Okay. Okay. It was a collapsible baton. But you know what I mean. And would you have known what I meant if I'd said that? Probably not.

Besides, "Day of the Crowbar" sounds much cooler.

That's the point, isn't it?

We don't care to learn what figure skating is all about. Even though skating is one of the most popular sports in america. And has been, despite the recent boom, for decades. Peggy Fleming? Dorothy Hamill? Katarina Witt? Who's that? Never heard of them.

Point made. Many football and basketball fans know more about the sport than the coaches do. Figure skating fans have to be repeatedly reminded, "This is a flip. This is a lutz." Basic stuff. Real basic. How many of you are serious fans? How many of you are surprised by the information in this brief quick blurb?

No wonder Tonya Harding got frustrated. We consider Michael Jordan graceful? We don't consider Tonya Harding graceful? Huh? Are you serious? What is the matter with us?

Back button's available at any time.

This stuff is part of skating. So common you forget to see it. Like another murder on TV. I promise. True story. Kids weren't even real old. I saw a girl palm a razor blade. Not very well. Within line of sight of three judges. I saw two turn their heads. Rip it down a skater's dress. "Whoops, are you okay?" Giggling all the way to the exit. New dress. At least $1500. Unwearable. At least ten people were present. This girl was loud. And did not sound compassionate. Mom went to work on the costume. With the girl in it. Bleeding. Onto the floor. "Let's make it new wave." Safety pins, more cuts. All over the place. It really looked good. Even took blood and splashed it back up on the dress for effect. There was enough. "Now you can skate." She did. She won. Whomped her rival. Who was crying in the parking lot. As our girl left for a steak dinner afterwards. Before the trip to the hospital. Some standards have to be maintained.

Welcome to skating. An American treasure is ignored. The message is sent out -- edges? Who cares about edges?

The Japanese were laughing.

They really were. They know how to honor their athletes.

Hypocrites. There are times I'm ashamed to be an American. This is one of them.

So what do you think this is, ballet class? Huh? Lord have mercy....