Dating Test

Questionnaire for Singles seeking ...

In order to economize on the often seamier and resource consuming side of a sometimes wretched process called "dating", it occurs to me that a questionnaire is in order! Ask your intended to circle the choices in the following questionnaire. Scoring of course is optional!

1. I am
a) still single
b) divorced once
c) divorced twice
d) have lost count

2. The number of lovers I have had
a) can be counted on my fingers
b) can be counted on my fingers and my toes.
c) can be counted on everyone's fingers and toes.

3. I _____ an "SO" (significant other).
a) have not
b) have, it is_____

a) a spouse
b) someone of the same sex
c) someone of each sex
d) several of mixed sexes
e) a household pet
f) one or more small farm animals
g) two or more of the above

4. I _________ use chemical substances (circle all that apply).
a) do not
b) do, they are

a) alcohol, occasionally
b) alcohol, moderately
c) alcohol, frequently
d) I own a private distillery
e) prosaic when I'm feeling great
f) zoloff because my prosaic ran out
g) zanex when I'm not suicidal
h) commercially packaged stuff that you smoke
i) fluffy white powders that you sniff or smoke
j) brown stuff that you just smoke
k) things that I can no longer use because I am on probation.

5. Financially, I am
a) independent
b) employed
c) in between employment opportunities
d) living on public support
e) living on spousal support
f) still trying to get spousal support
g) still trying to get child support
h) still trying to find the ex
i) working for the government

6. Physically, I am
a) healthy
b) a fitness nut
c) suffering from ____________ syndrome.
d) suffering from terminal illness.
e) physically impaired
f) mentally impaired
g) missing 1 or more important appendages
h) missing some really important equipment
i) have changed equipment
j) have extra equipment
k) sick of dating

7. Sexually, I prefer
a) safe sex
b) unsafe sex
c) sex with one of the opposite sex
d) sex with one of the same sex
e) sex with either sex
f) all of the above
g) dancing ... I've given up on sex

8. With regard to sexual frequency, I prefer it
a) never
b) when chemically induced
c) with a partner
d) without a partner
e) once a year
f) once a month
g) once a week
h) once a day
i) with the aide of a paper bag

9. With regard to S.T.D's
a) I am free of disease
b) I don't know if I have a disease
c) I don't care if I have a disease
d) I am dying of a disease and don't care
e) I have sores that don't go away
f) I have crusty spots that hurt
g) some important stuff has fallen off
i) my thingy has a drip

10. With regard to having children,
a) I don't have any
b) my biological clock is ticking
c) I have kids and want more
d) I did that - no thanks
e) I'm dating one now
f) I am one

11. With regard to fidelity, I
a) want a monogamous relationship
b) want multiple partners
c) want to become a rutting pig
d) think monogamy is a Milton Bradley board game
e) think my SO doesn't understand me
f) think my SO will really not understand my dating

There are no incorrect answers or scoring.... It is up to YOU rather or not you date this person.