How To Shower Like A
Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and
darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way,
cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the
bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror
and stick out your gut so that you can complain
and whine even more about how you're getting
fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth,
armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey
shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey
shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey
conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial
scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and
Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at
least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that
it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving
bikini area but decide to get it waxed
instead.
12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband
flushes the toilet and you lose the water
pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of
a small African country. Wrap hair in super
absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a
zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17 Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown
and towel on head.
18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the
way, cover up any exposed and then rush to
bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting
dressed.
How To Shower Like A Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of
the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your
girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making
the "woohoo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and
suck in your gut to see if you have pecs.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you
don't use one)
6. Wash your face
7. Wash your armpits
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the
shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding
area.
10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap
bar.
11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use
conditioner)
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself
in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower)
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to
notice water on the floor because you left the
curtain hanging out of the tub the whole
time.
16. Partial dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom fan and light
on.
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