Dance competitors. All of them. That I know of.

I give a general discussion of edges in the edge page. I hope at some point to have more on dance edges -- it'll just take me time. Just like anything else.


ARMENIA: Smetanko and Gezalian -- Wow. These guys are good. If they'd ever get a chance to show themselves. I don't get the feeling they do a lot of self-promotion, which is what you have to do in dance to get noticed. The judges get these ideas about who's good and who's not, often even one to two years in advance. It's hard to move up in dance. You have to be supergood to be recognized, and even better to be able to move up. You find a high technical standard in ice dancing because of that very fact. You can't slip an edge or anything if you want to climb up the ladder. The judges will notice. And they're already ragging on your hair and costume and makeup and everything. (Yes, even guys. This is a show discipline.)

AUSTRALIA: Fourer and Heinecke -- Wow. Someone from the top adopt these kids so they'll straighten out faster. Do you see the potential here? The sheer lines, the speed, the roundness, the pointedness of the straight edges? This is one of the hottest couples to come along in some time. If I had my druthers, I'd have Chris and Jayne adopt them. If not, hm...how about Krylova and Ovsiannikov? Teach them about drama. Teach them about relatedness. Teach them about the fact that all your edges are connected together, girl with boy, and it only looks like there are four feet out there. It should be two. Then watch these Aussie kids sail like mad. Better technical training, some tightening up on the edges -- mostly front and back, like everybody else....grrr...ever heard of figure work? Go snag the freestylers and ask for some lessons.

AUSTRIA: Fuhring and Ellinger -- God, I love these kids! Where's the fan page? Where's the club? Does anybody else see it? Huh? Huh? Just go look at them. Roll tape. Now. Make sure you're sitting there when they practice. Does anyone else see it? Huh? Huh? Grab two judges and make them tell you what they see. That's a good way for you guys to grow -- learn to analyze judges' lessons from a technical and artistic perspective. Make sure one of them is a mean, grumpy old Sovietchik type. That'll teach you something. 2-3 hours if possible. Please. Can it be done? Then take it out onto the ice immediately for the lessons to sink into the feet. Into the soles of the boots. Into the skate blades. Think skate blades. Fondle skate blades. Hang around skate blades. Look at skate blades. Dream about skate blades. When they start dreaming about you, you'll know you've got it. And then go bug some more insane Soviet-type judges. Thank you. And clear a spot on the podium real damn quick. Now. Thank you.

BELARUS: Navka and Morozov -- I wish these guys would concentrate more on their technical edges, as in shaping the lobes of their dances to be more perfectly rounded instead of squashed on the sides. It seems she doesn't quite want to exert the effort to get all the way around and he lets her, or rather he backs her up on it. Go look at Torvill and Dean to see what I mean. They never cheated on a lobe or a roundness once in their life.

BULGARIA: Denkova and Staviyski -- What did he do, hit you? He won't do it again. He promises. See? You can't skate as one if you're scared of each other. A couple of serious two to three-hour talking sessions might be in order here. Go ahead. Talk to each other. Get some emotion out. Throw a few pillows. Your skating will improve 100%+ overnight. Your edges are too good for this.

CANADA: Lefebvre and Brunet -- Why? Canada, what is wrong with you? Why aren't both these kids skating singles? You've got more than enough ice dance talent to back them up and then some. Their feet don't go in the same direction. Their arms look like they're at war. I know love is combat, but unh uh. He's skating on one rink and she's on another. C'mon. Fly someone else over. This is ridiculous.

CZECH REPUBLIC: Mrazova and Simicek -- Good, I was getting depressed. Just a little tighter left edges on the lobes coming out of them on her part, and lifting her arms a little higher, and you've got a first-class pair on your hands. Wow. Where has she been training? She's so much better in other ways that it's a wonder the lobe work hasn't been cleared up yet. The essence of ice dancing is in the heart. Blend as one. You've got it!

ESTONIA: Kalesnik and Terentjev -- Wow. What an incredibly technical pair. They just need time to loosen up, hang out, read a few cool books and meditate on the meaning of life. Then they'll start putting that hellish little armament of theirs to good use. When they are ready. Performance edges and skills take time. (Right, Denise Biellmann?) Let them flow. Let them design their programs themselves. Even (heresy) let them do their own costumes. That's the only damn way you're going to get that looseness and flow out of them. It's there. It's more than there. And when it comes out...look out. They'll be flying. It's going to take a while for them to rebalance themselves, but they are working on a very deep level to do it. They're having conversations about dance edges when it doesn't look like they are. Anybody else recognize this phenomenon? Thank you.

