Don't Be Bad To DAD

“What a great day!” cheered Larry as he hopped out of bed. “A new chance to water my plants!”

“Not so fast,” Bowser stopped Larry as he stepped into the room. “Today is the Familikoopism New Year. We’re all going to services.”

Larry sighed. “Okay, I’ll get ready later.”

“Now,” Bowser insisted. “We leave in half an hour. And remember: you can’t eat today.”

Larry groaned as Bowser left the room. “When am I going to water my plants?” One seemed ready to wilt, but Larry couldn’t worry about that now.

Needless to say, none of the other Koopalings were impressed.

“It’s the World Series!” snapped Roy. “I’ve got to watch it!”

“I was planning to spend the day puttiing on make-up,” explained Wendy. “By the time I am done it will be bedtime.”

“I’m in the middle of a massive timely experiment!” sobbed Ludwig.

“I’m too manly for services,” decided Iggy.

“I have to give a great terrific number one best speech to my adoring loving admiring caring fans about calculus even though I know nothing zilch notta zero nuh uh about it and...” Morton complained.

“It won’t be fun,” insisted Lemmy.

Bowser unmovingly said that they were going. He did add, however, that physical activity, enjoyment, self-centeredness, learning, beautifying, and sports were all banned on the Familikoopism New Year. And talking wasn’t allowed during services.

“I don’t mind!” announced Susan.

Bowser smiled. “DAD is smiling too,” he told the Koopalings.

“I’ll be smiling when Bowser gives me a reward for good behavior,” Susan mumbled under her breath.

A half hour later, the Koopalings were all dressed up and looking fancy, but none looked happy about it. “How can anyone wear these?” complained Iggy. He was trying to walk around without his clothes actually touching him.

“At least you’re not wearing a dress,” pouted Wendy.

“If he was, at least it would make services more interesting,” mused Lemmy.

Everyone, even Iggy, agreed. But it was too late. Bowser was leading them into the Holy Bachlor Pad. They sat in the front, and only, row. Then, the Father walked in. “Shall we begin?” he asked.

“No,” decided Roy.

The Father didn’t hear. “Let’s turn to page 500 in our prayer book,” he instructed.

Larry opened his book slowly, then smiled. “Hey, look! The book only has 505 pages. This won’t be so bad after all!”

The Father read some stuff, and so did the congregation (er, the Koopas). After about five minutes, they were done with the five pages.

“Hooray!” the Koopalings cheered.

“And now that we have the preliminary prayers out of the way,” continued the Father, “let us turn back to page one.”

“NOOOOOO!!!” shrieked the Koopalings.

“You’re right, I forgot,” the Father corrected himself. “First, our lovely Maternal-Father will sing for us for an hour.”

“La la la la la la la la la la .........”

An hour later...

“No more!” wailed Morton, holding his ears. Everyone stared at him. “What?” he asked.

“Now that that’s over,” continued the Father.

“We can leave?” Iggy suggested.

“No, now I’ll give my epic long speech,” said the Father. He started to do so.

No one in the congregation cared about the Father’s speech. Bowser fell fast asleep. Roy started pounding Iggy. Iggy started praying to DAD to save him. Wendy applied make-up while no one was looking. Morton talked quietly to Lemmy, who was listening out of nothing better to do. Another Koopaling stole a weapon (even in the Holy Bachelor Pad they have them!) and used it to do what they had wanted to do while at the castle: get weird perspectives on things near and far. The other Koopaling hid under the chair, and started looking for a way out, but never did succeed.

Two hours later...

“Now that I have explained the portion, I will read from the Book of DAD,” explained the Father. “Then we will continue with the prayer book.”

Bowser and the Koopalings snapped to attention (Bowser out of religious interest, the others not so). “How long will it take?” asked Susan.

“The Book of DAD or the prayer book?” asked the Father.

“Both!” Ludwig snapped.

“Well, it is not very honorable to keep your eye on the time on a day like this, but since you asked,” replied the Father. “The prayers we can finish in 30 minutes, if there are no disturbances. The Book of DAD will take 60.”

“Minutes?” clarified Wendy.

“Hours,” corrected the Father.

“WHAT?!” gasped the Koopalings. Even Bowser was disturbed.

The Father started to read. Suddenly, a Koopaling burst out of his seat. “Forget this!” he yelled. “What I have to do is way more important!”

Amidst half-hearted restraints, and the praying to DAD of the Father, the angry Koopaling jumped onto the podium and knocked out the Father. Then he ran out of the Holy Bachelor Pad with the Book of DAD. “And, the service over, they all said ‘amen’,” concluded the Koopaling, wisely.

Who stole the Book of DAD?

Email me your guesses, as well as your comments, suggestions, and mysteries!

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