u n a v o i d a b l e v o i d

these are the words 
i refrain from telling you
about what thoughts
travel through my mind
about what emotions
travel through my existence

each time my eyes hold you
is an interruption of my focus
my skeleton weakens
as i search for a place
to hide
i seek darkness
where my senses
my diminish into the invisible
but laws of a double standard
remind me
that darkness leaves me 
longing for you

each time i find you 
within my reach
i question the movement 
of my hands
do i reach for you
your intimate embrace?
do i leave my hands 
to find false comfort
in the pockets of these jeans?

trying to escape 
the incessant thought of you
i raise a flickering match
to the cigarette
indolently held between my lips
engulfed temporarily
by the changing pattern of smoke
i strain to concentrate
on nothing
but as the smoke wears thin
my vision touches
that which is before me.