FRANCE:

• Anissina and Peizerat -- This could be one of the great romantic couples of all time if he'd relax and learn how to go with her. Couples are supposed to guide each other and think alike. Her strength is great. Don't tear it down -- support it. And she'll support you. Looks like she wants to. The line a couple makes on the ice depends on their minds and what they agree to do. Heart, man, heart!
• Deniaud and Jaffredo -- Wow. Where did such great technical edges come from with such utter uncaring about the appearance of the program? Have we been isolated in technical-edge bliss for the last two years and figuring we'd work on the ribbons and bows later? The ribbons and bows are integral to dance. This is dance, not figures. Sorry for the slap. You get the idea. Straighten up. Dance comes from all parts of the body at the same time, not just the hands and feet, although it appears to start there. Dance has this magical way of being triggered at the feet and instantaneously spreading throughout the body. A 1 to 2 second delay at most, not 5 to 6. Sorry. Back to the edges. Feel it in your fingertips this time. And out to the ends of your hair. And how about a hair ribbon or two? Thanks. (You get the point. I hope you've listened. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm really not.)
• Moniotte and Lavanchy -- Ease up on him. He's doing what he's supposed to. Every once in a while the woman is allowed to kick as high as the man. What's most important? The ice. Agree on that and everything else will fall into place. Show your strength and he'll show his. Only then can you get the two into unison. Don't be afraid. It's just ice.
• Delobel and Schoenfelder -- Just in time. Go for it, kids. Ease up on the flow a little bit -- you've already got that fancy, fine stuff down. Concentrate on the power stuff.

GERMANY: Winkler and Lohse -- It's okay to stretch out and flow with the ice. Let the ice tell you what to do. You both have good skates (maybe an upgrade on his, possibly), you have good arms, and you have each other. Open your eyes to the possibilities. Don't be afraid to be who the ice tells you to be. You've been fighting that for a long time. The only authority in this sport is the ice.

GREAT BRITAIN: Clements and Shortland -- Interesting. Very interesting. How did these two wind up together? They have such completely different motion styles. Looks like they've managed to overcome at least some of it -- mostly him. Dear, you're allowed to accommodate to him too. He really is trying. Okay. Focus on each other and don't forget to show off. You really are allowed to play with this stuff. It is not just a boring job to see who gets the most medals. Enough said, I do believe. Have at it.

HUNGARY: Gebora and Visontai -- Wow. Okay. Grab the phone number and make a call to Pasha and Yevgeny. They are probably the only ones who can help you. Emphasize style, line, and that sheer reaching up with the skate blade to make the most impressive point possible. That's Pasha's specialty. Even Tatiana Tarasova can't really teach this -- she can see it and encourage it, but it has to come from a more technical perspective. These guys have it. They're brilliant. When you really start opening up and emphasizing the line and style in the performances, you'll start gluing together. Your edges will take off. We'll see some decent back edges (sorry) out of you guys. And you may even learn to waltz...a much, much harder trick than it is commonly given out to be...next step is the tango....thank you. Go for it!

ISRAEL: Chait and Sakhnovsky -- Wow. What a pair! They'll skate together more evenly when they have time. Keep opening up -- him to her and her to him. Practice spirals facing each other, holding hands, free feet almost touching. 10 feet all ways. Let it evolve into ice dance. See what happens.

ITALY:

• Fusar Poli and Margaglio -- A first-class pair if ever I saw one, and a real medal contender when it's recognized. Stretch higher and support him. Then you'll be perfect. Perfect. A mirror of each other on the ice. He may want to try a few dance steps around her until she gets the hang of it. Masculinity and femininity. That's what it's all about.
• Gerencser and Camerlengo -- Wow. Technical training is improving for the Italians. It's okay to emote, guys. Open up. Let it out. I thought Italians were good at that. Flash. Argue. Emotion. Fight. Then make up. That'd make a good story line. Throw a few things at each other. C'mon. Maybe the last skaters' teddy bears that got left on the ice?

JAPAN: Kawai and Tanaka -- Good classical style here. Maybe open up the big swings, the arm position a little bit. It's deeper. It's prettier. It's within the rulebook and the steps. Your coach can tell you. Don't be afraid to maneuver. It's what ice dancing is all about. A few rounds to "Sing, Sing, Sing" and you'll be fine.

KAZAKHSTAN: Stekoinikova and Kazarlyga -- Wow. What potential. Okay. We need sponsor money. These kids are too tense on the ice. More attention from the coach. And a couple of hours hanging out having fun. Together. Kazakhstan used to be part of the Soviet Union. It shows. Why do I keep thinking Gordeeva and Grinkov with closer steps and tighter snaps?

LITHUANIA: Drobiazko and Vanagas -- Do it. Just once. The most depressed program you can find. Nina Simone's "My Man's Gone Now." Neil Diamond's "Song Sung Blue." A funeral march? Okay. I've got a good one. "Candle in the Wind 1997." Maybe that'll get it out of your system. And then start to dance. It's going to be spring soon. Coach, you're in charge of making sure these kids don't drop below 75-80 beats per minute. 90 would be good. Let them start to heal. They'll be good.

