The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse. *You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. *You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. *You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. *Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People." *You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. *Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!" *You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.' *You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. *Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. *You go to your family reunion looking for a date. *Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
*You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines." *You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. *You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
*The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it. *You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
*One of your kids was born on a pool table. *Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade. *You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. *You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
*Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it. *You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school. *You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.