What Childern Have Learned


#1 No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
#2 When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
#3 If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
#4 Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
#5 You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
#6 Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
#7 Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
#8 Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
#9 Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
#10 School lunches stick to the wall.
#11 You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
#12 Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
#13 The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED


#1 Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
#2 There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
#3 One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
#4 The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires.
#5 Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
#6 Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
#7 Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
#8 Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
#9 Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
#10 My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
#11 If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
#12 You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.