Swinging With Larry

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One mid-afternoon on a sunny day, a golfer teed up his ball.

After a few practice swings, he steps up to his ball and gets ready to drive the first hole. Just before he swings, a woman in a wedding gown comes running up from the parking lot.

She's got tears streaming down her face.

Just as she reaches the raised tee, she screams out, "I can't believe it! How could you do that?"

The golfer calmly takes a swing and drives the ball straight down the fairway.

He looks at the woman, as he puts his driver back in his bag and says, "Hey...I said `only if it's raining"

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

This is taken from Reader's Digest, March 1994.

During our weekly Lamaze class, the instructor emphasized the importance of exercise, hinting strongly that husbands need to get out and start walking with their wives. From the back of the room one expectant father inquired, "Would it be okay if she carries a bag of golf clubs while she walks?"

There was a hold up at the eleventh hole and just as they were about to play off, a man rushed off the tenth green.

"I beg your pardon."he called. "but would you mind very much if I played through? I've just heard that my wife has been taken seriously ill."

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon

Would You Marry again?......

A wife asks her husband, "If I died, would you marry again?"

"I would!"

"And would you let her come into my house?"

"I would!"

"Would she be working in my kitchen?"

"She would!"

"Would she sleep in my bed?"

"She would!"

"Would she put her clothes in my press?"

"She would!"

"Would she have my Renault 4?"

"She would!"

"Would she use my golf clubs?"

"DEFINITELY NOT!"

"Why?"

"She's left-handed!"

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...
"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

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