X: New Beginnings
A Work in Progress

Part Two

by marymqc

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Almost a day later, Takeshi was wandering the halls of the hospital,
debating what to do.  After leaving Subaru and Kamui earlier, he had gone
home and showered, then idly passed time until his next shift started.  The
whole time, thoughts of Subaru wouldn't leave his mind.  While working, he
was able to tune his mind out to concentrate on each patient, but in between
calls, Subaru was there persistently in his mind again.  Now, after his
shift, he had come to the hospital, wanting to see how Subaru was doing, yet
afraid of intruding.

Finally, he decided to ask a nurse about Subaru's condition.  Granted, he
wouldn't be able to see Subaru like he yearned to, but at least he'd know
how he was doing.  Fortunately, Yukio was working the desk again, and
Takeshi knew she'd tell him anything he'd want to know.

"Hello, Yukio," he greeted.

She flashed him a friendly smile.  "Hi there, Takeshi.  How's your new job?"

"Oh, it's...an experience," he smiled.  "Hey, um, could you tell me how the
patient in Room 111 is doing?"

"Isn't that the guy you asked about yesterday?  Is he a friend of yours?"
she asked curiously.

"Yeah, you could say that," replied Takeshi.  <But you'd be stretching the
truth quite a bit.>

"Well, he has quite a few injuries, which I'm sure you're aware of, but he's
going to be fine.  He's doing as well as can be expected.  I think they'll
even release him in a few days."

Takeshi let out the breath he had unconsciously been holding.  Yukio grinned
at his relieved expression.  "Are you on your way to visit him?"

"No, no, I just wanted to see how he was doing."

"Oh, why not?  I'm sure he could use the company.  He only seems to have
that one kid visit him," she remarked.   "You should stop by and see him."  

Takeshi stuttered a nervous excuse.  "Oh, no, I couldn't...I - we're not
that good of friends."

Yukio winked.  "Well, here's the perfect opportunity to get to know him
better. After all, you'd have him cornered."  Takeshi blushed furiously, too
stunned to defend himself.  Yukio continued on, privately enjoying Takeshi's
mortified expression.  "He's a quiet one, though, isn't he?"

"Yeah..." he replied thoughtfully.  He actually began considering Yukio's
words.  "Hey, do you think that I would possi-"

"What are you doing here again?"  

Startled, Takeshi whirled around.  Kamui was standing behind him, his arms
crossed.

"Well, I, uh...you know, it's not uncommon for me to be here.  I *do* work
for the hospital, after all."  It wasn't a lie, even if that wasn't exactly
the reason he was there.  Fortunately, Kamui seemed to accept this.  Takeshi
decided to venture on.  "So hey, how's Subaru doing?"

"You want to see him."  Takeshi thought that was a question, although it
sounded more like a statement.  Hoping he didn't seem to eager, Takeshi
nodded.  Kamui turned around and began walking towards Subaru's room.  After
a few confused moments, Takeshi realized he should be following the
teenager, and he dashed to catch up.

"Shouldn't you be in your room?" Takeshi asked as Kamui led the way.

Kamui shook his head.  "I was discharged."

"Already?"  Surprised, Takeshi noticed that the boy was wearing jeans and a
shirt instead of the hospital gown.

"My injuries were very minor, considering," he replied.  

"Yeah, but still..."

The protest remained unanswered as the pair reached Subaru's room.  Kamui
walked in, but Takeshi hesitated at the door.  <Now, why did I want to come
here again?> he asked himself.  <What am I'm going to do here?  What am I
going to say?>  Realizing he better quit stalling before he looked anymore
foolish, Takeshi entered the room.

"He's asleep right now," Kamui informed him as he approached the bed.
"That's pretty much all he's done all day."

Takeshi gave the boy a sympathetic smile.  "His injuries and yesterday's
events must have worn him out.  Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if he slept
for a week.  I wish I could, and I wasn't even in the disaster."

Kamui shook his head very slightly.  "You don't even know..." he whispered
so low Takeshi almost didn't hear it. Before he could question him, Kamui
continued louder, although his voice was still deathly quiet.  "But I don't
think that's just it.  He-he's not...prepared for this..."

Those words managed to confuse Takeshi even more.  There seemed to be a lot
more that he didn't know than he did.  And it didn't look he'd be able to
get any answers, either.  But that didn't stop him from trying.  "Not
prepared for what?"

There was a pause.  "It's complicated," answered the boy.  <You didn't need
to tell me that.> Takeshi thought wryly.   

-

After a few days of visits from Takeshi and vigils by Kamui, Subaru was
finally discharged from the hospital.  Takeshi hadn't known when he was
going to be released; one day he had peeked into Subaru's room only to find
that it was empty.  Panicked, he had rushed to the administration desk to
ask about his whereabouts.  Although relieved when the nurse told him,
Takeshi couldn't help but feel an acute sense of disappointment.

Eventually Takeshi sadly acknowledge his release, accepting the fact that he
would most likely never see him or Kamui again.  Even though he was
attracted to Subaru, he convinced himself that he would never have had a
chance with the silent patient anyway.  Although he was roughly the same age
as Subaru, he felt strangely less mature, less...experienced with life.  And
he knew he would never gather enough courage to ask him out; he had already
used up all of his reserves to visit Subaru, which had produced no
encouraging reactions.  Besides, Takeshi didn't feel that one just asks
Subaru out.  Dating just didn't seem to fit him.    
So Takeshi attempted to force Subaru out of his mind.  But as much as he
tried, he just couldn't get rid of the slight figure with the delicate
features and tragic eyes.  However, he was able to deny the strong feelings
that came with the image of Subaru.  