POLAND: Nowak and Kolaninski -- Your assignment is Polish traditional dance. Bring the old steps alive. Make us see it. Make us feel it. Then you'll have a use for those edges. Dance is not about being pretty. Dance is about communication. Communicate something that you feel. Live it. Feel it. Show it to us. Then you'll be happy. Enough fluffy stuff. Do something real.

RUSSIA:

• Grishuk and Platov -- Do I calm myself down to be nice or work myself up to be witty? Aaaaaagh. Off the ice. This is horrible. They're not even in step. Pasha, or whatever your name is, back to basic dance steps. Now. Evgeny, search your soal for something real to do, not just this fluffbait posturing. When she comes back from her three-month exile, remember medals don't make you the best. Edges do. Consider yourselves well and thoroughly slapped. Call yourselves whatever you want, but that ain't ice dancing. It wasn't then. It isn't now. BOYCOTT THE MEDAL CEREMONIES!!!
• Krylova and Ovsiannikov -- You've got these two and you keep putting Them at the top of the team? Lenin must be spinning in his grave (or whatever). This ain't what he paid for. There used to be a Soviet ice dance tradition....She can tighten up that swingy right inside edge a bit, but otherwise she's fine. Maybe a medal switch on the plane home....Find some programs you both like, have fun, and wait for certain teammates to be smacked off the ice. Shouldn't be too long.....
• Lobacheva and Averbukh -- Okay. Decent. They'll get there. No fourth in the lineup? Hmmmm? Things must be worse in the Motherland than we thought. Okay. Nice kicky swings. Tempos 115 and up. Loosen up. Fun costumes. Fun programs. Fun life. That'll be it. The Russian winters getting to you? Rx: Wild costumes, flowy dance work, and a sense of fun that'll have your coach screaming. That'll loosen up those edges.
• Semenovich and Fedorov -- Made you sit at home, did they? Well, at least you got to rest. Now. Put those awesome technical edges to work. You now have competition coming up. These kids are getting damn good. Wasn't that jive nice? Relax on the outer edges, Vladimir. Relax on the inner ones, Anna. Old trick for getting a couple to synchronize. Meditate on each other and what you want out of the dance and you'll be fine. That's all Pasha and Yevgeny ever did. (Well, it looks simple, anyway.) And design your costumes, etc., around it. Thank you.

SWITZERLAND: Hugentobler and Hugentobler -- Oh definitely. A little more style and line on her and a little shapeup on those back technical edges for him, and they'll be sailing around the compulsories like mad. Give them time and quit scaring them, everybody. They're petrified. Let her have some time to calm down. Slip some chocolate into the suitcase or something. Then let her fly. She is the talent here and he knows it (he is just that little bit less, don't worry -- they're paired okay). When she starts flaring out with that mean little inner edge of hers and demanding attention, everybody else had better move. She will be launching herself. She has just needed time and confidence. God, quit intimidating them! I'd point out who to start learning intimidating-back tactics from, but of course that doesn't happen in ice dancing, does it? No. We're all nice people. I think you get the point. Just a little room on the ice to practice, guys....c'mon. Be reasonable.

UKRAINE:

• Grushina and Goncharov -- Now this is more like it. Good kids, doing their thing, polishing their edges, waiting in line. Go get'em. Don't be afraid to pop those back swings a bit higher, hon. G&P do have some things worth copying. And don't be afraid to tell your story from within. It works for the greats. Ice to head, even above. Own it. Pardon the pairs talk, but the arena shook when Gordeeva and Grinkov skated out. Practice that. One look. One.
• Romanova and Yaroshenko -- Okay. Wake me up. Anyone home? Edges are for skating on, not for drifting around on. Dance needs a complete package. I rarely advise this for Soviet-style dancers, but go watch some American movies. Things are different outside where you are. Very different. Go choreograph Titanic.. Do something. Even Star Wars would help. Anything. You've got the edges to make it. But dance is expression, waking up, showing off. This isn't Siberia. The labor camps are gone. Thank you.

USA:

• Joseph and Butler -- Are you sure these kids marched in under the American flag? Positive? But they're good. Really good. You're sure? Okay. Miracles happen. But this? Don't spoil it, kids. To quote an old wordmeister friend, "Since it's not broken, I will continue not to fix it." Maybe a littte more relaxation....sharpen your skates and wait. Oh, this is nice!
• Punsalan and Swallow -- Now. There is no excuse. You have competition. Off to separate rooms. Make out a list of five rasons why you really like each other. Don't tell each other. Skate. Then tell each other. Skate again. Basic edgework for her (why is it always her?), possibly from one of the Russian coaches. Maybe snag Natalia Bestemiannova....For him, confidence. Basic California self-esteem. Tell yourself, "I'm a really, really good person" at least five times a day. Now skate. Repeat this for three years. Or at least learn to fake it. I'm getting sick of this.....

? Can't believe my eyes. Keep coming back!