I reached into my pocket and brought out the ring and slipped it on her finger. "I'll never take it off again," Lolly said, with the sweetest smile on her face.

I said, "You're not mad about the leprechaun?" Lolly smiled and said sweetly, "What leprechaun?" # ©2002 LaVonne Boruk Copyright, all rights reserved.


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