Takeshi didn't have much experience with guys.  Actually, he had none.  It
wasn't until after three years of dating girls that he realized where his
preferences lay.  Yukio, the nurse at the desk, had been his steady
girlfriend for most of those three years, and she actually knew before
Takeshi.  When their relationship made very little progress over the years,
she broke it off with him.  At first, Takeshi was upset, thinking that he
was in love with Yukio.  But during a long talk, she pointed out that he
stared at guys as much as she did.  That was when he realized that his
"love" was only a deep-seated care, like a strong bond of friendship.  He
had never been physically attracted to her.  

Fortunately, Yukio understood, and with a long hug, their relationship
shifted to a close friendship.  And so Takeshi was forced into a whole new
world of dating, one that he did not adjust to well.  He had a hard enough
time with girls - he had met and connected with Yukio only by chance - but
he had absolutely no idea how to re-enter the dating game now that his
targets were men.  It was impossible for him to pick out a guy on the street
who also liked guys, and he was always too embarrassed to ask.  He thought
about visiting gay bars, and he had even walked by a few of them, but he
could never gather enough courage to step inside of one.    

Thankfully, Takeshi's training and job as a paramedic distracted him from
his ever-present feeling of loneliness.  During the day, his mind was
focused on his duty, and at nights, he was usually too tired to think much
of anything.  Whenever he couldn't avoid his loneliness, he would either
call up Yukio and go out for drinks or a movie or he would mope around his
apartment.

When Takeshi went home the day Subaru left the hospital, he felt
particularly lonely.

-

Takeshi lay on his back, staring at the ceiling through the inky blackness.
In the past few days after Subaru's departure, Takeshi had submerged himself
into his job.  He certainly never got bored, and the rescue runs kept his
mind so busy he didn't have any room to dwell on a certain dark-eyed patient.  

But nights were another story.  This was the third night he couldn't sleep.
Despite all of the arguments he fought with himself, he just couldn't stop
thinking about Subaru.  He knew it was foolish, almost bordering on
obsession.  But he couldn't free his mind from the abstract thoughts that
ran through his head.

With a deep sigh, Takeshi rolled over onto his side and closed his eyes.  As
he drifted, excruciatingly slow, to sleep, the image of Subaru's face burned
an imprint into his mind.

-

Takeshi jerked up in bed, blinking in confusion.  He looked around him
dazedly, trying to determine what time it was and what he was exactly doing.
He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep until something woke him up.

The phone rang again, immediately giving him an answer.  The shrill noise,
painfully loud in the still night, made him wince.  As he reached for the
phone, he flicked on a lamp, causing bright light to fill the room.  With
his eyes watering from the sudden light and his mouth icky from sleep, he
picked up the phone and muttered quite unpleasantly, "Hello?"

The voice that answered him was panicked.  "Takeshi?"

Takeshi blinked once in confusion, then shot up straight as recognition
dawned on him.  "Kamui?!"  Immediately, dozens of thoughts raced through his
head, and he quickly voiced one of them.  "How did you get my number?"

"In the phone book," Kamui answered impatiently.  His tone began to rise.
"Look, I - I need your help!"  Suddenly, his voice dropped into a whisper.
"It's Subaru."

Takeshi was already grabbing a change of clothes.  "Where are you?" he
quickly asked.  After Kamui gave him an address, he told the boy, "I'll be
right over." No longer the least bit sleepy, he hung up the phone and left
his apartment hurriedly.   

-

Kamui threw open the door before Takeshi could knock.  Without a backwards
glance, Kamui headed back into the building with an urgent stride, Takeshi
close on his heels.  "What happened?" he asked anxiously.

Kamui didn't answer, but a few seconds later, Takeshi found out anyway.
Kamui pushed a door open, revealing the form lying on the bed.  Subaru's
body was limp, his face a ghostly color.  But most significantly, Takeshi
saw that his wrists were wrapped messily, as if someone - most likely Kamui
- was in a rush. And even despite the number of bandages, blood had already
soaked the now deep red wrappings.  

"My gods..."

Kamui spoke up finally.  "He tried to kill himself." 

Takeshi ran up to the bed, the blood draining from his face.  He pressed two
fingers against Subaru's neck..  His pulse beat weakly underneath his
fingertips.  "Did you call the hospital?"

"No."

Takeshi jerked his head around to face Kamui.  "Why not?" he demanded.

"He's not going back there."

Takeshi was flabbergasted, his eyes widening.  "What?!  But he could die!"

"He tried to kill himself.  If he goes back, they'll keep him, they'll put
him in the psych ward."

"But he needs-"

"He needs to work this out for himself."

Takeshi felt a panicked helplessness rise in him.  "He'll die if he doesn't
go to the hospital!" he cried.

Kamui lowered his head, averting his gaze from Takeshi.  "Do as much as you
can.  If he wants to die, he will.  The hospital can do nothing more than
you can to save him."

Takeshi studied the boy for a second, unable to decide whether he should
listen to him or not.  Every instinct told him to rush to the phone and call
for an ambulance, but he couldn't help but put trust in Kamui's words.
Swallowing hard, Takeshi turned to Subaru's limp form, hoping he wasn't
making the wrong decision.  "Do you have a first aid kit?"
 

To be continued...

-

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so there's a bunch of mistakes.  Could you please point them 
out so I can fix them?  And I'd LOVE any suggestions or comments.  Please???

marymqc@netscape.net